[so_stupid]

I dont know why I am on here but I really need some support. I have been married for 7 years to my high school sweetie. We have three beautiful children together. We have always had a great relationship. I NEVER dreamed I would EVER have to visit a web site such as this. Well, over the past 6 months I have really started to notice a change in him. Always tired. Never feels good. Doesnt want to do anything. Just not his "happy" self. And then about a month or so ago I found out that he had pawned all kinds of household items. We have been going through financial difficulties so I just assumed it was related to that. Anyways he has just been getting stranger and stranger. He goes all the time by him self and refuses to let me go with him. So I just had a feeling that something was not right. Well I started to snoop around his tool box and found some small crumpled up tin foil things. I opened them up and there was these weird black squiggley lines (sorry not a very good speller). So I knew right away something was wrong. I asked him about it and he of course lied to me right off. But I kept prying and prying like I do and he said that he had been smoking oxys. He said he started snorting them and now he smokes them. He meets a drug dealer in town and pays him 15.00 per pill. He says they are 20mg. Thats why he is alwys begging me for money and never has any. Thats why he has been pawing everything we own. I do not understand addiction. I came from a home where this was not talked about. I am so angry. I have been crying and crying. I dont know what to do. He tells me that this is what he needed to quit. Me knowing. Me watching his every move. He says he is going to stop. That he will NEVER do it again. I of course have forgiven him because I love him so much and I want to help him. But I am so freaked out. I have gone online and done some research and have not liked what I have been reading. It scares me so much. I am afraid that he is not going to quit. I told him that if he doesnt I will leave and take the kids. NO second chances. He says he is never going to do it again and he needs my help. He told me that he has only been doing this like 3 times a week maybe less. 20mg pills maybe one or two at a time. From everything that I have been reading this doesnt seem like a lot. But to me it does. I just dont get it. He tells me that this drug was controlling him. and he is just going to quit and it will be okay, now that I know. I dont understand. If it was controlling him then how is this going to be so easy? Sorry if I am all over the place I have never written anything like this before and I don't know where to turn. He says he has been doing this for over three years!!!!!!! and its just getting worse. I feel so stupid! How could I have not know this was going on! Whats wrong with me! I am soooo sosos STUPID! I feel like a complete failure.

Hi. From all that I have read from your post, it seems like your husband is hooked on Oxycontin, and is probably smoking the stuff a little more than 2 or 3 times a week.
I totally sympathize with your troubles here. Your Husband, like myself, is an addict. This is NOT a BAD thing. But it IS a BIG thing. It needs to be addressed immediately.
If he is smoking the stuff, he probably needs it just about everyday. Not every three days. Smoking any opiate will enhance the feeling of getting high. Its that euphoric feeling that the mind craves. I have learned the hardest of ways that pain pills are to be taken when you need them, NOT when you want them.
You might want to research either a detox/recovery center, or he could go the Suboxone route. Suboxone is a drug that helps with the withdrawals a person gets when he/she for whatever reason, stop taking the drug.
Withdrawals are what every opiate addict hates to think about. To put it in perspective, imagine if you knew that a little pill could keep you from getting a nasty, nasty case of the flu or walking pneumonia, or bronchitis. Would you keep on taking the pill so you wont be sick? Or do you stop taking the pill? Knowing full well that you are gonna be very sick for at least a week or two, maybe more. That is the dilemma that your husband is facing right now. The third way is to taper medication down over a period of time. Unfortunately in your husbands case, he is taking the drug differently than it was prescribed for to get a more intense high. I guarantee it does NOT say "Ingest, Inject, or Smoke 1 tablet every four hours as needed for pain" on the pill bottle.
I am being perfectly honest with you here. I use to take about 9 or 10 Lortabs (Vicodin)per day. Some days even more, for a little over a year. I myself am at the end (hopefully)of a suboxone taper. Tomorrow will be my first day with no dosage. So far, so good.
I strongly suggest that you research this stuff to the hilt! There is plenty of honest advice on this forum from people who have been thru what your husband is going thru now. There are some very good people on this site.
"Addicted" sounds brutal, and it is! But by no means is it the end of the world as we know it.
With the proper support and his determination, he will get thru this, and so will you.

