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Tapering off of opiates
  1. #1
    nosaj21 is offline New Member
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    Default Tapering off of opiates

    I have been reading these posts now for some time and see my own experiences in those conveyed by others. I am a 28 year old attorney and stared abusing hydrocodone 10mg on a daily basis about a year and 1/2 ago. About six months ago I moved up to oxys. At my worst, I would take over 800 mg of oxycontin per day. About two weeks ago, after two previous attempts to quit had failed, I decided that enough was enough. I tried to go from the oxys back to hydros, and then nothing. I started cold turkey detox from the hydros last Friday, March 3. I made it about three days and couldn't take anymore. I then tried to taper the remianing withdrawal using the weakest narcotic I could find, propoxyphene, and only yesterday ran out. I thought that I would be okay but today, my first day off of propoxyphene, I felt absolutlely miserable. I couldn't take it, so I found 20 5mg percocets. My question is this: I want more than anything in the world to use these to properly taper and minimalize withdrawal, but don't know how to best use what I've got. Any help would be absolutely appreciated and respected. I feel I've made it so far from where I was on the oxys to now and just need to make the final step.

  2. #2
    JBowski13 is offline Member
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    To be honest, you cant do it yourself. Get on the internet and find an addiction specialist in your area. Get on suboxone and you should have no withdrawls. The thing is, you have to want to stop. Because theres no pill that will stop the mental cravings for you.
    So till you have found a doc, try your best to taper off them at least a day before you see the doc. If you have withhdrawls when you see him, he'll give you some suboxone on the spot. If it works, this is the locator for suboxone in your area.

    http://www.samhsa.gov/medication-assisted-treatment
    Last edited by ddcmod3; 10-12-2016 at 06:58 PM.

  3. #3
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    Ditto!! listen to JB.........Good luck Dave

  4. #4
    Day
    Day is offline Junior Member
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    The withdraw from the pecocets is going to be less than if you try methadone or suboxone. But, if your not having much luck doing it on your own you should try suboxone (depending on how much opiates your taking a day, may need methadone). I tried to do the whole home-withdraw using less and less pills/mgs. and was unsuccessful. I have now been off pills, using prescribed methadone, and clean for 3wks. This is the first time in nearly a yr.and half. Oxy's are stronger than percocets. So going back to oxy's is regressing. Try a medical doctor, that way you can have your med. at home and not go to a clinic daily/weekly. If you need any info. on the clinic or the home withdraw let me know. I might be able to help you. Best of luck!
    ---Day

  5. #5
    shwnjr is offline Member
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    25 days clean off opiates now
    RightWill likes this.

  6. #6
    shwnjr is offline Member
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    27 days off opiates now feeling better every day
    RightWill and ByGrace_774 like this.

  7. #7
    vduda is offline Member
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    Hey,

    I am also a professional and was on massive amounts of opiates for a decade. About 3,500 mgs of pills and 30 cc's booting Hydromorphin and Dialaudid. In pills I was on Methadone (Waffers), Avinsa (Morphine), Demerol, Oxycodone, Hydrocodone and Propoxyphene and Fentanyl lollipops and patches. Now I have been clean for 6 months and I am in perfect health. Died three times from overdoses. Before I went into detox (2nd time in 2 years) a little over 6 months ago I was given 2 weeks to live. My whole system was shutting down. Just a little background. For more details look up my thread and replies.

