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I wanna know how to quit cocaine for good
  1. #1
    bklynkid80 is offline New Member
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    Default I wanna know how to quit cocaine for good

    I am just curious on how to really call it quits for cocaine. After you quit for like 7 days you start getting these cravings that it is intermittently thoughts pop in and out but you still have the motivation to quit then it tends to fade away your motivation and your thinking everything is back to normal then bang. Then your friends you can't get rid of but they are like family. But they know they will stay away for a while because I am quitting or not do it in front of me for respect. But I will come out and say lets do it. Thats how my thought process works after a week.

    Rehab I will never go there and will not be next to those people I would feel wierd and not wanna quit cause it is a horrible atmosphere with lack of motivation everyone is like a zombie just can't go. I meed serious help I just wanna know is accupuncture the way to go to quit cravings haven't tried it yet. Plus I have a great job I don't want to lose it due to this nasty drug. In reality I am a very motivated person with lots of energy. So I need advice on how to mix my thought process with that motivation without any interference from friends.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    dm503 is offline New Member
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    ***WARNING: Long winded, but straight-forward advice based on personal experience.***

    I used cocaine for about two years, and I know what you're saying. I'm a professional who runs my own business - not some junkie raver. Yet like everyone else, I'm just as vulnerable to addiction as the next guy. I used anywhere from a gram to a quarter ounce on an almost daily basis. I've experimented with a lot of different drugs, but nothing ever consumed my life as much as coke did. It was the first drug I would have dreams about using and it seemed to consume every outlet of my life - even when I was sleeping (or when I could actually sleep). I have not used coke for more than two years now and every day when I wake up, I feel great knowing that it no longer consumes my life.

    I have advice for you and you aren't going to like it. I didn't like it either when I was in your situation, but I eventually realized I had to accept it and face it. So here I go...

    Friends

    You mention friends you can't get ride of. Face it man, what is your friendship with this people all about? Is it so you feel the comfort of having other people to get high with? Is it because of so many coked out sessions with these people that you get that weird, yet >>>>, "coke bond" with them? (You know how people are extremely friendly and patronizing when they do coke together - I too developed my own "coke family"). I had a lot of people who I considered great friends at the time, but I had to face the fact that it was either these "friendships" or my life. It hurts bailing on these people, but you absolutely have to do what's best for you. It will hurt to cut them out of your life, but if you truely want to get clean, you're going to have to do it.

    I never realized how much these people influenced me until I stopped associating with them. Once I started feeling normal again after quitting, I finally told them straight up that as long as they were using, I couldn't hang out with them. I told them I absolutely didn't want them to invite me to use it again and that if they were truely my friends, then they would respect that.

    Don't lie to yourself. When you're addicted to cocaine, you develop a weak mentality where you'll almost always find a way to justify getting high. My strongest advice is to cut these people out of your life until they clean up as well. Hell, when I quit using, it actually set an example for a couple of my junkie friends and they in turn cleaned up following my lead. Make new friends that are clean. Taking yourself out of situations where you'll be tempted to use is one of, if not the biggest step towards cleaning up.

    Rehab

    As I said before, I wasn't you stereotypical street junkie that had to steal things and sell them at pawn shops to get high. I have a college degree, run my own self-started business and from an outsiders view would actually be seen as a respectible person. But I was living a double life. I thought I could keep up with my work and personal commitments and still use at the same time, and I honestly did without anyone knowing except for the people I used it with.

    I finally went on my own will to a treatment center, aka rehab. It was a hard decision for me and I really, REALLY had to humble myself and attitude to do it. I didn't want to go to those meetings either because of having to sit with "those people." But honestly, when you boil it down, you're just as same as the unemployed high school dropout when it comes to addiction. I made more money and had an education, but I was still a junkie. I was extremely reluctant to go to my first group meeting. I hated the idea of sitting with a bunch of other people and talking about my problem. I was also being way too judgemental of the other people I would be there with. But seriously man, lose that attitude. When you're a cokehead, you aren't any better than them and you have no room whatsoever to judge them.

    Don't rule out rehab. Once again, you have to humble yourself to do it - I know I did. I forced myself go to a one-on-one evaluation with a consouler for the first time, dreading the idea. I felt like a total loser and thought I would get stuck with some asshole who didn't understand my problem at all. But after talking to the guy for 10 minutes, I was finally able to tell someone what I was doing. Someone who actually cared and would help me help myself.

    A big misconception I had was that I just needed to quit the cravings. I WANTED the cravings to quit. I needed to know why I decided to turn to drugs and what was keeping me from quitting.

    Don't think you're too good to go to rehab, because as long as you're addicted to coke, you aren't. You're only saying that because you're afraid, but there's nothing to be afraid of. Support is one of the best tactics for cleaning up, not bull**** like accupuncture (And for your information, I tried that and hypnosis, but it was just a waste of money because I was back using the next day. It didn't help me find the root of my problem).

    There isn't an easy way to get clean. It's a process that takes time and the motivation to follow through. So bottom line:
    1) Break away from the "friends" you use it with. 2) Don't turn your back to rehab or treatment programs. You aren't too good for it and once you clean up, you'll appreciate it.

    You may hate these ideas, I definately did, but this is a much better option that using for the rest of your life. It won't be easy, but if I can do it, I know anyone can. It will be rough for awhile, but things will get so much better in your life in every aspect. I promise you.

    I hope you actually read all that. You sound a lot like I did when I decided to quit and I really want you to listen and think about what I said. Take care of yourself and be strong.

    Peace,
    Dan
    Last edited by ddcmod; 11-21-2009 at 09:39 PM.
    PinkToni, luckylarry and gharabala like this.