Take care

Gary

[so_stupid]

I don't know if I can handle this! I am so scared! I appreciate you help but I am still so upset! I can't sleep or eat. I feel like I am going to throw up all the time! I have chills and body aches.. I feel like I am going through withdrawls myslf! How am I supposed to deal with him if I can't even handle myself!!! I know he told me 3 times a week. Why do you think its more? He told me everything and I know he doesnt have that much money so I know he can't be buying too many?? I am so confused! I hate this! Its not fair! How could he do this to us. He refuses to go to any meetings or rehab! He promises me that he can do this on his own. I don't know what to do. I dont know if I am researching this the right way either. I dont have a clue what I am doing. I need some major help here. Oh and another thing, I cant talk to any of my family about this because they will all judge him and we will never hear the end of it. I feel alone. I live in a small town and there are not NA meetings out here. What do I do HELP ME PLEASE!! I am crying for help!

[purpledog]

hey girl, calm down, it is going to be some hard work but it can be done.
if your man has been using for 3 years, i guess he cant stop on his own. you need to have an honest conversation with him. maybe you could come on board, and help him count down his doses if he really does want to stop.,
he isnt going to stop until HE wants to.
also, once you are addicted, like gary says, you dont want to keep taking them but you know you are going to get sick if you stop. its like a gauntlet you have to go thru, if you can make it thru its ok, but the bloody tunnel is a long one.
he is lucky to have you, be honest with him, and tell him no bullsh!t, tell him you are making inquiries online, bet ya he will freak. good on you.
i wish i could say something else to help, theres a thread with kathleenshockley, she has a daughter who has been using, she is in same boat as you., loves an addict. im not sure what thread that is . someone might be able to help, bev you know her. can you please help.
keep posting, and you are not stupid mate.
addicts can be slippery devious lying cheating bastads.
it is not your fault.

best of luck pal
purpledog

[purpledog]

also mate, you are never alone on this forum. keep posting

First thing you must do is calm down, my friend. Being hysterical is not going to help change anything.
Forget about how much Oxy he either is or isn't taking. At this point, that is irrelevant. Your husband has to face this head on, and so do you. To do this, you need to have a clear head.
Try to stop thinking about "WHY" he is doing this. Start thinking about "HOW" he is going to get better.
Do you have any friends to confide in? Do you have a Pastor or Preacher?. Is there ANYBODY that you know personally that you can trust to help you & your husband. Please, start focusing on the solution. You already know that there is a problem. And this problem can be solved.
If you have no one that you can depend on, then the only resort is your Doctor & a treatment program. You may find one relatively inexpensive.
I live in California, and its past Midnight. I'm going to turn in for the evening.

KEEP POSTING!! KEEP THINKING POSITIVE!!

[bev49]

First of all, the nick is all wrong. You are NOT so stupid at all. If anyone is, it would be him. But then again, that wouldnt be fair either. He's an addict and unfortunately you are being welcomed to the world of addiction when you arent ready. First thing you have to do is calm down. Sit him down and ask him why he doesnt want to go to a detox or a meeting. That doesnt sit right with me. It's not easy to stop but it can be done with help. He should get the help. You shouldnt have to be his one and only keeper and watchdog. There are several threads around here where people are related to addicts. The bottom line is he will never stop because of you. He will only stop because of himself, when he is ready to do so. That doesnt mean that your finding out might not be the shock he needed to get straight, but you just can't be sure. Communication is the key.

[rogjah]

Hi dear, First your not stupid at all

Next, Your husband has a problem yes. It's a big one but it is doable . I am an addict also working it down to hopefully a good ending. Im trying hard. Your husband is gonna have to try even harder. You see, you caught him. He did not come to you wanting to quit. Which means he wasn't considering quiting most likely before you found out.

He has to want to quit, and you need to stay calm. Don't mortgage your future together with quick emotional decisions that will only fade with time.

