I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 19 March 2025 (6 weeks ago) by Simba222
The information on this page reflects personal experiences shared by our community members. It is not reviewed for medical accuracy and should not replace professional medical advice.
161 Answers Page 3
I feel your pain! And the worst part of all is how people just don’t get it! My 8 year old granddaughter is here all the time and I feel so bad watching my husband doing fun activities with her that I just can’t do! When I do some things with her I pay for it later in the evening! I feel so helpless at times but really try not to go there in my mind! People see you doing things so they seem to forget and then don’t see me at night when I’m in excruciating pain! No one knows what true pain is until they experience it! I’ve been dealing with it for 30 years with multiple fusions and I’m only 61!
It's going to take some big money lawsuits to implement any change. In the '70s and '80s it was very difficult to be properly treated for any pain. After a few lawsuits in the '90s is when doctors started to be generous. Better to have too much than too little. Now policies have circled around and are worse. A doctor I interviewed admitted I must be in terrible pain, but told me it was part of life. Refused to prescribe the opioids that gave me back my life. Being active and productive. This is a human rights violation as well as a violation of the doctor's code of ethics.
I totally understand although i am no longer living with family except my son and i am just a burden to him. I am severely depressed and have terrible pain and want it to stop. Im not even allowed to see my grandson. I have nothing that helps me feel better.
Please stop with the shots. Did you know that you are not supposed to have more than 3 shots a year.. Anymore than that can cause more problems. I confronted my Dr. in 2008 after he did 5 injections in 6 months, and they did Nothing for my chronic back pain!! The Dr. said, yes I know... you are right. I told him I have nothing left in my life but to do research!! I told him.. We are done! An I never went back to him.
Yes I feel useless I use to keep my home spotless now I can barely stand for long periods at a time and I can't bend over at all so therefore I can't wash dishes,cook& clean my husband works 12hr day and then he has to come home and cook then loads the dishwasher I'm so afraid that if I don't get better that he is going to get tired of this and leave me because that a wife's job
For a long time I felt that nobody believed me when I said I had pain [my doctor @ the time didn't seem to know how to look for it]. My family treats me like crap because I have problems, my father told me to "get another father" the other day and he keeps swearing at me, I can't help being in pain or being unable to do what I did before my injuries and fibro. it's like they want me out of their lives because I'm not "perfect" like "they are" or "undamaged" like my sister. Since I have Fibromyalgia, sprained knee, pinched nerve, thoracic kyphosis, and a brain injury from a car accident when I was 3 by a drunk driver, they don't want me around because I frustrate them? Why me? Why do they put the mess on me? I didn't cause that accident and I didn't plan on getting fibromyalgia so why be frustrated with the way I am? Nobody cares anyway, I won't talk about anymore.
Stiff Steph... "Stiff" Sounds like a perfect description of how I feel everyday, how I am treated every day, how devastated it feels to have those around you treat you as if you "no longer exist"... or you may as well be dead, you can't interact with "The Family" anymore! Who is the family Steph? Prior to my extremely painful disability I thought my "Family" was the loving members of the beautiful people I had been born into & in turn had gave birth to in this world... to my dismay I sadly learned the exact opposite. My mother (lived right across the street & whom I had for nearly 50 years been the one of her 6 children to "be there" for her" DAILY... & i MEAN BE THERE") yet not once did she cross my door way to check on me, my 4 children & their spouces-same thing...
I was cast aside as if I were a leper, instead of a victim of an accident that caused irreversible & untreatable, it turned out afters years of chasing specialist & spending my life savings (much to just pls my children as the doctors advised me early on) nerve pain & cervical spinal damage is just a fast train to massive pain meds as necks unlike some backs do not respond to surgery... even backs is a luck of the draw & knowing my chances of be paralyzed is 98-100 % most my family thinks I should take the chance! So, I feel your pain, so to speak & please know that you are so worth as much & much much more even then ever before your injury & pain ever began! Just your words of encouragement & telling of your story can make the difference in the life of another person, you may be the one person that clicks with someone out there & gets them thru that one day, that one day they think they can't get thru one more minute, one more second! God made no mistakes when he thought out your life, He has a path for each & everyone of us & I know this with my heart & soul, so please never give up & hold on to the faith that one day our day will be ours again & Hope will bring cures? Relief? Even 10% would make my life better, I'll take what ever God has in store for me! How bout you beautiful stiff friend? Soak in a hot tub & maybe ... just maybe you will say a prayer while you are in there, for both us! I promise I will for you! God Bless & Better Health 2 U... MommaNanc
I care, and I do Understand. Your Family doesn't understand what you are going through and probably never will. We cant change how ppl are and I hate to even suggest this but soemtimes you have to place distance between you and even if its family.. the people who arent helping you be well in life. I did just that. I didnt have support and yes it hurt a lot. But you have to live your life and only you walk in your shoe's. I was moved by your story, because I know all to well that feeling and I felt I had to respond. You may not know me but I do Care and I also feel you need someone who will listen. That is why we are here! add me as a friend and just take things one day at a time, One moment if that is what it takes. You cannot control what has already happened to you but you can control how you live from this day forward. remove the negative ppl in your life and you will be much happier for it. Rest well and be safe.. Snake
I feel ya I'm 38 and they screwed up my epidural 11 yrs ago . Except for me I can get no help my l4 and l5 are kinda screwed but not bad enough to get me on meds. I can't sue cause I singed the papers wen I was hurting so bad they could've done anything and they did..6 months after my son was born it started and aint stopped.Some days are better than others but its always there I do what I have to , to get through it , at the end of some days I just pray please don't let me wake up my kids don't need to c me this way anymore and know when the pain is talking and it does , You don't notice but it does.