  3. #3
    fredsta170 is offline New Member
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    Thumbs up Its being 3 year & 5 Months how are u guys

    I'm going thru similar circumstances here as well, I know that after kicking the habit and breaking the pattern things will look and feel better, funny I don't have friends that get high on cocaine. I really need to get off this stuff. How are U guys doing since.

    How long before after a 12 day absence from the stimulation factor, one can with dedication start feeling better. I know to expect some discomfort. can you take do something to alleviate the crave.

    Fred

  4. #4
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
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    Hi bklynkid,

    dm503 is totally right.

    The sooner you realize that you are one of "those people," the better off you will be. Coke was a big drug among lots of high-earning, highly educated people in the 80s, and guess what...they had to get clean the same way as the street peeps did: by getting in treatment and dealing with it. Not all rehabs are full of people who don't want to be there! Have you tried any NA meetings? Those people are highly motivated and very serious and very knowledgeable about getting clean and staying clean. If you don't want to do a private detox, NA is the way to go. That is "serious help."

    Good luck!

  5. #5
    bg6666 is offline New Member
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    I used Crystal for a very long time, i started getting too paranoid and realized this; 6 hours of fun=4 days of full blown paranoia.

    it was paranoia that made want to quit.

    good luck

  6. #6
    Anonymous Guest

    Default 5 years clean - desipramine

    After being addicted to crack for about 3 years. At my bottom I was using $200 to $400 a day. I was prescribed desipramine for a few months and have been clean for 5 years now. I had offers to use and didn't have the urge. This is just my experience. Everyone is different so talk with a doctor. Best of luck You can quit.

  7. #7
    empyrean is offline New Member
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    OMG! That was the most inspiring script I've read to date -- thank you DM503 ... In my current predicament, I truly feel there is now a light at the end of the tunnel

    Quote Originally Posted by dm503 View Post
    ***WARNING: Long winded, but straight-forward advice based on personal experience.***

    I used cocaine for about two years, and I know what you're saying. I'm a professional who runs my own business - not some junkie raver. Yet like everyone else, I'm just as vulnerable to addiction as the next guy. I used anywhere from a gram to a quarter ounce on an almost daily basis. I've experimented with a lot of different drugs, but nothing ever consumed my life as much as coke did. It was the first drug I would have dreams about using and it seemed to consume every outlet of my life - even when I was sleeping (or when I could actually sleep). I have not used coke for more than two years now and every day when I wake up, I feel great knowing that it no longer consumes my life.

    I have advice for you and you aren't going to like it. I didn't like it either when I was in your situation, but I eventually realized I had to accept it and face it. So here I go...

    Friends

    You mention friends you can't get ride of. Face it man, what is your friendship with this people all about? Is it so you feel the comfort of having other people to get high with? Is it because of so many coked out sessions with these people that you get that weird, yet >>>>, "coke bond" with them? (You know how people are extremely friendly and patronizing when they do coke together - I too developed my own "coke family"). I had a lot of people who I considered great friends at the time, but I had to face the fact that it was either these "friendships" or my life. It hurts bailing on these people, but you absolutely have to do what's best for you. It will hurt to cut them out of your life, but if you truely want to get clean, you're going to have to do it.

    I never realized how much these people influenced me until I stopped associating with them. Once I started feeling normal again after quitting, I finally told them straight up that as long as they were using, I couldn't hang out with them. I told them I absolutely didn't want them to invite me to use it again and that if they were truely my friends, then they would respect that.

    Don't lie to yourself. When you're addicted to cocaine, you develop a weak mentality where you'll almost always find a way to justify getting high. My strongest advice is to cut these people out of your life until they clean up as well. Hell, when I quit using, it actually set an example for a couple of my junkie friends and they in turn cleaned up following my lead. Make new friends that are clean. Taking yourself out of situations where you'll be tempted to use is one of, if not the biggest step towards cleaning up.

    Rehab

    As I said before, I wasn't you stereotypical street junkie that had to steal things and sell them at pawn shops to get high. I have a college degree, run my own self-started business and from an outsiders view would actually be seen as a respectible person. But I was living a double life. I thought I could keep up with my work and personal commitments and still use at the same time, and I honestly did without anyone knowing except for the people I used it with.

    I finally went on my own will to a treatment center, aka rehab. It was a hard decision for me and I really, REALLY had to humble myself and attitude to do it. I didn't want to go to those meetings either because of having to sit with "those people." But honestly, when you boil it down, you're just as same as the unemployed high school dropout when it comes to addiction. I made more money and had an education, but I was still a junkie. I was extremely reluctant to go to my first group meeting. I hated the idea of sitting with a bunch of other people and talking about my problem. I was also being way too judgemental of the other people I would be there with. But seriously man, lose that attitude. When you're a cokehead, you aren't any better than them and you have no room whatsoever to judge them.

    Don't rule out rehab. Once again, you have to humble yourself to do it - I know I did. I forced myself go to a one-on-one evaluation with a consouler for the first time, dreading the idea. I felt like a total loser and thought I would get stuck with some asshole who didn't understand my problem at all. But after talking to the guy for 10 minutes, I was finally able to tell someone what I was doing. Someone who actually cared and would help me help myself.

    A big misconception I had was that I just needed to quit the cravings. I WANTED the cravings to quit. I needed to know why I decided to turn to drugs and what was keeping me from quitting.

    Don't think you're too good to go to rehab, because as long as you're addicted to coke, you aren't. You're only saying that because you're afraid, but there's nothing to be afraid of. Support is one of the best tactics for cleaning up, not bull**** like accupuncture (And for your information, I tried that and hypnosis, but it was just a waste of money because I was back using the next day. It didn't help me find the root of my problem).