If he wants to quit, he will jump in and accept help. If not then well he may continue to abuse. As I found out the hard way this is a very difficult thing to do without some outside help. Counseling, Detox, Doctors all may be involved. Quitting 20 years of smoking was a breeze to me compared to this addiction. Alot of it is mental and fear of getting sick.

You are in the early stages, it's gonna take you being together and focused to help him out if he wants to quit.

Im gonna tell you something, I have no family at all. Im alone. I wish to god I had someone like you who cared so much. It would have made this so much easier with the support of someone so dedicated.

All the best to you guys.

[so_stupid]

Thank you all for your wonderful comments! Okay so here is where we are at. I know I posted this last night but it happened on Thursday last week. I didnt sleep all night Thursday night ..I was sick. Friday came and we just talked and talked all day long. It was wonderful! I asked all kinds of questions and he willingly answered them. I told him that I am here to help him in any way that I can and that I love him so much. On Sat I got up and started to clean my house. He NEVER wants to help me with that. He is usually too tired and mean about it. Well, he actually wanted to help me. Its like he was a totally different person. So then when we were all done cleaning he said he wanted to go out and do something. I got out my money that I had just counted the night before and there was 100.00 missing!
ya, can you imagine that! HA!
He totally denied it! said that he had no idea where it was. I was soooo angry at him. I told him that I was not that dumb and I knew that he must have taken it! Finally he said that he did and gave it to me. He said that he needed it to pay for his pawns and that he was sorry. I told him that I could not do this anymore. He if is going to countinue to lie and steal that I wanted to get a divorce.
He just sat there and stared at me. He couldnt believe that I was really serious...
I told him that this is never going to work unless he starts to talk to me and stop holding it in. He said that he was sorry that he doesnt talk to me..that he wished he could..that he is scared of me..
Ya that hurts!
He said that he wished he could just tell me that he needed 98.00 to get his gun out of the pawn shop. He doesnt know why he doesnt tell me things. That he just holds it all in cuz hes sacred that I am going to freak out (like I always do) So I figure now we are getting somewhere right? Well he tells me that he is going to work on this problem..talking to me ..And I told him that I am going to work on NOT freaking out at him anymore. I know that I need to just stay calm and breath. I want to control everything. But I cant. And I think that is why this is so freaking hard for me! So I just told him that there is no more lies and then we were okay. The rest of the day was wonderful. He said that he was feeling good and that he was having the best time with me and the kids. ( We have been fighting non stop for the past few months and have not been able to have a good time together in a long time) So now it is Sunday and he had to go back to his work. I was scared to let him out of my sight. He said as he kissed me goodbye "Don't Worry, I Love You" .
He never calls me from work. He called me today a million times!!! YAY!! Just to say he loves me and misses me. Wow! I am happy. But still a little freaked out. I went into the garage and did another search. He had previously told me that there was nothing else left in the house (drugs tinfoil ect.) So I wanted to have a look myself. I had not let him out of my sight through this entire process and I know that he didnt have time to get rid of anything, so I wanted to test him to see what he would do. So I go out there and look through everything with a fine tooth comb. And of course I find more stuff. Tinfoil, lighters, razor blades. Stuff like that. So he calls me again. And I say to him. You know that talk we had about being honest with eachother? Well I ment what I said. I want you to tell me if there is anything at all that you need to tell me that you havent.
He says to me that there is something..that hes been thinking about it all day...
That there is stuff hidden all over and he wants me to go through the house and garge with him and get rid of it all!!!!
Can you believe that! I am so proud of him!!!!! He told me he really is done and he wants it all out!
I am soooo happy!!! So then I say to him that I REALLY think that we need to go and get some extra help. That this is just to much for me and him to do together. That we both NEED support. I ask him ...are you willing to do this for me and yourself??? He says YES!!! He says I will do anything!!! I am so happy!
So what do you all think?