    Now sometimes individuals give misinformation accidently. First of all, Percocet and Oxycontin have the same active synthetic opiate - Oxycodone. The difference is that Oxycontin is time released and percocet contains acetomenophen. To address your tappering method. It seems that it was working. But you ran out of your darvacet or darvon whichever one you were using. So you took a step backwards. One point the others made is that you really want to "want" be off the drugs. Mentally, it is harder. Eventhough I went through hell I still crave opiates daily. That is why I have built a great support sytem around me. Family, girlfriend, group, counselor, family doc, pshchiatrist. It is hard to do this thing isolated. You were almost there. You have to go through the fire to be cleansed. Forget about suboxone and methadone. Some people need to go this route, but from what you shared you were able to tapper down to a class 4 opiate. Look, just bite the bullet. 5 to 10 days of suffering is worth getting your life back. It is hell, but there is a world waiting for you. Go to your doc and explain what you are doing. Tapper down again and get some outside support. Use advil/aleve for body aches, immodium, phenergan for nausea, plenty of water with electrolytes, if you can eat apples (pectin is great of stomach cramping) and if your doc feels it's prudent a short use of benzos for the anxiety and to help you sleep. You were right there! Like I said everyone wants to turn to suboxone and methadone. These are strong opiates and work for individuals who usually cannot stop. Or for those tappering down from long time use of heavy duty opiates. It just seems to me that people are not willing to go through the pain. It will probably be the worse experience of your life, but you have lose your life to gain it. I'm not judging anyone. Most likely I was the bigget junkie on this forum. And I have the scars to prove it. I blew out all my veins. Almost destroyed my liver, kidneys, heart, and other systems and organs. Miraculously, I am now in perfect health after being clean six months. Blood work shows that I am in the shape of a marathon runner. All my organs healed and are working optimally. I feel awesome. But I had to go through hell to get here. Withdrawals lasted months for me. Almost died. You should be done with the worse after 7 days. Just think a little over six months ago I was on my death bed. At 41 years young I am living again after being asleep for oh so long. Girlfriend in her twenties (she's having a hard time keeping up with me if you know what I mean). I went from a bloated 228lbs to a lean 190lbs. Actually, I was down to 170lbs at my worst point in my detox. I went from a size 40,41 waist to a 30 waist. Look up my other replies to see how far I have come. You can beat this thing. For me God was my center. He gave me strength when I had none. Life is beautiful. Carpe Diem. God Bless.

  8. #8
    shwnjr is offline Member
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    Default 31 days free of opiates

    31 days since my last little blue 30 mg roxi and feeling great

  9. #9
    vduda is offline Member
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    That's awesome shwnjr. Keep up the good fight. God Bless

  10. #10
    shwnjr is offline Member
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    Default thanks vduda

    thanks i really appreciate it it feels soo good to be clean and sober after doing pain killers for 6 yrs straight there soo much more too life after living your life in a drug induced fog thanks everybody on here and good luck on getting clean too you all god bless love all of you
    christycrossbones likes this.

  11. #11
    KOHinton is offline New Member
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    Have you tried Subutex? its nothing like methadone

    I was up to a 900mg habit per day.......Subutex killed the withdrawals within 20 min......plus, its easy to stop taking Subutex

    here is more info:

    Currently, however, a remarkable new treatment is available as a result of the Drug Addiction Treatment Act of 2000. The medication Subutex has been approved for the office-based treatment of Opiate Dependence. Before this treatment, detoxification was generally conducted in a hospital setting. Subutex (generic name: buprenorphine) is actually a Partial Opiate Receptor Agonist, that is, it is a key that unlocks the same brain circuits that an addictive opiate such as hydrocodone would, but only partially. It is able to mimic the effect of more addictive opiates just enough to shut down cravings and eliminate withdrawal symptoms. Yet, it does not reinforce its own use like opiates, it does not have the "Lay's potato chip effect,” where the more a thing is used, the more it is wanted.

    While other opiates are difficult to taper off, Subutex can be gradually reduced with ease. This new medication has revolutionized the treatment of opiate dependence.

    even more at www.naabt.org

    Good-luck and hang-in there.......your almost home!

    KO

  12. #12
    Scoliosis is offline Junior Member
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    shame on everyone suggesting you taper off via subox / methadone.

    Do you research and speak to people. There are better ways. Slowly taper down 20mg approx per month and exercise, herbs, teas, massage, etc... there are so many other ways to do it.

    If you choose the harder stuff aforementioned then I take back the "shame on you ".. statement , its just that so many of these young and inexperienced docs are mis-treating people with legitimate chronic pain , in the case of pure abuse, perhaps this route is best... but I still am against them.
    Mild to moderate symmetric disc bulging L3-L4 and L4-L5.
    Mild to moderate left facet joint osteoarthritis L3-L4. Thoracolumbar rotoscoliosis.
    And some more. Not fun. not one bit. At all. I am always hurting.

