My boyfriend was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver a year and a half ago.Since then he has become more of an alcoholic than ever. He hasn't seen a doctor in over a year and doesn't want to see one.When he was first diagnosed his platelets in his blood were low and they wanted to do a transfusion so he could get his biopsy done.The doctor had him booked with a liver specialist never went to that appointment either.He is looking more sicker everyday has liver spots all over his face,lost weight,had swelling in the stomach and legs but that has stopped for now,sleeping pattern is all mixed up,his mental behavior has changed,loss of memory,spider veins everywhere and so on.This is so hard for me to deal with and I know he's being very selfish and not thinking of what he's putting his family and me through!When he first went to the doctor I'm sure he was in his last stage so I'm wondering how long does a person live for with that disease and especially with the excessive amount of drinking he's doing.I love him and have stood by him but now I'm starting to feel very angry with him knowing how selfish he's being and what he's putting me through.I feel like leaving him but the guilty side of me makes me stay because all I keep thinking is what if he goes and I'm not there for him.I'm in a rock and a hard place but I also feel I'm gonna be sick myself if I keep going through this with him.This is the most stressful thing a person has to go through and I don't wish it upon anyone.Can someone please give me an answer as to how much longer he has thank you.
7 Jan 2013
Hi, i'm sorry to say that he is probably very close to losing his life. Being diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis this long ago and doing nothing to treat it, on the contrary, making the condition worse, he is like a ticking time bomb. I'm sorry to be so blunt, this must be so, so hard for you! Is he taking ANYTHING to protect his health, vitamin B for his liver function or Thiamine for his brain health? It is not surprising that his memory is being affected. Have you tried conveying just how worried you are about him & how hard/stressful it is for you having to deal with this situation? I really feel for you! Is there a 'reason' that he started drinking in the first place? A tragedy in his life? Something that could be worked through possibly?
7 Jan 2013
I suggest you sit and have a serious talk with him regarding his funeral arrangements. Don't talk around it. Just ask him what he wants. Yes, he is committing suicide, but he is beyond caring. If you know his family, let them know he is going to pass soon and that you want certain things to happen for the funeral that he has requested. Hospice is very helpful with this and pays for pain meds and such.
No one has a magic wand to tell you when someone will pass. Even a doctor can't be sure.
Perhaps it will knock some reality into him. Perhaps he will just get mad. Resist fighting, begging and pleading. You know they don't work.
If you can, get him to a funeral home or at least get some info. Pamphlets are better as they can just sit there than the Internet. Let him know you will help with this, if you choose. You know he is not helping himself. He would qualify for hospice. They do help with passing at home and will analyze his situation. He will have to see a doctor. Be ready to dial 911 when he turns yellow. It starts with the eyes where the whites turn yellow.
I am so sorry. So very sorry. You are brave to stay with him. Help him with the closure of his life, if you choose. Bring in the family. And stop buying him alcohol. He will go into withdrawal and you can get him to the hospital. We did this with my mom. We told her that was our choice. She got too sick to get the booze. I drove her to the hospital.
Your grief is already starting for his death. You have time to evaluate and prepare. Share good times when able. Leave if too much. Take very good care of yourself. None of this is your fault.
There is no happy ending except that his pain will end. However, you will do what you are able and that will last as a lesson through your life. Many of us here have had major experiences. Yes, it can make one stronger. Or it can make one a chronic whiner. Your kindness is what you will remember, no matter what you do. Stay strong. Stay strong. Karen
7 Jan 2013
I'm sorry you're going through this, and please don't take this the wrong way as I'm not judging you as I'm in the same boat myself and have received plenty of judgement and criticism, so I want to reiterate this is coming from a place of compassion, you may feel guilty and not able to leave because you have fallen into an enabler/codependent role. It's very hard when we fall in love with addicts and alcoholics. And I'm assuming you've done some care taking as well, such as trying to get him to appoinments, etc. You need to take care of yourself now. This stress is going to wear you out and you deserve better. He's given up on life and with that, you. As harsh as that may sound, when an alcoholic is in his/her disease, they are selfish, have to regard for others and he's made his choice. There's no turning back now, even if he quits drinking, it may buy him some time. I feel for you. I've been here.
It's called tough love. And if you find him in a lucid moment where you can speak to him, you can tell him you're not going to watch him kill himself. You're going to go take care of yourself. And do not get sucked back into the trap by any thing he may say to keep you around.
