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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW:
- Active listening, or AL, is a communication skill. It is a way of listening closely to what a person has to say. It is done by giving the other person your full attention. You show interest and appreciation to his thoughts and concerns. You commit to him by letting him speak without interrupting. AL lets you show your respect, support, and concern for the other person. AL promotes trust between you and the other person. You become a companion as you listen to his views.
- AL can be hard to do and you need to have the intent to do it. You need to give your full concentration and undivided attention as you listen. In listening, you should be free of your own concerns and not be judgmental about what he says. Some people do not say clearly what they want, think, or feel, but give clues instead. By exploring and learning about a person's thoughts, you can better understand that person. You do this to be able to unwrap and figure the message he is trying to tell you. AL can lead to having a better understanding of the other person and a better relationship with him.
Following skills are things that show you are paying attention and listening closely to the other person. They are also things you may do to encourage another person to speak. These things let the other person talk and tell his story in his own way. You may do the following:
- Invite the person to start talking by asking him "What is on your mind?"
- When he begins with his story, you can give small cues that let him know that you are following him. You may nod your head or say "uh-huh" to get him to continue. Comments such as "I see what you mean" or "I can really appreciate that" may help show your interest.
- Ask questions once in a while to help you better understand him. Make sure that these questions do not draw the person away from his story.
- Be attentive and maintain eye contact during silence pauses. Observe the person's facial expressions and actions. Try to understand what they are saying, thinking about, and feeling.
Reflecting skills include retelling the content and feeling of what the other person has just told you. You show the person that you understand their thoughts. You may do the following:
- Paraphrase the person's message using simple, brief words. This lets you check with the person if you understood his basic message. You may use a phrase such as "Sounds like you are saying . . ." to start your paraphrase.
- Clarify things that are confusing to you or that you do not understand. You may say "I am not sure I understand, can you tell me more?" Admit that you do not have a clear understanding yet and ask the person to clear up the meaning, repeat, or explain.
- Reflect the feelings and concerns that the person has told you or implied. This means mirroring back the emotions that the person is expressing. You may also reflect back his concerns by using words different than what he used.
- Summarize the major points that the other person has told you. Ask him for feedback. Ask the person to confirm if you got the correct idea of what he said.
Body language is the communication a person makes without words. It includes posture and gestures, body movement, facial expressions, and eye contact. Your body language may show if you are listening with your full attention. It may also show whether you understand the things that the other person is saying. The following body language may help in active listening:
- Have a comfortable and relaxed position. Usually a slightly forward lean with relaxed arms shows that you are interested. Do not fold your arms across your chest or look away while listening. These movements may show you are not interested or concerned. These actions may also show that you are judging and disagreeing with what the person is saying.
- Look at the person while he is speaking.
- Nod your head and smile when proper.
- Do your listening in a place with as few distractions as possible. You may do this by being away from other people, closing the door, or turning off your phone.
Learn more about Active Listening (Aftercare Instructions)
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