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Please help me! My intro is below.
Please help me! My intro is below.
I am worried what I titled my post will minimize how scared I really am. I am terrified. I keep refreshing the page praying some one will post....something. I have to go to work. I hope someone will post to my "withdrawl" post. I need advice/help/support. something. I feel like my life isnt mine any more. I hate it. I WANT to try. Please help me!
Originally Posted by want2bfreee
I posted on your other thread. I used opiates for 35 years at levels that should have killed me and almost did a couple times. Now I have almost ten years clean from opiates. I know how to do this if you'll read the other thread. God bless.
I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.
Thank you for posting. I have to run out the door, I will reply to other thread when I get home. Only a six hr shift today. Thank you again. xo K
I can sense the almost panic in your post, so I'm responding to offer you some support. You are in the best possible place for help and Robert is the best! I'm only at my day 11 clean, so NO expert in this, but I do understand your fear, and I felt that way for the month it took me to finally committ to destroying the medications in my posession and getting on with the detox part of things. Like you, real pain brought me to the drugs, and at 6 + years, I needed to get my system 'free' of the chemicals so that I could truly evaluate what was "REAL" pain versus drug induced pain (if that makes sense at all). I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this...there are MANY of us here that are finding ourselves in the same situation. Hang in there and you will be so glad that you reached out for support and help on this forum! God's Blessings to you today and always!
Im new to this and i have read a lot of the posts and I am here because i need some serious help and input...I don't no where else to turn at this point.
we all have our stories and I would like to share mine.
I'm a 51 year old female, i have a large herniated disk in my neck which i take oxy's for, I had it all 4 years ago. I have worked in the medical field for the last 17 years , i have even worked pain management and i have seen first hand what these opiates can do to people and i never thought in my wildest dreams i would end up like some of the patients i seen come into the office, i never took anything stronger than a asprin and then i seldom took one of them. Even though i worked pain management i never really had the understanding of how addicting these medications really are , what these patients were going threw when they would come to the office wanting, needing there pain pills , it just didn't click with me what was the big need for a little pill ? I had never taken anything like that so i just really didn't understand.
I do know some people really need pain control, i was referring to the ones that really didn't need then for a sprained finger or something very mild that simple motrin could control. i sure as heck saw what they do to people. I don't know how many times i was screamed at on the phone by patients jonesing for pills because they were out and would give all these crazy stories like the A/C repair man must of stolen them, or i lost my purse, my cat ate them etc, and of course by law they can only be filled every 30 days unless of course the strength has changed then they can be refilled.
My spirling down fall:
My husband up and left me out of the blue in 2008 two months after i bought a house for us. we since have divorced but i was on the rebound and i met a man that i thought was prince charming so not the case...long story short i spent the last 4 years with a Narcissistic person and that man destroyed my life. I was fired from my job, because i had to many personal problems as his torment was unbareable at times and i can not answer why i never left for good why i allowed him to treat me so cruel , i just don't no the answer to that one maybe the need to be wanted by any cost because of the way my ex husband up and left me without one clue we had a problem in our marriage......
I lost my home, my car everything all gone in a blink of an eye. the last thing i owned my harley was repoed last month so now i am left with just a bag of clothes to my name and living with my daughter...
i started getting oxys from the neighbor for my neck pain, seemed when i was under such stress my neck would tense up and so much pain in the bones, one afternoon she said here take this it will help with ur pain, i never took anything like that before in my life, i started out taking a 1/2 of a 15mg and wow did i feel great! and it help me cope with the torment i lived with with my boyfriend who by the way is bipolar and a meth head something i neve ever endulged in at all. he had a good business of his own and made a lot of money but over the last 4 years his business has gone down hill rapidly, his house is in forclosure etc...i am not with him anymore i left him for the very last time a couple of weeks ago,his mental torment was beyond words and has left me so messed up.
I recently went to a shrink because i am at wits ends and she gave me a mood stablizer that i have been taking now for a week and i really don't feel any different not yet at least, the ex boyfriend has been terrorizing me.. that man is deadly with a pen and he has stripped me of all my selfesteme.
