What to do when you find your depressions getting worse?
- 9 May 2013 by bestpup
- 13 May 2013
- depression, pain, chronic pain, chronic
Being disabled and suffering from chronic pain I have always been a 5 on a scale from 1 to 10 when it comes to depression. However, everything changed this past Saturday when I brought my 14 yr old field spaniel (best pup) to the vet/groomers. My dog Millie had never been to this groomer before, however I had to use this groomer because she was adjacent to my vet and more importantly both business had no stairs for my dog to climb. Her previous groomer of 12 yrs had a minimum of 15 stairs to manipulate. Despite being an excellent groomer neither she or I could get her down the stairs anymore.
Besides my vet was a peach so I assumed her groomer too must of been a nice person. Boy was. I wrong. She was the nastiest curmudgeon I've ever. The sickest part of all is, while grooming her she must of tossed my Millie who I loved deeply around like she was a salad.
That nite we went to bed on my bed and the next morning when I went to lift her off my bed she couldn't put any weight on her hind (back) legs. She also lost total control of her bladder & bowel.
When she could no longer put weight on her back paws I sacrificed my shoulder which was only 6 weeks post-op and I carried her on my shoulder I didn't about me I cared about her and her pain.
Anyway, the bottom line is, I now have such terrible guilt. I feel responsible for her death.
I don't know if I need to see I doctor, need medication?
I feel like I should be punished because I hurt my Millie/child by putting her in that groomers hands? Also, I haven't stopped crying since Saturday.
Has any of my "friends " had anything remotely similar have this happen to them?
Lastly, I am usually a pretty stable person, but I've been a mess for 5 days.
I would gladly be open to any suggestions. Thank you in advance.
Added 29 Jul 2013:
1st off I never "ever" suffered from depression as bad as I did when I lost my best friend Millie.
However to all my friends out there I just like to let you know that life does go on and
get better. Yes day by day it does get better. At first I never believed it would but it does.
This depression was so bad at one point I had to be medicated and I had to stop working.
Finally, it took almost 5 months for me to get back on my feet but the good news is I am now working and yes I now have another puppy and her name is pearl.
I am very thankful for all my friends who stood by me during this long time even when times seemed very bleak you my friends continued to send me messages and I really appreciate that.
Thank you again.
Your not responsible for her death! You loved and cared for her her whole life! Did the vet say this is what caused her death? Did you tell the vet what the groomer did? If the vet agrees then I would put a complaint against the groomers. Doing something might help your depression. Please check in with your doctor about your depression. Even if you need a little something extra for short time to get through this very difficult loss.
Hand in there and look for a website for others that have loss there pet. Maybe this help too!
Hi, i am so sorry to hear your story. Please, please, don't feel guilty. If we had the good fortune of hindsight we would all be perfect, but obviously this isn't the case. I lost my dog, Max (who i loved, still love, more than life itself) in October 2010. I am actually on holiday this week at the location i last took Max for a holiday when i knew his prognosis was terminal. I've had some nice memories this week, but anytime i am feeling a little down and i think about my Max, i am easily in tears. It doesn't seem fair that i lost him at only 9 years old. He was an angel!! Max died because of a Gastic carcinoma. There was nothing i could have done, but i often think, surely i could have done something, why didn't i realise before that something was wrong (i am a veterinary nurse)? Long story short, there is nothing you or me could have done to change the outcome. It is such a terrible thing losing someone (anyone) you love so dearly.
When you remember your Millie, please, try to think of all the great times you shared. Thinking about the time when you lost her, will only cloud your view of how wonderful she was and how much you loved each other. If she could have thanked you for being such a wonderful mum, she would. Would she be upset to see you how you are right now? Of course she would. She would want to see you remembering her with a smile : )
Please see your doctor/psychiatrist to discuss how you are feeling. I think it is important that you have as much support as possible right now. If extra medical intervention is needed, please accept it. Please do not torture yourself. You have done nothing wrong. Call upon friends &/or family to be there for you, take all the comfort you are offered. Please write to me if you want to talk???
You are not alone x
I am so very sorry to learn about your Millie! Our pets are indeed members of the family, sometimes they can be the best member because they love us unconditionally as only a pet can do.
You are not responsible for Millie's death, don't beat yourself up over this, and please take care of your shoulder!
You need to grieve for your dear friend. I understand more than you know.
Perhaps that groomer should be notified of what she did to your beloved girl? And you may want to call the 'better business bureau" about this horrible crabby witch! She shouldn't be able to touch anyone's pet, (or I should say family member) ever again!!
You may need to see a grief specialist (I do apologize if I'm repeating the answers you've already gotten, as I've no time to read all of them at this moment) and maybe, just maybe you might need something for a few months? Although you are just in grief, and it's a natural emotion which we all can't avoid.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.
