... if anyone has commented on them, but there hasn't been anything, not sure why but I sure could use some kind of support, I just came home out of the hospitol, they said i almost died because my blood pressure went way down, and you know with all the pain from the rsd getting worse spreading all over and nothing helps, I just think why wouldn't they just let me die? I feel like I have nothing left in me to keep going. I guess I just need a friend
Depression - I have posted questions and some thoughts I have a couple weeks ago I often look to see
Question posted by judipe on 26 June 2012
Last updated on 29 June 2012
The information on this page reflects personal experiences shared by our community members. It is not reviewed for medical accuracy and should not replace professional medical advice.
13 Answers
judipe
28 June 2012
A comment just came up say ing my post is pending approval, I'm not sure what that means. if it didn't go through I want you all to know I did post.
DadsWatchinU
30 June 2012
You will get that a lot of times if you use Capital letters... such as: "I was SOOOO depressed"... in computer lingo, a lot of software is written to identify capital letters sometime as maybe being 1) Swear Words ) Negative Comments 3) Anything that may need to be monitored by the site. So dear friend in pain, be not alarmed, it is just the system itself, not an actual person, giving you that message,,, at times a real live person will go in to check to be sure that there is NO words or phrases that do not belong on a family friendly site. That said, this site does allow for us to pretty much say what we need to as long as you are not identifying how to make, distribute, or attain drugs in a unlawful manner or doing things of a illegal or for lack of a better work..vulgar nasty manner.
So please do not worry, we are here for you, and I think you should try the part of this site Listed a "Forum" also, that is where conversations really take off & people have real conversations for a very long time & even develop long standing friendships. Please check out the *FORUM* At the top of the page on the same line as the 1st thing you see is "My Profile" if you look all the way over to your left as you are reading... it is the last item, Forum-Discussion Board, once you are in the Forum there are options for what you want to have a discussion about just like here, but you can have much better & longer conversations... I would think you would do best chk'n the Depression to start, there are so many out there suffering sweetheart, i believe you can find understanding & support, maybe even answers there. Pls note* I am by no way trying to send you away from this area, just giving you more resources! Paying it forward is my mantra..God Bless & Good health to all my dear friends! love Mommanancy alone/w/out my husband... but/by my side always is my precious Lord & Savior ~Jesus/walking/holding me up w/HIS Grace Daily !
endlessPred
27 June 2012
Hello Judipe, there are many writers here who can relate to your level of pain. Many of us also relate to the depression a serious condition creates. You have been given lots of information and affirming thoughts about your feelings and condition.
There was one statement in your question that struck me. You wanted to know why they simply did not let you die. That despair I have had to deal with. I, too, have an incurable disease. My future will be to suffocate prior to my heart going out with congestive heart failure or the kidneys or liver fail again. So many choices, so little time! However, I have come to terms with this. To do so I have a DNR filed, you go through your doc for this. I have appointed a medical directive and a power of attorney. The medical directive is with a friend as the burden to my husband and daughter would be too difficult during a time of crisis for them. I have discussed this with my doctors and they agree with this.
I was informed that I could not survive CPR. So that is that.
This helped tremendously to have a plan and not let it all to fate. My disease, my responsibility. My worries reduced and I was in control of the only things left to me. I am telling you this because it is the answer to your question. you could contact Hospice and have them help you through this if you feel you are done with the fight. They handle pain well and withdraw all the extras. Again, you are in control.
If you want to keep going, then the therapist, antidepressants, anxiety reducing meds and whatever they can find for you is the course. Again, it remains your decision. That alone may well help you feel better: making a decision. You will be backed by us here no matter what you decide. Now is the time to do so. Please know we care. I care. Talk it out. I am listening. Karen
DadsWatchinU
30 June 2012
My precious endlesspred... Reading you comment I sit in my recliner alone in my living room, alone, with tears streaming down my face. What greater love can one have for their spouse & child (even a grown one) then to take care of all this in advance, to spare them the horrific & troubling issues of making these kind of decisions upon death of a loved one so close a a Mom, or Wife. So many people today worry only about themselves, their pain, their issues, not what effect it is having on their loved ones, let alone if they are terminal... what the family has to go thru after their death. If I had the opportunity I would love to just tell you in person (So I could hug you endlessly) how nice it is to actually hear someone be so unselfish & think of someone else instead of the "Me-Me-Me Syndrome which seems to have taken over our society in the last 25 years.
