Considering switching from Klonopin to Librium?

But back to my original post... I was always a happy person, but when the anxiety became unbearable, I got a minor depression for which I was given the 150 Mg of Zoloft a day in combination with the Xanax. Boy, I tell you, those first few months on the Xanax were wonderful. Happy as a lark, confident, productive, etc, but then as I gradually became tolerant/addicted to the Xanax, the feelings of being on top of the world were gradually replaced with just feeling normal. I was good on the 4 Mg daily of Xanax for about 10 years, then one day, they suddenly stopped working altogether. I had quit the Zoloft a few years before that as the side effects were unbearable, and in my case, some of them permanent. I knew I needed help without my pills working anymore, so I admitted myself to hospital where luckily, the on-call psychiatrist was extremely knowledgeable in benzos. Basically he told me that the years of high dose benzos had destroyed some type of receptor (just looked it up-GABA) in my brain, and would experience lifelong withdrawals without any type of benzo. He said the Xanax was worst choice my original Dr gave me back in 95-96, because, as you said, of its extremely short half life. Evidently, some people on Xanax experience withdrawals between their regular prescribed dosage, so he switched me to one of the very long acting benzos (clonazepam) saying it was a better choice in the long run. I did notice that after switching to clonazepam, it didn't work as well as the Xanax did for anxiety. I thought it was a matter of getting "used" to the new meds, but that never happened.

Since the switch, I've, in my opinion, gone downhill mentally. I have no interest in my old hobbies or activities. I'm a musician, but all my belongings are in storage, so I can't even play my guitar when I stay at a friends house. If I'm living in my car, I just park at McDonald's to use the free wifi, and spend my days watching YouTube, or if I'm lucky enough to have a place for a while, I spend all my waking hours watching TV or playing video games. At least with the Xanax, I was still active and productive. After the divorce in which I lost my home, I was awarded custody of our 3 children, and was always there for them to help with homework, go to parent-teacher interviews, make school lunches, cook dinner, do dishes, laundry, housework, volunteer for a at-risk youth group, volunteered with the local Kiwanis club, and maintained a good happy life. Luckily, by the time the Xanax stopped working, 2 of my 3 kids were grown and left home. I had been accepted for my disability pension by then, and my son and I were fortunate enough to get into subsidized housing (they take 30% of your income for rent). Then my son left home and I lost the subsidized housing as it was a 2-bedroom and I was classed as "overhoused" and had to vacate the townhouse, hence the homeless situation.

But as my original post stated, the longer I've been taking the clonazepam, the more depressed I get. I know it's very dangerous to stop taking benzos cold-turkey, but I stopped taking the clonazepam for 3 days. Even though the anxiety level went up, my depression subsided, so that's why I'm thinking it's the clonazepam to blame for the depression.

I did have a great psychiatrist (the one I met in hospital) for years, but unfortunately, he left the province, and since then, I've been shuffled through at least 4 psychiatrists. The health care system here is a joke. Oh, and when my old psychiatrist left the province, he had written me a years worth of refills for my clonazepam. Phoned the drug store 2 days before my prescription ran out to have my refill ready. I was shocked when I went to pick it up and was told that because he left the province, all his prescriptions were null and void. Having no family doctor (did have one, but lost him to another province that pays more), I went to every single walk-in clinic in the city, plus a virtual clinic where you talk to a Dr online, and NOBODY would refill my prescription. 11 days without my meds. It was a nightmare. Then I had 3 grand mal seizures in one day, and went into hospital by ambulance, where I was promptly given a full year script for clonazepam. What a waste of taxpayer dollars. Here my medical records show a long term, high dose benzo patient, yet no walk-in clinic could access my detailed history. And our government has enacted laws that no clinics can prescribe benzos to walk-ins. So, I figure the ambulance, and hospital stay cost at least $5000 when a simple stroke of a pen on the prescription pad would have prevented the entire nightmare.

So, basically, I am resigned to accept the fact that I will be on benzos for the rest of my life. I'm resigned to the fact that each type of benzo seems to quit working around the 10 year mark, and I'll have to continually find new benzo types to replace the ones that quit working. Thank goodness there are so many types! But, as I said in my OP, I never experienced depression as a side effect from Xanax, but am getting it as a side effect from clonazepam, as I did with Valium. I did research the side effects of all benzos I could find, and depression was listed as a side effect for clonazepam, but not Librium. I've also noticed in the past 2 weeks, the clonazepam has started to lose its effectiveness, and it's been about 12 years I've been taking it, so history does indeed repeat itself!. My appointment with my psychiatrist isn't for another month, but I'm calling first thing in the morning for an emergency appointment. I don't want to slip any further into this pit of despair.

Sorry for the long and rambling post, but I'm all alone and have nobody to talk to, and just reading your reply gave me hope and encouragement and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will post an update to say how my emergency appointment goes. Even if he doesn't prescribe Librium, I hope he can give another type of benzo that does not cause depression. Thanks again for your great reply and encouragement!