    There isn't an easy way to get clean. It's a process that takes time and the motivation to follow through. So bottom line:
    1) Break away from the "friends" you use it with. 2) Don't turn your back to rehab or treatment programs. You aren't too good for it and once you clean up, you'll appreciate it.

    You may hate these ideas, I definately did, but this is a much better option that using for the rest of your life. It won't be easy, but if I can do it, I know anyone can. It will be rough for awhile, but things will get so much better in your life in every aspect. I promise you.

    I hope you actually read all that. You sound a lot like I did when I decided to quit and I really want you to listen and think about what I said. Take care of yourself and be strong.

    Peace,
    Dan

  8. #8
    bbwrgv is offline New Member
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    dear dan,
    i have been searching and searching for weeks for someone to even come close to what i am dealing with. when i accidently came across your post; you describing the "craving" and such; really spoke to me. I've been a heavy "bumper" for the past two years. started using it because none of the diets/prescribed medications would work to lose weight...i was terrified of gastric bypass surgery. now i've met my goal, afraid to stop using ~ what if i gain it all back? ~ i know its sounds pretty stupid, but in the back of my mind...i cant get that fear out of my head. i cry everyday because i fail to not go get a "dime". a few months ago i got into trouble and arrested for possession. now my freedom is at stake because i have no self-control. cocaine (snorting only) also helps me with my mania/bi-polar & depression. when my meds just are not working that day, "poof" there goes weak me to go get a dime to stop the mania...instead of it getting me all jittery, energetic and perked up....it calms me down, keeps me focused and the mania goes away. i've researching this quite a bit and i just found where that is part of withdrawal...geez, i'm so lost and dont have anyone to talk to about this. i'm afraid to go to ca or na because i have such a high profile job that i am pretty much well know throughout the county. you would think an intelligent, strong woman could beat this...shoot i didnt even let cancer get me down or beat me the four times i had it. how can this little powder have so much control. i went to a really great rehab center in february; enjoyed it, but i left after two weeks for the simple fact that the phyc dr for the center ended up being my mom's personal phyc dr and all he wanted to talk about was of what an embarrassment i was being of getting caught/using...i walked out. sorry for rambling so much, i've been on a "mania" for three days with only 6-8 hrs of sleep during this episode. thank goodness its friday...hoping to crash out this weekend and finally get some rest. please explain in more detail how you quit; what were your withdrawal systems; what should i expect or look for; etc. as of today i am through...cold turkey!!! lord give me strength for this long and hard journey i am about to embark on. god bless you and i hope to hear from others who are going through the same thing.

    bbw

  9. #9
    icarusrex is offline New Member
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    It's good to know you're not alone in this, huh?

    SWIM broke out a bag in my 2nd year of university, and I gave the white stuff a shot. I did it recreationally one every six months until my group of friends started hanging out with the acting crowd. This was in 3rd year. Eventually I moved to a location that (unfortunately) lent me easy access to the stuff- long story short, I've used .5 grams about 5 days a week or more now for about six months, and it's a road I don't wish to continue on. I'm a premedical student with a lot of vices, and a desperate desire to kick them but no support system to distract me.

    It seems the user's trick is to blame someone else for their habits.
    I am trying to separate myself from this practice- I agree with a previous poster in saying that you do need help. Rehab may or may not be the answer for me, and the same is true for you, but it is necessary to find a professional that can help you cope with the emotional aspect of cocaine withdrawal.
    It seems I slip the easiest into old habits when I am drunk and lose inhibition or when I'm feeling particularly alone, wanting to numb or just to quickly feel "happy". Most times now I feel the craving as a prickling on the back of my neck, a sporadic thought to call my dealer. I've tried deleting the numbers out of my phone but I always find my way back- and I am soon going to see a long term therapist and move into a better, less "connected" neighborhood.

    I suppose this reply is less an offering of advice and more a plight for it.

  10. #10
    Jack_o_matic is offline New Member
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    My respect on how strong is your will to fight this strong problem.As im writing this note im high on coke. I want to quit really bad. I went to a clinic, i went to NA, but the drug is winning, i want to ask you how you are dealing with this problem,do you feel you quit for good?, is a day by day fight?, how hard it was for you?, what can i do that will help me give up this unreal effect?.
    I really liked your post, is a message that shows that it is possible to quit and move forward. Thanks for sharing your strenght and careing for others that went trought of what you lived and experienced.

  11. #11
    Jack_o_matic is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dm503 View Post
    ***WARNING: Long winded, but straight-forward advice based on personal experience.***

    I used cocaine for about two years, and I know what you're saying. I'm a professional who runs my own business - not some junkie raver. Yet like everyone else, I'm just as vulnerable to addiction as the next guy. I used anywhere from a gram to a quarter ounce on an almost daily basis. I've experimented with a lot of different drugs, but nothing ever consumed my life as much as coke did. It was the first drug I would have dreams about using and it seemed to consume every outlet of my life - even when I was sleeping (or when I could actually sleep). I have not used coke for more than two years now and every day when I wake up, I feel great knowing that it no longer consumes my life.

    I have advice for you and you aren't going to like it. I didn't like it either when I was in your situation, but I eventually realized I had to accept it and face it. So here I go...

    Friends

    You mention friends you can't get ride of. Face it man, what is your friendship with this people all about? Is it so you feel the comfort of having other people to get high with? Is it because of so many coked out sessions with these people that you get that weird, yet >>>>, "coke bond" with them? (You know how people are extremely friendly and patronizing when they do coke together - I too developed my own "coke family"). I had a lot of people who I considered great friends at the time, but I had to face the fact that it was either these "friendships" or my life. It hurts bailing on these people, but you absolutely have to do what's best for you. It will hurt to cut them out of your life, but if you truely want to get clean, you're going to have to do it.

