I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 22 May 2024
157 Answers Page 6
I was a CNA for 13 years i worked 12 hour shifts had my son went every place i could to just get out of the house and in 2004 my husband got me a new car for my birthday and we went out for a drive he was driving and in about 5 seconds my life went from almost perfect to what i am today. We were hit by a dumb driver in the wal-mart parking lot and it took the Jaws of life to get me out of the car. after that and 2 back surgery I am now that person that wakes up rolls over grabs my morphine and oxycodone bottle and have to lay there 20 mins or more before i can get up to start my day. I hate that Dr's and people look at me like im a bad person but I hurt and without them i can't take care of my son or do anything If they want to judge someone let them go to the house of the man that hit me and judge him for taking my life away.
I understand that some people want to be off pain medication and some should if they are taking more than they should or crushing them and shooting them up but for the ones that just can't live a normal life i think its like any other health issue that is long term if you have to be on them all your life to have a life so be it. judge not everyone has their own story I just think that Dr's should treat people better than they do and they should not give someone morphine or Oxycontin for something that will not last over a few months don't get someone use to something you know is addictive then judge them later. sorry for the long vent i just think that it's sad the way some are done when they can't help they hurt
You posted this about 1 1/2 years ago. Do you still feel the same? I do. It's been 6 years (and yes, I am on disability too) and I don't remember who I was!
I all look forward to is taking my meds in the morning and getting relief within the hour. Pathetic, isn't it?
Pathetic no. i feel your pain i do the same thing
Dear Jacy53
I hear ya man.I know what it feels like to hurt every minute of everyday. I hate going to sleep because i know im gonna wake up in pain. Most people dont understand what constant nagging pain feels like. At one point in my life I would have taken anything to just dull it for few minutes.
All the pain and the meds and being a burdon on my children pretty much sucked my soul rite out of me. We arn't the same people we used to be. We now need to try and get out minds occupied with other things. Atlest u were blessed with Grand babies. lol
I know the bad thoughts u have sometime but u gotta hang in there. Have faith in a higher power. I hav 3 grown kids that still live with Momma. 21 yr old twin girls and a 18 yr old son!!! I watch them bounce around and get dressed up and go out at night and have fun. That used to be me many yrs ago. I live off their energy. They are the reason i hang on. They are the reason im still alive.
And who knows,Maybe tomorrow or the next day the Dr's will finally figure out how to really take the pain away and not just manage it. Thats my prayer! (ya never know).
Just wanted u to know ur not alone. Ill always be here if ya need to talk.
BLESSED BE!!!
Jacy53, i do not have pain, but do understand about not having any quality of life anymore. I to only enjoy the grandkids coming around. It takes everything I can muster up to go out of the house. I was a strong person before all this social disorder, panic and anxiety. And would you believe it hit all at once, on my way to work, last June. I love my work and was so independant, had a wonderful life and poof in one minute it was gone. i have tried very hard to get my life back but it has been very slow. I'm sorry i don't know about the pain you are having but do know about your life beibg taken away. Your friend
Hey, jacy53... r u still out there??? I'm new to this, and I juuust read ur post from 2009. It touched my heart, bc I know exactly how u feel. I may be only 40, but chronic pain from Crohn's Disease nearly destroyed my life. Tore me down to nothing over 3 years... and I had to rebuild from foundation on up. First thing is first... get ur mind set to stopping ALL painkillers. All of them. Find a pain management doctor who will start u on either Suboxone (preferably) or Methane. That is ur only chance. Next, look up local NA meetings. Yes, Narcotics Anonymous. I'm leaving one right now. Get ur ass there... people will introduce themselves to u. U will b assigned a 'sponsor' and this is the beginning of ur new life. Now find that doctor and find that meeting!!! It's one stinkin' lousy day at a time, jacy53... lol... hang in!!!
I feel for everyone here. I pray for you all that each of us finds something to gives each back the important part of life chronic pain takes away for the person with pain and their families and friends. I have lost many friends due to being in chronic pain 24/7. I get something called a nerve burn into my neck rt side then if time willing 2 weeks later the left side, then I get these every 3 to 4 months has been longer, it is due to openings at pain clinic.
I have been cut off from my benefits. I never lied to anyone about my pain it goes in a cycle of 3 to 4 months. After my nerve burns I am way more productive than if I am at the 3rd month waiting for the nerve burn so this insurance copy followed me around and video taped me. Yet even in the DVD's is shows a woman who does things very slow.
Example I took our laundry to the laundry mat as our washer then dryer stopped working a daysor weeks(can not remember anymore) I have 2 different women helping me. but their repost did not include this, it also did not include that I did 12 loads of laundry with 12 washers and was able to have 10 dryeras to dry them about 1/2 our cloths are hung dry. This took me 4 to 5 hours to get done
amybe even a bit more, if I was the person I was before the accident/.chronic pain likely would have been do completely in that time and I mean washed, dryed, folded and bagged not to meantion I would not have had someone
help me. Now the people who helped were others doing their laundry as well they asked if they could help because you can see how much pain I am in. My husband is also disabled and Laundry is one of the hardest things for him to do.