[so_stupid]

rogjah

He does want to quit. He told me that there has been so many times in the past that he has looked at me and wanted to tell me. He said that he is so happy that I know about this so now I can help him. He said that he needs my help and wants to stop this. He told me that every time he picks this sh1t up to take a hit that he prays and prays that he will not want it anymore.

He also told me that he has been praying a lot to himself that I would some how find this all out. Some how. He didnt have it in him to tell me on his own. He is such an amazing man. I love him so much and I want to help him so much.

But... I am so freaking scared. If he does good and gets off this.. how will I know that it is over? Will I always have doubt? Will I always wonder? Do I always have to watch him? This is what I hate. THis is what I am so terrifed of. The future. I have a lot of faith that he can quit and we will be okay. But I worry about him...someday in the future doing it again.. and going through this all over again. I dont know if I am strong enough

[nikki33]

Wow- i was reading your post and i can't believe how much learning you need to do about your husband's addiction. It's such a complicated desease that it will have the addicted person lying to themself and battling the demon inside them. The addict is definately going to be lying to everyone else including their wife. The reason why i am telling you this is bc i have been in your place with my ex husband. You just have to know that its going to be a long long road-hopefully toward recovery but long anyway. I stayed with my ex for couple of years during his relapses and when he made sober 1 year i asked for divorce.
My story with my ex didn't have a happy ending and a lots of relationships when there is addiction that plaqued one person usually split up and usually AFTER the addict is in recovery and clean. That's bc so much damage has been done along the addiction-main damage in mine is the LYING. You can not believe how much LYING and ADDICTION go together.
So i just want to tell you that you most probably will hear and are now hearing more lies as we speak from your h.
Have one thing in mind-anyone addicted to Oxy is not going to have an excellent day all of the sudden unless the snorted a big one & are snorting Oxy throughout the day! Also an oxy addict will never think of getting his gun back from the pawn shop-they will most likely spend the $98 dollars on more oxy. They have to function .

Sorry to give it straight up like it is to you but i need you to know that you should set your expectations very low-in order for your heart not to break over and over with every little thing you find out. He can be helped but HE needs to be on these boards not YOU.
And that is just a baby step. But in order for him to stop there is not a easy way of doing it. Dark horrible days usually preceed the recovery process-and HE only would be able to make the decision and to be ready to start that process.

I know how you feel-and educating yourself is a must because you & him have different mindsets presently. He also needs some education on what it means to snort OXY and how his addiction has progressed that he may or may not know NOW.

[so_stupid]

I understand what you are saying and its something I need to hear. So thank you. But I have been with him the past two days. NON-STOP. He has not been alone at all. And he seems to be doing okay. From what I can tell anyway. He has told me that he really has only done this 2-3 times a week. 1-2 pills each time. I dont know why he would lie to me about this? I think he is telling me the truth b/c he works 3 days on and 3 days off. 12 hr shifts. When he is at work he does not have any way to do this. I take him to work and pick him up. I want to believe that this is true. He has told me that he has gone through withdrawls in the past when he could not get any pills b/c he either didnt have the money or the dealer he was getting them from was all out. So he said he knows he can handle it. I dont know what the he** to believe! I want to believe him soooooo bad! I know that if I was in the same situation as you nikki, I would have done the same thing. I tild mu husband that. I WILL NOT put up with it. He knows that I am ready to leave, no bull shi*.
So I am going to just try and be positive. Helping him in anyway that I can b/c I do love him. And if I ever find out that he is doing this again. I am gone. So I guess thats all I have to say. I know its hard. But I am a Bi*** and if he cant stop them he will loose everything.

[rogjah]

Im gonna ask you a question dear. I don't know where you live. Where I am in the US the little blue oxy 30mg pills that everyone uses for snorting smoking etc are about 10 dollars each on the street. Some dealers will hit you for 12 or so but 10 is pretty standard here in the South east.

He says he does 1-2 pills each time. 2-3 times a week. So at worst case thats 6 pills a week or around 60-70 bucks a week worst case.

Does that coincide with the money thats leaving your house in various forms ?

He is also smoking these pills which is a very intense way to take them. It's not for a beginer or recreational user.

