I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 19 March 2025
The information on this page reflects personal experiences shared by our community members. It is not reviewed for medical accuracy and should not replace professional medical advice.
161 Answers Page 10
Hello Jacy and all other's,
I'm new here and came across your post and I can soooo relate to your post and everyone else's. I have been suffering from severe DDD for 10 years. I have just had a multiple ACDF surgery C4-C6 in Nov.2009, considered a success to get me out of paralyzation but unfortunately I am left with permanent nerve damage and even more pain. I also have intractable pain, radiculapathy, spondylothesis, spinal stenosis, 4 herniated discs in my thoracic spine and a disc bulge in my lumbar spine. Constant pain.
I have been on the same dose of pain meds for the last 4 years and it did give me relief and some quality of life back but now since the surgery and other herniations, I am in ALOT of pain and my doc refuses to increase my medication even now that they know I have nerve damage. I have no energy and my pain meds don't even take the edge off anymore since my body has grown a tolerance to them. I wish for more relief and look back to the days that I had relief and had a little bit of life and functioning.
I am angry and frustrated and I see and feel myself depreciating every single day, spiraling into darkness without hope. It's difficult and basically impossible for me to do any daily tasks. Even taking a shower, going to the store or doctors appt., moving off of the couch and just getting out of bed everyday is a neusance to me. My husband and I have both become hermits in our home as he suffers with sciatic nerve and severe scar tissue from 2 failed back surgeries too.
I have 3 children, my youngest being 12 and I hate how I have to say "no" to them because I can't do the things I used to be able to do with them. They say they understand but I feel like they're being punished because of my illness. I can't do anything without causing myself more pain.
I feel that I'm being undertreated and I can't find the solution or the doc to help me. I've been through 4 PM docs and 4 PCP docs and I just give up on the search for my quality of life and functioning compacity to improve. Without stronger meds or a switch in meds, I have no life.I'm grateful for the meds I do have as I would be bedridden without them, but they don't do much more than that.
I'm not a "druggie" or "seeker" as people think, but what I am is physically dependent. I can definitely relate to your post and other's who have spinal injuries.
I just don't know what to do to help myself, as my doc isn't willing to help me. She just wants to send me to another PM doc who only wants to push nerve block injections on me that I refuse to have. Whenever I ask them to increase my pain meds instead, that's what I hear-injections. I'm way beyond consrvative treatments at this point. All I want is just enough meds to be able to function again and have some kind of life. It's not like I'm even on a high dose now and there is room for an increase, if I can find a doc that understands intractable pain... No luck so far.
Thanks to all who took the time to read my post. Any responses would be appreciated.
"Pain is the enemy, not the symptom"
Girl I was looking at a post and came across your's again. I feel bad and totally understand. Even with getting injection's every two months and 130 mg
every 8 hours I too still have a great deal of pain. I find my mind wanting to do many things only for me to blow them off because of pain. I have to select a few and scrap the rest. This has taken from me a good quality of life and made me mentally were i do not want to be. I do not take my life only because of those who love me and need me who would be sad if I wee to go. I have been disapointed several times upon waking. I think I have to do this all over again. I have put a side enough meds to take me if i choose. Ya see if I had one area of pain it may be easy to deal with but with multiple areas of pain I am just one big pain ball. This sucks so bad. I take the it could be worse stand as I reason with my self, and go on for another day.
As I started reading your question my heart pounded harder with every word. It was as if I was reading what I have feal everyday. I cried and couldn't stop for the longest. I feel worthless. I was in a car wreck when I was 9. It jamed my left hip up 3 inches. They were able to manipulate and now it is 1 and 1/2 inches shorter. My hip is turned to the front and noticabley higher than the right side. The doctors wanted to stop the growth in my right leg so the left leg would continue growing and hopefully equal out, but my bones had already fused together in the growth plate. Somedays I have to sit in the floor and try and throw my laundry in the washer. Then have to find something to hold on to while trying to get up so I won't fall. I have started falling alot because my right foot turns in causing me to trip and fall.I am 45 and hadn't been able to work for 2 years now which is how long I have been trying to get disability.
Crazy ha i am now crazy more than ever. Like u I have some bad days. I hope she gives u support. My daughters do. Grandchildren keep me occupied and a reason to go on. The wife has little simpithy for me.. She chalenges my pains and well so I go on. Hope u can find peace through it all. Life is a gift enjoy and hope you find my words comforting. Buy for know.
