I sit here day after day thinking about how strong and useful I was. I enjoyed designing my yard landscaping, going to work, and in general being productive. Now that the accumulating multiple pain has taken over my life and made me more of a dreamer than a doer, I feel hopeless and a burden to my family. On disability no money and taking pain meds to get through the day of multiple pains while looking forward to a lower back shot every two months. This started out as low pain got worse and is now running my life for with out injections and meds my quality of life sucks. The only thing i look forward to these days is being with my grandchildren and interacting while having a feeling of childhood. I can let go for a moment then I pick one up and remember oh I had to wake up again to do this all over. Multiple pain takes the spirit out of a guy. The system really is a big let down. Any one have similar or same issues. I find I need to talk about things, any one game?
Any of you feel so damn useless having chronic pain?
Question posted by jacy53 on 25 Dec 2009
Last updated on 4 January 2024 by CheleReader
155 Answers
Useless? Hell yes I feel useless! Well I suppose guilty is more like it.
My name is Michele. I have had back pain off and on since I was around 18. I managed it pretty well with tylenol/Advil and a heating pad in the beginning.. I developed an allergy to NSAIDS so in my early 30s I started getting steroid injections in my lower back. Fast forward to age 38 and I started to lose feeling in my hands and legs. MRI showed that my cervical spinal cord was compressed about 80%. Diskectomy and fusion of C5-6, followed by the same surgery for C3-4 two years later. Low back pain continued but a day or two of flexeril and a heating pad helped I mostly ignored it. I still had neck pain but managed with trigger point injections , occasional physical therapy and occasional pain meds.
Fast forward again a couple of years and my right leg would go completely numb if I walked more than a block. There were times that I would be crossing the street, dragging my leg and praying that I would get across. Another Diskectomy and fusion of L4-5 & S1. My new neurosurgeon took an MRI of my spine from top to bottom and gave me a whole list of things I needed to be aware of and told me to file for disability. I did try to go back to work after my last surgery in 2010 but my employer just couldn't make a schedule work for me so I gave up and filed. I was 44 years old. I loved my job - medical billing - but I was at a point that the only time I was relatively pain free is when lying down. The past 14 years have been a continuous quest for pain free living. I'm having surgery again on January 8 because the stenosis in my upper and lower spine are again causing me to lose feeling in my hands and legs. Now I get a laminectomy from C2-T2 with lots of screws and a metal rod. I'll most likely need to same procedure on my lumbar spine after I recover from this but, one step at a time!
I apologize for the length of this! Not only do I feel useless but I'm frustrated, angry and broke! The days that I let it get me down are few and far between. I consider myself lucky that I have a good support system. I do what I can, when I can and that has to be good enough. It might take me all day to wash, dry, fold and put away a load of laundry but whatever!
What I miss the most is human interaction. I really loved working and the occasional social life that I had with co-workers. Those friendships have disintegrated. Conversation here welcomed! Unlike this post, I promise it won't all be about me.
You just described me, except I have no grandchildren (& probably never will). My son is autistic, at 15 he's already bigger than me. How do I proceed? I finally found a doctor that is sympathetic, but because of state and federal laws, he says his hands are tied to give me anything more than what I get already. It's horrible that your quality of life depends on a pill, especially one that you need to take and have to worry if it will be in stock, etc. I feel you!! 100 %!!
I truly understand how you feel. I used to be a very active and vibrant person. Played sports in high school, ran semi-pro for a few years, kept a relatively clean house, and helped hubby in the yard all the time. In 2002 during a visit with relatives abroad, I fell down a flight of stairs shattering the discs between L4-S1. Have since had 8 back surgeries that did not help the problem. I had to go on disability and leave my loving world behind. Thank heavens I have a wonderful husband that has been my rock during all of this. Finally, in 2017 I had a pain pump implanted. It gave me back my life to some degree. I am still limited in what I can do as I also have right SI joint dysfunction. I changed doctors in August as the ride to my previous doc took 2 hours each way and sitting in traffic became much more painful. In the latter part of September, my pump ran dry throwing me into excruciating pain and cold turkey withdrawals.
Got some meds to help with the withdrawals but my system didn't agree with them very well. After 3 weeks, I had the pump replaced and found the previous one was getting clogged thus not getting my continuous dose of medication. Next Monday, October 23, I go for my post-op appointment. Hopefully, at that time I will be able to drive again and take daily showers. I am limited to sponge baths right now. I understand your feelings of hopelessness and not feeling like you amount to anything. I have been struggling with depression my entire life but this disability has made it so much worse.