Saying it is one thing, but you walking out that door is another, and it's empowerment. Why should you sit this out with him? I know you love him but this is doing damage to yourself and taking your time away.
It's hard to say how long it will be but it's not pleasant, it's miserable.
I think it's time you take care of yourself. If you'd like to talk more you can ask me a PQ, but you can also google average life span... just to see what it says but if hes not in the hospital yet, it may be awhile and hopefully if he gets to the hospital he will choose hospice if he's near death so that they can make him as comfortable as possible and then it's pretty quick, and of course you should be with him at that time but I know your stress and anxiety level is just making you feel crazy. I feel for you. In case you don't know when his belly swells its called ascites, and the mental status is due to his ammonia level and something called encephalopathy. As the bloating gets worse is when he is likely going to need to go to the hospital. You could try an ALONON meeting where you may find some support with people in similar situations. Please take care of yourself. Warmest regards!
19 Apr 2013
Hi, my name is Denise.
It hurts me to tell you this but my brother-in-law was going through the same thing. He was a heavy drinker ( years of brinking beer and liqour). Last year Noember or December he was hospitalized because he got a very bad seizure, That was when they diagnosed him with cirrhosis. He kept drinking and he looked fine, the doctor's gave him 3 years to live if he kept drinking. Well, he kept drinking and started using speed. He went to the hospital 1 more time and came back to doing the same thing. He was sleeping in the street and everything. Paramedics picked him up at a liqour store because he started throwing up blood, we thought he would get better, he was at the hospital for about a month getting blood everyday, the blood would come out through cuts, when he would use the restroom, throwing up and even coughing. Well, after that month he came home, the doctor's said all we could do for him was just to keep him comfortable (these were his last days). I rememner he came home on a Sunday, was looking okay, had his kids with him playing with him. But as the days went by he started looking pale, yellow, sometimes swollen,and itchy he would sleep for hours fromt he medicine he was receiving, when he would wake up he seemed confused, kinda lost like if he couldn't see a thing and just mumble. As the days went on he started looking weaker and weaker. On the 17th of April 2013 he passed away. He woke up all of a sudden and again had that confused look, looked desperate like he couldn't breathe. I left the house I had some errands to do. A few hours later his dad called and said that he passed away. His mom explained to me that after that heavy breathing i got to see he got worse. She tried to calm him down call his name so he could come to his senses. He had a 24 hr nurse with him, the nurse said there was nothing they could do calling paramedics would not help. he called her out "ama" and threw up a bunch of brown blood and just passed away. The doctor explained to my mother-in-law that before dying he would be sleeping, wake up, he would be confused with heavy breathing and that, that was going to it.
It was very sad to see that, but its caused only by themselves.
he will forever be missed and remembered.
10 May 2013
Im sorry to hear that about your boyfriend. I know how u feel. My dad just passed away a month ago. He would drink every day and also had liver cirrhosis. when he passed away , we found out he had hepatitis A. I wish I can tell you how much time he has, but I don't really know. All I know is when u start coughing blood that looks brown, its pieces of ur liver. My dad went to the hospital all the time because he threw up blood. but this time he wasent so lucky. I pray to God that u do everything and anything to help him. please don't give up. my dad was just 52yrs old. I miss him dearly.
20 May 2013
Oh hun I"m so sorry and I do know what you are going through I went through ten years of it with my boyfriend. His drinking become excessively heaver over the years the more stress the more he drank. Until last year when his eyes got jaundice and stopped eating, throwing up blood, and coughing up blood and pillow case in the morning would be full of blood. He would sleep a lot during the day because he didn't sleep much at night his sleep pattern was off and he stopped working. So finally after going to the hospital twice the last time they took him in and did an endoscopy and he ended up staying for 4 weeks. His toxin levels were very high and they gave him lactolose to bring them down meanwhile he had a hard time in the hospital so they gave him narcotics that pretty much knocked him out.
Well finally got him out of the hospital and he went home with his sister and he needed 24 hr care which well he had a hard time after a couple days home he couldn't have a bowel movement so he went back to doctors and the doctor gave him 2 weeks to 2 months to live and one week later his lungs filled up with fluid and the hospice came and gave him morphine and within 24 hrs he passed away this was just a month ago, its been the hardest thing for me to deal with...
