I have suffered from OCD since I was thirteen years old. It didn't become unmanageable until I was about eighteen. It became so unmanageable that I had a nervous breakdown during my freshman year of college and was hospitalized for a week. The hospitalization didn't help me at all except to give me medicine. I was prescribed Zoloft. I thought that was the worst of my problems until they put me in an IOP and my OCD began to worsen.

The staff was not equipped to deal with that sort of thing but my parents insisted that I stay in the program for six weeks. I became insanely depressed because I was constantly plagued by obsessive thoughts and received no help for them whatsoever. All they told me was: "You're thoughts are irrational. You'll be fine."

I was slowly slipping deeper into depression and then when they saw that I was depressed they just said "Well you have depression". Um, yeah, because I was put in this program that didn't help me. Things only became worse and worse after. I became so full of rage after because my life was destroyed and I felt like I only had the hospital and my parents to blame. Almost everyday I went into this outrageous angry outbursts and became violent. It got so bad that the police had come to our house multiple times and eventually I was put back into the hospital but this time they diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I don't believe I have it since I never have any symptoms of mania or hypomania. I have just been severely depressed. I don't have angry outbursts anymore but I still have a lot of anger towards the mental health system for not treating my initial illness. I had an amazing life before all of this and it shattered. I was going to college and loving it and then I had to withdraw for the semester. I'm back in school but life is just so unbearable it's hard to get any work done. I'm living at home with my parents who are much much older than I am. They don't seem to understand my plight even though I know they love me.

I was put on Seroquel XR, Lamictal, and Topamax but I switched doctors and now I'm just on Saphris because I was just a zombie on the other drugs. I'm more alert but my depression has worsened and is making me have serious suicidal thoughts.

What are your thoughts and opinions? I really need an outsider's perspective. I feel like my life is just going to get worse and worse and worse.