I just read your 1st post again says he pays 15 bucks for a 20mg. Thats still under 100 bucks a week at 90 dollars for 6.

This is not nesessarilly a question you have to answer right now or to me. However it is a way as you go forward to guage what is going on. Pay attention to the money. DO not leave cash in the house or in you pocket book etc. Keep and eye on things around the house. Where things are when you last saw things.

I unfortunatly feel that more than 90 dollars a weeks is leaving your house on this.

[so_stupid]

yes. it does. I have called the pawn shop and I have gone over all the money that he has spent. It does match up. I know it is not for a beginer or recreational user. He has been doing this for a while. He told me that he was snorting the pills for about 2 + years and now over the past year he started smoking them. Thanks to a friend of his telling him that he should smoke them for a better high. Smoking these pills has gotten worse. I can tell by the way he has been. The fighting and everything in our life has just gotten worse. We do not have very much money and not very many items to pawn. So I know that there is no way that he is doing this that often. Plus after 2 days of being with him drug free he was not sick. So shouldnt that say something??? If he was doing this everyday then I think he would have been sick or something.
He told me that he does it when he has money or when he can get some money. And that is not that often. We are really poor okay. He has also told me that he has gone throught the w/d in the past. So what do you think this all means? I am so confused and hurt right now. I am not sure what to do.

[purpledog]

hiya girl. from a sneaky devious addict, please know that its possible to sneak a hit in a tiny amount of time. you only need to leave the room for a minute or two. or he could take long trips to the bathroom. my partner and i both used. he got clean first. big problem. i snuck around and was able to have a iv habit, in the same house as my partner. eventually he snapped me. i still stole money from him, and i wished he would catch me, but i couldnt quite tell him. anyway, we had 16 years together, we been split for over 4 years now. someone told us we wouldnt get thru, and we thought we would. we didnt.
i dont want to bum you out, but the only way you know he is clean, is a urine drug screen. coz he WONT tell you if he is using. maybe he has stopped snorting them and only swallowing them. to put you off the scent.
i would hate to list all the sneaky things i did to get money, and score. so just wanted to tell you even tho you think you have been with him non-stop unless you watch him take a leak, he could be having some. its that easy.
sorry to have to tell you that, but its sooooooo true.

be hard, dont let him near your money,
good luck
purpledog

Your husband is a junkie............there I said it. I can't take this anymore. I cannot read the denial that your words transpire.
Look, I realize that you care for your man. Good for you. I'm sure that he cares very much for you and your family.
That said, you need to understand one thing right now. .....Your husband is a junkie! I am a junkie, damn near EVERYBODY on this board are junkies.
Please listen to me. Your husband is smoking Heroin!! I was swallowing heroin. The next door neighbor may be injecting heroin.
I am using the word "HEROIN" so hopefully you will understand what the he!! is going on here!
All pain killers are opiates. Heroin, vicodin, oxycontin, morphine, dermoral, codeine, ect. Its all the same stuff. They are ALL opiates. Your husband is smoking opiates. He needs to stop smoking opiates, and quite frankly YOU need to stop believing his bullsh!t. He is an addict, like myself, and he is going to tell you everything that you WANT to hear, and nothing that you NEED to hear. He is trying to get on your good side until this little "episode" blows over. If you don't stand up to his behavior, you might as well file for that divorce. Because if he continues down this path, I f@cking guarantee that he will either end up in prison, the hospital, or in the morgue.
THIS is one thing that you can bet your life on. Its time to quit the denial. GET SOME HELP FOR HIM! If he flat out refuses, then throw his @ss out into the Goddammed street! Enough with the enabling! He is playing you right now, because you found his stash. You blew his cover. Now in his mind, he needs to get on your lovey dovey side to smooth things over. Either you can take the advise of someone that you do not know, that has just spend 15 minutes out of a very long day explaining this sh!t to you with brutal honesty, or you can disregard my efforts. The choice is yours. It is your move.
I wish you all the best of luck.

