i really care about him, ALOT. But im so scared hes gonna end up doing something and overdose or something, i fear for his life, i cant just up and walk away, i really wanna help him but i dont know what to do, i told him how it bothered me that he did these drugs and he told me he would stop 1 day for me, but idk anymore :/
I'll just give you the facts and let you decide what you think is best... First and most important: Nothing, and I mean nothing you say or do is going to make him quit so don't even try (you'll just drive yourself crazy)... Second, even when he gets to the point where he truly and with all his heart wants to quit he may not be able to...
He may go to treatment/counseling/psychiatrists/12 step groups/religious groups and still not be able to quit. He may OD and nearly die from his addictions, he may lose everything he holds dear over and over again and still not quit. The point I'm trying to make is that until he's had enough he will continue to use drugs, it's just that simple.
I put my wives, kids, friends, family, employers, and anyone else you can possibly think of through hell for well over 20 years with my alcohol and drug addicition. I lost all my material possesions several times, cars, houses, apartments, jobs, lost all respect for myself, lost my dignity, went to prison, jail, the VA psyche ward numerous times and still didn't quit. I wound up homeless and living in an abandoned, burned out building in a north saint louis ghetto, and still didn't quit.
I'm agnostic but I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. and one day I had what I guess you call a "moment of clarity" where I saw the misery, sadness, and pain I had caused myself and other since the age of 13 when I started drinking and drugging. I quit all booze and drugs that day, went and got on medication for anxiety and depression, started talking to a VA counselor and have been sober ever since. Here's my point, I used and abused drugs and alcohol for 25 years before I finally had my moment of clarity and sobered up (sometimes that moment never comes), For at least the last ten years of my drinking and drugging I would have sold my soul to quit, but couldn't - until my perspective changed.
The bottom line is you need to do what's best for you, try out Al-Anon or another support group for people in relationships with alcoholics/addicts, they're in your local phonebook and even have meetings on the web. I don't know how long you guys have been together, if you have kids, or anything else about your situation, but unless you are a strong enough person to endure years of the misery I detailed above, you've always got the right to leave and don't look back.
Hope this helps... Post if you have other questions, maybe my wife can answer them better from the co-dependent side of the relationship. Hang in there! Colin Zimmermann
he will take you down with him long before you can pull him out.. he can only stop when he is ready and then he should go to detox and rehab..this is not a good situiation and you need to be very careful.. has it occurred to you that you could be with him when he finally gets arrested or kills someone else or himself? sometimes we have no choices no matter how much you care about him.. do you want to be the one who finds him after a heart attack from speed? just remember he can't stop for you .. he can only stop for himself.
xanax and pain meds are very often used together and you are right.. you should be afraid for his life.. does he drink alcohol as well? this is a recipe for disaster... you have to remember that he will NOT stop for you.. the only way he can stop is if HE WANTS to stop.. and when he uses, you are not talking to the person you are talking to the pills.. just as if he were an alcoholic.. you would be talking to a bottle not him when he is drunk.. i know how it feels.. i was once married to a drug addict/alcoholic.. and he ended up killing himself the day our divorce was final...
my best advice to you would be to get him into therapy. where do you live? i am a therapist in a small town north of NYC. and i went back to school for addictions just because i didn't want to be fooled again..like i was by my husband..who, by the way said he would stop also..
you cannot do it for him.. and he cannot do it for you.. he has to make a committment to himself to stop and go to detox.. it is very dangerous to detox yourself from those drugs..they also slow your respirations so if he does too many of them at once he could go to sleep and not wake up..he is playing a dangerous game and if you stay with him it can only be if he sobers up... if you stay there will be a lifetime of grief... this doesn't just go away..is there something else he is self medicating for? good luck.. i added you as a friend so we can speak privately if you like.. i can identify with what you are going thru..also... if he is doing speed he can die of a heart attack.. what he is doing is going up and down with these meds and his system won't be able to handle it... jill
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