I'm sorry you are going through this "insanity" and chronic pain too.
I’m so sorry and I do understand how you feel. I’m going through some of the same things. I’m currently in a phase of accepting things for what they are. It’s tough. Up until now I’ve had the mindset that I was going to find a doctor, a procedure or some new medication… blah blah. But I’ve tried everything available to me with no luck. Up until 3 years ago I was working 45-55 hours a week as a wedding florist managing a large wedding and event center. I was either standing all day or setting up large events. I never had any issues and never dreamed I’d be in the position I am now. I took one med for BP and went to Dr twice a yr to refill.
I came to visit my mom and never left. She had two falls back to back and I ended up being her caregiver. She is 82 and has Parkinson’s. About two years ago she had UTI while recovering from a broken arm. I was having to pick her up in and out of bed to go to bathroom. That’s when I hurt my lower back. I was born with scoliosis but it was unknown to me until I was in my 30’s. It never bothered me before. Now that I have two herniated discs in bottom 3 vertebrae it’s thrown my entire back completely out of line. I could handle all of it except for the nerve pain that never goes away and radiates through hips and down both legs. I’m trying to get on disability but in the meantime since I can’t work and have gone through all my money…I have no choice but to stay here and keep taking care of my mother. I think what’s making it so hard for me is that it all happened so fast instead of me getting this way over time, if that makes sense. I have so many things I want to do and I really miss working.
As much as I’m terrified of back surgery I’m going to have it done anyway as soon as I can. I don’t really have many people to talk to about any of this either. My daughters have their own lives and problems so I don’t go on too much to them. They help when they can. I hope I haven’t gone on too long. I hope you all have a blessed day! If you’re in Texas try to stay cool. It’s HOT here in Texas y’all
Dear jacy53
I know exactly how you feel. In my brain, I long to be the person I used to be without this chronic pain.
I have much to be thankful for, except I long to have the ability to do the things I used to do without this chronic, depressing pain. I feel like I am done with injections in my back that I never refused before, but am weary of them hurting worse than helping. I completely understand the feeling of being hopeless and long for the energy and feel guilty if I complain about my back pain. I have a lumbar injury and 4 past surgeries. I keep trying to tell myself things could be worse as I watch people walk without pain, and want to tell them how fortunate they are
I can walk, but I have pain everyday, and lately my ability to walk very far without pain is non existent. I have wonderful grown children and a great husband, but I still long for the independence I once had, and the days that I didn't have pain everyday. No one, but people like you and me know what it feels like to have chronic pain, and it is a medical problem that I feel is not treated as such anymore. I feel once upon a time I was a vibrant, energetic person that loved to work and do things that my chronic pain, even on a good day, prohibits me from doing. I feel like you do, that the system has let us down, that there is a group of people like us that are not treated. I also fight the feeling that I am a burden to my wonderful family, and keep hoping for a miracle, but know in my heart that this is probably the best it will get and have to accept my situation that is pain all of the time. So, jacy53, thank your sharing your feelings as I know how difficult this condition of chronic pain is basically overlooked by the medical system and I hate to be just pitied. I hope you can find more peace, as I am searching for it, also. It's difficult to discuss chronic pain to people who don't have it. I am glad they don't, but it is a lonely existence at times. I, too, get joy from my children, but wish I could be more involved and do more things with them. I hope I communicated to you, that I literally "feel your pain", and am truly sorry that you have the very similar experience. I, too, feel like I need to talk to someone who understands.
Damn
Thought I was reading about myself. I have it worse.i have no one to count on, I live alone.a big struggle. Pain is worse when I wake up.. Through out the day and evening, undescribable nerve burning pain in neck, and all over my back. It feels like someone's poking me with 1000 hot needles. Cannot enjoy one day. Dune have the energy to to be active.
Your story - I can relate! I would appreciate an update in regards to you having, or not having found a resolution to your situation? I was doing relatively well, to excellent, until about two years ago when the new "Quasi-Opioid" restrictions found me - taking away the medication regimen that had worked excellent for me for fifteen years: one medication, no euphoria, no need for break-through pain medications, and an excellent outlook on my future. Now everything has gone dark and dismal, with no hope in sight; I fear that it is now going to turn me into a bitter old man, thus discouraging anyone from assisting me in finding an answer.
