I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 19 March 2025
The information on this page reflects personal experiences shared by our community members. It is not reviewed for medical accuracy and should not replace professional medical advice.
161 Answers Page 9
Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your pain and the consequences surrounding it.. Having chronic pain is a life changing thing. My son has been in chronic pain since he had a kidney infection two years ago. He ended up becoming septic from it. All of the doctors don't know why he is still having pain. The kidneys are working fine, but the pain persists. He has to be on continuous pain meds. Opana ER is the latest with oxycodone for breakthrough pain. It has changed his life drastically. He was disabled from birth due to spina bifida and he has always had a great attitude and to tell you the truth he still does. It's me who is heartbroken over this. He is only 23 yrs. old and it has put a hold on school, work or anything further than tests, doctors visits, more tests and pain meds. I pray to God each day for something to make it better. I pray for all those who suffer.
I know exactly how you feel. i feel like i no longer have the life i use to enjoy. i am not living a horrible, hellish life due to the chronic pain. i am a young lady and i feel like im going on 90 yrs. old. it make me sad to even think about it. ive even had fleeting thoughts of suicide because i figured that was the only way the pain would ever stop. Thank God i stopped thinking about that... but i do have my "bad" days. i feel like i need to share how im feeling because if a person does not have chronic pain, they dont know how it truely feels. i feel like a loser at times because i am not working and i am so depresseed i newarly became a recluse because i figured ... y go outside or get ready, i hurt to bad to move. its like there is no fun in my life anymore. i have chronic pain syndrome in both my knees and i am in my mid twenties. its sad to have and i have no idea how things will work out for me, i hope life gets better. thats all i can keep tellin myself. if any of you who read this, please check out my other postings because i need some advice ASAP.
I hate to say this but I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like that. I feel like a part of me has died... the person I was once was, skinny, atlethic, happy, is now gone. I am now fat, in constant pain, some days can hardly walk, on pain meds, and can't do what i use to do. I also get nerve blocks, will be getting a TENS unit, on pain control meds, take Lyrica which makes me so fat, Naproxen and amityrpline. It doesn't really help. My pain started almost 2 yrs ago..I fell hitting my knee on a steel surface than twisting my ankle. The pain started three days later and has not stopped. It then travelled up from my ankle to shin, calf, knee, thigh, hip, lower back, upper arm, and hand. My hand tingles and goes numb. My knee gives out on me when walking.
Has any of the doctors you have seen ever discussed Reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD) with you? It is generally seen in the arm but can also occur in the leg with a trauma like yours. There is a lot of information about it on the web. You might want to look it up. It involve the sympathetic nervous system and it sounds like the symptoms that you are describing. If that is what you have you will want to see a doctor who specializes in the treatment of RSD. The treatment of RSD has come a long way in the last few years, and the TENS unit that you get will need to have the best settings for you to get the best relief. Empi makes several great units that work well for RSD. You can ask the PT clinic where you will be getting the TENS unit if the unit they will be issuing you has a variety of settings including high frequency. You don't have to accept the first TENS unit they offer you. Make sure you are getting the best unit for your condition before you go home with one.
To vdudley,
I have checked with my primary care about RSD and because I do not have the skin changes they ruled that out even though I do have alot of the symptoms. A doc in HI said he thinks I have Small Fiber Peripheral Neuropathy and I have googled that and i think that is fits perfectly. My primary though disagrees. When i ask him why he just gets all flustered and says that I just don't fit the profile. So I have no idea why he doesn't agree. So I am going with the diagnosis I got in HI. The inital site of injury was the knee and ankle and the pain moved up from the ankle all the way to my arm/hand and that also happens with SFPN. So don't know why my primary refuses to accept it. So all he does is give me strong pain meds and I have my TENS unit. Have put that on my ankle/shin area and had it cranked all the way up and I could barely feel the shock. But yet my primary isn't sure there is really anything wrong with me... ridculious huh?
i know i have had to go on anti depresants due to the fact that i can't do anything for myself! i need my home nurse/friend/assistant/everything for everything from cooking to sometimes just getting out of bed. yes, its really frustrating and i get really down, but now i just try to look forward to the good days that the most high blesses me with where i can do somethi ng so simple as drive my husband around if only here on the reservation, due to the fact that i received a totally unfounded dui while in a parking lot for just being on oxycontin! it was 8 hours since i had taken my meds! i was due for my next dose and it doesnt even affect me at all unless my ammonia levels are high due to my end stage liver failure. i also write music for major artists in the music and tv industry, so when i can, i write songs and post them to my various pages which makes me feel like i have really accomplished something.
