I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 4 January 2024
155 Answers Page 3
I feel ya I'm 38 and they screwed up my epidural 11 yrs ago . Except for me I can get no help my l4 and l5 are kinda screwed but not bad enough to get me on meds. I can't sue cause I singed the papers wen I was hurting so bad they could've done anything and they did..6 months after my son was born it started and aint stopped.Some days are better than others but its always there I do what I have to , to get through it , at the end of some days I just pray please don't let me wake up my kids don't need to c me this way anymore and know when the pain is talking and it does , You don't notice but it does.
I too feel just like you do. I have RA, neuropathy in both feet and hands, a couple of buldging disks and osteoarthritis in my knees making it hard to walk. Also, I can no longer drive which really takes away any independence I had and really makes me feel like a burden to others. I'm also on disability, so i'm barely able to get by. I am getting ready to call my MD this morning for a work in appt due to pain meds not doing the job and i'm in a lot of pain (day and night). I try to keep a positive attitude but that is hard to do when you can barely move. I have a grandbaby who I have not really even been able to hold without help, nor was I able to buy her a christmas present due to finances (or should I say "lack of")- that really is upsetting since she is my first and is now 10 months old and barely knows me. All of these issues are enough to want to walk in front of a bus, but I would never do that to my family.
I do have a couple of wonderful friends, who "bless their hearts" have to cart me back and forth to md appts way too much. How's this for a suggestion, I'll pray for you and you pray for me, how's that? I don't know any other solution to our situations. I hope you will stay in touch with me since I too have a lot of time on my hands, and I do think it helps to talk to someone who understands. People without pain issues think they know how it is but they really can't grasp the true agony of constant pain. Take care and hope to hear from u again.
I have lost over half my life now to Crohn's disease, lost all my 20-30and now going into my 40's. I feel hopeless most of the time. I'm a burden to my single mother. I don't know what's going to happen to me or if I can take being this burden anymore. I wanted to go to school and do so many things. I feel worthless. Truly. I do all I can to not feel these things but I can't control it. I take pain meds and meds to help me not be so depressed but I still am. I know I have worth but I'm too poor and in too much pain with no options. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I wish i was in a position to help but I'm really lost. I can't survive on disability. It's not enough to support a pet decently.
Dear Zeus - I understand where you are coming from. I, too, have Crohns Disease 28+yrs, my entire adult life, and other major problems - heart, brain tumor, herniated discs, etc. I am also on Disability and literally have to make a ch,ice on how much to spend on food as it could mean there are meds I can't get. I take 14 meds, and it is impossible to get then all at once, so, what I do, is get meds when they are due, spend NO money till I have figured out what I will live without this month, No $$ is spent till this months meds are gotten. Then, I get the little food I can with what is left. I am a shell of the person I used to be. The excruciating pain that runs thru my body daily some times makes me wish I would never wake up again. I would never do anything to harm my self, but have to admit, wish I didn't have a life like this to live. I am going to add you as a friend, so feel free to PQ me any time. Maybe we can help each other. I am certainly here to help you if I can. Take care, be well as can be...
Yes I feel the same way. I'm only 30 yrs old and I've had chronic back pain since 2006. I had surgery in 2007 but it didn't help. I have a 8 yr old son and a 11 yr old daughter and I used to play with them and I used to go to church but the only time I feel like doing anything is if I take my pain meds. I feel useless to my whole family . My husband I know gets tired of it. I'm afraid ill lose him and we have been married 12 yrs. He's good to me tho he helps me a lot. I have been fighting to get disability for 4 yrs now but because of my age its hard to get. I miss going to work I was a certified nursing assisant for yrs and loved it. I'm a people perrson I love taking care of people now people have to take care of me its embarressing. If I don't have my meds I feel like crap and I just lay around alday. I can't function without them. Well God Bless. Ttyl.
I have been reading some of your responses to this post... there seems to be lots of caring people on here and you seem to be a very caring person!! :) You never fail to respond with empathetic words to someone who is trying to help you! I like that in a person... you are still alive and you can still find it in your heart to care about others problems... I am impressed!