it scares me how much others in my own life are so self involved & don't seem to see beyond their own needs, see the pain & suffering all around them... some right in front of them, their own Mother that they have grown weary of her illness so just decided to ignore or determine that it is not real. If not for my faith in Jesus, & knowledge that He is with me every moment of the day, I would live in Fear beyond words due to the loneliness, not to mention the fear of the positive proof of the worsening sickness daily. To know you are dying & have no one to hold you & comfort you if frightening, to have not been touched (held, hugged, any kind of physical human interaction) makes the pain even more uncomfortable, just a small hug from my sweet grandchildren is really better then any pain med. Hugs vs meds any day for me, so count those Blessings you have dear as extras everyday, as many do not even have that to help them as they go thru what we are. My precious Soul you are so loved because you so loved and I pray that you know our Lord Jesus Christ as He too will walk with you also & make your days filled with His Grace as he has mine. God Bless your unselfish love for your family, for everyone you know, you are one of the few left that think of all the others 1st, as God commanded us to do, Love all others not as we love our self, but love them more! He was went ahead to prepare a place for us in His Fathers House, from only the few words I read, I believe He is preparing one for you in the Penthouse! :) God Bless you my Most Kind & loving Soul.I wish God's Grace upon you always w/love Mommanancy
Inactive
26 June 2012
Hello judipe, and again welcome to the site. I looked at your profile & you have asked several questions since April 12th, & you have received 34 answers. I don't know where you are looking but sevral of the people that have answered today also answered before. I can relate to your pain problems,& also my husband is bipolar with many many pain issues too. He too has thought of, & tried suicide, but thankfully was not succesful but not for the lack of trying so many times I can't remember how many. My point is that he always blamed his suicide attempts to the admitting doctor on his pain problems. The last time he almost died. I don't know what kept him alive, but he fianally got a psychiatrist that he got along with, & didn't believe him when he said it was due to his pain problems. This was about 10 years ago, & to this day he still sees the same psychiatirst for his meds & talk therapy.
His physical problems are too many to list, but they will be fatal as all of us start the dying process the moment we are born. Now most people don't want to get there any sooner than is at all possible, but wanting to is a big sign of trouble in your life. In your previous questions you listed that you suffer from depression, & that you have a psychiatrist. You also said you are on seroquel to help you sleep because of insommnia. I believe Pledge answered each & everyone of your questions so maybe you are not looking in the right place or something for the answers. You should be receiving email alerts whenever someone answers you. I friended you back in April, but you did not friend me back. I guess what I am trying to tell you is you are spreading your questions all out there. You should gather the info & put it into one so that we can recognize you when you ask a new question. As far as the wantng to die this time around, have you spoken to your psychiatrist about this? Doesn't he have an opinion? What meds do you take, & has your psychiatrist have you on any other psychiatric drugs beside seroquel? It would really help everyone to understand better if you would write all you info down as far as your meds, dr.'s, causes of pain etc... I thought I recognized your name today when I saw your question, & looked at your profile to make sure I had the riht person before I answered.If you are not on any psychiatric drugs for depression, I think you may not be talking openly with your doctor. If you are, & he isn't helping you then it's time to tell him so or change docs! I feel so bad for you, but you have to stand up for yourself too. Medication for depression is a good thing & has helped many of person who also suffer from chrontic pain.Dpression whether from all the pain you suffer or from just depression alone which is a disease in itself, can vary greatly from one indiviual o aanother. What works for one person may not help the next, & it may take a combination of more than on or two drugs to get you feeling better, but it can sucessfully be done. I also might mention that it takes these type of drugs a whil to work. A pain pill may work in 30 minutes or so, but depression meds can take upwards of 4 to 6 weeks of trying one & then another til you find the one that will help you. We are all here for your support, & wish you the best. There are so many different people on this site from all ages & all walks of life. Be strong & take what you can, & as a friend of mine tells me, leave the rest.Be honest with your doctor & let him help you & if he isn't find one that will. There is help out there you just have to do your part in finding it. If you want to friend anyone on this site, you have to go to your profile page & who you want to friend & type in their name in the space provided. Click on their Avatar & it will ask you if you want to friend them or not. They will be asked if they want to friend you back. Then you can ask them private questions too. I hope I have helped a bit to help you learn to navigate this site a bit. Also go to your profile page, & look at your questions & click on each one & you will see the other answers you received. You may not have set your email settings correctly if you are not recieving email notices that people have answered your question. In that case I have written all of this for naught! I wish you well, & hope you get these responses. Yes, we care! We are here just like you with problems, & try to help each other out. Best wishes to you...
outsidesue
26 June 2012
What are you taking? Something seems amiss. Depression is hard. Many of us here struggle with it. Keeps us posted and also our life is not ours to take. Keep in touch.