peace, cheryl
So sorry to hear the chronic pain andthe frustrations you are dealing with. I am in the exact same position. I am a nurse who caught a patient falling and that was the end of my nursng career and the start of multiple surgeries involving both shoulders and spine. I quickly spiralled downhill, dealing with years of chronic pain, bouts of depression, feelings of worthlessness etc... I had two young children grow up with a mother who tried her best but god how it drastically affected them and my husband too. It affected my whole family in so many ways. I am pretty much house bound now and waiting for two more surgeries. I take Morphine SR 120mg morning and evening with Morphine IR 10 mg tabs for breakthrough pain. I am on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and high bld.pressure meds, wonder why?? My friends slowly faded out of my life and my grown-up boys and husband try... to be supportive but I can see and feel the resentment with my hubby sometimes.
I'm soooooooo... tired of taking pills, having surgeries and basically not having a life! I can feel myself slipping again into depression and I'm crying as I am writing now. I cry so much when no one can see or hear me. I guess I've had enough of everything. I'm sorry..gotta go ill talk later..
I am you only in a different body and hand and wrist pain not back pain I spend my days with the grandchildren I feel that is all that I have left I don't even know who I am anymore I know I am not who I used to be I was full of energy and love to keep moving and working out at the gym and for 7 years that has all been gone and with it went me all that is left is the pain and physc meds and the wanting to want to be who I used to be it is so hard to explain until you are there no one really understands even the doctors who pretend they do when they hand out the pain and physc meds. It is no way to enjoy life but as aome tell me I should feel happy to be alive. These people need to walk 1 day in our lives and like you said think about waking up like that every day. If you need to talk just become my friend and send me personal messages
barb
Dear jacy,
This seems to unfortunately be a huge problem amongst those of us whom used to love life... This used to be a very upsetting thing for me to talk about..My whole life was a very physically active and alot of my life was centered around how fit and in shape I was..That is what made me happy and allowed me to be able to pursue the things I love the most.Since I was 5 I rode horses professionally,I used to show for a farm down the street from my parents home..I was the tiny girl, on the big,crazy,three gaited Saddlebreds who could handle the horse and knew no fear.It was a passion for me..Junior High school there was gymnastics,which I also enjoyed the physical strength I needed to be good at it.College,
I definitely feel your pain. I injured myself 2 1/2 yrs ago... I fell at work on a ceramic tile floor and have had (3) back surgeries since then. My pain rules my life... I went from a life of absolutely no pain at all to pain every day of my life. I am 51 yrs old and am now disabled because of my chronic low back pain. Some times I can barely walk ;( I have good days but i can't over do it ... cause that good day will turn in to a real bad day quick. To date I have had (3) surgeries at L4-L5 and (14) epidural injections at levels L3 - L5. Just recently I finally found a pain management doctor who I believe might be the one to give me some relief from the sciatic pain. I had (3) injections last week and finally I have a little relief ;) My pain literally controls my life. Its hard to plan things cause you don't know how you will feel till you wake up in the morning. I have a wonderful husband who is very understanding and supportive...
Reading your comment sounds alot like my life. I have refused to have surgery so far. I fell a couple of times while working and that started a monster inside that never lets go. Some how you have managed to put into words how I feel. Please remember there's always someone out here who knows what you are going through. jlbyrd
I have had chronic pain post slip and fall injury, damaged neck, shoulder, low back, elbow and both knees. In the past two years I have had 5 surgeries, lost my job, health and life insurance. It happened at work and because I kept working for 4 yrs after the injuries (making them worse) I also delayed necessary surgeries; now I have been out of work for two years and last year my youngest moved out of the house. I completely understand useless, my married children only call me to see if I can baby sit even though I can't pick up the grandsons. I miss my "real life" and am sick of taking drugs just to cook, vacuume or do the dishes; even my dogs are mad at me because I can nolonger take them on walks. feel free to contact me back if nothing else we can listen to each other fall apart ;).
I did for many years as it has been 11yrs since I was in an auto accident that caused RSD. It spread from my right foot (which I thought was broken after the accident until I was diagnosed twice with RSD; nerve damage chronic pain for life) up in my right leg, right hip/sacroiliac area.
