My husband of 44 years of age was an ex heroin addict about 10 years ago, and has been on the methadone program,. He is down to 25mg, and is taking testosterone shots due to his low testosterone level. We just got married on Feb. 12 this year, and have had sex twice since then. We didn't even consumate the marriage. Even when we had sex, I did all the work, and no intercourse. I have a very high sex drive and he won't even try and make me happy, even though he likes to receive oral sex and says he likes to give it. I will give it to him, but he says he has no drive to reciprocate. I feel like I am getting nothing out of this relationship. I give him massages, and bj's all the time, and he does get erections, and has only given me oral sex once, and when he did, he pressured me to hurry up , which didn't make me orgasm since I can't when I feel pressured. I can and have given him oral sex with nothin in return because I love him and have gone on for over an hour each time, but when he's done it to me, he won't do it for more than 5 minutes and I feel like I'm on a timer. I also give him massages for over an hour, and when he gives them to me, he stops after ten minutes at the most. He says he loves me and has never been maried before although he has 3 kids from different mothers. He has grown up on the streets and is one of those bad boys, but he has never abused me physically in any way, however I feel that this is pshycological abuse and makes me feel guilty , using the methadone as an excuse. He is on such a small dose, and with the testostorene injections twice a week, the doctor says that this should more than help offset the methadone, and give him his sex drive back. Due to his lifestyle (he has done some illegitimate things, and we are total opposites, but does not do that type of thing anymore and is really trying to live a legitimate life), but we are from total different sides of the track. I was brought up in a proper family, with manners and although I wasn't very wealthy, I owned my own home and was independantly wealthy. When I met him, he had nothing. In the last year we have spent over 250,000.00. When we met, he lived with his parents, and young son. I don't know what to think anymore. I know it wasn't due to the money becaue he didn't know I had it until about 8 months into the relationshp when he proposed to me. I never tell any dates that I have money, and purposely don't drive an expensive car or wear expensive clothes because I have been used for my money in the past. I don't beleive I'm being used because like I said, he didn't have a clue that I had money and I never spent it except after he propsed to me and was quite shocked that I had this much money. He has a young son and wanted so badly out of his parents home, as well as a female figure for his son because the mother is another crack addict and he has sole custody but will not let his son see his mother due to her habit and the way she makes her money to support her habit. I'm about 5'4 and considered very attractive, am about 130 pounds, which isn't overweight , but not skinny either. He's about 6'6 and says he can't preform oral sex on me due to his height, which I don't buy into because I've always dated men that size, not because I wanted to , but it just happened that way.
I don't know what his problem is because he keeps blaming it on methadone, yet the doctor says he is on such a low dose and with the testosterone, he should have a sex drive,. I feel like I get nothing out of this relationshp because all the things I used to love to do, and that he told me he liked to do, he won't do with me, such as dancing, going to live theatre, taking walks, movies, going out to dinner. Even when we go out to dinner, which is basically the only thing we do , maybe once a month if I'm lucky, he reads a newspaper and I sit there alone. I've been angry at him for doing this because I feel ignored and rude that he is reading and doing puzzles while we wait for our meal. He then rushes me out ,and I rarely even get to finish my meal. My life consists of cleaning for him, taking care of the house, and his son (who calls me mom), his laundry, and basically feel like an unpaid maid. He is very old fashioned and has a huge ego and ;pride and refuses to let me work, becauise he thinks it's his job to take care of me and protect me. He has a bad temper,and when I start to talk about how unappy I am, he starts to yell, and due to his size and his ability to intimidate me, I just cower and don't raise my voice. He has thrown things, broken things, and said he will break everything around me, but will never hurt me physically. I left my adult kids in another province because I really fell for this man, and figured my kids are all in their mid twenties and are all getting their phd's and basically have their life there. I am new to the province and do not have one friend. He moved provinces because he couldn'tg stand the fact that his parents always told him what to do and felt they treated him like a child, and in many ways, he is one, because he refuses to take responsibility for many things, and procrastinates to the point that he has lost a lot of money due to missed deadlines, etc. We are now broke and he's totally stressed over this, but I also noticed when the money was gone, he started to treat me differently, which I dont' understand because when we met , I made him beleive I didn't have any. He wants to open up an escort agency , and although I am against it, he has done this in the past and was very successful with it, but due to his heroin habit in those days, he lost everything. I told him I would answer phones, even though I'm not happy with this business, but his attitude with me is that he doesn't want me tainted with anything and that I'm the only clean thing in his life and wants to keep it that way. I'm starting to think that our non existant sex life is psycholgical and it's almost like the men , who when their wife have a baby, look at her as a mother and can't touch her sexually anymore. I read something about Elvis Presley being that way and have researched this enough to know that some men are like this. I feel totally alone, very sexually frustrated, and basically stay home and cook, clean and watch his son. When we first met, the fist 6 months , we had a great sex life, and he was on a higher dose of meth back then so I know it's not the methadone. After he proposed, the sex started to diminish to the point that since we got married this February , we have had sex twice, and it wasn't anything to brag about because I didn't even orgasm. I know he loves me, and he makes gestures and does little things like bring me flowers, and that sort of thing, but I dont' know what the problem is and if its' psychological. Every time I bring up that we should go to a marriage /'sex counsellor, he gets very angry , yet I don't beleive I can stay in a sexless marriage and am considering leaving him, except I have no skills, all my money is gone, and am basically being held hostage becasue he's bringing in the money and I have nowhere to go. I've been in abusive relationships before, and my kids were against me marrying someone after knowing them for only 8 or 9 months, but in the beginning things were so awesome and I thought I found my soulmate. I do know he loves me and it's just one of those things that a person knows. He is extremely protective of me, but not controlling. He cares about me , but I'm starting to think he's not attracted to me sexually. I dont' beleive he's havingg an affair because all the people in his life, have told me he is very loyal to the women in his life , who he happens to be with and because of the way he is, I know he can't have sex with someone he has no attraction to. I'm 45 and still turn heads and get hit on all the time, yet my own husband wont' even touch me. Even when we go to bed at night, he turns his back to me, instead of cuddling, and listens to these radio shows he's hooked on, and I feel that I'm not even getting attention in bed,. No passion, no romance, and I can't count the amount of times, I have come on to him and been rejected, or have taken his hand and put it on me, with him taking it away after a few minutes. He wont even touch me, and I've told him even if he won't have sex, its' fun just trying to be intimate. In the morning, we'll have our morning coffee and he ignores me and reads the paper. I feel like we've been married for 60 years. My parents have been married for over 53 years and are still lovey dovey, and hold hands, kiss, etc. He won't even hold my hand in public, or kiss me. He is tounge tied, and has promised me he would get it snipped because he uses the excuse that his tounge is small to not kiss me, but it's been 6 months and he refusess to do it. Can this be methadone relatated or is something psychological going on here, because I'm ready to leave this marriage even though I love him so much. I just can't bear the thought of sexless marriage and one where there is no more romance. I'm middle aged and feel trapped in a marriage where a man does love me, but won't touch me. I feel like we're roomates and not lovers. Any suggestions, especially with the methadone situation would help