I read today that oxy's can actually over power any type of mood stablizers and actually make u feel even more depressed. i hate my life, my friends and family have given up on me one of the reasons is because i had some type of obsession with the boyfriend, he treated me so horribly, he was making me think i was the crazy one and i was always apologizing for things i didn't even do.yet i stayed and took his abuse why i don't no. i just dont understand that part of it at all but as long as i had my little green pills i thought i could handle anything.
i do go to pain management for the herniated disk but i have no health insurance but i can get the scripts from a pain management doctor i once worked for and i have pawned everything of value to just to be able to afford my habit of getting the pills every month...i am so ashamed of what i have become....so ashamed. my friends don't no what to do and some have even shown the tough love towards me and left my life because what i have been going threw for the last 4 years has taken a real toll on my family and my friends.they have talked to me until they were blue in the face over this man, and so finally my problems took there toll on there lives so they started leaving my life one by one and now i have no friends, my daughter barley talks to me and i am lost so very lost.
well these pills have got to go..i realize there are 90% of my problem, i want to live a normal life again, get a job, my own place have change in my pockets, i am sick to death of this life. I don't want to go out a looser in life..this is not who i am .
i just need to talk to other people who have or are walking in my shoes, i want off these things, so i am beginning the detox...i no it is going to be really rough, i mean i have read some people were taling 20-30 pills a day and i don't no how they ever lived to write about it but if they can kick it i certainly can considering i only take 3-4 a day.
so i have decided to go cold turkey, the most i have taken on any given day was 4 15 mg oxys......and mainly i was doing it to mask the reality of what i have became, i feel like a nothing, a real looser. here i am 51 years old, penniless, lost my friends and pretty much my family, i can only imagine what hurt i have caused to my daughter to have her see her mother like this. plus i have a beautiful year old grandbaby, i don't want her seeing me all depressed although she doesn't no what is going on , it is just the fact i have let my life get so out of control, what kinda grandmother am i that uses pills to mask her pain of reality? these pills destroy people they really do.
anyone have any pointers as to what to drink to help flush this ???? out of me? and the aches and pains i am gonna get etc? i read that thomas detox thing but i don't have the money for all that...i do have atavan for the anxiety but that to me is just swapping one drug for another my shrink gave it to me so i could sleep at night. i am at the very bottom of the barrel it's time i start climbing out and take control of my life and become that fun person i once was and a productive citizen because at the moment i really hate me! Thank you all for listening and i wish everyone here the very best in there journey to recovery.
Just wanted to reach out to you...I can certainly see from your post that you are feeling very anxious and afraid and I don't want you to think you are all alone! I decided basically the same thing recently - actually15 days ago - as I came to realize that I was no longer in control and something had to change for the better! All I can say to you from my experience is just stop...stop taking the pills. If you understand that your body is going to protest this stoppage and you are going to feel pretty lousy for a few days, probably have a really upset tummy, lots of body aches, chills, headache, just generally feel like you have a really bad case of the flu. But - like the flu - it passes in just a few days and it's like a light comes on and you sort of just step out into it. I just had to make up my mind to just settle in for the few days of feeling like total poo - had convinced myself that it was my body's way of ridding itself of the toxins the medications left in me - and I almost welcomed every symptom, as I knew it was just a part of the process and that it would pass within a matter of days. Don't get me wrong, there were times when I wanted to cave in and call my doctor to "rescue" me...but I timed my detox over a long holiday weekend and didn't leave myself that option, and there was no way I was willingly going to give in and fall for those mind tricks. Within a week, nearly all the symptoms started to pass, and though I still toss and turn a bit at night, for the most part things are really just so much better. Only YOU can do this for yourself. Sounds to me like once you get past the detox part of this you might need to get involved in some groups and begin the bigger process of working thru the reasons why things have gotten to this point in your life. I just wanted you to know - that you can totally do this - you can change what your life has become and start working on getting all the good things back into your life. Once you do that - you might be surprised at how many of the people that have pulled away from you during this time will come back into your life. Some won't - and there may be nothing you can do about that. I'm really in no position to give advice here - I really just wanted you to know that there are so many amazing stories and so many people here that give of thier time selflessly to help complete strangers - hang in here! Others will jump on here and post to you and I'll try to watch on and off thru the weekend and reach out to you! You just have to make up your mind to DO IT. I wish you the very best and please take this back for YOU! God Bless you!