    I never realized how much these people influenced me until I stopped associating with them. Once I started feeling normal again after quitting, I finally told them straight up that as long as they were using, I couldn't hang out with them. I told them I absolutely didn't want them to invite me to use it again and that if they were truely my friends, then they would respect that.

    Don't lie to yourself. When you're addicted to cocaine, you develop a weak mentality where you'll almost always find a way to justify getting high. My strongest advice is to cut these people out of your life until they clean up as well. Hell, when I quit using, it actually set an example for a couple of my junkie friends and they in turn cleaned up following my lead. Make new friends that are clean. Taking yourself out of situations where you'll be tempted to use is one of, if not the biggest step towards cleaning up.

    Rehab

    As I said before, I wasn't you stereotypical street junkie that had to steal things and sell them at pawn shops to get high. I have a college degree, run my own self-started business and from an outsiders view would actually be seen as a respectible person. But I was living a double life. I thought I could keep up with my work and personal commitments and still use at the same time, and I honestly did without anyone knowing except for the people I used it with.

    I finally went on my own will to a treatment center, aka rehab. It was a hard decision for me and I really, REALLY had to humble myself and attitude to do it. I didn't want to go to those meetings either because of having to sit with "those people." But honestly, when you boil it down, you're just as same as the unemployed high school dropout when it comes to addiction. I made more money and had an education, but I was still a junkie. I was extremely reluctant to go to my first group meeting. I hated the idea of sitting with a bunch of other people and talking about my problem. I was also being way too judgemental of the other people I would be there with. But seriously man, lose that attitude. When you're a cokehead, you aren't any better than them and you have no room whatsoever to judge them.

    Don't rule out rehab. Once again, you have to humble yourself to do it - I know I did. I forced myself go to a one-on-one evaluation with a consouler for the first time, dreading the idea. I felt like a total loser and thought I would get stuck with some asshole who didn't understand my problem at all. But after talking to the guy for 10 minutes, I was finally able to tell someone what I was doing. Someone who actually cared and would help me help myself.

    A big misconception I had was that I just needed to quit the cravings. I WANTED the cravings to quit. I needed to know why I decided to turn to drugs and what was keeping me from quitting.

    Don't think you're too good to go to rehab, because as long as you're addicted to coke, you aren't. You're only saying that because you're afraid, but there's nothing to be afraid of. Support is one of the best tactics for cleaning up, not bull**** like accupuncture (And for your information, I tried that and hypnosis, but it was just a waste of money because I was back using the next day. It didn't help me find the root of my problem).

    There isn't an easy way to get clean. It's a process that takes time and the motivation to follow through. So bottom line:
    1) Break away from the "friends" you use it with. 2) Don't turn your back to rehab or treatment programs. You aren't too good for it and once you clean up, you'll appreciate it.

    You may hate these ideas, I definately did, but this is a much better option that using for the rest of your life. It won't be easy, but if I can do it, I know anyone can. It will be rough for awhile, but things will get so much better in your life in every aspect. I promise you.

    I hope you actually read all that. You sound a lot like I did when I decided to quit and I really want you to listen and think about what I said. Take care of yourself and be strong.

    Peace,
    Dan
    My respect on how strong is your will to fight this strong problem.As im writing this note im high on coke. I want to quit really bad. I went to a clinic, i went to NA, but the drug is winning, i want to ask you how you are dealing with this problem,do you feel you quit for good?, is a day by day fight?, how hard it was for you?, what can i do that will help me give up this unreal effect?.
    I really liked your post, is a message that shows that it is possible to quit and move forward. Thanks for sharing your strenght and careing for others that went trought of what you lived and experienced.

  12. #12
    Jack_o_matic is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bklynkid80 View Post
    I am just curious on how to really call it quits for cocaine. After you quit for like 7 days you start getting these cravings that it is intermittently thoughts pop in and out but you still have the motivation to quit then it tends to fade away your motivation and your thinking everything is back to normal then bang. Then your friends you can't get rid of but they are like family. But they know they will stay away for a while because I am quitting or not do it in front of me for respect. But I will come out and say lets do it. Thats how my thought process works after a week.

    Rehab I will never go there and will not be next to those people I would feel wierd and not wanna quit cause it is a horrible atmosphere with lack of motivation everyone is like a zombie just can't go. I meed serious help I just wanna know is accupuncture the way to go to quit cravings haven't tried it yet. Plus I have a great job I don't want to lose it due to this nasty drug. In reality I am a very motivated person with lots of energy. So I need advice on how to mix my thought process with that motivation without any interference from friends.

    Thanks
    yo man, how are you doing with your coke problem? have you found and exit of it?, how are you dealing with it?, i want to let you know that we share the same problem and im looking forward to quit and finish this problem. Any lines will help and give me strenght, share your experience.
    Peace.

  13. #13
    Jack_o_matic is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by fredsta170 View Post
    I'm going thru similar circumstances here as well, I know that after kicking the habit and breaking the pattern things will look and feel better, funny I don't have friends that get high on cocaine. I really need to get off this stuff. How are U guys doing since.

    How long before after a 12 day absence from the stimulation factor, one can with dedication start feeling better. I know to expect some discomfort. can you take do something to alleviate the crave.

    Fred
    bro, im trying to fight the same problem, how are you dealing with it? did you find peace? did you quit it?
    Did you tried treatment? or NA?

  14. #14
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_o_matic View Post
    bro, im trying to fight the same problem, how are you dealing with it? did you find peace? did you quit it?
    Did you tried treatment? or NA?
    Hey Jack,

    I truly feel for you, as I lived with a daily cocaine addiction for over a year - it was a nightmare. I went from being a successful businesswoman to an unemployed coke addict in that time - and lost nearly everything in the process. I could no longer hold a job, pay a bill or be any part of society, for that matter. My life centered entirely around the cocaine - finding the money for it, getting it - then back again, day after day.