PhylomenaD
26 June 2012
You are not alone, my love. What is rsd? My name is Phyllis. Tell me; What is going on?
DadsWatchinU
26 June 2012
RSD: diffuse persistent pain usually in an extremity often associated with vasomotor disturbances, trophic changes, and limitation or immobility of joints; frequently follows some local injury. NOW... This is the "dictionary" explanation of the experience, but the people I've known w/this debilitating illness will describe it slightly different... TOTAL BODY PAIN W/O ANY RELIEF ! Pretty much what I've understood... apparently nothing really helps, pain meds no help etc., is why I gave her the response that I did, I hope & pray we can be of some support to this person. God Bless & Good Health... Mommanancy
Patiently Waiting
26 June 2012
I wanted to say I'm sorry I missed your post and I try to get on here at least once a day. Feel free to add me, I welcome the messages. Everyone has a purpose in life.. even if you don't feel or see it. I have been there. Please call your doctor and ask for help. I would highly recommend therapy because you should not be alone all the time. Therapy is not magic and cannot fix your pain or feelings but it does open the door to those terrible feelings you are holding in. Talk! We are not here to judge. Post and let us know what's going on.. and maybe you will feel a bit better. Please make you an appointment and ask your doctor for help.
Inactive
26 June 2012
Hello judipe. Do not feel slighted, for its often that questions/threads go unanswered for weeks or even months at a time. Some never do. Hopeing for better days, that they may pass your way. Very best to you, as you might see, people do care, pledge
balbanese
26 June 2012
Not sure why you didn't get responses, we are here for one reason, which is to help in any way we can. Letting you dieing is not an option, and I'm sure that's just your frustration talking. There is always hope, ALWAYS, and sometimes I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, sometime we just need to be reminded that it's there. Hope this helps and hang in there, we're here for you.
Billy
SoMuchPain
26 June 2012
I am sorry, I have been in so much pain from the RSD that I do no get to be on here. I know how you feel, there is no cure, nothing helps with the pain (unless you get an infusion) & no one knows how it feels but people who have it. Mine is fullbody and it is effecting my organs. In the hospital they have no clue how we feel... The only thing that keeps me goin is the ketamine infusions, and I am still waiting for the new place to open. It is the only thing that will take away the pain. I get very sad and lonely to, I talk to a lsw, but nothing helps the fact that my friends and family have left me once I could no longer do what they wanted hurts! I just try a hide my feelings, but I tink everyday what have I done to get this? and why can't I just die? I have thought of way's, I thought off going to the country that give's you a death vacation. I have one person stoping me my husband. But if I get reall bad I say were goin.
It's cheaper than the treatment! I know I should not say that... I am just letting you know we all have thought it. The pain makes you think a lot!! But we need to stay as positive as we can, stress is our enemy.
Yesterday, a kid threw a ball at my hip, I wanted to scream, but did not. His dad said sorry but the kids just laugh. I thought if those were my kids... Anyway I know how you feel is my point a plastic ball hurts and we just have to deal but I am here if you want to talk about it. I am sorry for the typos, my phone sucks & my computer is't working.
I hope your having a low pain day.
Yesterday, a kid threw a ball at my hip, I wanted to scream, but did not. His dad said sorry but the kids just laugh. I thought if those were my kids... Anyway I know how you feel is my point a plastic ball hurts and we just have to deal but I am here if you want to talk about it. I am sorry for the typos, my phone sucks & my computer is't working.
I hope your having a low pain day.