God Bless you and keep you in his heart. I lost my brother who was 59yrs old a week ago today. He was a vietnam vet and just a lovely person to be around. I haven't spoke to him in over 10yrs due to his condition. He didn't know who I was or who anybody was. They said he had a form of alzheimers (sp) but I cannot and will not believe that. He and his wife lived in Poteau OK. I begged her to let him come home to Houston so we could have him diagnosed. She would not hear of it. At the end, they said he died of Mercer and pnemonia(sp). He was screaming in pain. What a way to live. Well, he is in a much better place. I just wish I could have gone with him. He truly loved life and lived it to the fullest. He was an alcoholic - so what - if that helped him through this life of hell so be it. I guess my point being, we all complain and legitately(sp) so, so don't give into this illness. If we take pills to get through so be it. If life deals us a raw hand, bite back.
Kimmie this unfortunate thing with your brother is out of your control so do not beat your self up over it. You did not cause it. Life did and thats life sometimes. Some people do not want you to be there hero so be easy on your self. Stay focused on you so you can get through your days. Keep on the meds and keep the pain down. My thoughts are always with you my friend.
Jacy53 how the heck are you? I don't recall our recent conversation as I have had many. Not bragging, but I love to talk and not just on here I talk to my family and anybody who will listen. lol... I hope your spirits are in better shape than last time we spoke. I hate chronic pain. But you know what, I found a new doctor and he is the greatest. He treats me with respect and dignity and I enjoy being treated as a human being instead of a drug seeking pain addict. Granted, my body is physically addicted to the pain meds but I am not out on the street shopping for drugs. Which I never want to do. But more importantly how are you? Would love to hear from you. Write or email me anytime (kjayroe@consolidated.net). God Bless Kimmie1
hello jacy, although i just joined, i've been disabled for 12 years now from chronic pain & Rsd. Reading your storysounds just like me. I'd very much would like to talk to you if youd like. Im trying to make true friends since i have none at this point. i need some friends in my lfe so bad im so lonely. maybe we can help each other. i hope you have a better day & a better tomorrow.
Hey, I've been on pain meds.for 5 yrs. I hate myself sometimes. I always run out early and feel like a crack head looking for a fix. I'm in that state as we speak. I just found this site today. I'm so glad to see I'm not alone.My kids are home I have to go.
I feel very damn useless..I am only 37 and usually feel like I'm 87! I guess thats one of the reason why dr won't help..because of my age... maybe they should help more BECAUSE of my age... so I have to live the rest of the half of my life like this... seems unreal to me... I have a 5 year old and can't even play with her most of the time, and feel very guility... I spend alot of time feeling very sorry for myself and being angry at god. i have not greeved for the person I used to be yet... just damn angry..I was an athlete, thin, healthy, long distant runner, gymnastics, and 10 years in ballet, and now 50 lbs over weight, and have a hard time getting out of bed... I cry most of the time and tell my hubby I just can't seem to get it together... been on every med in the book, to no avail... I don't want to be a guinea pig anymore, and yet, then what...
Hi chronicpainhurts, have you gone to see any other doctors, my first back surgery was at 37, now in my fortys with no outlook for the future except for more pain, more meds, more injections and still no fun. sorry this probably didn't help just venting
Jacy,
I am right there with you, every thought you have, I am thinking. I was a member of the United Brotherhood of carpenters for 22 years, I was built, I had the washboard abs, very confident with myself, and I was pretty proud of how hard I was working for the contractor's. I kept all of those thoughts to myself, I really dislike people with big ego's, my wife of 22 years thought I was hot back then. I truly loved that kind of work, I loved being outside, even when it was 15 degrees below zero, I enjoyed working hard, but all of that extra 10% for the company paid it's toll on my body.Now that I can no longer work, I to sit at home alone, it's me and my dog, until everyone comes home from work and school. I feel so useless, lazy, and a burden, I watch my wife go to work every morning while I sit home and do the laundry and cooking, when my pain is not to bad.
well i am like you i have resopded before but i read ans see what other people put yes it could be worse sometimes i hurt so bad dont feel like doing anything . but now i was siss missed by my pm dr someone called told a lie said i was giving my son drugs bad enough to be on this shit myself now i have withdraws to look forward too . all because someone can call and say anything they want and i took drug test but i have a liver malfuntion and my labs are a mess my family dr is trying to find me anew dr but i have lost hope .