I have 3 girls that are twins 8 and a sington 6. They hate that I can not walk them to the park, swimming, or even go bike riding with them. I am 36 years old and have the chart of an 80 year old.
My chronic pain is my neck sending sharp pains into my head and down my back and down the rt side of my body right down to my ankle which is going to be re operated on.
I over do it almost every day because my husband and children need me to help them and not the other way around. I just wish that guy had paid attention becasue if he had he would not of him my van and distroyed my life for ever. I used to work 3 jobs and take care for my Mother/Father, then I moved back here from aborad I worked 2 fulltime jobs. I used to be very active even after having twins I took them everywhere all by myself, I was a single Mom at that point in my life.
Thank you all for listening.
My Heart crys for each one of you.May God help us all.
Yes Jacy i have been there where you are many times i had a active lifestyle and it went to basically nonexsistant.It was the hardest thing i ever had to deal with in my life.But i am on a mission and i wont stop til i get the right help.I have lived depressed.stayed in bed.cryed.Got mad.Got angry..Got flustrated.Over did it trying to do what i used to do.Felt like giving up many times.Wondered WHY WHY WHY i just didnt understand .I pondered and pondered why.And i came up with no answer but this.Why do i torture myself trying to figure this thing out it only makes it worse.Yes i am in pain.I just gritted my teethe because i had to get out of the chair to go get my glasses so i could type this out.But i refuse to let this drag me down anymore it has drug me down far enough .So enough is enough.The past is the past and the present is the present.We cannot change the past but we sure can change the future.If the doctor i am ...
going to now doesnt help me i wont stop i am on a mission to get the best i can get with this pain.I have a good doctor.He understands alot.I went from a wheelchair to walking again.Not pain free but able to walk at least through pain meds.I feared i would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and i am only 52. I see alot of 52 year olds living active lifes when i cant.It hurts real bad not being able to just fuction normally.I still have to use a electric chair at the store because i will be down for a week in pain and not be able to get up if i dont.I have learned my limits by trial error and pure ignorance of trying to do it when i couldnt and wasnt able to.I want each and everyone of you to be well and to live well.Dont give up and dont give in but keep on trying there is a answer.
Each one of you are important and matter and have a purpose in life.
God Bless You all
Sharon
I really hope that this works for you, and you can continue to fight this pain."God have mercy on us all"
I have had Chronic pain since about 2000, I have probably taken every type of pain medication and every type of generic and breakthrough possibly known, I have to be honest with you I thought after having Polio that was the end of the problem then things moved and seemed to reappear causing severe pain, I have had problems with being unable to take certain generics and have to have the doctor have the insurance company authorize brand names, its a difficult situation and believe me I feel for you but I think in one way as strange as this may seem to some it has brought me to be aware of others in the same situation, to care from the heart and had I not have had this I doubt if I would have been as passionate about trying to help others in the same pain filled days, I think about things I wish I could do and then I stop and think about the things I am thankful for that I can do,
I can understand you and care about you and set my focus on you and other surrounding you or I can keep focused on myself which will not help me and I won't be able to make the difference that I want to make. truthfully some days as you say pain **cks but I just have to take the medication and just be content that there are some medications that do help me, I could be in a position to where nothing would work and without pain medication I cannot get up and walk normally, so on those days that my spirit is tested or I am overwhelmed I simply stop and try hard to look at those who are having a harder time than I, It is my sincere wish that things do get better for you! the medical system can makes things more of a challenge but I feel if I intend on keeping on I just have to keep working to get the system to help me, I wish you the very best
Wecome Jacy, I don't have back pain so can't relate, but can be a friend. Looks like you have already made alot of friends here, these people are great, have helped me alot. I do understand about the quality of life sucking, I have been there. Hang in there, and happy you are here. Von-1 (vonnie)
Hi my name is Amy-sarah and son Chris. Yup I am in constant pain of everything too and I am only a youg 36 not 96. I am very over weight a fat fat fatty rat, plus size, but I do have an appt tomorrow to chat with a batriatic surgeon about what surgery is best for fat old me. I have chronic constant lower and upper back pain because of fat, and since a vry bad fall, bad foot and knee pain, vry ba head pain headaches if u wiil, and thats also why I am going to a neurologist, for mri, mra and eeg, because almost no Memory, long or short term... SEE I am a mess.:( I hate ME. AND I feel sorry for my 9 yr old ADHD son, who can't depend on me as much as he should, I thought he could , but its getting harder. I kept saying tomy roomy and others, that I am a great mom and I am number one, and blah blah blah, but am not too sure anymore.
