My husband has been experiencing Ed for about 6 months. He is 74 and claims it is his age. He is on BP medications and cholesterol meds. He refuses to talk to his doctor and won’t see a urologist. He says there is no help for him.
Men can be so stubborn, but we love them anyway. It also sounds like he is afraid to talk to his doctor about it.
My husband is 63 has ED and Low T. At first he refused to go to a doctor or even discuss it. That was 18 months ago. Nothing I said or did would change his mind. So, I started researching ED and Low T and reading everything I could get my hands on.
Once in awhile the subject would come up and I would cautiously and kindly approach the subject with factual information I had learned and left it at that. I didn't bug him about it, push him to go to the doctor or say anything to him about it unless he brought it up. I acted as if I had no interest in it and did my own thing.
Gradually, my husband started to come around. He started asking me more questions about ED and Low T. When I gave him factual information, he always challenged me, and asked where my information came from. I kept a notebook of all the websites and articles I had read so when he asked I could refer him to the websites and he could read it for himself if he wanted.
Eventually, he started reading the articles I referred him to and he started to realize I knew what I was talking about.
One day my husband just up and announced he was going to the doctor to discuss his ED and Low T.
I was thrilled, however, I played it low keyed and said "that's wonderful" and left it at that. I had already been through month and months of encouraging him and supporting him and trying to be sympathetic to no avail and listening to his promises that he would see a doctor. Thus, I wasn't confident he would go to the doctor at all.
He started by finding a doctor on his own, online and doing his appointments through teleconferencing. I suppose this wasn't quite as frightening as seeing a doctor face-to-face in a live setting.
After talking with this doctor a couple of times this doctor told him he wanted him to have a complete blood work-up done plus other blood tests at the same time and they would go from there. Thyroid (all 5 tests) was a big one. Make sure they do all 5 if he has blood work done. You have to tell them to do it.
My husband agreed and had a multitude of blood tests done. The results were he had very low T. Nothing else was wrong with him except for high blood pressure, depression and arthritis in his hip. I'll get to that in a minute.
This doctor then told him he would have to see a doctor in person in order to be treated as there are several options to treat Low T. This doctor had already ruled out physical ED problems.
So, my husband found a doctor here in town who supposedly dealt with Low T and ED (I'm not so sure about the doctor or his nurse practitioner,) and made an appointment. He waited 6 weeks to see the local doctor. When he went for his scheduled visit, someone had changed his appointment and set him up with the nurse practitioner, but still charged him for seeing the doctor. Instead of my husband saying something, he just saw the nurse practitioner instead.
Instead of addressing ALL of my husband's concerns, this nurse practitioner only addressed his Low T even though he had told the lady who he made the appointment with what he wanted to discuss with the doctor (my husband had brought all of his blood work results with him) and SHE told him he needed to start Low T injections starting that day and continuing them for the next 9 weeks. One shot every week at the doctor's office for the next 9 weeks. They gave him the shot and he left. I usually go with my husband to ALL of his doctors appointments, he likes me to go with him and, I ask questions, especially if the doctor says something that I don't understand. My husband just sits there half listening to the doctor, doesn't ask questions, and then gets mad because he thinks the doctor held something back from him. This time I decided not to go and he didn't ask me to. If I had things would have turned out way different.
One day before he was to receive his 2nd shot, he read an article on the internet which said, after a man completes the first 10 weeks of injections, they must start on another treatment for another so many weeks, etc.
At that point my husband became extremely angry and said he wasn't going back (He does NOT have health insurance and he is unemployed and still is) because we can't afford it. We can, he doesn't want to spend the money and it's just another excuse not to go. He had already paid $175 for the office visit with the local doctor, and $85 for the vial of Low T medication, plus 4 online consultations and $300 in blood work. He received 1injection the day of his appointment and was to receive 9 more, which he refused to go back and take because each time he went back it was a $30 office visit as the doctor would NOT give him a prescription for the Low T meds so he could give himself the shot. Low T injections are considered a controlled substance, at least in California.
Anyway, that has been 7 weeks ago and he hasn't gone back.
Prior to this he was diagnosed with high blood pressure and depression and he also has arthritis in his hip which is very painful. He was placed on Cymbalta 30mg (a very low dose) once a day for the depression and the arthritis in his hip. He was placed on 10mg of lisinopril once a day for his high blood pressure. This was in 2012. He was doing great, however, in 2017 he lost his job and in 2018 he took a job out state for a year, thus he had to find another doctor. This doctor, who didn't know him or his history, promptly upped his lisinopril from 10mg to 30mg saying his blood pressure wasn't under control. He was doing just fine before he left from where we live to go to work out-of-state.
By the time he returned home, a year later, he had ED and very Low T.
