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Scared and lonely
  1. #1
    vicky'L is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    hull. U.k

    Default Scared and lonely

    Just want to say a massive thank you to all who replied to me, some more than others although I am gratefully off all knowledge and advice, but please no more horror story's. I am bait of a wimp I'm not really sure how to use this site, so hope all of you who replied to my original post and have since gone back on and left my messages asking me to post again get to see this post. I am still waiting to go to rehab, which I've now found out is detox, so isnt just c/t as most of you said it wouldn't be....phew. The reason for the wait to get into detox is simply because there isn't any available beds, so it's a waiting game. I was on 25ml of methadone & 10mg of diazepam 2, 4x a day. I know this may not seem like a high dose of meth to some people but it was to me. I was like the living dead for the first few months of been on this stuff I've lost a lot of weight, was roughly 9 and a half stone, now I'm just under 8 stone, but the weight fell off me that fast in a matter of wks, this caused my appearance to seem a lot worse. At first I had to take it in chemist, which I hated, funny how I always used to say I don't care what people think, they don't know me, but when it actually comes down to it. I do care, when I was stood in the chemist waiting until no one was around to take it, but some one came in, it was that look!!! The one that makes you feel degraded... People are to easy to judge. I found it extremely difficult to do this everyday, I felt so ashamed, but needs must. Anyway after along time and for been a good girl I am now on take outs. I have got myself down to 16ml and 2 diazepam a day. I now have to go to support groups twice a week to show I'm committed to going to detox, when I've asked what happens to other addicts who have been before they tell me I'm probably best off not knowing. I will have to go out of town, quite a long way from home, and told that I could be in for 14-28days and that I will be weened off benzos' first then methadone. That is all the information I have, so anymore would be really appreciated as is all the info you have all given and all the lovely support. I'm so pleased I found such nice honest people on this site. I have asked about subutex and suboxone but they are people in my support group waiting to go into detox to get off subs, so really don't know what's best. I don't really know a lot about drugs, I know that may sound daft as I'm an addict, but I don't. I didn't even realise I was an addict mysel until I was in to deep, I knew I was taking a lot more then I should but I'd convince myself I hadn't taken all my tablets, that I must of misplaced them or lost them, even tho deep down I suppose I did really know I just didn't want to admit it. So I've been an addict for just over 6yrs. That's all I can tell u right now. Hope all is going well for you all over the pond I would buzz to come to America. Hope your all doing well xx
    Last edited by Anonymous; 07-29-2012 at 02:18 PM.

  2. #2
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    New England


    Dear Vicki,

    Ahh... what a relief for you to hear what this program is about! Yes, they will be detoxing you - and not all at once. Thank goodness. I've been through detox here in the US, and it is not nearly the nightmare that some will tell you. (Us addicts are wonderful about embellishing our hardships!) The staff generally keeps close tabs on your symptoms, and are able to provide medication to ease much of it. In the meantime, you will be surrounded by others who are in the same boat. That helps tremendously. I found it far easier to detox in a detox facility than to detox at home.

    In addition, you will be kept busy with groups, and that is a good distraction, rather than lying in bed and feeling every ache and pain. Soak in as much information as you can.

    I was much like you - was prescribed pain meds for chronic migraines, as well as valium as a preventative medication. I had no idea that I was becoming addicted, though I'd have fleeting thoughts of, "this might be a problem down the road for me...." But I brushed those thoughts aside, thinking it wasn't possible to become addicted to a pain med, when you really do have pain. That's a big lie. Actually, chronic pain patients are quite easily led into addiction, as it requires more med to get the same pain relief over time. It's all too easy to become dependent.

    This is a disease. You were not "weak" nor "bad" to become addicted. If it helps you, I have a post about this disease on this forum, that may help to explain info on why this is termed a "disease":

    It gave me great comfort when I learned this information, as I began to forgive myself for the mess I'd gotten into. It really started the process of easing the overwhelming guilt and shame.

    You will get out of your recovery exactly as much as you put into it. So if you treat it casually, going to just an occasional meeting, you won't find lasting success. I wasted a lot of time not taking it seriously, and my disease got much worse with each relapse. Finally, when the pain of my addiction became bad enough, I became willing to do whatever it took to get clean and stay clean. That's when I was finally able to stay in recovery.

    Please continue to post, we're very interested in how you're doing. You will be in my prayers, Vicky.

    God bless - from a Yankee in your corner,
    vicky'L likes this.

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

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