    For me, I was utterly broken by this obsession - and when I couldn't live that way any longer, I was then willing to get help. I could not do it on my own, Jack - this addiction is too powerful to try to do it alone. I went in-patient for treatment, and that's my best recommendation to you, as well. Cocaine wreaks havoc on our brain chemistry, and that fuels our return to the drug. It takes time for that chemistry to heal, so that we are able to feel "normal" feelings of pleasure or happiness.

    Cocaine is a unique drug - the withdrawal doesn't present much for physical symptoms, but mentally and emotionally, it's awful. That 'dulling' of good feelings can continue for several months, and depression is a frequent cause for relapse. We want to give up - want to say it isn't worth it, if we're always going to feel that depressed. It helps to remember that picking up just one time will re-set your brain chemistry back to day one... and waiting that much longer for the "feel good" feelings to return to normal. By the time we have a few days or weeks under our belts, hopefully, we don't want to "undo" the progress we've made.

    It helped me tremendously to be in-patient (in a treatment center) for that time period - in a safe place, where there was no chance of finding or using cocaine - surrounded by others who were going through the same thing. Sort of a 'safety net' period of time for me. At the same time, I was learning how to live life drug-free, which has been the foundation for my long-term recovery.

    YES - I've been successful and YES, I've found true, lasting peace. It's been over 20 years since I last used cocaine. The first year was the toughest, lots of emotional highs and lows - but eventually, all withdrawal symptoms passed. I not only did the treatment in-patient, but I pursued regular (often daily) NA and AA meetings, as well. That's where i learned how to cope with (and enjoy!) life without drugs - and, thankfully, free of the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior of addiction. I never have a craving for cocaine; that left me within the first few months clean.

    To be honest, Jack - I wouldn't trade the peace and joy I live with in recovery for a limitless supply of cocaine - or any other drug. There certainly is hope for you, I promise.

    God bless,
    Ruth

  15. #15
    whyamidoingthis is offline New Member
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    Default Ugh

    Years ago, I never would have thought I would be taking cocaine on a daily basis for about 5 months, maybe 6. It's funny. Drinking was a big problem for me, and I quite very easily. I was blessed that there were no truly adverse consequences. However, if I don't quite this sometime soon, i.e., yesterday, my life is going to spin out of control.

    Cocaine is so deceptive because one does not realize (at least in my way of thinking) that is becoming an addict. However, addiction is addiction, and I guess, after being off of alcohol for 5 years, I thought a little vice would not hurt. I was ABSOLUTELY WRONG.

    I don't even really enjoy it anymore. If I don't enjoy it. Sometimes I get a huge headache, followed by nausea. Continuing is not the answer, but I seem to have a fear of being without it.

    How did I start using? My companion was using for two years and then just decided enough was enough: cold turkey.

    I have my plan, which includes going out of town to a place where I don't know a soul. I will sleep, work out, and let the toxins get out of my body. I know that I have a long road of me, but I can do it if I want to. "Just saying no" does seem so trite. But that's what I must do, or I'll lose everything I've worked for.

    Thanks for all of the messages. You guys are great.

  16. #16
    tmprojects is offline New Member
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_o_matic View Post
    My respect on how strong is your will to fight this strong problem.As im writing this note im high on coke. I want to quit really bad. I went to a clinic, i went to NA, but the drug is winning, i want to ask you how you are dealing with this problem,do you feel you quit for good?, is a day by day fight?, how hard it was for you?, what can i do that will help me give up this unreal effect?.
    I really liked your post, is a message that shows that it is possible to quit and move forward. Thanks for sharing your strenght and careing for others that went trought of what you lived and experienced.
    what you said is the strangest and most significant irony of this addiction. i too am high on coke and at the same time desperate to stop. the problem is the way it gets you is so subtle that as soon as you feel out of the woods and 'in a good mood' you forget the lows (or bury them) and search for it.

    my story

    I hold a lot of guilt, not only have i been struggling for 15 years with my addiction, i carry the burden of seeing the wake of distruction i leave through peoples lives. meeting new people with casual use, becoming friends, watching them increase their use more and more, and see their lives deteriorate usually to the point it implodes, then they cut me out of their lives. and i then i move on to the next one. i see myself like the tazmanian devil in the bugs bunny cartoons.like a distructive whirlwind in peoples lives. turn up suddenly stuffs everything up, then leave suddenly.i always warn them, tell them the story, but they always say the same thing, im a grown man i'm reponsible for my own actions, don't worry about me. like i'm condecending them. this cycle has become so predictable i try not to make friends now.

    i almost wish i was them. for them its a whirlwind with an abrupt end, they inevitabley cut me off and get on with their lives. but i remain. stuck watching the same strokes with different folks.

    i have suffered a 15year addiction. and always held a job, family, mortgage etc. always doing just enough to prevent the implosion and the ability to always present an air of respectability seems to be my curse.

    councelling has done a huge amount to stop the depression and guilt but not the use. i am now desperate to stop. i am getting really scared, i regularly find my self not breathing!!! its like i suddenly become aware that i'm suffocating and realise i'm holding my breath. then i have to take a deep breath to recover only to do it 10mins later. it happens all the time, sitting walking driving, but always when i'm high

    i know alcoholics can take a drug that makes them violently sick if they drink. is their a drug out there you can take for cocaine that does the same?

    please help me. please
    Last edited by ddcmod; 10-23-2010 at 12:03 AM.

