I’ve been on 10mg Citalopram for 7 weeks now. The first couple weeks were rocky and I’d say it took until 6 weeks to ‘settle’. I had some good days in that time and a lot of my bad days probably do come from a fear of taking medication.

Last week I had the most active week I’ve been able to have in easily 8 months with little to no anxiety out and about where before I would have struggled. Especially as autumn is my worst time. There have been some days where my anxiety doesn’t really peak above a 3, where as before the medication, I’d at least experience an 8 once a day. (10 being complete panic). My sleep started improving too.

I’ve spoken to two doctors who’ve had conflicting advice - one (who’s a partner at the surgery and also a GP trainer) said she’s happy for me to stay at 10mg and it would probably take 12 weeks to get the full effect. The second I spoke to at my second review has interests in mental health but isn’t a mental health doctor, said I’d have felt the full effects by week 6 and should up the dose as I was still experience quite bad anxiety at night.

Today, it’s like a switch flicked again and I feel quite anxious, more about a fear of going downhill again and losing all I’ve gained than panic over the present, if that makes sense. I always relapse in November, so I struggle with this month and feel I need to get through it without relapse to prove I’m recovery, so I’m so afraid when I feel bad. It’s also such a contrast no, as I have better days than I have in ages.

Is the Citalopram working for me but it is just too low a dose to really kick the high anxiety (I know I won’t be rid of anxiety completely)? I’m petrified of upping the dose