I spent 4yrs in the worst depression of my life. At one time I thought about suicide when never in my life had I felt that way due to losing my career and all my abilities to have any quality of life not to mention all the constant chronic pain.
I found that to not rely solely on pain medications knowing it could never take all the pain away. Yes, I do take pain meds but have remained on one long lasting narcotic and a breakthrough pain med in the same dosage for almost 9 of 11yrs.
Depression kills us and stress makes our pain worse too. If we stay in that dark place for too long, it actually changes our brain and our brains response to pain.
It took me almost 7yrs to figure out that by changing my attitude to a more positive one (even though there is no cure for RSD or the chronic pain except meds and home therapy) and also using Mind Over Matter techniques.
The more you focus on your pain, the more you will feel it. The more you focus on happy things or positive aspects, you will actually start to feel a bit better slowly so don't give up.
The part of our brain that perceives pain is the same part of the brain that produces emotions, feelings, judgment/decision making, and even depression. To realize this is to better understand pain and how we can use our minds to better our lives with pain.
In 2006 I went on a 7 day cruise that took me and my Mom to Mexico, Grand Cayman Island, and my fav place ever, Ocho Rios Jamaica. The climate helped my pain tremendously but so did the endorphins that the brain produces when we are happier.
I live in a climate where it rains, gets very cold in the winter, and even the barometer and humidity affects our pain. It wasn't just the trip to a better climate; it was also my state of mind finding out I did more in those 7 days than I had done in 7yrs.
I danced for the 1st time in 7yrs. I was able to walk more. See the posting related to this by another member; Tradegirl. She is right.
I was on crutches for 2 1/2yrs, never was able to work again and still can't but I've found peace and that along with not taking on stress and focusing only on pain even when it is horrible has helped me and others I know.
You must stop thinking about your past. I don't believe I will ever get back all that I had but I do still have a life to live, was injured and disabled at age 31 and now at 42 I still hurt in chronic pain 24/7 but I refuse to allow my mind to go back to who I was before this horrible pain and think now of what I can do to start having some quality of life one step at a time.
I pray this helps you and personally going back to a church (non denominational Christian) after not going since being a teenager has also helped me through my faith but I started helping myself too before I ever went back to church.
I never blamed God but realized also that God never wanted me in pain but since I am, He has blessed me in other ways and shown me I do have a purpose in life.
Please know that your life is not over; it changed drastically and pain is hard to cope with and you must start coping to change anything and I'm not even saying it is easy but after time I promise it does work.
If I get 10/15 hours a week of "quality time in life", I feel blessed. It is much better than NO quality time or constantly thinking about pain or what I used to be able to do verses how I've had to change my mind set to what can I do by trial and error and a lot of positive thinking.
I pray this helps you and other pain sufferers.
@RSDHurtzme... you are a very inspirational person! i am 25 and have chronic lower back pain. none of the dr's want to help me. they just blow me off. they dont give me enough pain meds to last thru the month. he reduced my dose to 7.5s after i was taking lorcet !0s for a year. now i find myself taking more and running out before the month is up. im not an addict. i only take it when im in pain... but im in pain ALL the time. i try to stay positve. its soooo hard. i get depressed. i cry. my pain wakes me up at night... & then i cry some more! my fiance' is getting tired of hearing about my pain. i dont blame him! the depression kicks in when my kids wanna play and go outside and im just hurting way too bad. i want them to have a good life. and i feel like im not giving that to them. i get moody and irritable when i hurt. i hope i can stay positive and improve my quality of life like you have. i know it takes time and lots of mind over body matter. im really trying.
I think most of us with Chronic Pain deal with these issues. Depression seems to go hand in hand with it. Talk to your Primary care Dr. or seek a good Counselor.
I am new to this community but not new to pain myself. I cannot believe how much pain a person can actually have. I have had chronic back pain due to discs and nerves and im sure people can relate when i talk about having a flair up, which in turn leaves you scared to do anything that might cause this from happening again. So I feel like my quality of life has so much less value now. Im only 38 years old and i take 30mg morphine 3x's a day. I have been on this same dose for like 2 years and i dont think its doing what it did originally. But i do not really want to up my dose. All this pain and medication stuff is confusing and i really hate it!! I feel like an addict. I do not abuse my meds, but there are times when i take more than im supposed to because of the pain, like one extra if my pain is intolerable. And Jacy53, i had all them shots and they didnt work for me. Matter of fact, i had an epideral injection and i think the pain dr.
