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The pain pills are back. I need advice!!!!
Hey my name is Brandy,
I really don't know where to begin. I always come to this site and read other peoples post and the comments people leave. Everyone on this site is very supporter and have advice that is very useful and positive. I guess I am looking for that and some advice on how to get back on track. So I guess........ here goes.
I'm addicted to the high of life I get when I do drugs. I have tried X, Valium, Percocets, Xanax, Marijuana, Lortabs, along with drinking and smoking black n milds (like cigars). However, over the last past two years I been taking Percocets, Lortabs, and Valiums along with smoking Marijuana, blacks, and drinking all at once. A normal day I will take two-three 10mg Percocets, with two 5mg Lortabs or Valiums, and smoke two or three blunts and drink to. (When I type it out it feels so bad and bring tears to my eyes). Sadly, I can stop smoking and taking pills. I done it before just to see how it feel getting off drugs. The worst basically is when I stop taking Percocets. The WD are so bad and with the other drugs I taken I never felt the WD or anything like it. The first day of me not taking any pills was not bad, day two was okay but it had me thinking of how much so call fun I will have if I had went and brought some pills, the third day was the worst. I was having hot flashes and then get cold, kept using the bathroom, and slept all day, day four I was okay but felt so bored and couldn't sleep, and the fifth day I didn't care about pills anymore. A week later I brought some pills. Why if you ask? I was so bored. When I went out it just felt boring. It felt like the pills took away the pain I was feeling. Then I kept telling myself I am young, my bills are paid, and I don't have any kids so I can get mess up if I want to. It just felt like everything I was doing was no fun without begin messed up. So we fast-forward to two years later. I really hate how I feel now when I take pills. I feel like it's a waste of money. I don't like begin bother with people. The littlest thing I can get mad at. I'm rude to people and don't care if I hurt there feeling, and I stop meeting new people. So last month I said I wasn't buying anymore. I move away from all my friends that take pills and deleted the numbers I had to go buy pills. Sadly two weeks later I got sick real bad and had to go to the ER. I spend two days in there dope up on pain medicine. I had to have surgery and they cut three small holes in my stomach. So when I release they gave me pain pills. I took the pain pills like they said one 5mg every 4 hours when needed. After I ran out I didn't get a re-fill and was fine. I got sick again earlier this month and I went back to the same doctor that did my surgery. He said I have one more surgery to have before I am all better but he can't do the surgery until I get some help since I don't have insurance. So he said the only thing he can do is give me pain pills. The same freakin pain pills I stop taking (Percocets). I told him I didn't want to take pain pills but he said I will always be in pain until I have the surgery. So now I don't know what to do. I kicked the habit and now I'm back taking pills. The only different is now I don't have to pay someone extra money for one pill and I can call and get a re-fill whenever I want. I really want to stop taking them because I am back where I was two years ago. I am so upset and can't believe I'm back track. I feel like a failure.
Hey...your story is the exact same as mine. Its hard and It seems like there is nobody in the world who can relate but believe me I can. There is so much to say to you and I wish I could talk to you on the phone to really explain everything from what to expect to what your next steps should be. If your interested in that let me know
Im new here as well. Thought id write you a quick note. I feel your pain, for one. Iv lived my whole life substituting one thing for another to numb my existance. The biggest, hardest and most important thing is to remove yourself from the scene. For most, it takes an OD or a prison term to do this. I unfortunatly did both. But hey, im clean now and try and help others before they get to that point. Theres nothing pretty about a drug addicted life, and let me tell you, to wake up and NOT think about how your gonna hustle for the day or how your gonna get loaded, is awesome. Its not easy, but you have to want it. You may think these people your drinkin and smokin with are your friends, but they arent. I once got given a shot of bleach/rubbing alchohol by a "friend" so he could use the distraction to rig up the real deal to keep for himself. I almost died, for like the 10th time. Were all lucky to be alive and using substances like this is like playing russian roulette with the devil, so hopefully you seek a better life. I dont want to be a preacher, but this was the only information that actually stuck in my brain when it was time to clean up.
