Hey team!

Just to start off with a little background, I have had previous episodes of depression, where I wouldn't get out of bed and sit in my room and wallow and become sad. Recently my anxiety got so bad that my frontal lobe was constantly throbbing to the point of extreme pain that I could only hold my head. I wouldn't be able to run outside, or even leave my room, with the irrational belief that someone is watching me. I am also on antidepressants, but I can confidently say I am not depressed (my major is Psychology) At this stage my frontal lobe is hurting quite a bit, this is the area of the brain that is associated with executive functioning and planning. I go from periods of anger about my current situation (living back at home aged 25, no girlfriend, ON MEDICATION, and haven't felt comfortable around being with friends). Personally I think I have been making the excuse of seeing my friends as an anxiety issues. This was true, as at one stage I had a panic attack before going to a friend's event. But today after returning to university I feel that my memory, recollection of events, even simple things like what I did in the day (when my parents would ask me what I did) I would have trouble recalling it, then I would worry about my memory fading then I would start crying. I also find that listening and concentrating to what people say has been proving difficult. I have always had an issue with this, ever since a little child, I've had tutors to help me out with subjects. I am extremely angry at the moment after coming out of a lecture, that my encounter with a new friend I just met (which seemed genuine) didn't make me feel positive at all after. On top of that, after writing a bajillion notes of all the lecture material I feel I haven't learnt anything - LIKE NOTHING IS GOING IN. I've also known to be a positive, outgoing person, who is easy to get along with and hang around. But I feel this medication is making me do the opposite. I fear I have a learning/attention/concentration disability which is also affecting my memory. I am very away of the self fulfilling prophecy, and that your thoughts are what you are. This might be true as I do tend to think a lot at times, so much so that I almost nearly gave up on life, because I thought of myself of just a lazy, stupid sod who isn't doing anything. Another side effect of the drug I've noticed Is a slight loss in balance, the stumbles and mild postural hypotension (that dizzy feeling you get when you abruptly stand up). What are your guys thought? I'm seeing the psychiatrist at the end of the week and I will copy this transcript for him to read. I've always been against medication however I am aware that it is needed in certain situations to alleviate symptoms of anxiety/depression or any other disorder. But this is just still constantly making my head hurt, my speech is becoming slurred at time, my voice breaks when I talk sometimes. So maybe my anxiety is manifestation in a different form, the form that I feel I am not confident or intelligent enough to speak aloud. This mere post is a representation of my anxiety of not being able to properly express and order my thoughts face to face like a normal human being.

Sorry to ramble on and moan but I was just interested in seeing what your thoughts are on these side effects.


Daniel Le Fevre