I DO love him more than the earth and all, and do put him first, and he is my universe, but its sooooooooooo hard to be 24-7 stay at home and do alllll the chores by myself... well he is my helper:) anyway, we live with an older grump, who has a ROOF, and pays a few bills and thats it, sooo thats why we are with him... if u were wondering. never married, never going to be. I hate marriage. I am goijng to be a singlemom forever, Thank God, and be the father too, thank God. If right place right time, MAYBE i will choose to marry, BUT i will always be rosanne barr at heart with a big ass mouth.
gotta go. noey grumpy jerk around
stay safe, and hope youfeel better. bless you... try any and all pain meds. talk to as many real, nice doctors as u can, and go from there
amy-sarah
by the way I am Bipolar, ptsd, depressed manic, anxiety, ocd, multiple,schizo,
have a great day.
Does anyone just want to chat and becme friends or penpals??? I am a nice person ... or at least I think, I dont know what Sarah thinks. I am home bound alot, so I will be online alot, so pleas please email and share all you want. I love to share. And since my therapist wants alot of money down on the past bill, and we don't have it right now, then all i have is the computer to release and unwind and get it all out. I would think alot of women would want to gab about themselves. So I leave it up to u. Thanks for listening.
Amy-sarah-joanna. I wish I was someone else more than ever now.
have a nice day
If you live anywhere near Bloomingburg or Middletown NY. PLEASE let me know and maybe we can get together at Jumpin Jakes on Saturday 5-21-11
my son has a blast always
You can write me if you still need a sounding board. I am like you on most ways and spend a lot of time reading about time travel and even wishing aliens would swoop down and cure me. You got it right when you said dreamer not doer. The family will never understand. I feel like they deserve better than me at times , and other times i wonder why they dont give me the help i need with chores. Do they think I'm just lazy. Oh how I wish I could clean my house or my garden, ride a rollercoaster, river raft, be sexy or even walk like a normal person. People stare st me when I climb stairs one at a time, and I'd love to sit on the ground or run. Yes I understand and sympathize truly.
oh boy do i. i have had chronic back pain 4 back surgeries 3 of them fusions all within the last 11 years so all of my thirties. i have two children 12 and 18, my 12 yr old has never known mom without pain, she doesn't know what a real mom is like. i cant do alot of things other moms do, i cant take long walks, sit for a long time, run, go on roller coasters. you just feel like a complete falilure, it's like why am i even here just taking up space and breathing someone else air. and your right it's like i goto sleep when i can and wake up saying i have to do this again at the age of 39 and having problem since i was 28 i have had no life. ouch. im on so many meds its insane and i cant funtion without them that is even worse at what little function im able to do. GRRRRR what to do. anywho nice venting if you would like to vent some more feel free. amber
Hey I am 32 years old and almost 2 years ago while I was loading my snowmobile on the back of a friends truck I ended up crushing my T12 and tore all the muscles off my lower back.For my pain management my doctor put me on Oxycodone 5mg tablets and OxyContin 20mg tablets extended release to help with the pain.I know how you feel because I constantly wake up every night in chronic pain and have to get up and take my medicine to relieve my pain.I used to love going outside and playing baseball with my now 6 year old son and can't even do that with out being in constant pain and it really sucks.My entire life I've built houses,worked on cars,layed tile and now have a hard time picking my children up.My doctor tells me that I am not disabled and that I can go out and get a job,but I have limitations as to what I can do.But even to get a job at McDonalds or even Dunkin Donuts you need to be able to lift the minimum of 30lbs.And with the ...
recession the way it is it's hard to find a job being partially disabled.I know exactly how you feel about not being able to do the things that you love to do and used to be able to do.Now I have a new baby on the way and am couch surfing,have no money,and no job.I wish the best of luck to you,hope your pain gets better and if you ever need someone to talk to that knows what you are going through
Yes Yes Yes.
But I beleive it was what I did, back when I was strong. OH, and do I ever wish for my old figure.
I ache all over, at one point in the day. Now it feels like I have tendonistis in my fingers and thumbs.
I wrecked my body by waitressing - which entalis speed walking at least ten miles a night (I worked in big restaurants), and did I really have to take a flying leap, instead of walking down the steps. At this time, in my yute, I also snow skied with brutality, and went to the gym for an hour at at time, if not two. I actually used to jog.
I'd even do it when suicidal.
Hi my name is Sandy and I can feel your pain and frustration for I do don't know who I am anymore, after my back injury from work and now taking all these meds..I feel like a guinna pig... for they have changed them several times..I to sit in my yard planting one seed at a time so the flowers might bring me back for awhile... I want me back and I will do it somehow..I hate taking these pills... I never hardley took aspirn or any over the counter pills for most of my life and now I am bomb barted with this and that... and several times the dr's have made serious mistakes... and if I didn't reasearch it on line ... I would have never known... so I quit taking the tramodol... Just don't quit quitting Jacy, you have strong points and one good thing to do is write down how your feeling..you do get some idea on how frustrated you are and how much your holding in... did you know you could scream on paper... I did and I just paused and said wow...
where is this comming from for I am a loving caring person... I want me back... someday I will be off of these stupid pills... I would rather use exersice to relax then set around stone faced... God Bless you and keep you in his prayers... Sandi
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