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addicted friend
  1. #1
    lf40 is offline New Member
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    Apr 2015
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    Unhappy addicted friend

    The past few months I was dating this man who I have known for about 3-4 years now and I didn't realize he had a problem with this opioid until February when he overdosed in the back of my friends car. He was unconscious for 15 minutes before being revived by the paramedics. I wasn't there when this happened but he said it was a one time thing and that he was done. About a week or two later he was getting high again. I didn't realize his problem serious was until about two weeks ago, when he was high around me for the first time. I was scared to death the whole time because I didn't know if he was going to be okay or not and I had no idea how to handle the situation. His breathing was slow, he couldn't keep his eyes open, he was slurring his words, his pupils were very small and his track mark was very visible on his arm. I kept thinking maybe this is his cry out for help. I've tried to talk to him about his problem over and over again but he denies having one or even getting high. Last week was when it hit me that his problem was just getting worse when he got high 5-6 days in a row. He broke up with me last Friday because he thinks we have all these issues. Even though we're done and not on speaking terms I'm still spending every day wondering if he's alive and okay. His family has no idea of his problem so if he were to be found dead, I would feel like I have some responsibility for him dying because only me and 4 other people know that he has this problem. These past few months I can't sleep, my college school work is being affected and I always have this feeling that something bad is going to happen and today is going to be the day he dies. Since he wont accept his problem, I'm beginning to accept that very soon I will be attending his funeral. I just don't know what to do or say at this point. Everyone is saying to move on and that I cant help him. But if I don't help him, who will?

  2. #2
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Welcome to the forum. You're one fine caring friend to want to help so much. I have some bad news I'm afraid, theres little you can do because if HE doesn't want to stop it will never happen. It's no fault of your own unless you were enabling him which it doesn't sound as if you are..

    I'm an addict myself that's been in recovery for months. I know how he thinks and acts. He will lie to your face over and over. He wil steal from you to support his habit. He will manipulate you every opportunity he gets all to fuel his addiction. He wants you to believe he has this small problem and can stop anytime he chooses. Doesn't work like that. Addiction is a progressive disease and he won't stop until the consequences of his actions become greater than the thrill of using.

    What would help you the most is to go to some Naranon or Alanon meetings. You'll meet many others in the very same situation you are. Plenty of face to face support for you there. You'll learn what makes him tick and how not to enable him in any way possible. I urge you to find a meeting in your area. You'll be happy you did.

    His habit is more than likely greater than you realize. He requires more and more of his drug of choice, not to get high, but to keep from getting dope sick. I've traveled this long dark road as has so many others here. The signs are all there. You'll have to ask yourself if you're better off with him or without him. He will take you down with him if you allow it to happen. The one thing that stopped me in my tracks was when my live in girlfriend/fiance finally moved out never to return. She offered many chances, but addicts love their drugs more than anything else at the time. I hate to say it, but you're second choice to him right now. It's that serious and yes, it's also life and death.

    Hope this helps. If you give him an ultimatum you must follow through. My Gf threatened me time and again she was leaving so I never believed her until it happened. You may have to do the same to get his attention? It's a terrible predicament I know. I hope this helps a little. You deserve the very best!

    -Randy

  3. #3
    1DaysPay is offline Member
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    Mar 2015
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    Randy hit the nail on the head. Go to this link, there is a girl in a similar situation as you. There is a lot of really good info that you can relate to and perhaps help you and your friend.

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/prescrip...ial-68107.html

    Give that a read. I hope your friend can realize his problem and own it before he becomes a statistic. Its a sad reality but a very true one. Hes playing with fire, and already had one close call as you have told us..

    All the best

    1dayspay

  4. #4
    1DaysPay is offline Member
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    Just checking in. How are you doing?

  5. #5
    lf40 is offline New Member
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    I just keep telling myself everyday is going to be a struggle. I know I need to walk away so he knows what it's like to lose people, its just so hard. I want to be able to talk to him and to help but I know deep down there's nothing I can do, I just have to accept it.

  6. #6
    Melina123 is offline Senior Member
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    hi Im Mel. Sorry to hear about ur situation. u have gotten some great advice. Im a recovering opiate addict. Its really true that until the addict wants help NOTHING will stop them.
    The issue >> like to talk u about is u. U will need help to get past this. Otherwise, unfortunately, u have a big chance of winding up with another addict. I know it sounds crazy and u may say he is the one with the problem, not me. its a natural reaction. but if u have any questions if this is true, google co dependancy. if ANY of this applies to u, u can get help and relief from the mental anguish by seeking out al anon or nar anon meetings. these groups exist solely to comfort and assist family and friends of alcoholics and addicts. Please at least check it out. As this forum proves, being with people who suffer the same issues is wonderful and very helpful.
    Thanks for reading this. take care, Mel

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