Don't feel like you are all alone.I am in that same boat.Just don't give up.I understand exactally where you are coming from.Just look at it like this someone out there is worse off than you are.Believe me.Several years ago i got injured on my job.Back and neck injury i was out of a job.One year later my wife had to have a cyst taken off her brain.She had a stroke during the surgery.left her left side paralized.No check this out.I have no help in getting her in and out of bath tub.I have to do all of the things that she would normally do.such as cook,wash,clean up take her to the doctor ect.My funds are limited.I am struggling to keep our home and utitlities on.Just between us .You know where family stand when you are in need.No help.after i spent my entire retirement to help them.Really my grandkids and them.I am not complaining just facts.So i tell you this!Just the the faith and everyday gradually do something.I love fishing and gardening with my wife when ever i can
I have been dealing with chronic pain for the past four years. The doc's finally diagnosed me with encephalopathy after having several seizures. I was once a vibrant, hardworking woman either working two jobs or attending college and working full-time all while raising my daughter. Now it's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning because there is really nothing to look forward to, and even then I can't drive for six months after my last seizure. I wish others would see how difficult and isolating this is. I have no one to talk to that could even begin to understand the pain issues. In fact, my father told me I need to go to rehab (I have NEVER abused my pain meds). This just happened monday and I feel more alone than ever. I feel as if I have lost my identity and now am simply a pain patient and nothing more. I would love to stay in touch with someone who understands... Please know you are not alone.
omg,you sound just like me,im in the exact same position,and feel so damn useless,hopeless,and sometimes wake up thinking "damn i woke up" i know thats horrible thinking,but im nothing like i use to be,so outgoing,always doing,moving,excersizing,visiting family all the time,cook outs,doing big meals every single day,jumping around and playing like a kid,always laughing,a great attitude,"things could always be worse",always took care of everything,inside and outside,raking,flowers,gardening,very perfectionist,which actually is a problem,but my house was steralized,lol,i feel now like i let everyone down,everyone,i have three surgeries to look forward too,my back is a total mess,i have rods to be put in,pins,fake disc's,et cetera,not to mention i suffer panic attacks,SEVERE depression,i mean,sometimes l just dont know why i bother,i feel like i should just leave because im such a burden to my husband.
i hope i didnt offend you with anything written,and im sure someone will say something,but im just being up front and honest,that's just who i am,also,im not proof reading this whole thing,ha,so sorry if there are mistakes,lol.
You have hit just about every "nail on the head' with your answer, I applaud you, wonderul job... I couldn't top this one if I tried. I wish thsi person much luck and help with this problem. God Bless all.
I feel like that all the time but I have to keep in my mind that despite the pain my back causes me all the time I am still walking and can get up and around. My depression is worse when the pain is worse and I know in my heart that I could have it so much worse. I could be paralyzed and not walking. I have to count my blessings all the time. But I feel when I am down and hurting that I am useless as tits on a bull. And I don't like that feeling at all!
I understand. Like me just keep up the hope of a better day and it could get be worse. I focus on family grandchildren manly think of the old saying it is not that life is so short it is that death is so long. Think about it and be greatfull for what you haven't got like not being able to walk or be terminal. Please stay focused on the positive things. This will help u get through it. Thankfully my doctor gives me pain meds to ease the pains. So as the song goes be happy
I'm glad I found this sight it is nice to talk to others who really understand not pretend yet you see only judgement
I just found it today and was amazed of all the kind people that replied to you, Its always ones that are hurting that seem to have more answers then the darn Dr's do hang in there... everyone... I hope someday I can help out also with some helpful information... we all are one... Sandi
been going through that for about 11yrs now. there are good days and bad days. it took me a long time to accept how things have changed, used to go to different doctors hoping to get some kind of miracle answeer but its always the same. i think that once i got to that point things did get better. i know that there are people that are alot worse off than myself and to be thankful of that and make the best of a bad situation. it will get better!
I feel your pain i read everyones stories and the soand alot like mine.I have been strugling with severe pain in my back and right leg for about 12 years had surgery no one realy understands unless they have gone threw something like this.I pray for u all we need to stick together
I know exactly how u feel, i am only 36 years old and have been in pain from one thing or another most my adult life. I used to be so healthy i thought i could do anything, and was up for anything,now however i sit more then doing. There is days i dont even get out of bed, my whole family of 5 kids and a husband spend alot of time in my bed room w me just so i can feel involved. I have had gall bladder, blockage in my legs of 100%, heart, back, hernia ,tubes tired, surgeries. Not to metion the five kids of natural birth. The sad thing is for all but the gall bladder surgery, i had to fight to get a Dr. to help me . I could see and feel something wrong w me but every test they did always came back normal, so they would ship me off in pain and tell me it was all in my head.For my leg surgery, i had pitted adema in my feet and legs so bad i couldnt walk wo my husbands help. The pain was horriable but since i was only 26 years old the Dr. told me i was to young to have blockage.