Thank you for ur kind words. I truly am at witts ends about this. I don't want to be who i became. I got my notes from the Neuro Surgeon today and it states my neck is in a pretty bad way ....I will need surgery indeed at some point but since i only have county health insurance it doesn't pay much but i will eventually need surgery and that means pain pills but i will do the best i can when the time comes to prevent taking them special after the journey i am about to take.
i am in much pain as it is with the sever DDD and the herniation of the disk in two places but everytime i get upset i pop open the bottle. I read on another sight that these oxy's over ride any effects of antidepressants, so this mood stablizer i am on doens't seem to work all that well. although i have only been on them for a week i guess it takes time to build up and next friday i am to kick it up to two pills a day. So i have to out weigh the benefits , what is more important stablizing my moods so i am not crying all the time and so depressed looking like the life has been drained from me and the next minute i can feel like i am on cloud 9 since i have a chemical imbalance in my brain or take the oxys to help with the pain in my neck and arms and also to mask reality as it really is? Oxys are not going to solve my mental issues , i have to be a stronger person and stop running from my issues and take responsability and face them head on instead of using pain medications to treat the problems of life, i want to live i want to feel alive and i want to find happiness in this world, and i want people to rejoice in my presents not run from it. I am 51 years old and I sure as hell am not going out of this world a looser that i have become because of these stupid pills.
I want off the pills, I went off them a year ago and i did really well for 6 months and then i met up with my friend again the one that first got me on them and she gave me one and then it all went down hill from there.I have been on them again almost a year. I can go monday to get a refill of percocets but really i don't want to go...i can't go. I hate feeling like this i feel dirty, if that makes any sense, i even panic when i no my supply is almost out.....pittiful indeed, even though i have a ligit reason for having them, i don't take them right. i am only suppose to be taking percocet 5mg every 4 hours total of 6 per day but i take up to 9 a day of them...as the oxys when my friend reups she gives me some for break through pain and her's are the real deal 15mg no tylenol in them, so i am use to at least taking 15mg at a time so that is why i take 3 perks at once 3 times a day normally...
i have so many issues to deal with , i am kinda getting off the subject of this forum but my problems for getting hooked on pills to begin with are because of this man and the recent break up we were together 4 years, worst 4 years of my life! he sends me such hurtful emails i no the worse thing to do is read them but i do, i should block him but again i have no idea why i don't maybe it is because i am waiting to here what i want to hear that he is sorry but i have been threw this so many times with him it always ends the same......... so that depresses me, i never met a human being that has so much hate inside , that is his meth addiction i suppose, i never had a experience with one of them meth heads before what a night mare believe me. i think of all i had a beautiful home , the car of my dreams a full bank account a great career and now nothing it is so heart renching to let some man destroy ur life so much, then turn to pills to mask the truth of the situation, i don't no why i allowed it i just don't no. maybe through therapy i will find the answer to that.
yes i am more than ready to detox, this is no way to live because eventually u just keep chasing the dragon, to get the "first" feeling u get the first time u take one and that u just will never experience again and i can't keep taking them to mask and hide from the real issues, as i said i live with my daughter and i know it hurts her terribly to see me like this, i stay in my room most of the time away from the world ...and since my friends have pretty much disowned me over this man in my life as they just don't understand what has happen to me and neither do I?
im not afraid to detox, the worst part is the rining in my ears, drives me crazy and of course the leg cramps. i have done this before but it was easier cuz i hadn't been on them that long ....i told my daughter this evening i am detoxing and she was happy to hear it. she is very supportive however i did tell her i am just not going to surface much i will stay in my room threw the worst of it ....sleep as much as i can. i guess i am lucky in a way because i do have the mood stablizer and maybe it now will work since after like 3 days the drugs are out of ur system and the rest is just more mental than physical i suppose , the more u think about getting sick the more u will. plus i have the atavan for the anxiety but i will only take that when i can't stand it no more my last resort so to speak, i have the game plan now i just need to play the game and win...i no i will feel so much better i just no i will . i have read so many good stories here and it feels so good to know there is others that are going threw the same thing and knows what it is like to walk in ur shoes as my friends and family don't no what it is like and they judge without knowing. i thank everyone who is here and i wish great success to all of us and we all will make it with the faith in the higher power and the faith in ourselfs to over come this demon. Thank you again !