I believe anyone with chronic pain feels the same way you described. We could all write a paragraph about how we feel now to how we used to be before (what ever caused our chronic pain), and everyone would relate!! I used to be so very active, as a matter of fact, I hurt myself roller blading! March 6, 2006 is the day my life would change forever. I have had a person in my family tell me that I just need to quit taking all of these pain meds because "this person" has enough useless people in "this person's" life!! Yeah, like anyone in their right mind would WANT to live this way??? I used to walk trail after trail, ride horses (owned one and had to sell her because I could no longer take care of her), work, exercise, play volleyball, go to amusement parks and ride everything I could get on, you get the picture.
I gained up to nearly 200 lbs was in a size 16 (woman), because I was so depressed all of the time (I have started losing some weight... stress??? ) I work HARD at not being depressed all of the time. Now I will have a real bad day maybe once a month when I just break down and cry off and on all day... but, it is always the same thing... people who are close to you don't want to try to carry a conversation with me because I am so forgetful or I forget what I was talking about OR I forget what word I want to use to describe whatever, so I have gotten to the point that I talk to my husband (when his nerves can handle it) and I talk to my sister and my niece... everyone else, I keep it short and sweet with... LOL. I lose myself in "crafty" stuff (me being a woman, I paint things, make jewelry, sew etc), maybe you could do some "crafty" things that would be suitable for a man? Maybe you could build small things out of wood/m.d.f? I don't know if that would be something that you would be interested in or not... maybe if you need the extra money, you could build small objects and sell them? There is ebay, craigslist, and on facebook there are yard sale pages in your area, and you could state in your ad on craigslist and the yard sale pages on facebook that you get out "x" amount of times a week, or they can pick up what ever you are selling? It may help??? I just know that when I start doing something like making earrings or painting, that for a while I am actually relaxing and enjoying a few moments and not concentrating (as much) on my pain. Believe me when I say, you are not alone. People who have not had to deal with chronic pain have NO idea. Those who have seen your suffering and been there with you through all of your "situations" since being hurt, can feel for you and understand somewhat, and can even "stand up" for you when someone makes a stupid comment about you (you are just lazy, you just like taking all of these drugs, you just need to "try" harder etc)... believe me, my family would and has been all over anyone who has had anything stupid to say about me... but they still don't understand completely, and I can't expect them to. I hope all of the answers that you have recieved have helped you in some small way. I know it helps me to talk to someone else who has to deal with chronic pain... maybe it will help you at least a small bit...
I very much understand so you know I do i will let you know what I live with fibrom, multiple hurniated discs all Lumbar, stenosis, ibs, abdominal adhesions, pinched nurves in hands and arms, pinched nerve sacks lumbar. So as you can see there are not many of my friends that can relate my husband sympathises but he will try to describe his pain and it is not in the same arena as people like us. depression is expected, what you are feeling is normal and an antidepresant is something you need to talk over with your doc if you havent already. you are so lucky to have grandchildren and i can bet that you live to see them, my girls are grown and out of the house but there are no grandkids yet, they have both said that they are not ready for it i guess i raised them rightthe only problem is im ready lol.
I know this is not how you saw your life going and having your body betray you is so very hard just know that you are not alone there are a lot of us out here and getting out of bed is not always hard because of the body sometimes its also the spirit, find something anythin to do a hobby make something,paint find a way to be creative it may be hard to find something that does not trigger your pain but if you try hard enough you will find something that will alow you to creat and in turn feel productive... when you find something make sure and tell me about it because i am also looking for something that does not cause pain, good luck
All these years since you first posted. How are you now? As you have heard, we (pain patients) all share many common experiences. I am still on the merry go round myself. The only consolation is that my journey is closer to the end than the beginning. Please let me know - I am genuinely concerned.