My brother-in-law had this same thing and it is called drop foot. This happens when one particular disc presses on a nerve. He had to have micro surgery or it would have never went a way. I suggest you see a nero-surgeon so he or she can figure out if surgery will benefit you. It made my in-law able to go on with life. I can not imagine the doctor who gives u your shots missing and rupturing a disc. They use instruments to prevent this. As far as feeling guilty for taking pain meds do not do that to your self. I at times do not take my meds like if I fall asleep at night with the use of muscle relaxers and do not need the dose, I then have extra meds that I too take extra on a bad day and we who have this issue all do it or most. So in closing get a professional opinion on the drop foot before it is ireverseable and just keep the hope of getting it fixed to improve your quality of life.
I know how you are feeling with the Morphine issue and I too have had to take an extra Morphine SR when I have intolerable flare-ups. I've been taking Morphine SR and Morphine IR for the past 4-5 years and have been on the same dose for the same amount of time. I fnd it maintains me but when I have those flare-ups, I need a little extra to reduce my pain level so I'm not ready to jump out the window! I refuse to ask for a dosage increase even though my Doctor said for me to not worry about addiction. He asked me an important question a long time ago, "Do you get a high or do you feel pain relief when you take Morphine?" I never feel high, only pain relief so I don't worry about addiction. Your body may develop tolerance but this is quite normal and also you may develop psychological dependence but this is far different from physical dependance. I also have had pain epidurals.. the works basically.
It's so hard to believe that even Doctors have different views and beliefs about pain management but it's due to lack of knowledge/training and fear for themselves when writing these Rxs as there is a big crackdown on doctors who do indeed just write too many prescriptions without caring why the patient needs these meds.Also the patient who goes from doc to doc getting multiple Rxs in a very short time has ruined it for those who are legitimate in seeking pain control meds like the opiates i.e. Morphine SR and IR, Fentenyl Pain Patch etc.
I do hope this has helped just a little even. But please do not ever call yourself an "Addict". You have been maintainng on the same dose for quite a while, you occaisionally need something extra for that "breakthrough pain" which is quite normal! You will have ups and downs, breakthrough pain regardless of being on the same dose. Don't worry about needing a little extra for those times. I've discussed this with my own doctor and he keeps telling me to not worry about it. It's normal with trying to manage pain day to day.
Hi there jacy53,
I am in the same boat as you are. My back is screwed up, I have arthritis in my hips, knees and back. I have a condition called spinal stenosis in my lower back as well. I am curious of how old you are? I am 39 and my body feels like it's 60. I am on disability pension as well because I can't work. I am lucky that my wife helps me out as much as she can. There is some mornings I need her to help me sit up in bed because my back is so sore. My doctor said that he talked to a surgeon about a possible surgery on my back but the surgeon said that the surgery would be to risky. With my back I can't drive for a long period of time because of pain. I also tried the pain shots but they aren't working. For pain I take Hydromorph Contin 24mg, 18mg & 6mg. I'm going to be on these pain meds for the rest of my life. If my wife wasn't in my life I probably would have committed suicide because of the pain.
Your in a terrible position. I feel bad for you, i can relate. Each day goes by me waiting to get in to bed. I get so stiff and cramped up it hurts to move. When I wake up I take my time getting out of the bed. I would lay there longer but my little granddaughter comes in to my bed with her banana and yogurt and only last 15 min and wants out to the living room so see can continue watching nick jr. and then can run around so up I get. I have so many home projects I must do fore I can not pay the tradesmen. Like fix the lawn tractor, and many other things that never seem to end. My mind wants so bad to do all the things needed to be done and the things I want to and enjoy. My mind takes me there and my body stops me or slows me way down and i have to pay for it latter with severe stiff cramping pain. Heck most of the time the heavy meds i am on do not work well. At 54 in July, I can offer you these words of wisdom, find some one or something that moves you and focus on it in aid of helping you stay focused on getting up and around. Fight back and never lose the battle. Stay well Dale and may the good energy of life fall down upon u. jeff
There is a hotel where I live that has a pool and exercise room that is open to the residents where I live. I live in a town called Grimsby, ON Canada. My wife is going to join the exercise facilities at the hotel with me. We are gonna exercise together to keep each other motivated. I'll be using the pool while my wife uses the exercise room as she cannot swim. My wife and I don't want kids as we don't have the patience for kids plus with my arthritis in my back, knees & hips and my wife has rheumatoid arthritis, so right there is 2 strikes against the kid. In July I'll be 39 and right now my back feels like it's the back of a senior citizen. If you want to talk Jeff I don't work so I have the time to talk. Plus we can keep each other motivated and upbeat even though are bodies are rebelling against us.
