I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 19 March 2025
The information on this page reflects personal experiences shared by our community members. It is not reviewed for medical accuracy and should not replace professional medical advice.
161 Answers Page 4
ill bet alot of people can relate to this i for one can in 05 i fell three stories and shattered several vertebrea and fractured several the company i was working for painting water towers was having money problems and failed to pay there insurance and since they were also in bankruptcy i was left holding the bag after 4 months in the hospital i got out and realized i had lost everything but the best was yet to come this is now 2013 and i just got my disability last april and going from 8000 a month to nothing to this wopper of a check what a laugh its been hard but ontop of it all dealing with trying to manage the pain has consumed most of everything else.. but the show goes on i find myself not getting out at all anymore and thinking way to much although what does seem to help are true friends which true are few and far in between and my daughter so find out what helps keep your thoughts from wandering and stick with it.. its a long hard road but the show goes on.. wish you many happy thoughts and sunshinny days,good luck...
Everybody has a story to tell, and not one of them (at least on this site), is a good one. But, we keep on going, and help each other. What more can you do?
I am in the same boat. I use to be so active and now after 2 back surgeries I cant do nothing.
Me too, me too! (waving hand). I feel like legally changing my name to "Useless Drag on Society, Significant Other, Self, etc" but it won't fit in the space on the drivers' license. Then there's all the fitting nicknames, "Guilt-ridden," "Depressed," etc. I had to quit work over a year ago, a while after finally getting back into the job I love --working in a research lab. Depending on the situation, the hours can be really flexible, but not flexible enough to accommodate being out 75% of the time (or more) due to blinding, intractable migraines, back pain, post-surgical nerve damage, plus severe dietary no-nos, and various non-specific & non-diagnosable agonies, weaknesses, etc etc blah blah.
For years --decades, for the migraines-- I’ve been to every type of doc, tried every treatment under the sun (including some serious eye-rollers), never smoked, don’t drink, have always loved to exercise (when I could), always eaten well, kept my weight way down. Was taken to the hospital for the 1st time at 6 weeks old, have been randomly & recurrently sick ever since. Many days, it takes me several hours to get myself in good enough shape to take a shower or make a simple stir-fry. Housecleaning? Ha! The only things that do help the pain *some* are (1) opioids (THERE'S a snake pit) and (2) metoprolol; by far the best thing in 3 decades for helping the migraines. Last month my doc & I figured there was nearly a 10% improvement over the last 5 months! Few people really believe there’s anything “real” wrong with me; I look okay.
Applied for SSDI over a year ago; waiting for second denial since June. No income at all, will lose COBRA soon. I've never made a lot of money, but was self-sufficient, don't have extravagant tastes (to say the least), took care of my own, helped others with time & effort if not vast cash donations.
Heck, last week my shrink of nearly a decade apparently completely forgot about me (we have phone appointments since I moved far away).
... they say you're not paranoid if someone really is out to get you. There must be some sort of corollary about not being wrong about being a completely useless individual when even the people you pay to pretend to care about you forget you exist. It’s not like I can say “Hey, he’s just a schmuck, it doesn’t mean anything.” He’s not.
One more road apple on the pile...
maxlet, that was an interesting read and I must say, you've a gift for the written word!
Mac
Maxlet, Sorry, but I really need to ask whether you have tried Botox injections at doses at least 245 units and have you tried nerve block and trigger point injections--at least 10 of them every 4 weeks? (A lower dose of Botox did nothing for me, but at the higher doses I have gotten tremendous relief.) I used to have severe 24/7 migraines before I got these injections. Have you tried accupuncture? Please answer so that I can know that you have tried things that really helped me, except I got no relief from accupuncture. But others have gotten relief from it. Thanks for your response in advance. Sara
Hi sara, acupuncture works for me, it's a temporary relief, but I'll take that!
Lara
That's great Lara! My neurologist, who is Asian descent and doesn't speak English very well was surprised that accupunture didn't work for me. He thought it was maybe due to my brain aneurysm, but I'm waiting with surgery since the risks are so extreme, e.g. death, paralysis, no speech.
Oh Sara, I would wait too! You've been thru too much, I hope and pray that things go smoothly for you. You are such a good friend!!
My heart goes out to you,
Lara
I am am a 43 single lady who's lived on fl 5!years. After house was settled I got
Cancer. Never told my daughter & the rest of my family decided to take a last minute vacation. 6 surgeries on my face in 3 years with radiation & chemotherapy. At that point I wished o wuda doed. I've always had horrible time focusing but am
Also victim of graves disease. Literally my face has fallen in. Need to go to group
Hi Tami, so sorry that you are going through all of this. We are here to help you. You posted on a very old post. I suggest that you ask a question whatever that may be, and people will find you and help support you. There is another member here who is going through the same exact thing that you are. You will be surprised at how many care here. Please post a question, about you, so that more people will answer. I will be looking for you!!