Come to find out Cymbalta and lisinopril (for high blood pressure) both cause ED and low libido. Plus he doesn't exercise, he's overweight, he doesn't eat right, he has sleep apnea and he rarely gets 8 hours of sleep. ALL of this also contributes to ED. However, he doesn't smoke and he rarely drinks.
Since my husband does NOT have health insurance and is unemployed he refuses to go back and take his Low T shots (btw, he never called the doctor or nurse practitioner to find out what he had to do after he finished his 10 weeks of Low T shots. He just took the article he read on the internet that said after you have the 10 weeks of Low T shots you have to have another series of shots at face value, got angry, and quit going to get his shots.
Personally, as his wife of 42+ years, I don't believe lack of money is the total reason he has quit taking the shots. He had already started feeling better with just ONE injection of Low T.
My apologies for the book I seem to be writing, however, it is the background to information I'm trying to give you.
After he stopped with one injection, he searched the internet high and low trying to find a source of this Low T medication so he could give himself the injections. He couldn't find any legitimate sources.
He finally called the online doctor back and asked him if he would prescribe the medication. This doctor said he couldn't as the state of California will not allow online doctors to do so. He did tell him that it was allowable if the doctor he was seeing locally agreed to give him the prescription for the Low T meds and the syringes, he could do it himself. My husband has never called his local doctor's office back to find out if they would do this.
So, he spent a couple of weeks researching what "supplements/vitamins" are "supposed" to "help/cure" Low T which in any case is the cause of ED.
After researching this he found what HE was looking for and ordered a 6 month supply of these "supplements/vitamins."
These are not cheap. For what he paid for them, he could have had the Low T shots in the doctor's office since he has already paid for the medication and would only pay for each office visit. So far, I have not seen any improvement. He still has ED, Low T, very low libido, severe depression and angry most of the time.
I have read articles which say Low T injections can take up to 6 months to raise a man's testosterone levels. I am not hopeful these "supplements/vitaments" are going to help my husband.
That being said, men do NOT like to be pushed into doing anything or being told what to do. I'm sure you are aware of this.
My advice to you (yes, I'm finally getting to that) is to ignore him about his ED. Don't bring it up. For him, it may be his way of feeling he is in control ( I know my husband does,) and the more you say the more he is going to dig his heels in and resist going to the doctor.
Do encourage your husband to exercise and eat healthy, but don't force the issue. If you have friends you go out with and do things with, schedule times to get together and do things together.
Your husband could also be suffering from depression.
You didn't say what medication or what dosage your husband was taking for his high blood pressure or his cholesterol. Go to Drugs.com and put each of his medications in to see what the side effects are and not just the "known" side effects. Doctors forget they need to stop and discuss the many side effects of our drugs and like one of my doctors told me, "we rely on the pharmacists to tell you about any side effects or drug interactions." I don't agree with his statement, but unfortunately many doctors feel this way.
Something else to consider - depending on how well you know your husband's doctor, if you are comfortable with this, and if your husband's doctor will do it, CALL your husband's doctor and talk to him about this or if necessary, make an appointment and go talk to him.
ED is not always a sign of Low T or depression. ED has also been linked to heart problems.
If your husband has a cardiologist, maybe he will go see him/her and get an echogram done to make sure his arteries are not clogged. Something to think about.
Many men are embarrassed to discuss ED and Low T with their doctors even though it's a subject doctors hear about all the time. I know it took awhile to get my husband to just call an online doctor and then it had to be HIS Decision, not mine.
I truly feel for you because ED is something that affects both of you. I know from my perspective, I tried for several months to be very understanding and supportive, however, there came a time where I could no longer be either of those because and I still do feel that my husband is being obstinate and hard to get along with (it's part of his nature).
That is when I decided to just back off and not bring up the subject any longer or even act interested. Strangely, ignoring the subject and acting disinterested seemed to get his attention more than anything.
I strongly suggest, if your husband will do it, to get a complete physical, a complete and full blood panel work up and that echogram. Rule out any Physical problems for his ED. If none are found, maybe TALK THERAPY (if he will go) would help him. Many times things are bothering us and we keep them inside, sometimes we don't even realize what is bothering us. Bottling things up inside you can cause all kinds of physical and mental problems.
My heart and my prayers are with you in this challenge you are facing. This is a tough situation to be in. Please educate yourself on ED, Low T, the effects of high blood pressure and high blood pressure medications, plus any drug interactions that may be going on with your husband's medications. Also, heavy smoking, drinking and obesity contribute to ED.
My best to you and I hope to hear from you again.
I apologize for the extremely long answer. I am a bit of a "story teller" and it takes me awhile to get to my point. God Bless.
There's always hope! But he dies need to talk to his doctor to be checked like blood work etc..prostate... He is probably feeling there is no hope but why give up if there could be some hope. Keep trying to get him to call his doctor. I wish you the best!
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