  17. #17
    icarusrex is offline New Member
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    Default An update on my progress

    Hi all,
    Hope everyone is going well.
    Since my last post, I have started to attend regular group and individual therapy sessions. They are helping to address the emotional issues that may or may not be causing me to use cocaine, but ultimately my use has more or less stayed the same, fluctuating with periods of abstinence.
    I find myself getting cravings from so many different things, even handling money, that the idea of trying to push every reminder out of your head or otherwise address the "trigger" is too daunting a task to undertake. Yet, this is a necessary step.

    A large part of me is thinking that I "identify" as a drug addict/user- I get trapped inside my own head and continuously worry, in the end concluding that this is who I am or that "I can get to quitting later". I think that user dm503 is totally right in saying that you need to remove yourself from your "coke family", and that some form of addiction treatment is necessary. The idea of hospitalization and rehab is scary to many people including myself, and my therapist recently suggested it to me.

    The reason is this- brain chemistry is such a complex thing that you can do some really intense damage to the levels of dopamine/serotonin in your body when taking drugs like cocaine, and surely no one takes cocaine alone (drinking, smoking weed, cigarettes, maybe even harder drugs or pharmas). The adage that cocaine is not a physically addictive substance is misleading in that psychological addiction can be related to a physical lack of chemicals.
    That 'dulling' of good feelings can continue for several months, and depression is a frequent cause for relapse. We want to give up - want to say it isn't worth it, if we're always going to feel that depressed. It helps to remember that picking up just one time will re-set your brain chemistry back to day one... and waiting that much longer for the "feel good" feelings to return to normal. By the time we have a few days or weeks under our belts, hopefully, we don't want to "undo" the progress we've made.
    That's why abstinence is suggested, to allow those levels to even out so that you are your real self, in a sense; then you can move forward.

    That being said, I'm struggling. I've had periods of abstinence for 3 or 4 days at a time followed by 2/3/4/5 days of nightly use since starting treatment.
    I think that a big part of me needs to "let go"; as ARTIST658 says, depression is a key factor in the return of cravings, but at the same time it seems (at least for me) that putting myself into this category of drug addict, letting the fact that I have a problem with cocaine rule over my brain. This causes more distress, more depression, and then I use. So it's a funny game of see-saw.

    To all the cokeheads like me out there (and you know what they always say- we are always giving the advice that we need to hear):
    Get help, but forgive yourself.
    The guilt from using cocaine can lead you to use cocaine. If you're taking positive steps, remember that you're taking positive steps! Take me for instance- I have been in group for a month and individual therapy for about 2 months, and I am by no means "healed"; I still use cocaine regularly, probably 3 nights a week.
    But learning to tolerate the cravings, (and these next ones are the most important) to let go of the guilt and forgive yourself, and to just simply get the hell out of the place you do cocaine FIRST, you will get there. I'm not there, but in forgiving myself I am approaching abstinence and proud of myself for it.

    The sad thing is, I'm writing this now away from my apartment in an attempt to avoid using as well as sapping internet from the neighborhood, but I feel a craving now.
    However, looking at my post from three months prior, I realize that at that time I would have felt the craving and instantly have my dealer's number halfway dialed, almost like a reflex. Now, I get out of the house and do something else. In many cases, I come home and do cocaine anyway, but the frequency is much, much less than it was, and I can tell all of you that we are going to make it. I hope to hear from someone on this soon- one of the biggest triggers (at least, for me) for a drug addict is being alone or feeling alone. Much love to all.

  18. #18
    rockbottomagain is offline New Member
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    Default Coke never quits you

    I started on cocaine in 1998. I was a high riser in the banking industry. I drank too much. I told myself I had to have it for energy. I felt tired all the time and needed a spark. It worked for a little while, then had zero effect. I was fully hooked by 2001. FULLY. Woke up to it and had to use it thru the day to get by. Got married in 02 and my daughter was born in 03. I was so tired by then I quit coke and drinking. Christmas of 04, I barely made it to my parents house for Christmas with my baby in tow. I was covered in my own blood and only had the energy to blow the horn of my truck. My father came out and yelled when he saw me. He helped me inside, mom grabbed my baby and I fell across the coffee table in the living room. I woke up 19 days later in ICU. Over 40 pounds of fluid had been pumped from my lungs and chest and from around my heart. My family had been told I would not live. I lived on a 24 hour pump full of milrinone and an avalanche of drugs for two years. Coke turned out NOT to be the reason for my bad heart, but hang on. I was awarded a new heart in Dec 06. I didn't use for 8 years. But I couldn't get it outta my mind. Cocaine, even if you quit it, never quits you. I used again last month. I felt so bad about myself, but this drug is imbedded in your mind. You can imagine you quit, but it's always there once you have tried it. I know it will kill me if I use. There is no doubt it will. But I fell short last month. I ran straight into therapy and got it off of my chest. I am attending meetings and talking about it. In my mind, it will never happen again, but who knows if I am around it again. I let myself be around it by hanging with people I knew were addicted. I thought...hey, one time won't be a problem. You gotta stronger heart, you're doing well....have at it. WRONG.

    Point I wanna make to me and to whomever is out there in our shoes is that you have to change those friends that enable. You have no choice. This is our lives here. AND, if you are addicted, this is not a drug to try and beat by yourself. It's not a fair fight. It makes you believe you need it, that you can't do anything without it and that you're a better performer with it. GET HELP! Not a friend, not your parents. A professional. And follow up. Never let it go. It's not a day by day thing. It starts minute by minute. You can beat this thing. I am going to. Come and join me.
    Last edited by rockbottomagain; 11-08-2010 at 02:41 AM.

  19. #19
    rockbottomagain is offline New Member
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    Default

    Icarusrex-

    My friend, you are not alone. I know what you are going through. We both know huh? I have a doctor that helped me out by prescribing low dosage zanax for when those cravings come up again and it is reallllly helping. When that cokemonster hits, it takes away that gnawing feeling. I am here with you. I feel you.