Take care of yourself. You are NOT alone!!
Oh my goodness. I hear ya! I have mystery chronic back pain and possible MS. I too was perky, busy bodied, worked, enjoyed caring for my home. Now I feel useless, depressed, frustrated, and lonely. It takes me forever to do every day things n need to rest in between. Yep, useless and guilt right here.
i agree with ya its so hard to do everyday things i feel useless too and nobody really understands they say they do but they dont. I have been looking for a support group on here i hope someone replies.
I can relate on feeling helpless cuz of my back pain. I have a 3 year old and would love to be able to keep up with him and play all kinds of running and lifting games with him but I just can't. Just standing for 30 minutes doing dishes causes me to have major pain. I have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I have been offered the surgery but at my age and with a young one at home I can't bring myself to have it. Im only 30 years old and I should be enjoying life not dealing with the pain everyday. I barely sleep at night due to the pain and then getting out of bed in the morning is even worse. It has really gotten to me lately and I have been diagnosed with depression. So I can relate to how you feel. If you want to talk I am here.
yes I think we all have been there.. someone told me "we all own our own pain" It took me some time to understand that.. now after a few yrs passing and feeling the pain (my) pain I have to do what ever it takes, ie; listen to your body, how it responds to different meds, a way of excersis.. a massage is wonderful !!! we can't give up.. life goes by so quick.. we have to get the best quality of it, and yes it's hard with cronic pain.. this may sound aweful but theres always another person worse off then ourselves... maybe you can look to a spiritual higher power ;)
Sadsunny,
If we all own our own pain, can I sell mine cheap?
Sorry, couldn't resist. I've heard that before as well, but confess I've never really understood what it meant. And you are so right that there's always someone worse off... I often find I cannot think long about that without falling apart; if I feel this bad, what life must be like for them?
Ah, exercise... used to be the only effective migraine reducer. Then I got the chest surgery nerve damage, & the more I exercise, the worse it (& now back) gets. The less I exercise, the worse the migraines get. Lookie Ma, the seesaw from Hades! Whee!!
Anyhow. Best to you, and may the pain demons lose your address.
All I can say is Butran it's a patch that works wonders. It last five days. I have been on everything. Don't give up, go get the stuff. It comes in 5 micromg 10 and 20. They might strt you off at five. I am on ten now and I have not felt this good since 5 th grade
How long have you been wearing the Butrans patches? My skin is now getting bright red rashes after taking them off which lasts for many weeks. Have you had any problems in that regard? I'm using cortisol on them, but it still doesn't help much.
I was 8yrs old when my chronic pain became unmanageable. My bladder muscle rip on themselves, I have no bladder lining, and my nerve endings are exposed and burnt by the urine. I was too young to fully comprehend what was going on. I just thought "The doctors will stop this, because that is what they do." As time went on, I realised that they didn't know what to do, and as the years passed they said I would be in pain forever. Honestly, I wanted to give up. Luckily I had my Mom there telling me that giving up was NOT an option, and as time passed I was able to be my own rock and pushed myself. In the end I have found such great spiritual awakenings that I would absolutely go through this pain again if need be. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Please don't isolate because that is one of the worst things you can do.
If you dont feel like you can talk to others, please message me or maybe find other pain group therapies. Remember to love yourself, because that was the hardest thing for me personaly. Thank you!
Good day jacy53 it's time we should talk after reading several of the responses to your question. Believe that at the age of 63 am wise enough to become useful to all these sufferers as right now have back pain and don't want any meds then. Chronic anything is a problem and needing to overcome it has changed my life around. Some days are worse than others and on the bad ones it's useful to make this body work using the muscles that don't make any pains worse. Atleast doing that has a positive effect my mood as my response to the level of pain seems uplifting spirit. Have searched the thrift marts & charity merchandise outfits doing all right for myself. The family is sticking together but at times everyone ends up shouting or feeling miserable. The future is uncertain and knowing it's not going to get any better.
I know what you are talking about I started out walking after having my back and neck put back together. I was T-Boned by a drunk driver and it changed my life overnight, I am now in a wheelchair unable to walk, you feel useless a lot the med's do not take care of the pain. I only get relife from sterioids for a 5-7 day period, but taking to many of them do more harm then good down the road. I will talk to any one looking at 4 walls does get tireing.