It is becoming increasingly clear why many "Chronic Pain" sufferers have turned to street drugs, and/or even worse taken their own life by suicide! Thankfully I'm not at that point, and still searching for an answer, but as I can hear in your words, will there ever be a positive solution, or is this my destiny for whatever time I have left? Thanks for sharing your story, and hopefully, you found a positive resolution! My positive respect for you.
Hello, search for a doctor that believes in the good that the fentanyl patches do for people.
I sent letters to 28 different doctors in 2011. The 28th one said for me to bring my son in to see her.
Been going to her ever since.
Good luck with your search.
Jimmie57
yes I have and still do periodically. I have pain from vaginal atrophy since 2014. Now just getting treatment with relief. I also have lower back pain neck pain . Had 2 total knee replacements in 2010. Sometimes I have just cried. I have heard too many times mind over matter pull yourself up by the bootstraps etc. I recently began taking PEA and have been able to begin reduction in tylenol and advil.I too have been blamed for my medical issues. I set firm boundaries with this. I ride a recumbent bike daily do some yoga. Sleep is critical to my pain mgmt as well as stress reduction
Hello, I can surely emphasize with you. I'm confined to a wheelchair with chronic pain around the clock. I feel so useless, worthless as I use to be active, always doing something for my family or others. I've been on so many pain meds I think I've tried them all and none of them took any of my pain away, plus I'm sleep deprived which between pain and no sleep I become irritable and find myself getting irritable with my loved ones. I apologize and pray God forgives me as I didn't mean it. I'm pretty much isolated to my home, bedbound. What breaks my heart the most is my pain is so horrific I'm not able to have my children or grandchildren over. They will never know me and I'm broken from that. My granddaughter gave me an audio for my mobile ph about suffering. I've been trying to listen when I'm able and it seems really good.
I don't know if something like that may help deal with suffering, but I have nothing left to do. I have no life so I just eat when I have an appetite and smoke too much. My heart and prayers go out to you and all who is suffering.
rainbow myst
Welcome to the club of it sucks being a senior.
I will be seventy-seven this year, do you know how many times I ask my husband, how did this happen! when did we walk in our parent shoes? You know what help me deal with this deterioration of both body and mind, looking at the bright side of this. At least I got a chance to see my adult children, become productive in this world. My grandchildren are also successful, one of them is in the military- air borne.
Yeah, life sucks when you no longer can keep up with the Jones. So, Jacy, make the best of the cards dealt to you.
Good Luck
Rose of Life
I feel exactly like you. I do not even know where to start. I have had chronic pain for at least 20 years. I was abused causing many of my pain issues and I have severe osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, bipolar, chronic pain syndrome and it goes on. I have had 27 surgeries and I am finally on the quitting end of cigarettes hopefully in a couple days. I never had to quit smoking for any of my surgeries but one. My right knee needs to be replaced like 2 years ago. I have to quit smoking for 6 weeks before they will do it. I know I will jump around here but in the last 6 months my life has been awful, could not do much but lay down. Make a long story short the Celexa I have been on for many years quit working. This has went on for months. They put me on the new med and in 1 week I am almost done smoking and my life is coming back. I am fit to be tied because of that but I must be grateful they figured it out I hope.
I have been very down and not been able to move not being on the right medicine. My shrink retired last June and I have not been able to replace so people knew by the way I was acting something was wrong. Finally, I went to a referral and they did not catch it either just put me on Benadryl so I would slow down. What a way to treat bipolar. I then got another doctor referred by my PCP in 8/23/21, when she told me I was having a nervous breakdown. Finally, on 1/7/22, I saw her. She did put me on a medicine that is helping very much and even with the smoking. She will not call me back and has prescribed wrong meds it is unbelievable. I am back at square one looking for a shrink. There are not any here. The system they would not give me my medical records which are mine so I hired a lawyer. That is that on top of 4 hours of p/t one day and 2 hours another. Steroid shots all over, ablations and on and on. I cannot write more because I can't sit any longer. I am very glad you wrote I am in the same boat. I can hardly walk, use my hands and feet, elbows. I always took care of me with no help. Now my husband has to drive me to all my appts, therapy, drug store. Please we can be friends I really need someone who gets it. Thank you and I will be thinking of you. I will write more later.
cbenjam14
I know the pain, frustration, uselessness that you must be feeling. I’m with you my friend, chronic back pain. Broke my back, very grateful I’m still able to walk, not in a wheelchair. But, I was a nurse working full time, was married, full of life, never stopped, helped anyone I could along the way, went to concerts, loved to dance. It’s all been taken away from me.