12 Jun 2013
My 36 year old son just was diagnoised with cirrhosis 2 weeks ago and also has congestive heart failure. He has a hernia that needs surgery. They want do it because of his health problems. He has seen a Dr 2 months ago and they said his stomach was huge because of the fluid from the heart. That was all wrong it was from the cirrohssis. They just found that out 2 weeks ago because he was seen for the hernia. It is so tragic. All you can do is take care of our self. My son drank for many years and I've talked to him many times about it. If they don't want help there is nothing you can do but to help or self. That's the reality or you will get sicker. I go to ala non that is what saves me. God bless take care of you..
30 Jul 2013
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my brother just 9 months ago to cirrhosis of the liver and he was only 29 years old. He was never formally diagnosed with the disease. We didn't find out about it until an autopsy was performed and it was concluded that was the cause of death. About a year before he died he started losing weight and muscle mass drastically. Looking back on it now that was the first sign that he was getting sick but at the time we didn't know. We just thought he was trying to lose weight on his own. The weight loss was the only symptom he had up until 1 month of his death. About 4 weeks before he died he started feeling sick but nothing more than flu like symptoms: weakness, ear ache, cough, etc.
He wouldn't go to the ER and we didn't force him because everyone (including himself) thought it was just a cold and to use over the counter meds. A day or two before he passed he started getting jaundice in his face/eyes, coughing up blood, loss of balance, always tired and slept a lot, swollen stomach, and unable to control his bowels. My parents were finally going to force him to go to the ER but when they went to wake him out of his sleep he was already gone. He had died in his sleep at 29 on 10/11/12. He was a drinker and had been for sometime but no one knew because he was so good at hiding it. I don't think there's a "time limit" on how long a person lives in the final stage. It all depends on the persons overall health, family history, if there's any other issues aside from the liver damage, etc. once my brother's autopsy came back it was learned he was in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. This was probably contributed to his drinking but point is his drinking contributed to other areas of his body not working right aside from the liver damage and could have sped up his death. Because my brother was never formally diagnosed with this and death was so unexpected, my family and I never got the chance to say our good-byes and thats something that is hard living with. He was here one afternoon and gone the next morning. I pray that whatever time you have left with your loved one, especially knowing they don't have much time, that you will grasp every second and use it wisely. Tell them anything and everything you'd like. After the person is gone you will never get that chance, and for situations like mine, I never got the opportunity at all. May God and peace be with you
2 Aug 2013
I am deeply sorry for all you are dealing with.
I lost my one true friend to this disease on the 31st of July, so this is very fresh to me.
She was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago and from everything I can gather during talks with family and friends, I was the only person in her world that knew. She sobered up for 4+ months and began drinking again after she realized there was no hope that she could receive Medicaid. I tried to encourage her otherwise, but being a recovering Alcoholic myself, I knew it was pointless. She kept it a secret from everyone else in her world, including her live in boyfriend. (I had NO idea that no one else knew) She slowly started showing all of the classic signs of end stages 4 months ago, itching, trouble breathing, darkening of urine, protruding abdomen (not obvious due to her previous weight), blacking out and confusion. Sadly, one of her blackouts led to a broken arm and she finally agreed to go to the ER and have it checked out. She was told she had top be admitted and went into a panic. this led to respiratory failure. They revived her, sedated her and placed her on a ventilator. Long story short, that's when the discovered how far gone she was. Several weeks later it was determined she had no electrical activity in her brain and the plug was pulled. It has been a horrible experience. I rest in the fact that she is no longer suffering.
At 5 years sober, I would like to offer you some insight into the Alcoholic brain to ease your mind and set you free. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to get him to stop drinking. At this point, his addiction is so progressed, there is nothing HE can do to quit drinking. Alcoholism is a disease. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quit alone. Being an Alcoholic was as painful to me as it was to those around me and maybe even more so. The shame, despair and anguish is sheer torture. I had to make the decision to quit drinking based on what little self love I had left. I had to have massive support to quit and dealing with every day life was a major struggle. It is still pretty tough even after that long. I am now and will always be one drink away from losing everything I have worked so hard to rebuild. It's lifelong.
You have no fault in this whatsoever. I agree with all of the posts that say to care for yourself now and do what you have to do in order to have peace in your world.
Knowing this, I never preached to my friend. I was always there to listen to her feelings and what she was going through and to offer my love. I would have gladly helped her clean, shop (for anything BUT alcohol), or anything else that needed to be done, if she would have let me. She wouldn't because of her shame.
I hope this helps you have some insight on this.
Say the Serenity Prayer as many times as you need to daily. It truly helps.