I know exactly how you all feel my back problems started in my teenager year's. Going to hospitals at least 3times a month. This was before I got my own doctor when I was 24. My Dr. Started prescribing 5/500 hydrocodone. Then about a year later I had to get stronger hydro. Within 4 year's I was taking up to 8 a day.around same time was sent to a surgion. He did so so many test 1st time around. Had no luck finding problem, so started getting shots in the spine. About 3 years after sent back to surgion he finally did the 1 test very very painfull. Found out I needed 4disk taking out & rods & screws put back. Didn't like sound of it but 1 year. Later had to have that surgery. Know I am 40 years old & been disabled for past 7 years. Cannot hardly walk & in the worst pain. So I feel very useless. My wife is the only thing I live for. She has to help me do everything. Thanks to my wife.
Hi jacy & welcome to the site. I don't know your age, but I have suffered from chrontic pain for 44 years due to several conditions. If you read my profile you'll know why. Yes, it does suck, & when it's a newer thing it really sucks, but believe it or not you can get over this horrible feeling of having to live this way. Acceptance is the first step, When I first went on disability I was 44, & it was the haredst thing I ever did. I know of the hoops you have to jump thru first of all to get disability, & then there is the let down of how much you draw. You have to take it one day at a time, & eventually you will get there. I love to garden too, & push myself to the limit sometines, but still manage to do my flower beds.
Takes me way longer, & sometimes I need the boys (now men) around to help, but we get it done! I worked for 20 years as a single Mom to raise my 3 boys with all the pain, no pain pills or shots unless I was hospitalized( which I was at least once a year), but when my bones began to crumble, my doc said enough was enough, & I couldn't work anymore. My hubby was disabled at 32 from a messed up ruptured disc surgery. He is 61 now, & has bipolar to boot. He has even tried suicide in the past several times over al lof this, but it's just not worth it! I know from personal experience how hard this is, but if you stay with us, you will find there are so many people just like you, & it helps to share your experiences too. I joined the site a year ago January & it has been the biggest blessing to me to know I'm not alone out there. there are people on here that are way worse off than you & me, & being able to make a friend or two here & there, has made such a difference in my life. I email back & forth with several members who are way worse off than I am, & I'm in pretty bad shape! You picked the right site for sure! Try some talk therapy too. It can be a great help. Talk to others in your situation. There are many , like I said, right here on this site! I wish you the best, & hope your mood improves. It takes time to adjust to something like you are going thru, so be patient & be proactive about your health . Good luck...
jacy53,
I can relate to your comment, I was in two really bad car accidents within years apart but the last one was the worst.
I have chronic pain from my lower back into my legs everyday. I try to be like I used to but the more I use my back and legs I swell the next day or I will be in extreme pain worse the next day.
I am very stubborn so I keep going. Without pain medicine, some days I may have to take an extra one or two, which makes me a little short some months, I can't move. I do feel useless & a burden to my family.
I grew up w/no father & my mom passed away when I was 17 years old so I figure being 42 my family would rather have me here than not.
I know it's hard but hang in there. Try keeping a journal of your own personal thoughts, at least it helps me a little. ??? Best wishes to your family & yourself.
I am a 27 year old female and I have chronic knee pain with both my knees. I am having my right knee scoped next week because they can't find anything on x - rays and MRI's. It is very frustrating to have this pain and have nobody know what is wrong. I recently got married a few months back my husband and I don't have much of a sex life. To make love to my husband means spending the rest of the day and night with swollen and very painful knees. It has gotten to the point where if I initiate anything with him he is too scared for fear of hurting me. Another activity that I cannot participate in is exercise. I love to work out but doing so yields that same result as sex does. This has been going on for two years now and my knees have only gotten worse. Doctors don't believe me much of the time and think I'm asking for pain meds for different reasons.
I went to four different orthopedic surgeons before I found one that agreed to do arthroscopy on one of my knees. Now I am afraid they won't find anything to fix - however I am trying to stay optimistic on that end. I have depression and take medicine for it, but all this is too much for me and I find myself crying just about every day because I feel so helpless. I think chronic pain can take the spirit out of pretty much everyone who has it. I joined this community so I could talk to people who know what it's like. Thanks for listening and I would love any comments you have.
Chronic pain is misunderstood by many and it can certainly bring on feelings of uselessness. Aside from the system and the pursuit of the correct meds I encourage you to seek out support groups in your area. Sometimes recovery groups are the best places to find what I call "Partners in Pain." We need to have interactions with folks who are suffering from the same things, in this case chronic pain. This can change your life for the better because you will eventually no longer feel so isolated or alone in this. Pain follows us everywhere, it's in our bed, it's there if we sit, stand, walk or move. It knows no season and has no off switch, it makes to hard to enjoy life or process information. It drains our hope, distorts our perspective and damages our relationships. Support groups are made up of people with similar experiences and again I would encourage you to step up and reach out. It is the best thing overall, and makes dealing with this demon a little easier.
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