Brandi I also had to keep on the doctors to look in to my symtoms for an answer. I also made it clear I was not leaving the office untill he agreed to have an emg done on my arms. Once this was done they found all my nerve pain issues. So my advice to u is to be persistant once again and have them persue your symptoms. The same happened with my youngest daughter. She was spiking 105. The doctor said it is just a urinary track. I kept telling him she complained of back pain. Finally they sent us to the hospital. She had a bladder infection as well as urinary. That is only the begining they put in an iv with anti biotics. She complained the site was hurting her but they would not change it out. I my self opened the pump to find the tubing was all corigated and not efficient. She ketp spiking. I finally went to the nurses station to ask for her to be transfered. The doctor happened to be standing there and said no we know what we are doing. I said affter 9 days i begg to differ.
Brandi, You and I have eerily similar stories. Hang in there.
Hi and welcome! I feel the same way. What can I do when my husband is a Native American and is very messy! I come from an organized house hold and am sort of obsessive about keeping things in order. I feel so upset to lay there in pain when it knocks me to my back (oh and the doctor says I should be able to do all these things because my pain meds "should" be adequate and they are not, and I must rest my back. Plus I must lay down now and put a one foot up for swelling, might be due to the spinal stenosis but I am not sure yet. I get so depressed sometimes about losing my strength and activities that I wonder if life is even worth it (don't worry I got over it, I am not suicidal) but still I wonder. I don't know the answer but I am trying to do some real easy on the back hobbies, such as beading and watercolor painting.
I can completely sympathize about feeling useless. Not only do I feel useless but I feel like a burden on my kids and the rest of my family just about wrote me off since I'm no longer a part of the working community. My spine was injured by my abusive ex-husband. He managed to damage the cervial and lumber spine in one act of violence. I also suffer from PTSD. Which I'm sure is no surprise to anyone. I have had several surgeries but they did not leave me pain-free. I am on 4 different kinds of meds for the pain and I still have so much pain that I can't walk from point A to point B without extreme pain. I was involved in a car accident in September and it has caused me more pain and weakness. The woman who hit me was not paying attention and she walked away. I was rushed to the hospital. She hit me so hard from the rear that it slammed me into the large SUV in front of me. So I was thrown forward and then thrown backwards. My car was crushed.
Ellen
Ellen, sorry for not repying sooner but computer was on the blink. I am in las vegas untill the 6th of feb seeing my new grandson. I would like to converse with you a bit more but I have a bunch of people around me and need to keep it short. My thoughts are with you and will get back to u when i return home. Please keep the faith.
jacy53, hope you have a great and enjoyable visit with your new grandson! Congratulations also on such a wonderful gift a new baby can be.
Take Care,
Ellen
I have a moment to converse. If it was not fore all four of them I would have a hard time accepting the way my life has to be at this point. I see them learn and grow sucking up alll the love I can give them and more. Ellen I know you are in a bad way but if you let this defete you then it wins. This is not an option now is it? I have to say that if one of my daughters husbands beat on them like what happened to u there would be hell to pay directly from and by me. I only hope he willet his for putting his hands on u in a harmful way. I have a few times been so pissed off as my wife has egged me on that i have walked out of the house in to my barn or for a walk. I would never hit her no matter how wrong she is. So sham on your husband. I so wish I could help u out with money so she could get get her drivers license. Being on SSD is needless to say very downgrading and i am so broke. I fear that when any of my grandchildren come to me for money I have it.
jacy53, Thank you for your kind words. I actually have two daughters that I love very much. One just turned 17 and the other is 13. I love them with all my heart and they are the only reason I'm alive today. I am actually really sick right now. I have a rare skin disease that causes a mass infection in my whole body from just the littlest cut or scrape. I just take antibiotics and let it run its course. I have kicked life in the ass several, several times. I just think that I'm done doing it cause it never gets me anywhere. My life is just one thing ON TOP of the other. I'm still unable to drive my car because of the accident I had in September. I've just discovered that my back tires are being shredded by something that was pushed up and out of place and so I can't even put new tires on my car because the same thing will happen.