Gary

[purpledog]

well said gary

In addition to my last post, I must add this. I know you feel bad right now, and I do not pull any punches when it comes to stuff like this. I do not like to "beat around the bush"
I am not trying to be mean to you. That is NOT my style. I am trying to educate you about the world of addiction, or "The Dark Side" as I like to call it.
You seem to be fixated on "how much" he says that he is doing per day. And that he is ONLY doing it 2 or 3 days per week.
I will retire this evening with just one question for you.
Even if your husband is "smoking heroin" ONE time a week.......... Does that sound normal to you?

Gary

[so_stupid]

You know I came on here so I could get some support. POSITIVE SUPPORT! this is the last time I will be posting. I KNOW he is a junkie! I understand that! I am just trying to deal with this and understand it. He said he would get help. did you not read that above? I love him and I am going to try my best to help him through this hard time in his life. If he lies to me or I catch him using we are done. So thats all I have to say.

[caughtagain]

So... Good morning, I am sorry to hear about your loved one.. Addiction is a terrible thing. We all have our stories and we all are working day by day to beat the dragon that is addiction. When US addicts hear certain things, they raise red flags, and I can only tell you that it concerns us. My hope is that your loved one IS telling the truth, and that this site can guide you both to where you want to be. Don't stop posting. But understand everyone has different opinions, just take the strength from those you wish. If there is anything we can help you with, we will try... CA

[RubyDean]

so stupid, please don't stop posting, because you can really get a lot of support and insight here. Gary was just trying to make you aware that he is most likely not smoking pills, and is smoking heroin. many of us are revovering junkies and we know what he is doing, and can relate to everything you are saying about the scenario. I told my wife it was 'just pills' for a long time too, and thought the 'H' word would kill her. Most of us can never quit by ourselves, and stop using our drug of choice. Most need help, detox, and a strong support recovery group. Talk him about it, see if he wants to go to rehab. It is natural to want to believe your husband, and my wife went through the exact same thing, but we as addicts, and especially active addiction are the best liars and manipulate evry situation, steal, and do whatever it takes to get or dope. I used at work way more than any other time because I was away from my family, it was the easiest time. Please look at this with a wrst case scenario mentality because it is that bad. He needs help. We will only try to help you and let you know what you can do to better you situation and protect yourself and your children. This is not a moral deficiancy, or dilemma, he is just very sick./ All the will.

[nikki33]

i can't believe that So stupid says she won't post because she came here for POSSITIVE support and since she didn't get what she wanted out of this board she will leave. I have to say that she is NOT looking for the TRUTH becaue she doesn't want to hear the truth is too HARSH and NEGATIVE. You bet is HARSH & NEGATIVE.In my opinion all of us should tell her to not post because she is not in the right frame of mind and IT IS NOT her fault. She has JUST been introduced to the world of an ADDICT (her hubby) and somethimes we just have to learn the hard way by making mistakes while protecting and addict -or in her words just a SMALL SCALE addicts.

Good luck and you are wellcome to come back when you need this board and please don't expect only POSITIVE support because the TRUTH comes first.

[kathleen5hockey]

First, you are not stupid! Believe me, my daughter was addicted to heroin for about 3 yrs. Have gone thru what you are entering. There are a few rules, 1. about 99.9% of what comes out of an addicts mouth is a lie while using.
2. it's not about you or the kids it's about him
3. material things like money or jewels will disapear. If the addict is being nice to you it's usually because they are covering for something.
4. take care of your kids and yourself. I know what it's like to cry day in and out. Also know what it's like to have a few nervouse breakdowns. Not fun and brings on lots of wrinkles plus hair falls out. You have to ground yourself
5 I found a church with a wonderful congregation, they were/are my rock. It is very important.
6 Friends and family will all give you advise, get advise from a preacher, find families annoymous, etc.
7. don't spend time trying to find out what you did, you didn't do anything, he did.
8. don't keep saying "why me" I have found during the years that this only hindered me.

I hope these help you, I will be here for you. Believe me, many of us have lived thru it, you can too. Always have your eyes open.

One last thing, never let him take your kids without you. I won't get into details but please - don't.

