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Horribly depressed and wanting to pick up an extra vicodin.
  1. #1
    bipolarjenny is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Angry Horribly depressed and wanting to pick up an extra vicodin.

    Hi there,
    I am a 45 year old agoraphobic woman who takes about 7-8 vicodins a day because I am in deep denial and wont go to the doctor to get proper meds. How do I get myself out of this house? I am slowly killing myself. I smoke Marijuana, I take percocets when that is all my neighbors can supply. I am also taking them faster than they could give them to me. I received 120 7.5 vicodins a week and a half ago. I am down to my last one and I am not ready for what may be in store for me. I live with my husband and he is always working and really does not get involved. He gets what I ask for without questioning. I cannot find someone who has anymore. What the hell am I going to do now? I am bipolar and have been in my home for two years now. I have gone out a couple of times, never alone and always in a car. I feel safe at home. I guess I am just one of those people who inherited their parents pyschosis. My mom killed herself about 11 yyears ago. She threw herself from a building in NYC. I was a very successful accountant. I have been reduced to disability checks and not even seeing a doctor as required. I just want to know what the hell can someone do to help a worthless piece of rotten flesh like me? can I be helped? I am about to tell my hubby to please go to his brothers downstairs and get me one of his wards morphine pills cause the pain is too much. I guess I have been killing myself by not taking care of myself. I am bringing my hubby down and everyone else around me. I either have to do it already or get help. This is not living, I am just taking up space. I have not had any lithium or risperdal in about a year and a half so I have been going progessively worse. My doctor dropped me cause I did not show up for appt.s ever. How hopeless can a person be? I wish I was just gone already. My aura is so strong it brings people down so only brave souls should enter lest I also depress you. I dont know what I am asking for. It must be something otherwise I would not be here.

  2. #2
    Psyched is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008


    Wow! You certainly have yourself a mess, but I'm afraid that the only way you are going to get better is to stop abusing all of those drugs and start seeing a specialist about your problems. You realize that the self-medicating is not solving anything, so I hope others here with much more experience than I can help you taper off of the meds so that you can function enough to get the help you need. I'm sure Robert will see your post and hopefully provide you with some of wisdom concerning addiction. Listen to what he says and follow his suggestions, as he has literally helped thousands on this board. Good luck.

  3. #3
    bipolarjenny is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default how do I do that?

    Thanks for responding. You are brave. I feel hopeless since I am so afraid of leaving the house. I break out into hives and get diarrhea at the mention of going out. I am self medicating and the thing is these drugs are not making me better. I think of them as m&ms. It is truly pathetic as am I. I dont know how to stop what I am doing and I know I do have to stop. I want to also. I just have no clue whatsoever. I am afraid of withdrawls and since I do not even have a doctor I can call I feel truly screwed by myself of course. I am feeling this self hatred. It is stronger than I am as is my wanting cause I want them the pills. I have not found anything but fioricet and I hate those but not that much that I wont take one or two. I hate myself for doing it but cannot control my damn self. A grown woman with no self control. Pitiful. I thank you for your response. I will pretty much do what I must. I need help. I think I am just killing myself. I know. I was a cutter a few years back and have not done so but the urge to hurt myself not kill but hurt is strong. I wish for death I am too chicken to just do what my mom did. Thanks.

  4. #4
    Anonymous Guest


    Hi jenny

    I was addicted to pain pills to, and have suffered from panic attacts I could not leave my house for about a month,but I got over it.
    My oldest son is if you need someone to talk to about it.I'm around here all th time...
    you really can fix it all and ever thing will be OK

    Talk to you later, Melinda

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