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Addicted to opiates.
Addicted to opiates.
Well, first off I must say that I'm ashamed of myself. If anyone knew this secret of mine, they would be absolutely shocked. I'm an honor roll student, and active in many clubs and organizations such as NHS, FFA, Publications, etc.
and I'm an opiate addict.
I've been very sick all of my life. I started getting Tylenol 3's when I was about 12 for my awful dental problems (tooth infections) and as time persisted, I got either Vicodin, Percocet or Tylenol 3's. (I've had countless tooth infections) I wasn't addicted to them until I was 16. That's when I started noticing a habit.
When I was 15 I got into a terrible car accident. I already have inherited back problems from my mother, so my accident definitely did NOT make it any better. I was on Vicodin for months, but when I ran out, I was alright, just physical addiction, no mental.
After I turned 16 I started having awful pain in my mouth again. This time it was severely impacted wisdom teeth. Since I couldn't get in to the oral surgeon to have them removed for a few months, I was prescribed Tylenol 3's every month until then (the pain was unbearable). This is when I began noticing how great they made me feel.
After my operation when all of my meds ran out, I had no choice but to deal with it. So I did and it wasn't really a problem.. until summer, after I turned 17. Both my mom and my step dad were on pain contracts for their bad backs.. so I did the unthinkable, I stole some of their medication.
My mom had stolen money from me for years, so I justified it that way, "She owes me" They got so many pain medications that they didn't even notice they were gone, and I began stealing more and more for my back and pelvic pain.
Around this November they were both cut off of their pain contracts due to personal issues.. at this time I had 3 toe surgeries which yielded pain medication, so I was alright. When I ran out, I didn't panic. I actually didn't notice an withdrawals at all, I was just really anxious (I'm an anxious person). Then, after Christmas my friend started buying oxycodone 15mg greens, and we began taking them (I take my pills orally, and they last me quite awhile. I don't just down them.) Eventually I began buying greens by myself and of course, I was addicted to them.
Then, the abundance of greens started to fade and blues (oxycodone 30s) came into the picture. Now, I'm addicted to oxycodone and I want to quit. The problem is, I "need" them to function. Without them I have NO motivation to do anything.
So I have a few questions:
1) After I quit will I ever be able to have natural motivation? Or is the no motivation justp art of the WD's? I'm NOT a lazy person and before opiates I was so happy, and motivated.
2)I get 20 Fiornal w/codeine every month. Can I take these in place of OC to lessen the WD's? Or are WD's just generic to all opiates? (hopefully you understand my question, it's hard to word what I'm thinking haha)
Also, I know the Thomas Recipe and everything. Opening up to my family or my doctor is also not an option.
I feel so much better being able to share my skeletons with someone. I'm spending all of my money on this filthy addiction and I really need some support and advice. Thank you all so much!
Hey! You've definitely came to the right place. You will find a lot of help reading through others posts that are going through the same exact thing you are. I take it you are very young. You will get your energy and motivation back. That is my main problem with getting off of opiates. All that I think about is how I felt before I was on them and I expect that instantly. I have had an amazing time stopping cold turkey once that I felt great, besides trouble sleeping and gave into temptation around 3 weeks clean and I'm still stuck. Usually withdrawals are hell for me. I get so mad at myself for messing up that opportunity to be done for good. I would strongly suggest that if you want to be done that you do not take any opiates. If you want to wean yourself off with the Fiornal, then do that and don't get anymore. It's going to be a never ending cycle if you keep filling that script. I've never had them but I am assuming that they are pretty weak and all they are going to do is make you crave the roxy's. I wish you the best of luck. I am in the same boat with addiction and pain and it's a really rough spot to be in.
Well.. I'm not doing so well. The physical addiction is not the hard part for me (aches, restless legs) It's the mental.
I'm so anxious without them and nothing will calm me down but opiates. Will that go away, or did I ruin my body? :/ I already have anxiety problems/anxious problems but before I started abusing opiates it was NEVER this bad.
The Fiornal DOES make me crave blues :/ but it also helps me be able to get up and partially function.
I'm taking A LOT of vitamins and homeopathic stuff, but gosh, the anxiousness is just killing me.. :/
thank you for your response I really appreciate it.
dont feel shame, you are trying to free yourself YEARS before most addicts.
Originally Posted by shadowwally
Smart of you to save yourself the 10 years of destruction most addicts seem to carry......
I tapered, and i did something similar to what you're thinking. Tapering was what i did, worked well for me. Few bouts with the shakes etc but nothing so bad that it wasnt worth it....
DOnt be shameful, be proud. Attmiting this is an issue is stage one..... Im sorry about all you medical issues. I also have a very bad back so i understand that for both of us we might well have to choose a clear head over a pain free life.
hope you do well....its worth it in the end.
I am on day 8, and im not sleeping, not eating much..my moods arent that great.
best way to describe it...but they say it passes soon....
You are taking the first steps and you ought to be proud of yourself. This is not an easy journey. I think that many people will agree with me that however awful the withdrawal is, the mential aspect is worse but only because it takes alot longer to recover from that. The physical stuff from withdrawing is over in just a few days, followed by lack of energy and craving. My best advice is to take the first step and kick that ???? to the curb. Then, work on the mental aspect. It is totally a mind game and the expectation of what is to come and how long it will last will be your undoing. Hence, the saying, "one day at a time". Let me tell you, over 16 months ago when I went cold turkey I was staying clean one minute at a time. I'd look at the clock when I felt my worst and was craving some relief and would tell myself, wait 5 minutes and reconsider. I did that every five minutes for a long time. At some point, though I was watching the clock and promising myself I'd get through the next hour and then reconsider. Eventually, and to this day I might add, I look myself square in the eye every single morning and promise myself that I will not use today. It's not as hard as it was a year ago but it's part of my ritual... total mind games but it worked for me. Try not to look too far down the road. When you're feeling like you are right now, it's nearly impossible to look too far into the future. Much easier to take baby steps and stay clean just for today. When you are ready to relapse, look at the clock and give yourself 15 minutes. When that time is up, do it again, and again, and again. Before long, you'll easily be able to get thru an entire day. It's just too overwhelming to make a lifetime promise at this point.
If you want it bad enough, you're going to do this and when you come out on the other end you will have much to be proud of. It takes tremendous self control and will to stay in recovery but just read the posts on this Forum and you will see that not only is it possible, it happens all the time!
Hey! How are you doing today? Mental is by far the worse part of it for me too. Are you still taking the Fiornal? I am really happy that you see that this isn't what you want for your life. The longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to get clean and back to "normal." I'm older than you, but I'm only 26 and I see people around me stuck for life and dying from this ????. It's def not worth it at all. You just gotta keep pushing yourself everyday and I don't know about you but when I'm off, ALL that I think about 24/7 is pills. I dream about taking them and all. It's hell.
Originally Posted by RZO
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