Good luck, you will make it thru, it just doesn't seem like it now.

[so_stupid]

I don't think I can handle this. It scares me so much! If I catch him in a lie or find out that he has been using, I am done. I will take my kids and get the hell out of here. He has promised me and promised me. If he lies to me anymore Im gone. I WILL NOT PUT MYSELF OR MY KIDS THROUGH IT! So all I can do is hope for the best. And I know it can be done. I know that everyone keeps talking about the bad. But is there no good at all to speak of here?
My Dad poped oxy's for about 10 years. One day he decided he was done. He stopped cold turkey. He was in the deepest darkest depths of hell for one month. He thought he was going to die. And he almost did. After that he NEVER took another pill. He has been clean for 10 years. He did not need rehab..counseling or anything. Not to say that everyone is the same as him. I know that those are very important and needed. But I am just saying that I have seen him go through this and I know that it can be accomplished.
I just thought it would be good to talk to some others that have gone through this before and see what everyone had to say. I am sorry if I thought there would be more positives then negatives.
I have not let him out of my sight. Me and him went through the house last night and he showed me all of his hiding spots and showed me everything. We threw it out together! It that not a good thing? I think it is wonderful. Everyone keeps saying that I need to be careful and I need to watch him. I AM!!! Like I said before, and I have said it to him a million times. There is no second chances with me. If he lies to me one more time. If I find out that he uses one more time. GAME OVER!

[rogjah]

Then I guess what you should do is relax and see what happens. If he is doing everything he is supposed to in your eyes then go forward.

However if he tells you he has stopped and does not get very ill for at least a couple weeks then he is lying to you.

No one who Smokes this drug is recreational. He is an addict and when addicts quit cold turkey we get sick. Symptoms begin 12-24hrs after last usage. He is probably not gonna be able to work or much of anything period. It's like the worst hangover you ever had and a big dose of the flu on top of it.

Just because he is with you doesn't mean he can't use, He may just be swallowing them till this blows over.

Bottom line : Go forward and relax. But if he tells you he quit and stays functioning like nothing is wrong then you are being lied to. End of story.

[RubyDean]

You talked about your father going through detox, and the hell he went thru for about a month...what about your husband? Is he sick? If he did quit using wouldn't he be going through detox about now? I am just curious how he is cleaning the house and all that while he is not using? When I was using I could clean like a robot, but when I was detoxing I couldn't get out of bed. Addicts are more fortunate today, he should really check out recovery. I just think you are being naive if you believe everything he says, that trust takes a long time to get back IMO, and a lot of work. I guess I am just unclear what is going on with him, and you. If there was a magic button that could just make us stop, trust me we wouldn't all be here. Recovery is a long bumpy ass road.

[so_stupid]

He has not been to sick as far as what I am seeing. He might be holding it in though. I have been constantly asking him how he is feeling..He says that he has times during the day that he feels ill and then it goes away. But his legs shake like crazy at night. And he gets hot and cold flashes too. Nights are the worst. Hes said that he has gone through w/ds in the past and he has learned how to mask them b/c he didnt want me to see it. So maybe that is what he is doing. I don't know. And about him cleaning the house (by the way it was not a deep cleaning or anything he picked up some toys and did some dishes..and the other cleaning he did was, we took a trash sack around the house and garage and he showed me where all his drug ******** was and we put it in the sack and drove it to a public dumpster and dropped it off)
another thing.... I asked him about different times he was using in the past and the times that he told me were the times he was tired, lazy and very very mean (ie.coming off). (And that also explains why we have been fighting so much..another thing I could not figure out)

The past few days that I have been with him 24/7 (to to the shower and bathroom and all) he has been a little sick at times but he is not so mean.. he told me that he is starting to feel better that it has been a little over a week since he has used (I dont know how true this is but he is telling me all kinds of details, so why would he lie about this?). He told me that after he smokes oxy he gets that high for a little while then he feels like sh*t. He gets sick, tired, lazy and hateful! And that he has wanted to do this (quit) for sooooooooooooooooooo long! He is happy I know. He is so glad that I am here to help him.

