Hello everyone, this is my first post but I have been reading and trying to get my boyfriend to do the same to show him he's not alone. He sat down and read maybe 2 or 3 posts but is adamant that know one knows HIS pain. Saturday he decided that he was going to really try to quit by weening himself slowly off of hydrocodones. He has been taking them since 1992. Maybe I just haven't ran into any yet but so far I haven't seen anyone that has been hooked that long on here. Well, he lasted 3 days then went to see one of his "friends" today behind my back and got 4 7.5's and popped them all at once, Which in reality is litterally nothing to him at all. But after the arguing he just said he couldn't do it. He says that he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders and that he can actually feel everyone's pain and cannot function without it at all. Is this normal? I know withdrawals are excruciating and I have seen him suffer occasionally but he has never actually tried to detox since I have been with him until now. It has been a constant battle and I have offered myself completely to supporting him. I have lost a lot in the process myself. We fight constantly. We may have one good day for every bad week. Pills come before bills and he says he knows he has to get a grip on this but he just can't and today he was talking about suicide and said that it's hopeless. He gets a monthly script of 150 7.5's currently but they last less than 2 weeks with me holding them and he will take wat he can get his hands on after that. He doesn't steal or anything like that. But he will barter sometimes if he thinks he has to. How can you show someone there is hope? He sobbed today for the first time in front of me and said he doesn't want to live this way but he just doesn't believe there could possibly be an alternative. The suicide talk came after he took the 4 pills at once after he had been tapering. I don't know what to do. He gets very, very angry very easily I try to talk to him about it and he immediately wants to point out my faults as well as everyone else around him. He just completely tries to flip the script. I try so hard to be understanding. I have never had an addiction like this at all. I smoke and I know I'm addicted but I know there is a huge difference. I was never around this situation before and I cannot believe how widespread it actually is. I have done everything I know how to do and I know ultimately it's all on him. But we were supposed to have a life together and we just can't like this. It breaks my heart to no end. I just wish he REALLY knew he is not alone. I don't know where to go from here. I know 20 years is a long time to be on that and I'm surprised he has a liver. I ask him to get it checked but he won't because he's afraid of what he will find out. I'm at a dead end for real this time. Any words?