I would love to stay in touch. Keep it going, bit I am going out for dinner right now so this is a short one. talk at you latter.
jacy53,
Until now I thought I was the only one who has lived with pain that has continued to get worse. My story began in the late 1970's when I was in 9th grade in school. It was raining and I was asked to bring the dog in and do it through the outside entrance to the basement as his paws were really muddy and time in basement would dry them out. He was so anxious to get in from rain and steps were slippy from being wet that I fell down and hard on my back. X-rays throughout the years would not reveal any injury. Subsequent falls and one car accident would add to it. It drove me crazy and I tried to find answers for this pain, a physiatrist would tell me it was all in my head since he could find no physical reason. it drove me to attempt suicide. I just wanted it to end by that time it was late 1990's.
I finally got the justification I needed it was not all in my head. However, the pain would not go away despite being told time and time again that if I lost the weight it would. I had at one time weighed 310 lbs. at being 5'8" who would then lose 2" in height and go down to 218 lbs which is where I am today.
It would take mental therapy, medications and determination but I willed myself through it all.
Now because of the numerous medications that I take I would have vomiting, severe nausea and diarrhea issues every time I took all of my medications since June 2009. So I would stop all until it stopped. Then I started taking some of my medications and had no issues so I tried to add the rest of them and within 24 hours was vomiting, severe nausea and diarrhea. So quit taking those others until I discussed thne situation with both my gastroenterologist and primary doctors who did test after test and came back negative. So I am now to add one medication at a time for one week if no issues develop then add the next one until I find the culprit> It could be one or more of my medications. Once discovered we would discuss it again and if necessary prescribe a new one to take it's place.
So between the ever constant pain, the inability to work and the government income that I had to get a lawyer for them to believe me. In all of this I became co-dependent on my husband and could go nowhere without him and I would not be able to take him with me to a jobsite. I could think of no job that I could be paid for that would allow this and the judge grudgingly agreed that this was true. So coupled with all of my health problems. medications and that co-dependency which still exists I am allowed to be supported by the Social Security I contributed to in all the years that I worked. However, it was not allowed to be under disabled even though I was because by the time it took me to get accepted by Social Security it was too long after I was able to work. So I live with my limitations and have to give my life story every time I ask for help from different organizations that help low income families and I think it is unfair that I have to list all of my personal information to get help financially. But that is my pet peeve.
Hello jacy53; Been there... done that. I've had Arthritis [low back] for years. To cut to the chase, I started out on aspirin, then caffine & aspirin , then I fell once, and got into a header with My motorcycle. Like you , I was very active. I ended up on pain meds for a few years then on to low back shots [where they numb you up, then shoot a 6" needle up inside your backbone, etc. etc.
The bottom line jacy53 is that you have got to let go of the past. Those were the sunshine years , the best years of your life... but they're gone now jacy... and they're not coming back. Remembering the past can only hurt and severely depress you now. Your higher powers have given you a new job ! ! Accept thier challenge. What can you do that's new. Think foreward, it's more fun, it's a new life, it's a new challenge "DOIT"! Hey , I got an idea...
Sacosam you are so right and i have given what you have offered as addivce for some time now. I have let it go. I had to it was taking me down. As far as my prior employer goes what comes around goes around and it is his to deal with. I have done man home projects as well as some work for friends at a pace i can handle. Knowing I have a purpose is the one main thing that keeps me in a good well place. I have had many people i do not know and do know tell me the same thing. I now realy know who my true friends are. I have but few but they are true, my family is gold to me. My younger daughter is stuck in Vegas with her husband i the Air Force. He has one more year of six. He is going to take the civil service test so they can move back home. Once this happens we will all be back here at the home stead together to share ad deal with all life has to offer. My grandchildren who live in my in-law -apartment attached to our home allows me to see them each day. This is life at its best FAMILY. So thanks for taking time to send me good will. Stay well and may the positive energy of life flow through your sole.
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