Finding this out has answered so many questions for me and his mother (who lives with us) we have been telling eacthother over and over the past few months that there was something wrong with him. He was just was not himself anymore. We could not figure it out. So I know when some people do this it makes them happy on cloud 9 cleaning all day and all that jazz. But not my husband. And that is something I am not understanding either about everything I have read about oxy. I thought oxy was a downer. If this is true then what my hubby is feeling would be a normal side effect. Then why do others fill up and energized? Is it just that everyone has a different reaction?

Also the reason that I am thinking so much about how much he did this is b/c it expalins why his w/ds are not that bad. I know that even one time a week is horrifying!!! I know this! But if he was hooked on this and doing it sooo much then the three days that we have been together NON-STOP (AND I MEAN NON-STOP I HAVE NOT LET HIM OUT OF MIGHT SIGHT PEOPLE!!! WATCHED EVERY MOVE EVERY DRINK EVERY PEEEE!!!) he hasnt been so sick that he is ready to die. Thats why I was so concered with how much he has been doing it. I think its bad. Don't get me wrong. BUT I think it could be a lot worse.

[Lost83]

SS,

I haven't had a chance to read this entire thread so I will post a more detailed response once I can sit down and read the entire thread but I just wanted to throw a few things out there. What you are feeling is normal for someone who just found out their husband is living a secret life. I too was devastated when I found out my husband (hs sweetie also) was addicted to pain pills. I have a thread called "My husband is an Addict" My first few posts are very similar to yours. I undertsand the desire to want to help him through this, just be cautious. Addicts tend to make promises they can't keep and if he has been using for 3 years, I suspect he is using more than he is leading you to believe. I would be suspicious if I didn't see any withdrawal symptoms at all and he is claiming to be clean. He has to want this for himself, if he tells you he is doing this for you and the kids, that's bs. Addicts are manipulative and they learn how to play the game, he has been doing this for 3 years and hiding it very well.

I just wanted to stop in and give you some support. I will come back when I have more time, workin' workin'.

[bigboi15]

If your with him all the time i wouldnt suspect he is using just because his wds are not that bad. If he has restless legs at night then he isnt using. I used vicoden anywhere from 60-120mg a day for 3 yrs and my wds arent anything. By day 6 im not even getting restless legs anymore its just the mental craving that messes with me. Physicaly i could do anything no problem. I dont even miss one day in the gym when im going through wds. But i do eat a very healthy diet and workout pretty much every day even when im using.

All painkillers are derived from "OPIATES". Vicodin, Codeine, Oxycontin, Percodan, Opium, Morphine, Demerol, Heroin, ect, are all Opiates.
Opiates are not "downers". Opiates make the body's receptors (endorphins) lazy, because it supplies the energy. It activates the "dopamine" transmitters. . Hence the slang term "Dope Fiend". We people get high & mighty on dope. If you are already tired, then you may not get so energetic. Downers on the other hand, put your @ss to sleep. After a time the endorphins will not work with out opiates.
The body is so used to the drug producing energy for it, that without it, it goes into very unpleasant withdrawals. Thats the short version. The long version is much more complicated, & no, I'm not a Doctor. This example should be close enough to get my point across to you.
Again, I am not teasing or trying to hurt your feelings. You seem pretty fragile right now, but you also seem stubborn & unwilling to accept the truth. This attitude isn't going to get you anywhere, I'm afraid.
Your husband is smoking OPIATES in your garage. That is the truth
He told you he quit, and he's vacuuming and cleaning up the house?! That is NOT the truth.
The person that posted before says "no problem with w/d's". That may be true for him, but not for 99.9% of the rest of us. We hit the bricks and get real sick..
Everyone, including myself who have posted on this thread, actually give a sh!t about your situation. Believe me, I've got more things to do than try to "enlighten" someone who is building a constant wall of denial. I can not baby sit a baby sitter. If you want some help, then listen to us! If you want to be lied to, then go talk to your husband.

.