I was a hard core gymnast and speed skater growing up. I was born with bilateral chondromalasia in my knees, but I just dealt with it. I used to be extremely active and could do it all. I was told at 29 that I wouldn't make it to 34, I'm 38 now. I don't appear to have anything wrong with me, yet I am not as healthy as a 90 yr old. I feel guilty like crazy that I am incapable of doing everything. I have severe degenerative arthritis 6yrs, deg disc disease 10 yrs, every disc is bulging except for the 4 herniated discs, diastolic heart failure 5 yrs, had acute chf for4yrs, copd, had mrsa 16x, 1surgeries, carpal tunnel, broken 7 bones in 2 yrs, hospitalized 5 times in 2012 which I had to leave AMA 4 times of those 5 bcuz life doesn't stop just bcuz I'm sick, one of the times was for low sodium 113-even tho I drink only pop:;:;; I could go on and on but no.
Yeah I feel useless I hate this life but this is the life God dealt me. The thong that pisses me off is that bcuz of all the ppl that get pain meds for the sole purpose of getting high make life difficult for the rest of us! He won't give me more even tho my tolerance keeps going up, 180mg MS Contin daily, last invest was April '12. Whatever ..
ill bet alot of people can relate to this i for one can in 05 i fell three stories and shattered several vertebrea and fractured several the company i was working for painting water towers was having money problems and failed to pay there insurance and since they were also in bankruptcy i was left holding the bag after 4 months in the hospital i got out and realized i had lost everything but the best was yet to come this is now 2013 and i just got my disability last april and going from 8000 a month to nothing to this wopper of a check what a laugh its been hard but ontop of it all dealing with trying to manage the pain has consumed most of everything else.. but the show goes on i find myself not getting out at all anymore and thinking way to much although what does seem to help are true friends which true are few and far in between and my daughter so find out what helps keep your thoughts from wandering and stick with it.. its a long hard road but the show goes on.. wish you many happy thoughts and sunshinny days,good luck...
Everybody has a story to tell, and not one of them (at least on this site), is a good one. But, we keep on going, and help each other. What more can you do?
I am in the same boat. I use to be so active and now after 2 back surgeries I cant do nothing.
Me too, me too! (waving hand). I feel like legally changing my name to "Useless Drag on Society, Significant Other, Self, etc" but it won't fit in the space on the drivers' license. Then there's all the fitting nicknames, "Guilt-ridden," "Depressed," etc. I had to quit work over a year ago, a while after finally getting back into the job I love --working in a research lab. Depending on the situation, the hours can be really flexible, but not flexible enough to accommodate being out 75% of the time (or more) due to blinding, intractable migraines, back pain, post-surgical nerve damage, plus severe dietary no-nos, and various non-specific & non-diagnosable agonies, weaknesses, etc etc blah blah.
For years --decades, for the migraines-- I’ve been to every type of doc, tried every treatment under the sun (including some serious eye-rollers), never smoked, don’t drink, have always loved to exercise (when I could), always eaten well, kept my weight way down. Was taken to the hospital for the 1st time at 6 weeks old, have been randomly & recurrently sick ever since. Many days, it takes me several hours to get myself in good enough shape to take a shower or make a simple stir-fry. Housecleaning? Ha! The only things that do help the pain *some* are (1) opioids (THERE'S a snake pit) and (2) metoprolol; by far the best thing in 3 decades for helping the migraines. Last month my doc & I figured there was nearly a 10% improvement over the last 5 months! Few people really believe there’s anything “real” wrong with me; I look okay.
Applied for SSDI over a year ago; waiting for second denial since June. No income at all, will lose COBRA soon. I've never made a lot of money, but was self-sufficient, don't have extravagant tastes (to say the least), took care of my own, helped others with time & effort if not vast cash donations.
Heck, last week my shrink of nearly a decade apparently completely forgot about me (we have phone appointments since I moved far away).
... they say you're not paranoid if someone really is out to get you. There must be some sort of corollary about not being wrong about being a completely useless individual when even the people you pay to pretend to care about you forget you exist. It’s not like I can say “Hey, he’s just a schmuck, it doesn’t mean anything.” He’s not.