    I do not advocate illicit drug use and understand why so many people who are in pain do bad things, unless you have real chronic pain no matter what or how much you read up on pain the ones with real pain will truly understand why we say what we say and do what we do & resort to the things we do. We have to.

    Walk a mile in my shoe and wince in pain, feel your sweaty shirt, forehead moist, grunt, smile and then move on. Life could be worse.

  13. #13
    Lunalunablue is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scoliosis View Post
    shame on everyone suggesting you taper off via subox / methadone.

    Do you research and speak to people. There are better ways. Slowly taper down 20mg approx per month and exercise, herbs, teas, massage, etc... there are so many other ways to do it.

    If you choose the harder stuff aforementioned then I take back the "shame on you ".. statement , its just that so many of these young and inexperienced docs are mis-treating people with legitimate chronic pain , in the case of pure abuse, perhaps this route is best... but I still am against them.
    Shame on you to judge anyone on here! There is a huge difference between taper as a detox and maintenance! Buperenorphine can be a life and agony saver for many people when and most importantly if used for ONLY a short period of time from a few days to a cpl weeks. Yes it's different if people stay on them forever, but for some that's the best they are able to do and if that stops them from putting a needle in there arm and allows them to live a normal life that's great. Subs are best used for a short detox plan though and if done correctly u will avoid getting hooked on those too. Research it and you will find it works wonders for people when used this way, it's also smart to follow that up with some type of ongoing care or therapy plan...

  14. #14
    need_help_plz is offline Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by ddcmod; 03-13-2012 at 04:58 AM.

  15. #15
    britianyann is offline New Member
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    No matter how you go about it you are going to have to finally go cold turkey and suffer. Tapering works only if you have someone who you trust to dole out your medication. Imodium is an excellent medication for opioid detox. loperamide. 10-20 mg every 4-6 hours for at least 5 days and then slowly tapering down to 2 mg twice daily (no real harm can come from long term use of low dose. In any case, within 4-6 days the most severe withdrawal symptoms will be over (any residual diarrhea can be easily treated with loperamide (imodium). Be sure to drink lots of pure water and quality fruit juice and also take antioxidants (Vit C, B-complex, Vit E, Beta-Carotene, Co-Enzyme Q10, acetyl-l-cysteine etc.) You may need clemastine (Tavist). Chlorpheniramine is a good antihistamine for eyes and nose. Insomnia if you are uable to get something from your Dr. benedryl can help. Exercise is a must. Warm baths for the bodyaches or preferably a sauna. No easy way out just know once through you are through. Might want to look and see why you are self medicating. Good luck, I too have been searching for these answers and thought what I found might help. Lots of good information on the internet just keep looking if this isn't for you....

  16. #16
    Dr. Feel Good is offline New Member
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    I have been using opiates for many years now but was mainly using dilaudid. I tried many ways to wean off of them with no success but the best method I found was to drop one pill every two days. I was taking eight 8 Mg a day and this is how I tapered down.
    Day 1 - 2:
    8 am- Take 2
    Noon- Take 2
    4 pm- Take 2
    Bed- Take 2

    Day 2 - 3
    8 am- Take 2
    Noon- Take 2
    4 pm- Take 1
    Bed- Take 2

    Day 4 - 5
    8 am- Take 2
    Noon- Take 1
    4 pm- Take 1
    Bed- Take 2

    And so on.

  17. #17
    oxynomre is offline New Member
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    i read your story and could relate to it slightly i abused about 40mg oxycontin snorted daily for a solid year and quit coldturkey i was terified before and had to go to work doing a pyysical job. the forst 1-5 i had xanax to sleep and just as i thought it was over i had a few bad days. but its been a solid three weeks now and im starting to feel normal again. the pain was worth it as i feel like a new person, i ried to wean off many times but it just prolongs your pain. to everyone out there it does get better and you will feel the biggest natural high and feel proud of your self.