Sending you love
28 Sep 2013
You are living my life. My best answer to you is take care of you. Find a small pleasure or time just for you everyday even if it is a 15 minute walk. I know how you feel i want to run the other way. This disease is so awful to watch, i have done everything in my power to get him good medical care. But if the patient doesn't do everything in their power to try and get better, it's not your problem. I don't know how much longer he will live i ask myself that question everyday. We only have to day. If you can run, i have children or i would have left a long time ago, still i am always trying to figure it out. You are not alone or selfish
21 Nov 2013
I am sorry to hear what everyone is going through. I am experiencing this right now with my son's father. We are not married or nor do we live together. He has been a drinker ever since I met him. I have tried to tell him to stop. 1 week ago, he was given a second chance. He fell and his buddy called he ambulance. Everything is messed up. He was in ICU for 3 1/2 days. His spleen and liver are swollen. He has bruises, his veins nearly collapsed, he has cirrhosis, anemia, a polyp on his gallbladder, his hemoglobin was 4.2 when admitted, now as of yesterday it was 8.5. His blood is thin, everything is just screwed up. Thankfully after several prayers a day, he is improving. Still a long way to go and recovery will be hard. He cannot go living in the environment he was in. He told me he was scared. He looked death straight in the face and was very fortunate. Doctors say he is so lucky to be alive. We think it sunk it now.
He will be going to rehab for physical therapy too when he gets out..not back to that house. We are hoping we can get him more therapy so however much time he has left with us will be happy. Our son and myself cannot lose him! We lost my mom last year to kidney cancer, so I am not ready to lose someone else to something that he was so stubborn not to listen to anyone. If looking death in the face is what I took to help him, then I am glad the good Lord did not take him from last week. His jaundice is starting to get better. My heart goes out to all families and friends you are experiencing all this as well. Be supportive and and lots of prayers. Prayers work in the most unusual ways that I have experienced with other family members. God Bless !
21 Nov 2013
My mom passed of cirrohosis in 88... she never even told anyone she had it, I am not even sure if she new... she only drank beer but a huge about daily..she use to run away from home and leave me with my dad who abused me etc... and then would call and beg to come home only to repeat the process of coming and going again..my sis raised me... and I lost her in 2010 in my apt of heart issues... I am so sorry but he is being very selfish..he has family etc... my mom passed on xmas day 88... I just remember her always holding her side constant... her stomach was huge..but I was little at the x and when she passed, I was in my 20's so it's kinda hard to predict how long..but him drinking is just adding fuel to the fire... did u ever consider asking him to go to counseling with u to talk about this... I truly believe some people turn into alcoholic's do to ptsd me included... I don't drink anymore though... but drank excessively for almost 2 yrs do to father's abuse and other tramatic issues..I think maybe if he doesn't want to go to counseling maybe u should and get some support and be able to vent to help yourself stay strong... in the mean time I sure would try and reason with him and ask him to get help even give him an altamatime that if he doesn't your leaving... if he get's so type of help who no's they could possibly make him live a bit longer... but he really has to stop drinking NOW... I would talk to his doc's an ask them every and all ?'s that r on your mind..so so sorry u r going through this... SENDING PRAYERS YOUR WAY...
2 Jan 2014
I'm in a very similar boat as you and I just can't take it anymore, but at the same time I can't do anything about it either. The doctor told my father that he has cirrhosis a little more than a year back and told him that even smelling alcohol is a sin for him, so drinking it is completely out of the question. Obviously, he's been drinking like a mad man ever since, not caring about me or my mother and what we are going through. He drinks in the morning, sleeps, then drinks again in the evening and sleeps. Repeat the next day.
I've tried talking to him, but we just end up fighting.. a lot, so I realised theres no point. You can't help someone if they don't want to help themselves. Its become very, very hard living in the same house as him and seeing my mom the way she is, so honestly as much as I hate to say it, even I'm just waiting for the day his body finally collapses. Its amazing that he's come as far as he has, seeing his condition. He obviously isn't enjoying the life he is living right now, he's just going through the motions and literally suffocating his family with each passing minute, without a care in the world. Dear God please either make him stop having alcohol (not that it will save him now, but at least we'll be able to have some family time), or just take him away peacefully. Please.
6 Jan 2014
My wife was an alcoholic who had end-stage liver disease. She was first diagnosed with it over nine years ago at age 46. She suffered greatly, exhibiting most of the symptoms. At age 51 she took her last drink because she had a massive stroke. At age 55 she died; the liver disease had continued to progress. I just pray your boyfriend stops drinking now. I experienced so much from being her care-giver, and I wish this on no one else, it was so difficult.
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