I too feel just like you do. I have RA, neuropathy in both feet and hands, a couple of buldging disks and osteoarthritis in my knees making it hard to walk. Also, I can no longer drive which really takes away any independence I had and really makes me feel like a burden to others. I'm also on disability, so i'm barely able to get by. I am getting ready to call my MD this morning for a work in appt due to pain meds not doing the job and i'm in a lot of pain (day and night). I try to keep a positive attitude but that is hard to do when you can barely move. I have a grandbaby who I have not really even been able to hold without help, nor was I able to buy her a christmas present due to finances (or should I say "lack of")- that really is upsetting since she is my first and is now 10 months old and barely knows me. All of these issues are enough to want to walk in front of a bus, but I would never do that to my family.
I do have a couple of wonderful friends, who "bless their hearts" have to cart me back and forth to md appts way too much. How's this for a suggestion, I'll pray for you and you pray for me, how's that? I don't know any other solution to our situations. I hope you will stay in touch with me since I too have a lot of time on my hands, and I do think it helps to talk to someone who understands. People without pain issues think they know how it is but they really can't grasp the true agony of constant pain. Take care and hope to hear from u again.
I have lost over half my life now to Crohn's disease, lost all my 20-30and now going into my 40's. I feel hopeless most of the time. I'm a burden to my single mother. I don't know what's going to happen to me or if I can take being this burden anymore. I wanted to go to school and do so many things. I feel worthless. Truly. I do all I can to not feel these things but I can't control it. I take pain meds and meds to help me not be so depressed but I still am. I know I have worth but I'm too poor and in too much pain with no options. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I wish i was in a position to help but I'm really lost. I can't survive on disability. It's not enough to support a pet decently.
Dear Zeus - I understand where you are coming from. I, too, have Crohns Disease 28+yrs, my entire adult life, and other major problems - heart, brain tumor, herniated discs, etc. I am also on Disability and literally have to make a ch,ice on how much to spend on food as it could mean there are meds I can't get. I take 14 meds, and it is impossible to get then all at once, so, what I do, is get meds when they are due, spend NO money till I have figured out what I will live without this month, No $$ is spent till this months meds are gotten. Then, I get the little food I can with what is left. I am a shell of the person I used to be. The excruciating pain that runs thru my body daily some times makes me wish I would never wake up again. I would never do anything to harm my self, but have to admit, wish I didn't have a life like this to live. I am going to add you as a friend, so feel free to PQ me any time. Maybe we can help each other. I am certainly here to help you if I can. Take care, be well as can be...
Yes I feel the same way. I'm only 30 yrs old and I've had chronic back pain since 2006. I had surgery in 2007 but it didn't help. I have a 8 yr old son and a 11 yr old daughter and I used to play with them and I used to go to church but the only time I feel like doing anything is if I take my pain meds. I feel useless to my whole family . My husband I know gets tired of it. I'm afraid ill lose him and we have been married 12 yrs. He's good to me tho he helps me a lot. I have been fighting to get disability for 4 yrs now but because of my age its hard to get. I miss going to work I was a certified nursing assisant for yrs and loved it. I'm a people perrson I love taking care of people now people have to take care of me its embarressing. If I don't have my meds I feel like crap and I just lay around alday. I can't function without them. Well God Bless. Ttyl.
I have been reading some of your responses to this post... there seems to be lots of caring people on here and you seem to be a very caring person!! :) You never fail to respond with empathetic words to someone who is trying to help you! I like that in a person... you are still alive and you can still find it in your heart to care about others problems... I am impressed!