  18. #18
    Tanks_Nurse is offline New Member
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    Thank you for sharing your story, its been ten years, i hope all is well, i have some questions i would like to ask you but not sure your still active on this site, please let me know and if its ok to ask you a couple question.
    Thank you

  19. #19
    lilmk730 is offline New Member
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    I started riding this boat. I have 2 10s and 12 5 percs left. Today is day 1 of tapering. My regular morning dose is 30 mg until about 3 pm then another 30 and then again around 5. So I also would like to know. What should I take until I can find a Dr. Maybe for support or suboxon?

  20. #20
    Dirty South is offline New Member
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    I wish I was 27 days clean! Congratulations, I know opiates are the hardest things to quit.

  21. #21
    Agirl77 is offline New Member
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    Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
    Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
    You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
    So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

    After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
    I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

    So I stopped. Cold turkey.
    I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
    But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
    But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
    Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
    Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
    I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
    And stop fighting.
    But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
    So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
    Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
    I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
    I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
    I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
    But you have to hit that.
    The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
    Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
    It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
    It's worth it.

  22. #22
    Agirl77 is offline New Member
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    Default It's worth it

    Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
    Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
    You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
    So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

    After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
    I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

    So I stopped. Cold turkey.
    I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
    But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
    But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
    Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
    Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
    I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
    And stop fighting.
    But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
    So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
    Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
    I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
    I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
    I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
    But you have to hit that.
    The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
    Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
    It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
    It's worth it.

  23. #23
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    Default Hi There Agirl77

    Quote Originally Posted by Agirl77 View Post
    Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
    Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
    You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
    So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

    After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
    I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

    So I stopped. Cold turkey.
    I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
    But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
    But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
    Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
    Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
    I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
    And stop fighting.
    But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
    So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
    Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
    I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
    I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
    I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
    But you have to hit that.
    The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
    Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
    It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
    It's worth it.
    Greetings Agirl77 - Its seems as though you have had quite a bumpy ride. Your story and experience should be shared with all of us here on this forum. We all need stories like this to help aid in our recovery. If I may, I'd suggest starting your own thread. This thread is old and you may not get a lot of replies here.

    Just click on the link below:
    https://www.drugs.com/forum/need-talk/

    Click on the big blue "Start a new Post" button. I look forward to being able to learn more about you and your recovery
    Last edited by Day2_Nightmare; 02-24-2017 at 11:27 AM.

  24. #24
    ranjeet1641 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agirl77 View Post
    Hey you, yeah....YOU. I know what you're going through. And I will tell you how it ends. I am a 25 year old girl and I spent the last 7 years on and off of any type of narcotics. I'm free...let me tell you how this feels. First, let me warn you.
    Getting on drugs will give you the single most difficult, painful, soul-crushing experience in your life....soon or later. You've never experienced completely LOSING yourself and all form of life and hope like you will if you take for just one more day. Because one more day is just a precursor to an endless number of one more days. I know you don't believe me....I know you think you have control....I know you've heard that before....but you don't....and you won't. Because if you take for one more day thinking you can stop tomorrow....tomorrow never comes. Because why would you wake up and choose to stop taking when you could just choose to do it "one more time"....to feel good today instead of bad. You won't. Don't tell me you will.
    You might find yourself 7 years later and talking to your sister about how she gets the same high, happy, "all is good in the world" feeling without any drugs, as I do with them....and not be able to for one micro-second wrap your head around that idea or remember what that was like, or if you have even experienced that before. Because in the blink of an eye....you lose control....and you forget. And you look back and all you can remember is being unhappy without drugs...we can't seem to remember any joy we actually did feel...that's because the drug will refrain to give you any reason to let go of it.
    So here I was....7 years later....after endless nights of crying and asking God to help me stop...but waking up the next day to choose to take something because why wouldn't you choose happiness if it came in an easy to take form? You would. And then it wears off and at night you find yourself crying and feeling the weighted blanket of shame covering your eyes all over again. But you live to quit another day. Tomorrow? Keep telling yourself that.