  20. #20
    finallyfree! is offline New Member
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    Talking cocaine...and life after it

    After I had quit cold turkey and refused the anxiety meds. I thought I was going to flip out at first...
    I tried to quit a couple of times, but that "I need it for energy, bla bla bla" excuse I made for myself and lack of will held me back. My former girlfriend told me (prior) to my coke use, that my spontaneous attitude and always on the go ie: bike riding , the gym, just a lot of outdoor stuff bothered her. So I know I did not need it for energy. Sad to say she was a bit too lazy for me anyway. Im 49 and other than some gray...I must be honest with out being conceited, I am in better shape than a lot of 20 somethings LOL
    It is a day to day battle....but I am winning

    everyday I read a little more inspiring things from the folks here....

    Thanks.... I will keep you posted

  21. #21
    rockbottomagain is offline New Member
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    Keep winning brother!!!! Keeep winning!!!! Hell yeah!!!!!!!!!!

  22. #22
    finallyfree! is offline New Member
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    Default A good sign..

    An update on how things are going for me...
    Im feeling much better....I have to say one thing that coke will do is over time make you very paranoid of almost everything. I will not even go into the nonsense rituals I would go through at night before I went to sleep. I no longer do that. My appetite is much better, not to mention the gastro-intestinal problems that coke gives you.
    I had purposefully avoided certain people. but most of all the main "party giver".
    But I said I had to face this and test myself. This is a friend I have know for many years 30+ . He invited me over ....offered me a drink which I declined.
    We talked for a while, played guitar.talked sh** cars...guitars etc.
    Then he broke out the stuff...offered I refused...then he looked at me and said
    "man I wish I could do that, and just not do it". I replied you can if you try.
    We went back to music and jammin on the guitar. I never felt more like a winner then that moment of just not giving in.
    Im alright.....I can do this

  23. #23
    rockbottomagain is offline New Member
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    Default

    NOW THAT is awesome!! One day at a time is what we face. I am going to try another thing. I am going to take 1/8th of the money I used to spend and donate it to kids. We have a great need for underpriveleged kids in this area and I THINK if I can see where I might be helping, it will give me more backbone. I am going to volunteer more with at risk teens. I am going to take another portion of the money and put it into a savings acct for my daughter. Well, I say I am going to, but I already have and it feels goooood.

    But congrats to you FINALLYFREE...that is a victory. Count one for the good guys. Heck yeah.
    Ms 1990 likes this.

  24. #24
    finallyfree! is offline New Member
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    Default So far sooooo good

    Its feeling like normal...
    It took a lot of will power, but I think most of all I do believe what held me and perhaps others too is the boost of self confidence that coke gives you. But when you start to come down you get a very sobering feeling of gloom and that things have become "lack luster". For me that was reality trying to make its way back to the surface...and I did not want it, nor be a part of it. But you know it in your heart that you will <never> get that feeling you had the first time. You just chase and chase. I began to hate myself and what I was becoming. I have read many stories and blogs and letters, and they all had one common thread....when are you going to help yourself.
    I absolutely love the fact that I can sleep again...function again and get that paranoid, self loathing 800lb gorilla off my back and out of my life...
    Now I do not have any cravings and I will still need be aware of what I do, but I do feel I am out of the woods. The last thing I did that was probably foolish, but I had to do it for myself. I went to the party center lol... with a few $$$. I hung out, I did have one half shot of vodka. Listened to music, then the offer was made... I said no thanks. And that was the end of it . No call backs....no "just a taste".
    I left went to Home Depot, then home. I saw my daughter who's 20, she smiled and made my day with just that. I went into my pocket and gave her the $$$ and told her to treat herself to whatever she likes.
    So Rockbottomagain hang in there...trust yourself...and what you feel, you are on the right track.
    Happy Holidays to everybody

  25. #25
    rockbottomagain is offline New Member
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    Default

    Loving that story finally free. Life can be so good if we just get out of the way. I have my daughter this holiday week. I took her for a small drive to a little town here in Georgia. I had been looking online for a special dog we could rescue. I found a Welsh Corgi with diabetes and that was getting older. Well, the dog picked us as her new famiy. We got home, I showed my daughter the special things that Muffin will need. It came time for bed and I gave my daughter her kiss, we sang our song and she was down for the count.(she just turned 7) A few minutes later, I couldn't find Muffin. I looked everywhere. I turned on the light in my daughter's room and peeked in there and saw one paw hanging out from the bed and my daughter's arm around Muffin. I looked for a minute and I cried. These kinds of moments are special and to think I would trade them for some drug? There is no drug that can get me that high.

    We can and we will win this thing.

  26. #26
    finallyfree! is offline New Member
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    Now you're talking...its in you and it is part of you. That moment, that feeling. Nothing in the world can take that moment or that feeling from you. And you created a moment fro your daughter that will last forever. Many years later you will be sitting down to eat or looking at old photos with your daughter and she will remember YOU for the cute dog you gave her.(yup Corgi's are cute).
    And just her words will bring you back to that moment when you saw her and Muffin sleeping....
    Rock don't look back...whatever is back there is done.
    Keep moving forward...daughter holding your right hand...Muffin on a leash in the left...
    Its time to enjoy you and all that surrounds you.