I believe anyone with chronic pain feels the same way you described. We could all write a paragraph about how we feel now to how we used to be before (what ever caused our chronic pain), and everyone would relate!! I used to be so very active, as a matter of fact, I hurt myself roller blading! March 6, 2006 is the day my life would change forever. I have had a person in my family tell me that I just need to quit taking all of these pain meds because "this person" has enough useless people in "this person's" life!! Yeah, like anyone in their right mind would WANT to live this way??? I used to walk trail after trail, ride horses (owned one and had to sell her because I could no longer take care of her), work, exercise, play volleyball, go to amusement parks and ride everything I could get on, you get the picture.
I gained up to nearly 200 lbs was in a size 16 (woman), because I was so depressed all of the time (I have started losing some weight... stress??? ) I work HARD at not being depressed all of the time. Now I will have a real bad day maybe once a month when I just break down and cry off and on all day... but, it is always the same thing... people who are close to you don't want to try to carry a conversation with me because I am so forgetful or I forget what I was talking about OR I forget what word I want to use to describe whatever, so I have gotten to the point that I talk to my husband (when his nerves can handle it) and I talk to my sister and my niece... everyone else, I keep it short and sweet with... LOL. I lose myself in "crafty" stuff (me being a woman, I paint things, make jewelry, sew etc), maybe you could do some "crafty" things that would be suitable for a man? Maybe you could build small things out of wood/m.d.f? I don't know if that would be something that you would be interested in or not... maybe if you need the extra money, you could build small objects and sell them? There is ebay, craigslist, and on facebook there are yard sale pages in your area, and you could state in your ad on craigslist and the yard sale pages on facebook that you get out "x" amount of times a week, or they can pick up what ever you are selling? It may help??? I just know that when I start doing something like making earrings or painting, that for a while I am actually relaxing and enjoying a few moments and not concentrating (as much) on my pain. Believe me when I say, you are not alone. People who have not had to deal with chronic pain have NO idea. Those who have seen your suffering and been there with you through all of your "situations" since being hurt, can feel for you and understand somewhat, and can even "stand up" for you when someone makes a stupid comment about you (you are just lazy, you just like taking all of these drugs, you just need to "try" harder etc)... believe me, my family would and has been all over anyone who has had anything stupid to say about me... but they still don't understand completely, and I can't expect them to. I hope all of the answers that you have recieved have helped you in some small way. I know it helps me to talk to someone else who has to deal with chronic pain... maybe it will help you at least a small bit...
I very much understand so you know I do i will let you know what I live with fibrom, multiple hurniated discs all Lumbar, stenosis, ibs, abdominal adhesions, pinched nurves in hands and arms, pinched nerve sacks lumbar. So as you can see there are not many of my friends that can relate my husband sympathises but he will try to describe his pain and it is not in the same arena as people like us. depression is expected, what you are feeling is normal and an antidepresant is something you need to talk over with your doc if you havent already. you are so lucky to have grandchildren and i can bet that you live to see them, my girls are grown and out of the house but there are no grandkids yet, they have both said that they are not ready for it i guess i raised them rightthe only problem is im ready lol.
I know this is not how you saw your life going and having your body betray you is so very hard just know that you are not alone there are a lot of us out here and getting out of bed is not always hard because of the body sometimes its also the spirit, find something anythin to do a hobby make something,paint find a way to be creative it may be hard to find something that does not trigger your pain but if you try hard enough you will find something that will alow you to creat and in turn feel productive... when you find something make sure and tell me about it because i am also looking for something that does not cause pain, good luck
All these years since you first posted. How are you now? As you have heard, we (pain patients) all share many common experiences. I am still on the merry go round myself. The only consolation is that my journey is closer to the end than the beginning. Please let me know - I am genuinely concerned.
I was a hard core gymnast and speed skater growing up. I was born with bilateral chondromalasia in my knees, but I just dealt with it. I used to be extremely active and could do it all. I was told at 29 that I wouldn't make it to 34, I'm 38 now. I don't appear to have anything wrong with me, yet I am not as healthy as a 90 yr old. I feel guilty like crazy that I am incapable of doing everything. I have severe degenerative arthritis 6yrs, deg disc disease 10 yrs, every disc is bulging except for the 4 herniated discs, diastolic heart failure 5 yrs, had acute chf for4yrs, copd, had mrsa 16x, 1surgeries, carpal tunnel, broken 7 bones in 2 yrs, hospitalized 5 times in 2012 which I had to leave AMA 4 times of those 5 bcuz life doesn't stop just bcuz I'm sick, one of the times was for low sodium 113-even tho I drink only pop:;:;; I could go on and on but no.
Yeah I feel useless I hate this life but this is the life God dealt me. The thong that pisses me off is that bcuz of all the ppl that get pain meds for the sole purpose of getting high make life difficult for the rest of us! He won't give me more even tho my tolerance keeps going up, 180mg MS Contin daily, last invest was April '12. Whatever ..
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