    After talking with my sister about her joy and me not being able to fathom feeling it without drugs....I came to the end....I decided that I will never stop if I don't just do it NOW and choose to never look back. Am I ready? No. We will never be ready.
    I needed to remember how that felt....it really was possible to feel joy and happiness like I do now without habitually taking something right before? I don't get it and it made my brain hurt and my heart ache that I couldn't grasp this. I really am not normal anymore.

    So I stopped. Cold turkey.
    I just decided that I am going to suffer....because if I don't feel the pain I need to feel from 7 years of drug use than I will never be terrified enough of returning. So I did...I didn't occupy my mind with other things to get it off of the withdrawals, no....I took it all in. Every restless leg jerk at 4am, every anxiety-ridden thought, every tear. And I just prepared myself for the worst....and somehow....that made it easier....
    But cut to 6 days later. In the past withdrawals took about 3 days and on the third day it was either the worst and gone the next day or already gone completely. I think it's because in my mind I always had that blanket of drugs to run back to because I never fully committed myself to stopping for good.
    But not this time....it's day 6 and for the past few days I gradually began feeling nothing.....just....nothing. And by nothing you're probably thinking...that doesn't sound all that bad. We hear in songs all of the time about feeling nothing and it somehow sounds attractive almost. But no...it's not. It's not at all what you imagine it to be like.
    Imagine opening up your eyes in the morning to a feeling of complete apathy towards life. You have absolutely no desire and no motivation to get up. You look out of your window and all you can see is death...decay...surrounding and in everything. You feel no life. Nothing. Nothing except this hollow, empty, hungry feeling in your chest and gut that is driving you to the point of insanity.
    Insanity? No....that's not actually all that attractive either.
    I had NO idea who I was anymore...I didn't just feel nothing....I WAS nothing. There was not an ounce of life or juice or anything inside of me worth going on and worth fighting for. Why did I fight? I had no other choice. I decided drugs were not an option. And honestly....at this point....the only desire stronger than the idea of taking something to make this all go away....was the desire to just die.
    And stop fighting.
    But I just decided that wasn't an option either.
    So on day 6....I lost all hope. I thought that I lost all hope on day 4.....but day 6 was a reminder that I did have a shred of hope still hiding in me somewhere on day 4. Now I have found out what it's like to ACTUALLY lose all hope.
    Withdrawals are lasting too long this time and not even a shred of happiness has entered my lifeless being in the past 6 days. My brain just stopped producing ANY good chemicals. The brain heals right? Well when the spirit is broken....you'll start to lose faith in that too.
    I just accepted that this was it for me. I am probably going to feel this for the rest of my life. And it's not that I'm okay with it....but I guess I just developed this coping mechanism in the past 6 days of suffering.... that was that, I accept this. I hate it. I hate me. But I'll go on. I gave myself no other choices.
    I went to bed on day 6 feeling COMPLETE hopelessness.....really and truly weighing the idea that is it worth living anymore.....I had absolutely no idea that I would wake up the next morning and feel that first BURST of joy inside of my chest. It was more powerful and satisfying than I ever imagined it to be. I began waking up each day....deciding to get up and take a bath, get dressed, do whatever....simply because the idea of doing that made me feel good. I never ever imagined that I would feel this way or get to know what this feels like again after completely losing myself to drugs. But I did.
    I truly believe that sometimes with withdrawals we need to hit COMPLETE rock bottom before there's no where else to go but up. So if you are feeling absolutely hopeless and like "will this ever end if so....when".....well, if you're as far down as you can possibly go, than probably tomorrow.
    But you have to hit that.
    The worse that you feel, the closer you are. And just know...you won't encounter anything that you really can't handle. We as humans developed a way of coping with anything. You will survive. So lose hope. But at the same time...don't.
    Don't listen to anybody's stories online about how it took them weeks or months to recover....
    It's all about how quickly you hit that rock bottom. So that you can fly again. And you might not be able to remember what that feels like....but you will. And just in time. Not a second too late.
    It's worth it.
    I m inspired by your journey towards the real happiness of life.