Good luck, get at me if you have any specific questions.
Originally Posted by BeeLove82
Last edited by Dopesick420; 07-23-2011 at 04:26 AM.
Your story mirrors mine. When I would try to quit the main obstacle was the boredom. I could deal with quitting cold Turkey and the withdrawals from that but I always felt that there was nothing to do...no fun...no hope. The reason I started doing the pills in the first place is to make me feel good so I wouldn't have to deal with the boredom. I promise you those feelings go away with some time. I started taking suboxone and about half an hour lager I felt better physically. You don't feel any of the withdrawals at all and the boredom And depression go away soon after. And if your really serious about recovery the recovery will consume you as much as the drugs and it will be what you thing about and what drives you. I promise there's hope. You will feel better. I didn't have anyone telling me this stuff when I was going through it. As a matter of fact the suboxone sat on my nightstand for over a month before I took it for the first time, but now I think back And realize how silly that was. This site is so good. There's support here 24 hours a day. You can do it. The loneliness, boredom, and depression goes away. I know because of the state your in right now you can't see that but please take my word for it, it does!!! If you need someone to talk to there are a lot of us here. Good luck
Originally Posted by BeeLove82
Read my 2 threads. One of them is called "I'd like my life back..." and the other is called "admitted to my gf I was using..she left me"
Hopefully those stories will show you the self destructive path I am still on but working hard to get my life back on track. Today is day 4 for me without painkillers and day 1 without suboxone.
I know exactly what your going through and I know exactly how you feel times 10. Its not easy but you need to stop taking everything. Please stop medicating. From your post, you sound like a really smart women and you know what to do. Dont be afraid of what life would be like without pills and pot. Because you wont see the results right away. I thought I would NEVER stop smoking pot, I havent touched the stuff in over 2 years and the look and smell of it disgusts me now.
You honestly just need to stop everything for good and get your mind right. My mind is clouded and foggy right now and as much as I would love to use a pill its simply NOT WORTH IT. I know your in pain, so you can justify yourself in taking the medication. If I was you, I would of told the doctor you have a substance abuse problem and would like another alternative.
Its so hard turning down a script for percs, especially since you dont have to buy them in the streets! I totally get that and it would be so hard for me to say no. But deep down I know its just not the right thing to do. I am finally, literally getting sick of the whole grind. I'm tired of wasting money, im tired of meeting shady people to get them, im tired of feeling sick when I run out of pills, Im sick of the run around, its truly INSANE.
You made a great choice posting your story on here, your going to get a lot of replies. At least I know I will help you out as much as I can. Just keep posting, keep venting, were all here to help. ttys.
I'm so glad I am not alone. Each reply is different and I understand what everyone is saying. I don't want to ever go to jail or OD just to realize what I am doing is hurting me. Everything staysober10 said is so true. I am tired of wasting money, I am tired of fake friends, and I am tired of begin sick when I don't have anymore. When I had decided not to take anymore pills I was motivate to stop and move on with life and whatever happens. When I had got release from the hospital I went and stay with my mom for a week. No smoking and no abusing my pain pills. She doesn't know about my problems with pills but she knows I smoke. She hates that I smoke because she said it leads to harder drugs. She use to do crack and other drugs and I told her I will never get like that. So I always told myself I will never do crack, >>>>>>, or coke and I never did. Sadly, in place of the drugs I never said I was going to do I try in pills. When I am busy and have things to do I don't think of pills or smoking but since I stop working and stop going to school it seems like that's all I do is get mess up. Staysober10 like you said I should have told my doctor about the problem I am having with pain pills but I try and he kept saying no matter what I will still be in pain until I have my surgery. I actually cried to him about how I don't want to take anymore pills. I just wanted to get the surgery over with and go from there with my problem. I thank everyone for yall support and advice. I really do!!