Take Care,
Ellen
Ellen I have to say it seems like your doctor is doing u no good kinda blowing u off. If ur insurance allows I would go see another primary care doctor. As well a specialest in the area of ur issue. When one gets in a car accident the insurance has a thing called PIP personel injury protection. It starts out with a max benifit of $6000. Once this has been reached with doctor and services cost. Your doctor can tell the insurance co u need more care even a chiropractor. The insurance will approve an additional $6000 for care. So I am saying u should persue care for the injuies u got in the car accident. You should get a lawyer so he or she can addvise u for your own protection. Most will want no money if they feel u have a good case. It is a sham u are stuck with the damge to ur car. If u did not sign off on any work done to it allready you can claim the issue of tires being damaged and get the insurance to fix the cause.
Hi jacy53--- I'm going to give you a view from the other side of the window--- I don't have chronic pain but my wife does and a lot more. The poor thing has been dealing with this for most her life. She tells me all the time,"you don't understand." And she's rite, I don't because I don't live with it like she does--- jacy53, I've done a lot of reading on the supject of her pain management and have learned that management is not just for her but also for me. --Your motivations may be shot down by all the frustrations of dealing with this but it sounds like you still have a lot of spirit--- I've done almost everything I could do to help my wife enjoy life but you know what?, She's the only one how could figure it out--- jacy53, It sounds like you have a gold mine of grand children. "You're so lucky". I don't have any kids and never well unless I adopt. Maybe those kids can teach you how to play games on the internet with them--- Hope you have a very nice day--- Jambanator.
Hey Jambanator. I am so blessed with the grandchildren. I really feel bad when I hear people say they have no children and so no grand. The best thing I ever did was marry my wife and have them. I had been seeing my wife then went to CA. When I came back a friend told me I was a dad. What??? I went to see her and yes there was my little one year old girl. I asked if we could give it a try so she would have her dad and my wife agreed. Well six years later another little girl. Now four grandchildren oh thank God for them, they bring me such joy oh such joy, the one year old was sitting on my lap a few hours ago and just laid down on me and sighed with a hug and petting me. It was a teary moment and my daughter had a big smile on her face. I some time think to my self how screwed up things are for me, but I read everyone else here issues and how can possibly complain about my self. In comparison I am doing fine. However chronic pain wears me down.
Jambanator, wow. All I had to do is read the second line of your post to know you are a wonderful person. NO ONE in my life has ever referred to me as "poor thing"! I have never expected anyone to make my life better but I would've like for someone to have just stuck by me instead of just basically wagging a finger at me and telling me it was my own fault cause it was my choice to marry him. My extremely abusive ex-husband who caused all my spinal injuries. He wasn't abusive till three weeks after we got married. I left him once althought I feared for my life cause he threatened to kill me if I ever left. The shelter was awful. The kids and I had nothing left when we went back home. All our stuff was stolen and there was never any food there to eat and nobody did anything to help anyone out. It was awful. I called my family and none of them offered to help so when I flat out asked for help they told me to call another member of my family. So we went back.
Ellen
Hello Jacy53. It is just bringing me to tears reading these posts. I guess that is what I need. I should have realized ten years ago that something was wrong with my fingers especially the ring finger of my left hand. My vibrato was getting a bit more difficult to do. I thought I needed more practice withmy violin. A car accident sealed my fate in 2005. Moments before that crash I saw that lady cross the 6 lane hiway and I didn't see her stopat her stop sign.Ok no biggie she would stop in the median.wellno she speeded up to cross in front of me. I guess Im lucky to be able to make a choice. Take it in the driver side door which may have killed me or take it on the front of the car. It was amazing. Time does stretch when we are in life threatning situations. I was doing 40 the speed limit and whamed into her right back fender. She did a 360 and landed on a palm treeand the side walk. She was elderly and had a cotton swab on her left arm like she had just gottn an injection.
I need to apoligize, Iam just going on and on. I used to be abetter typist. Thanks for reading and posting. This really helps. So that radio frequency ablation works for awhile and stops depending on the person. It seems to me that all that money I spent on Drs has only really helped the Drs pockets while I continue to suffer. It seems a little evil or bad karma. Blood money. But now I do have an understandig Pain Dr. and primary. Till next time best wishes to everyone B
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