  25. #25
    Rosie716 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranjeet1641 View Post
    I m inspired by your journey towards the real happiness of life.
    I am 70. In 2011 the arthritis in my knees and spine became painful. I took NSAIDS. As the pain got worse, I took more. Then I had a bleeding ulcer and three blood transfusions. I was told to never take NSAIDS again and was sent to pain management. They put me on Oxycodone 10mg 4xday, Soma 350mgs 2xday and OxyContin 15 mgs 2xday. Now, on my latest visit they have begun taking me off. I can't take NSAIDS or Tylenol because my kidneys are bad. The primary care doc kept me on PPIs ever since the ulcer. I found out by reading it, that I shouldn't have been on it for six weeks, let alone six YEARS, and told them, so they stopped it. But I have kidney disease nevertheless because of that. Back to pain - I wake every 3-4 hours because of my knees. My last three vertebrae are out of alignment, pressing on each other, and nerve damage, which means sciatica every day.

    MRI shows worsening spondylitis L5-S-1 degenerative anterolisthesis L5 on S-1, facet arthropathy in facet joints, moderate neuroforaminal stenosis left and right, and accentuation of lumbar lordosis. L2, 3, 4, and 5 are bulging. Disc space narrowed. I was told I'm "not a candidate for surgery".
    I've tried PT (painful), spinal injections, knee injections, acupuncture (Medicare won't pay), massage (Medicare won't pay), chiropractic (Medicare won't pay). Now, they are taking meds away. This month I've begun having restless leg syndrome, nausea, muscle pain, insomnia as my first taste of withdrawal.

    How much worse will it get? What will I do for pain? Doctor doesn't prescribe marijuana and says it doesn't help anyway. I can't take NSAIDS or Tylenol. I seldom leave my house because of the pain. I'm still trying to run a business from home. Rain and humidity increase my pain. I'm trying turmeric, white willow bark, and devils claw, with a tiny bit of relief but lots of gastro issues. I have IBS and it flares up. I've rubbed every pain relief gel known on my knees, lidocaine patches, heat, cold, etc.

    I don't consider myself a drug addict. I've never doctor shopped, asked for increased dosage, sold or bought drugs. But, because of this opioid epidemic I must suffer for whatever life I have left. I'm hoping it's not long.

    I feel hopeless. I'm trying to find a surgeon. If I have knee replacements and spine surgery, will I be given anything for pain afterwards or told to take Tylenol? I hope I can have anesthesia or will they think I'll run off looking for >>>>>> after that?

    Senior citizens with chronic pain are being targeted along with those seeking to get high. Sorry, but it's not right.

    Since I have no choice (I guess I could end it all), does anyone have suggestions for me?

  26. #26
    Angiepink is offline New Member
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    I am 56 years old. My Dr started writing me xanax , lortab , soma in 2008. She just cut me off because after all these years , I orderd energy pills online and gave me positive for meth. I just buried my husband 2 weeks ago. I am scared and don't know what to do. Please help
    Catrina likes this.

  27. #27
    Catrina is online now Diamond Member
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angiepink View Post
    I am 56 years old. My Dr started writing me xanax , lortab , soma in 2008. She just cut me off because after all these years , I orderd energy pills online and gave me positive for meth. I just buried my husband 2 weeks ago. I am scared and don't know what to do. Please help
    Welcome Angie,

    This is a very old thread. You'll get a lot of advice and support if you start your own thread and repeat your history there. That way, you'll get all your replies in one place so you won't miss any and we can easily find you to keep updated and to try to help.

    I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this spot. Is this the first time your UA came back positive for something that shouldn't be there? Did you bring the bottle of energy pills and show it to your doctor and explain that this is the only thing you've added?

    Start that new thread and tell us why you were prescribed all of those drugs back in 2008 and to let us know if whatever was going on then is still giving you trouble. That's a lot of stuff, by the way and after all of this time, it would be nearly impossible to know if it's really helping or not. Nonetheless, it's terrible that you've found yourself in this predicament.

    Post that new thread and others will be around to help.

    Peace,

    Cat

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