Husband passed away within 3 weeks of also loosing my mother. I’m trying to sell my house & with so much pain trying to pack things up. He died suddenly, and although I have my father & a brother, who both love me, and ironically one of my first boyfriends that I dated as a teenager, we always stayed friends, sadly lost his wife before my loss, but we are now back together again.
But the loneliness, the helplessness, all the things I used to do that I can’t do anymore…to change my bed sometimes is the only thing I can do for the day. I’d be happy to talk more to you or to anyone with chronic pain, because if you’ve been lucky enough not to go through this, you really can’t possibly begin to understand when everything that you were in life has been taken away from you. It’s very sad, I know people have it better than me, and so much worse than me, but the inability to do the most simplest tasks and you can’t, and you know deep in your heart that you may not be able to EVER do them again, it can so overwhelming sometimes.
I’m sorry your going through this….but your not alone.
Yes, I know exactly how you feel. After a major abdominal surgery, hernia repair, removal of my reproductive organs because of a 8.5 pound tumor removal, I have been experiencing chronic pain. I feel useless and a burden on my family. I hate to feel so week and helpless. You are not alone.
I feel exactly the same way as you do. My back hurts all the time and I doubt that I could do much of anything without pain meds. I miss the days when I was younger and didn’t have this pain. I have young grandchildren and it’s difficulty to play with them. I used to be able to do pretty much anything, and I miss those days so much! I feel so much older than I actually am, and I have a very limited social life.
I know how all of you feel with chronic pain. I have been suffering with chronic back and arm and shoulder pain for year's. I had back surgery 3 months ago and I still have chroniccan back pain. It did help my legs to where I can walk with out pain but my back and shoulder, neck, and arm's still are in a lot of pain to where I can't do anything. I am stuck in my apartment day in and day out. I have tried to get a electric wheelchairs so I can get around but my doctor won't fill out the paperwork so I can get it. I can't get any pain meds so I take Tylenol 1600mgs in the morning and when I go to bed. I stay in my bed most of the time because it hurts to walk. My back still hurts so much. I was out of commission for days after my back operation in severe pain until I cried. I didn't have rods put in and I was told I would be up walking the day after surgery. I could hardly move for over a week. I suppose everyone has their own healing from back surgery.
I need one more back surgery and my neck operated on. I am thinking twice about that. I really liked my surgeon and he watched after me when I was in the hospital. I feel lost and I was use to going places and doing my own house work. Now I have to do when I can and try to pay someone to do my laundry and go get my mail from down stairs one a week. I feel like life is over for me at times. I can't get any help because doctors are not like they use to be. I know what you are going through and I will say a prayer for all of you that are experiencing severe back and neck pain. May God Bless You.
I know how all of you feel with chronic pain. I have been suffering with chronic back and arm and shoulder pain for year's. I had back surgery 3 months ago and I still have chronic back pain. It did help my legs to where I can walk without pain but my back and shoulder, neck, and arm's still are in a lot of pain to where I can't do anything. I am stuck in my apartment day in and day out. I have tried to get an electric wheelchair so I can get around but my doctor won't fill out the paperwork so I can get it. I can't get any pain meds so I take Tylenol 1600mgs in the morning and when I go to bed. I stay in my bed most of the time because it hurts to walk. My back still hurts so much. I was out of commission for days after my back operation in severe pain until I cried. I didn't have rods put in, and I was told I would be up walking the day after surgery. I could hardly move for over a week. I suppose everyone has their own healing from back surgery.
I need one more back surgery and my neck operated on. I am thinking twice about that. I really liked my surgeon and he watched after me when I was in the hospital. I feel lost and I was use to going places and doing my own housework. Now I have to do when I can and try to pay someone to do my laundry and go get my mail from downstairs one a week. I feel like life is over for me at times. I can't get any help because doctors are not like they use to be. I know what you are going through and I will say a prayer for all of you who are experiencing severe back and neck pain. May God Bless You.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I was once a contributing member of society. I worked for N.Y.C. Parks Dept. 20 plus yrs. Now on Disability since 2008 I feel worthless, depressed, a burden to my family.
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