I am 25 years old & have had depression for years, probably on & off since I was 11 or so. It became very apparent when my mom died 4 years ago (of the same cancer that killed my dad when I was 12). I started taking Celexa that same year when my mom was diagnosed. She (and my older brother) both suffer(ed) from depression & needed meds. Before going to the doctor & learning of my "chemical imbalance," I couldn't even go to work, I lost 2 good jobs in a row & the Celexa completely saved my life. I was only on 20mg a day for about 4 years & then I moved, got an awesome job, became blissfully distracted & stopped taking them altogether. I was amazed with how well I could function without anti-depressants & refused to get back on my Celexa & go back to all those sexual side affects & weight gain... no way! But in the past several weeks, I have had many, many total melt-downs; crying hysterically & having such intense fits of anger I have put holes in walls & torn down the metal towel rack in the bathroom! (What I really wanted to do was smash my fists into the mirror.) I get so upset/cry so hard for so long, I literally can't breathe. My husband & best friend are the only people on the planet who know I'm anything other than bubbly, outgoing, happy as can be--total social butterfly. It's so hard to pretend you're on top of the world everyday when you feel like there's nothing to live for. So I started taking Wellbutrin after a doctor told me it would increase my sex drive & may even take off a few pounds. Both have proven to be true already, but I don't know if I can get over "the hump." The first 4 or 5 days were great--tons of energy, happy as could be, super productive, but now after 10 days, I am absolutely miserable, more depressed than I've been in a LONG time. Constantly crying, feeling totally empty, worthless, alone & my stomach's sick with grief. I spent the whole first hour of work today trying to hide my tears, running to the bathroom when I couldn't hide them anymore. The worst part is that I don't think I can ever come clean to my boss or co-workers... not only do they totally not get depression in general, but they'd never even believe someone as happy & wonderful as me could possibly need meds. I am so afraid I will lose my job, (which would cause 100 times more stress than I'm under now) I think about going back to no pills at all, but I really want to give these a try. (I know I need something.) I am still only taking the dosage for the initial week, 150 mg/day (1 pill) because I'm afraid to go to the 2 pills & make things doubly worse. Or do I need a higher dose? I'd love to stick it out & see, but I don't know if I can. I can't even afford to go to the doctor & talk about what's happening or try something different. Just spillin' my guts made me feel a little better for tonight though. :)