One more road apple on the pile...
maxlet, that was an interesting read and I must say, you've a gift for the written word!
Mac
Maxlet, Sorry, but I really need to ask whether you have tried Botox injections at doses at least 245 units and have you tried nerve block and trigger point injections--at least 10 of them every 4 weeks? (A lower dose of Botox did nothing for me, but at the higher doses I have gotten tremendous relief.) I used to have severe 24/7 migraines before I got these injections. Have you tried accupuncture? Please answer so that I can know that you have tried things that really helped me, except I got no relief from accupuncture. But others have gotten relief from it. Thanks for your response in advance. Sara
Hi sara, acupuncture works for me, it's a temporary relief, but I'll take that!
Lara
That's great Lara! My neurologist, who is Asian descent and doesn't speak English very well was surprised that accupunture didn't work for me. He thought it was maybe due to my brain aneurysm, but I'm waiting with surgery since the risks are so extreme, e.g. death, paralysis, no speech.
Oh Sara, I would wait too! You've been thru too much, I hope and pray that things go smoothly for you. You are such a good friend!!
My heart goes out to you,
Lara
I am am a 43 single lady who's lived on fl 5!years. After house was settled I got
Cancer. Never told my daughter & the rest of my family decided to take a last minute vacation. 6 surgeries on my face in 3 years with radiation & chemotherapy. At that point I wished o wuda doed. I've always had horrible time focusing but am
Also victim of graves disease. Literally my face has fallen in. Need to go to group
Hi Tami, so sorry that you are going through all of this. We are here to help you. You posted on a very old post. I suggest that you ask a question whatever that may be, and people will find you and help support you. There is another member here who is going through the same exact thing that you are. You will be surprised at how many care here. Please post a question, about you, so that more people will answer. I will be looking for you!!
Take care of yourself. You are NOT alone!!
Oh my goodness. I hear ya! I have mystery chronic back pain and possible MS. I too was perky, busy bodied, worked, enjoyed caring for my home. Now I feel useless, depressed, frustrated, and lonely. It takes me forever to do every day things n need to rest in between. Yep, useless and guilt right here.
i agree with ya its so hard to do everyday things i feel useless too and nobody really understands they say they do but they dont. I have been looking for a support group on here i hope someone replies.
I can relate on feeling helpless cuz of my back pain. I have a 3 year old and would love to be able to keep up with him and play all kinds of running and lifting games with him but I just can't. Just standing for 30 minutes doing dishes causes me to have major pain. I have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I have been offered the surgery but at my age and with a young one at home I can't bring myself to have it. Im only 30 years old and I should be enjoying life not dealing with the pain everyday. I barely sleep at night due to the pain and then getting out of bed in the morning is even worse. It has really gotten to me lately and I have been diagnosed with depression. So I can relate to how you feel. If you want to talk I am here.
yes I think we all have been there.. someone told me "we all own our own pain" It took me some time to understand that.. now after a few yrs passing and feeling the pain (my) pain I have to do what ever it takes, ie; listen to your body, how it responds to different meds, a way of excersis.. a massage is wonderful !!! we can't give up.. life goes by so quick.. we have to get the best quality of it, and yes it's hard with cronic pain.. this may sound aweful but theres always another person worse off then ourselves... maybe you can look to a spiritual higher power ;)
Sadsunny,
If we all own our own pain, can I sell mine cheap?
Sorry, couldn't resist. I've heard that before as well, but confess I've never really understood what it meant. And you are so right that there's always someone worse off... I often find I cannot think long about that without falling apart; if I feel this bad, what life must be like for them?
Ah, exercise... used to be the only effective migraine reducer. Then I got the chest surgery nerve damage, & the more I exercise, the worse it (& now back) gets. The less I exercise, the worse the migraines get. Lookie Ma, the seesaw from Hades! Whee!!
Anyhow. Best to you, and may the pain demons lose your address.
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