  27. #27
    ICanGetThroughThis is offline New Member
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    Smile

    Hi All

    I have been reading this thread for a couple of weeks now (since I have been clean) and I have found it an inspriration. I am an addict (I think its wrong to say that I am not after only 3 weeks clean). Its crazy how years fly by and one day you think back and say 'its been 10 years I have been using since' etc, and I am tired on constantly saying the day after using 'Right, thats it. I don't want it or need it' then a day later, get another gram or more. It seemed like a never ending circle. I was lying to my Fiance about my finances, my friends don't take it but I felt that if I went out socialising, I had to have some with me. People constantly asking me if I had a cold as I was always sniffling. I was drinking loads of beer when I was on gear to give me more of a buzz. Spending £300 plus every week on the stuff, and to be honest, the buzz was getting to become about 5% to what it was years ago. I could not speak to anyone as I was a secret addict. I did not want to lose the ones closest to me as I have kept it secret for so long.

    Anyway, 3 weeks ago, I was in hospital for a hip replacement. I was in for 9 days, and in those 9 days, I drank loads and loads of water and had no way of getting any gear. I felt better in myself. For once I had a 9 day break from the evil powder and my body felt healthier.

    I have been out of hospital 3 weeks now and not had any urge to get anymore. OK, I do have dreams about snorting lines, but before, I would wake up and make a phone call to my dealer.

    I am not saying I am out of the woods yet, as I know that weekends are the hardest to cope with, but for once in myself, I don't feel like I am having an argument with myself with one part saying 'no' and the other saying 'yes'

    I am at the moment on Tramadol for my hip (6 x 50mg a day). I know I have read about these becoming addictive and I am being careful about this, I am just wondering if they may be having an effect on me, and thats why I am not getting the cravings like I had before??

    I just know that I don't want to ruin all the hard work that I have been through in the 3 weeks clean.

    Sorry if I have gone on, but I wanted to share my story with you all, as this is the first time I have ever opened up.

    I look forward to reading everyones success stories (be it one week or one day clean).

    I just need to keep insprirated.

    Cheers Guys

    We can do this

  28. #28
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Default

    Hey there, I can,

    Congrats on the 3 weeks free from cocaine - YAY!!! That's terrific. I've been there, strung out daily cocaine use and created absolute hell with my life - so I know how hard this is, and what an accomplishment 3 weeks clean is! I'm many years down the road from there now, but will never forget what I went through.

    Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the tramadol is not a good idea for you. Yes, it is an addictive drug, and the very first warning on it (on this site) is: "You should not take tramadol if you have ever been addicted to drugs or alcohol." There are threads on this forum about tramadol addiction, and believe me, detoxing off tramadol is absolutely horrific. It's a drug that easily lends itself to dependency, causing a significant withdrawal syndrome when stopped. The sooner you stop it, the easier it'll be. The doctor has you at a fairly high dose right now.

    The other issue of tramadol is that it does also have an "anti-depressant" like effect. That's probably what's helping you through the cocaine detoxing. Generally, after cocaine addiction, it takes our brains a while to return to normal functioning - so our moods are depressed or flat for quite a while. That's what often triggers a recovering cocaine addict back to the drug. It's damn hard to wait out that time that our brains need to heal and NOT go back.

    IF and WHEN you stop the tramadol, just be very careful - don't let the depression (if it occurs) lead you backwards to cocaine. One time use of cocaine, at this point, will completely "un-do" the healing process that has already begun in your brain. Seriously, it is NOT worth it. You've accomplished 3 weeks free - please stay on that path!

    Ask your doctor to help you to transition from the tramadol to another non-addictive pain medication. Many doctors were misled by the pharmaceutic company's early hype to believe that tramadol was "safe" and "non-addictive." Your doctor may believe the same. Sadly, this is NOT true. I see evidence daily, in my work in a substance abuse treatment center. The tramadol is NOT a detox you need to experience.

    God bless,
    Ruth

  29. #29
    finallyfree! is offline New Member
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    Default You can do this...

    What Artist658 is saying is true, what the Dr Rx for you does flatten your craving but on the other hand has its own set of thorns too.
    Icangetthroughthis...congrats on your progress and stick with it. I was in the same round and round cycle too. Out socializing and had to have a bit of powdered confidence. But as time went on it had less and less effect and I needed more and more. Then when the night was done , there I was hating myself...unable to sleep....paranoid and I could not tell anybody.....Not one person.. I knew I was heading for disaster, cold turkey...lots of bad dreams...very real and scary dreams..
    I have tested myself, and put myself in a place where it looked like a confectioners convention and turned it down because I never want to not like myself again.
    You can (we can) beat this...I really do feel so much better and my bank account is a happier place too. Believe in yourself first.

    Strength to all of us.

  30. #30
    ICanGetThroughThis is offline New Member
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    Default

    Thanks for the positive replies. They were nice to read.

    I do still get cravings, I would be lieing if I said I didn't. The association things like the toilet lid in a quiet pub, the rolled up bank note in my hand, the so-called 'friendly chats' with people that are no more then aqaintances but you think they are your bestest friends.

    Drinking is also a struggle. It feels right to have a nice line and a pint of beer. I am trying hard to cut all these thoughts out, so excuse me if I report back here telling you all how I feel and how I get by when these situatons occur. For once it feels so good to talk to people who have been there, who will listen and not judge.

    Weekend is coming, and I know I have to do something to keep myself busy, and that means not going for a drink with my fiance, as it will only trigger the craving, and then that will trigger the lies, to where I am going quickly (as she knows nothing about my problems).

    I am tired of driving around to my 'so called' friends house to pick up. Tired of handing him large amounts of cash which could be spent of better things for the both of us. (I cringe at spending £60 of food shopping, but would not think twice about £90-£100 of an eight)

    I do still feel quite strong, and I am trying to channel that positiveness into a buzz of my own. Getting a buzz from being clean, rather then poisioning my brain and body again for a short buzz which leaves a long trail of dispair and guilt.

    I will be strong, and so will everyone else on here, we just need to open up to each other.

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