DadsWatchinU
26 June 2012
Brothers & Sisters in PAIN... Pls understand that I do not go around toting a Bible all the time & thinking it is the answer to everything & we do not have to do the work our self to help our-self, but seriously I do believe when your health is in this shape, your pain this great, (and I DO KNOW THIS PAIN PERSONALLY ) you must include, sorry, not just include, but make The Lord Jesus your LIFE LINE, your shoulder to lean on & your # Greatest Physician !! The scripture=
Matthew 18:19-20
“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” TO ME ..AND TO MOST, THIS MEANS... where two or three are gathered together in His name, to seek and to do His will," HE" (Our Lord Jesus) is there to" with US " to help US. NOW... Pls understand ... I live in constant pain, M S, Lupus, 3 Ruptured Disc, Blown out-Gone, in my neck,either bulging or ruptured going down throughout my spinal cord, Severe Spinal Stenosis, pain is my middle name, I live & have lived in pain for more years then I can remember, literary I can't remember a day w/o pain, that makes me sad. But I can remember the days when I could not handle it, the days I felt like taking my life daily, thought of the ways to kill my self, nearly an hour went by that it wasn't on my mind... THEN, I FOUND MY GREAT LORD & SAVOIR ! I had went to church hundreds & hundreds of times, grew up Catholic, then followed friends& family to different churches, & one day @ a non-denominational Church I was saved @ the hands of a wonderful pastor & the love of congregation that accepts any & all without judgment & I learned to lay my pain & my burdens on Jesus as he tells us. This may not sound logical to many of you who don't practice Christianity but I can tell you from my own experience that there is no better help for you out there... Of course I still see doctors, take my meds, hope & pray for a healing, but at least now I am able to get thru the day & most important, get thru the night w/o the thoughts of killing myself. I want to live, see my babies & their babies grow up, & one day, when it is my time, by HIS choice, I will be w/o pain, in peace forever... HEAVEN ! I will be hear for you if you need to talk, pls hold on dear, it will get better, if need be I will help you find someone to talk to, it is what I do, I live to help others as Jesus tells us to do, Love one another as we would love ourself / without exception ! God Bless & Good Health ! MommaN
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kaismama
26 June 2012
Oh Judi, I know how you feel. Besides talking to us, if you have someone you can talk to, please do so. If you see your doctor and get him to help you out with the depression you will feel so much better. You would probably benefit from a therapist to talk to too. We're here for you.
Patsrjh
26 June 2012
I just joined the group yesterday and I posted you as one of my friends. Although I have had depression off and on throughout my life, I didn't feel qualified to answer your questions about depression! But if you want to go with alcohol and drug addiction and where that can go, that I can help you on!
But in all sincerety, I hope you get some help from someone on here! You are to IMPORTANT TO TOSS AWAY! GOD BLESS YOU!! Your Friend Richard
DadsWatchinU
26 June 2012
My Dear Judipe... So very sorry my precious soul that you did not receive an answer to your original posting, this is not the norm on this site I can assure you. Not quite sure where it is posted but I will try to find it after I catch a few winks hon. In the mean time please believe that there are many many people on this site that care deeply about YOU, truly we have so many who work full time jobs, care for families & still dedicate numerous hours to helping others each & everyday because like myself, they feel the need to "pay it forward", because someone was here for us, here when we... like you are today, felt like there was no longer a reason to go on, we have been where you are dear & fought our way back, so please believe, have FAITH, lay all & I mean ALL, of your pain, worries, fears, at the feet of our Lord Jesus & allow him to carry your burden for just one day.
Please try giving it over to God for one entire day, 24 hours, be honest with your effort and give it all over & believe in your heart the Jesus will help you. He may or may not take away all your pain, but I promise you he will help, He will make your walk thought out that day brighter & easier, after all, you will not be carrying all that pain & fear around with you, for the Lord is taking care of it, you may still hurt, but taking care of the cure, the future, is all in His Hands! Please know you are loved & not being ignored my dear friend, i promise to be be back & be here packed with as many answers as one human beings can have, because here we do not desert oneanother, we help heal each other & lift one another! God Bless Little One... Momma~Nancy
LaurieShay
26 June 2012
Dear judipe,
While I can't relate to rsd, I do understand depression and what it means to just want to give up. I'm sorry you have felt so alone. There are some great people here on this site that are very supportive. Wanting to end your life may seem like an answer, but not a choice for us to make. I have to remember my family and friends at times like this. Wanting to end my life is a selfish thought. When I put things in the correct perspective I realize that suicide is not an alternative.
Why did your blood pressure go so low? And what does your doctor say about the pain from the rsd? Are they treating it?
I'm here if you just want to talk. As God is my witness, I'm thankful my attempts at suicide were not successful and I encourage you to seek help through whatever means possible.
Laurie
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