i really care about him, ALOT. But im so scared hes gonna end up doing something and overdose or something, i fear for his life, i cant just up and walk away, i really wanna help him but i dont know what to do, i told him how it bothered me that he did these drugs and he told me he would stop 1 day for me, but idk anymore :/
My boyfriend is addicted to drugs like xanax, loratabs, speed.. please help?
Question posted by kaylabby10 on 3 May 2010
Last updated on 6 May 2010
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3 Answers
jillinthewoods
5 May 2010
xanax and pain meds are very often used together and you are right.. you should be afraid for his life.. does he drink alcohol as well? this is a recipe for disaster... you have to remember that he will NOT stop for you.. the only way he can stop is if HE WANTS to stop.. and when he uses, you are not talking to the person you are talking to the pills.. just as if he were an alcoholic.. you would be talking to a bottle not him when he is drunk.. i know how it feels.. i was once married to a drug addict/alcoholic.. and he ended up killing himself the day our divorce was final...
my best advice to you would be to get him into therapy. where do you live? i am a therapist in a small town north of NYC. and i went back to school for addictions just because i didn't want to be fooled again..like i was by my husband..who, by the way said he would stop also..
you cannot do it for him.. and he cannot do it for you.. he has to make a committment to himself to stop and go to detox.. it is very dangerous to detox yourself from those drugs..they also slow your respirations so if he does too many of them at once he could go to sleep and not wake up..he is playing a dangerous game and if you stay with him it can only be if he sobers up... if you stay there will be a lifetime of grief... this doesn't just go away..is there something else he is self medicating for? good luck.. i added you as a friend so we can speak privately if you like.. i can identify with what you are going thru..also... if he is doing speed he can die of a heart attack.. what he is doing is going up and down with these meds and his system won't be able to handle it... jill
jillinthewoods
6 May 2010
i have read some of the other comments from people.. and they are right ..and coming from an alcoholic/al-a-non..perspective..you have to hit bottom and lose everything..and even then he may not stop. i can tell you from a therapists and ex wife perspective thaT under all this slef medicating is a problem..depression or anxiety.. whatever that feeds the need to self medicate.. and if there is a family history of alcoholism..there is a genetic component..i understand your committment to stay with him.. and the hope that it will change.. fasten your seatbelt ..it will be a bumpy ride...
the problem is.. in the meantime... what do you do... is there any way he will go to therapy or even just an evaluation.. maybe some legitamite medication can help him with the underlying problem and reduce the need for the illegal ones... it's a shame that he hasn't asked for help.. addiction is a very powerful thing..
you do what you have to... but try to get some kind of support system in place.. and make sure he cannot steal anything from you to buy all his drugs.. my husband sold all of my grandmothers jewelery and all of my mothers jewelery..both had passed... then all mine.. since he took things one at a time i didn't even notice..
so protect yourself.. physically and emotionally... i really hope he gets some help. the reason i take meds is b/c of pain management.. i have 6 herniated discs.. have had 3 back surgeries..2 shoulder surgeries on the same shoulder, and, after a car accident broke the shoulder blade(sameshoulder) so i am still walking around with a bone sticking into my shoulder.. i also have breast cancer which i only just startes treatment for... i have had a lumpectomy..now chemo and after that radiation.. i figure i should glow in the dark by the time this is all over... but i do have a real reason to take medications.. and am under the care of a pain management doctor.. i do not abuse them.. take them only as directed ... if you want to talk pls keep in touch.. let me know how you are doing..and i am here if you need to vent..jillinthewoods
jillinthewoods
4 May 2010
he will take you down with him long before you can pull him out.. he can only stop when he is ready and then he should go to detox and rehab..this is not a good situiation and you need to be very careful.. has it occurred to you that you could be with him when he finally gets arrested or kills someone else or himself? sometimes we have no choices no matter how much you care about him.. do you want to be the one who finds him after a heart attack from speed? just remember he can't stop for you .. he can only stop for himself.
kaylabby10
4 May 2010
ive thought about that and as stupid as it sounds, im willin to take them chances to get him help
colinzimmermann
3 May 2010
I'll just give you the facts and let you decide what you think is best... First and most important: Nothing, and I mean nothing you say or do is going to make him quit so don't even try (you'll just drive yourself crazy)... Second, even when he gets to the point where he truly and with all his heart wants to quit he may not be able to...
He may go to treatment/counseling/psychiatrists/12 step groups/religious groups and still not be able to quit. He may OD and nearly die from his addictions, he may lose everything he holds dear over and over again and still not quit. The point I'm trying to make is that until he's had enough he will continue to use drugs, it's just that simple.
I put my wives, kids, friends, family, employers, and anyone else you can possibly think of through hell for well over 20 years with my alcohol and drug addicition. I lost all my material possesions several times, cars, houses, apartments, jobs, lost all respect for myself, lost my dignity, went to prison, jail, the VA psyche ward numerous times and still didn't quit. I wound up homeless and living in an abandoned, burned out building in a north saint louis ghetto, and still didn't quit.
I'm agnostic but I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. and one day I had what I guess you call a "moment of clarity" where I saw the misery, sadness, and pain I had caused myself and other since the age of 13 when I started drinking and drugging. I quit all booze and drugs that day, went and got on medication for anxiety and depression, started talking to a VA counselor and have been sober ever since. Here's my point, I used and abused drugs and alcohol for 25 years before I finally had my moment of clarity and sobered up (sometimes that moment never comes), For at least the last ten years of my drinking and drugging I would have sold my soul to quit, but couldn't - until my perspective changed.
The bottom line is you need to do what's best for you, try out Al-Anon or another support group for people in relationships with alcoholics/addicts, they're in your local phonebook and even have meetings on the web. I don't know how long you guys have been together, if you have kids, or anything else about your situation, but unless you are a strong enough person to endure years of the misery I detailed above, you've always got the right to leave and don't look back.
Hope this helps... Post if you have other questions, maybe my wife can answer them better from the co-dependent side of the relationship. Hang in there! Colin Zimmermann
Inactive
3 May 2010
Wow, that was powerful and really accurate. I know you are concerned and want to help your BF get off the medications and what not, but, you are just as powerless to change him as he is over the mind altering substances. Al Anon is excellent for the family and loved ones of addicts/alcoholics and will teach you how to deal better with this situation. There are underlying issues and a genetic reason your boyfriend wants to kill the pain. No one just gets up one morning and self medicates themselves into oblivion. There are definitely emotional and physical reasons this is happening and he may not be able to see that. I come from a long line of alcoholics who died from alcohol. That is just on the side of the family I can trace, who knows what else lurks on the other side. You don't have to give up on him, but, do arm yourself with knowledge and your own support system. It will help you so much.
kaylabby10
3 May 2010
I dont have the heart to just up and leave him in that sitiation, im gonna stay and help the best i can, im a strong person so im sure i can deal with it, atleast try to deal with it
colinzimmermann
3 May 2010
You'll notice I never did say to leave him, that's none of my business if you do or don't... Just want you to know that a long, hard, dark road may lay ahead... Let me know if I can help, it took me every bit of 20 years to step back into the light. My wife might have some advice for you too. Add me as a friend if you like, I can give you my contact info.
kaylabby10
3 May 2010
thank you
kaylabby10
3 May 2010
thank you
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