I have a disease called Peripherial Neuropathy. I was exposed to Agent Orange while serving with the USMC as a 0311 GRUNT. My company while on an operation in the DMZ was sprayed with Agent Orange, and we even had to drink H2O that had been sprayed as well. This disease causes pain in every cell in your body that is near the surface of your body. The only areas I have no pain is my hair. The pain is never always the same type or the same areas on my body and there is no known medical treatment or cure. I have no one who wants anything to do with me and I do not want to be institutionalized in a VA facility, where you are treated by infearior medical personel and even given medication that is infearior to the genetic medication at a normal drug store, so being treated by the VA Hospitals is rediculous if there is any other source available to you. My case, my available source stopped abruptly at the end of September 2010.
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I have pain flare ups that drive me close to suicidal methods of treatment that I know will work effectively as well as permenently. I can not live when this disease only gets worse everyday I am alive and have to deal insuficiently with it. Each day to me may be the best day I will ever have, because tomorrows may be my worse nightmare, and that is a fact not a guess. I have been treqated with Phentinol patches, the 100 for years until they no longer worked, I take 40 mg of Methadone a day along with pCabapentin 600 MG twice a day and two at bed time, I also take 25 MG of Quetiapine Fumarate at bed time to sleep, and Clonazepam 1 MG Tab four times a day, also a host of other drugs to regulate my ability to use the bathroom barely, because I usually have to do one thing in order to do the other one but find I'm unable to do either many times and go through panic attacks due to the problem that has been on going for eight years. I have some kind of very painfull thing on the back of my head that no one knows how to effectively treat it for the past 14 years. It fels as if it were a syst that actually moves if touched and it mkes you feel like you have a needle stuck in your scalp and it will become so painfull that I can not put my back of my head even on a pillow to sleep due to the increase of pain it will cause, that is asiode from the total body pain that gets worse at PM and to walk, is like walking bare foot accross a ceramic floor coverd with broken pieces of glass, even when I walk on a fully padded rug, it makes no differance in the pain I go through. I looked to see what new treatment they may have for treating people with this disease, but nothibg has been done in this medical area in the past 15 years that I have had this undiscribable nightmare of total body pain that never stops even when I sleep I am waken often by electrical shocking pains in my legs or feet or any other part of my body. The pain will get to the point where I have to wear "Golf Gloves" because I can not even touch my fingers together without feeling as if my hands and fingers have been stripped of all my skin. I'm unable to scratch a simple itch on any part of my body without feeling like I am ripping my skin from that area of my body. My eyes burn constntly, my mouth burns constantly, and my lips and th inside of my mouth as well. I can not touch my face, without feeling extreme pain, not just to the area I touvh but with the finger or hand I touch it with also feels the extreme pain. All the drugs I take make me almost unconscious, so I need to take stimulents to be able to be half awake. Wothout the riddelin I take for my ADD, a stimulent, I would never be in a conscious state, but be feeling overly druged constntly. Even on th dosage I take for ADD I find myself fighting to keep myself awake and half alert. I volantarily quit driving a automobile so I wouldn't be a danger to others on the road, but not being able to drive, I have to depend on others to get to doctor appointments on time, which is very dificult to accomplish as I can not tell someone who is kind enough to take time out of their day to drive me 45 minutes to an hour both ways to get to my doctors. There is absolutely no public transportaion avauilable to or near me that I can use. To call a taxie would cost me more than $100.00 dollars to go to any doctors appointments, round trip, plus tip. The VA cut my ADD medication by more than 60%, when I have been on the same dosage for 15 years without any changes to it, for fear if I ask for amything stronger, I may be thought as being drug seeking. I can not go into a hospital without being treated like a criminal seeking drugs because I am a Vietnam combat decorated for galentry, as well as having been wounded four seperate times but only given one Purple Heart, they said the others were from friendly fire. A person in this position who would want to keep living would have to be considered insane, due to the circumstances I am faced daily with and the lack of any hope for improvement medically. No one wants to deal with me due to the pain I'm constantly in, and the constant need for care to do anything, or to go anywhere. I have ZERO QUALITY of life in my life. Everyday it gets worse, not better. That is not being negative, it is a fact of my life and how I have to live it. tried twice to overdose with all my medications but even though I took more than enough, I have such an incredible tolerance to all the drugs I take, all I did was sleep for three days and no one knew I even tried to take my own life, until I told them I had no medication left and if I told my doctors what I did, they would refuse to treat me anymore, and want to have me put away in an in-house facility until I die. Now tell me what problems you have? I want to die and can't. Dying would be a gift to me, as I suffer 24/7 without any relief from pain that no one can believ let alone undrstand, nor want to deal with or have anything to have to be responsible for me. My own family doesn't want me living with them. I'd live alone, I can easily afford it, but how do I get to my doctors appointments and home again, or to the store to buy food or fill my perscriptions? No one wants me as another problem in their lives as today people are preplexed with the problems they already have without adding to them. I don't own a gun, but wish I could get one. That would be my greatest gift and literally the answer to my and everyone who I live with greatest gift I could receive. My family won't get one for my death.I literally don't want to keep having to pray to God every night, asking Him to please bring me home, or please do a miracle and heal me of this horiffic dalima.
