... he refuses to discuss it with me. However, he wakes up at night and does the job himself manually. I have never told him I know this. How can he do this yet is unable to have intercourse?? How is this possible?
Erectile Dysfunction - My husband cannot maintain an erection. We have not had sex for 8 years and?
Question posted by Very hurt on 16 June 2013
Last updated on 10 June 2021
My husband has erectile dysfunction after prostate cancer surgery, he cannot get an erection at all, NOTHING, and refuses to even touch me. I've talked to him about seeing his doctor, but that goes nowhere, what am I suppose to do, sex is a part of my being.
I think there is more to it than you had thought. You can email me xflo147 @ yahoo com for some advice.
There can be so many things, physiologically and mentally and emotionally going on, but, my best estimate, based on my own experience, is that he could have veins too small to maintain an erection, yet Cialis works long and strong enough for masturbation, but not intercourse. Might want to consider injections (Edex, etc.) Works great. The point is, have to get professional help, and there is help for this. It will require action, and open mind. But, life can be good again. Don't give up, and find ways to open communication. It is tough, but, doable.
I had prostate cancer surgery to remove my prostate a year and a half ago. Since then I can have an orgasm but I can't maintain an erection. Losing the prostate can be traumatic and he could be masturbating to find out if he can still have an orgasm despite not having an erection. I found it hard to tell my partner but we have talked about it. Before seeing a marriage counselor, I would STRONGLY advise going with him to see a urologist to see if there is a physical problem. I use Cialis and it kinda works. We haven't found the solution yet but we're looking. Good luck.
Just because he can't get an erection does not mean he can't have an intimate relationship with you. He is probably ashamed and hopes you just don't want any sex. He could have a medical problem that can be fixed, but he is chosing to ignore it. He is probably not hard enough for penetration, but has some response.
Hi Very hurt,
Even if you cannot have sex there are other things you can do. You can have oral sex especially if he is taking care of himself that should work. You need to find a way to talk to each other about this it's important. Sometimes just talking helps you see how you both feel about the situation.
Good luck and take care,
Hi Very hurt,
Be bold but don't tell him you know what he is doing, not yet. Drag your husband to a marriage counselor! He needs to open up about his feelings and talk, as you know. I think a counselor would be your best idea.
He is obviously having a problem with something yet he won't share it with you, so make an appointment and tell him where to show up! Be courageous and find that marriage counselor tomorrow.
I wish you all the best,
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