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- 1 Post By ByMyself
Oh, what have I done?!?
Oh, what have I done?!?
So I don't know if anyone remembers me. I was an almost constant visitor to this sight early last spring. I made it 2 months without an oxy.....and then i said "oh, I've done so good. I'm not going back but whats the harm in a little fun?" now here I am. Freezing, draggin my ass up to the computer chair with the backache of my life. Once again I am done. I feel bad everyday these days, even when I have em all day. I can't ever do this again. My family almost fell apart this time. I wish I never would have quit coming on here after a week or two of detox. maybe that would have reminded me that you can never just have one! and so begins day one....its good to see you all again, but the circumstances suck!
I know how you feel. I beet myself up all the time. When will this stop? Amy I one of the people who we call addicts? The answer I hate to say right now is yes. Man how about the people who have to deel with us.
I guess just do whats right and enjoy your family as much as possible. I am happy i can look in thier eyes right now and really feel what they say. Those pills kill any emotion you should feel. I love music right now. It funny because I find myself loving 80s music. It just so up beet and fun. In the car I putt the Windows down and just feel it. Makes my heart happy. Funny because I can feel it in my chest.
thank you so much
bymyself, that is one of the most comforting things anyones ever said to me on here. I was listening to Nushooz today and for a few minutes it felt better than any oxy I've ever done. you seem to be a lot like me. And I know beating myself up isn't the best, but i really believe you have to truly and realistically look at what you've become if you have any hope of changing it. That little shred of who I really am after 7 years of addiction is whats telling me its time!
a little background.
first and foremost. I am a mother...to a beautiful 2 yr old girl. Which is my biggest reason for quitting. she is probably my biggest victim too. I get sick at my stomach thinking of all the things I shoulda done with my little girl but instead, that time was spent on my habit. I lost our apartment because of my habit and had to move in with my in laws. I feel like I've barely been a human let alone a mother because of oxys and opana . also, my mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. she has been dealing with my failure for awhile now. and she certainly doesn't need to worry about me and my disgusting hobbies. She should be able to worry about her fight! that is why I'm gonna crawl, freezing to death, legs aching like hell, and more tired of feeling like ???? than i EVER have in my hole life. I'm 25 and I'm waisting my best years feeling 80. Never again!
Last edited by NewlySober; 02-23-2012 at 08:12 PM.
WOW, Music is what got me through the most difficult times in my detox. I grew up in the 80's and that was the last time I was truly sober for any length of time...I was just a kid. Listening to 80's rock just brought back so many good memories before my disease took over. one song inparticular totally hit me over and over...it was "FREE" by the band Stryper. Look it up on youtube and close your eyes and feel the FREEDOM of kicking pills. It made me cry the first time i heard it.....and I am NOT one to cry.
Originally Posted by NewlySober
If you have some time, read my blog when I was detoxing......i was a regularly posting throughout it and I read it every morning to remind me of the horrific drugs leaving my body.
Hang in there
Recovery is a process, getting the drugs out of your system is the easy part. The keyword in your statement was " have some fun" as a reward. If you can look at a piil and see fun, you still have alot of recovery to do, you need to learn how to reward yourself without drugs. When the day comes that you can look at a pill and see poison that is the day that you can call yourself a recovered addict. Until then you have to deal with the 2 steps forward 1 sep backward routine.
From today on they are poison to me. I learned that months ago, I don't know why it took me so long to work up the nerve to say enough is enough. I'm hangin in there, thanks for the support all!
I just wanted to sayhi. Ya the days are going by andim happy about that because to be the only thing i can count on right now is that time will pass. No matter how I use it its going to pass. So might as well be doing something good with it. Trying to stay happy and find happiness in all I do. Its just hard not having anyone to talk to. Well just the people who I was doing the pills with. So im not making that call. Well and everyone who is heer. And this site has helped me so very much.