Take care of YOU now.
p.s. yes, I sat with my beloved rough-collie, her head on my lap while the vet administered the fatal dose because I could NOT let my friend, sweet girl, to suffer through kidney failure. I also cried for days, you WILL heal dear BP, promise. Bless you and bless dear Millie.
Oh bestpup my heart goes out to you, I know how painful it is to lose a "fur-baby" and you are going to go through the grieving process for awhile. Our "fur-babies" give us so much love and are such a big part of our therapy for depression that losing them is doubly hard for us. You have lost a lovely companion and also you have lost a very important part of your therapy. Petting and cuddling with a pet helps so much with depression that it is no wonder you are feeling the loss so much.
It is hard not to blame yourself when something happens to them but it really is not your fault. How could you have known that this "groomer" would not handle your older dog carefully. You couldn't possibly have known so please stop blaming yourself.
You should tell your vet and warn any of your friends about the groomer.
Talk to your doctor and hopefully he/she understands the grief and can suggest something that will help.
Take care of yourself
We grieve for our pets a if they are truly our children. It really sounds more like it was her time and you had nothing to do with it. My beloved kai is 13 years old and he can't use his hind legs well anymore. I know its almost time for him,but that won't make the grief any easier. Talk to your dr perhaps he can help you.
Oh best pup, I am so sorry! I just had the third anniversary of my beloved Sam's death April 11th. Dont beat yourself up about it. Perhaps it was just Millie's time and perhaps it would have happened even without her having went to the groomer (not to belittle the fact that the groomer wasnt very nice but it may not have been her/his fault either) My Sam was just 10 when I lost him. He was fine the evening before. At 10 years of age he was beginning to get a little arthritis and stiffness in his hind legs and his tail and he had to be on Remadyl (I dont know if I spelled that right) and sometimes even Tramadol. On April 10 2010 we had a fire outside in the fire pit and Sam was delighted that we were all outside. He "visited" with everyone and seemed to be just fine.
When we all went to bed, Sam went in to sleep with my youngest son (he usually slept next to my side of the bed on his little bed) and my son said sometime in the night he started making a coughing kind of noise in his chest. (I wish he had woken me and told me but who knows if there was anything I could have done?) Sam asked to go out of my sons room so he let him out into the living room where my husband was on the couch. He is allergic to smoke and the fire had aggravated his allergies so he was still up. Sam asked to be let out into the back yard. My husband doesnt remember Sam acting unusual or seeming sick and he didnt notice the "coughing" that my son had heard so my husband let him out. Sam used to like to spend evenings out in the cool air some nights so we didnt think anything of it. Well the next morning was a Saturday and we all slept in kind of late. I dont know why I didnt notice that Sam wasnt underfoot. I was his favorite person and he was usually always right under or near me but my younger son went out into the backyard and came in and went to my husband saying "I think Sam is dead Dad" I heard and started freaking out, of course, and sure enough, my poor little Sam-a-lamma-ding dong was laying on his side in the yard. He had gone into a flower bed where I had African daisies growing and he flattened all of those plants down to make a little bed and he lay down on his side and passed away. It didnt look like he had been in any distress. He had been gone some time when we found him because he was already getting stiff and a bit bloated. Oh my God! I thought my heart was going to break. I sobbed and sobbed like a child! The whole family was devastated! Everyone who knew Sam loved him. He was just the sweetest, best behaved old dog! He was a lab mix-all black. We think it was probably his heart. He had just been to the vet a couple of weeks before and had gotten a clean bill of health! They had done some blood work and cleaned his teeth and said he was a healthy dog for his age. He wasnt overweight at all like many older labs get. My older son was at work and we had to call him home. My husband was crying and trying not to. Even my mother, who dislikes dogs (and pretty much most animals) loved Sam and she cried with the rest of us. She came over to be with us when he was buried. He was such a good dog that my mom would even watch him if we went out of town and if you knew my mom, you would know how incredible this is! We buried Sammy pretty much in the spot he picked out to die. He was buried wrapped in his blanket with his favorite bone. Even now, 3 years later I am tearing up as I write this! I loved that old dog and he loved me. He used to follow me every where. I can still hear the thump-thump-thump of his tail when he would hear my voice. I feel both blessed and cheated that I only got 10 years with Sam. Blessed because I am so glad that I got to spend 10 wonderful years with the best unwanted puppy in the world (he was a "rescue dog"-someone had dropped this tiny puppy and his litter mates off in the desert to die and he was the last one to find a home and sometimes I think that was why he was such a good dog. He knew bad times and he knew he fell on his feet when he came home with us and he was grateful) I feel cheated that it was only 10 years. I had thought he was pretty healthy and would live a few more years! But it wasnt meant to be. I have a clipping of his fur, his dishes, his collar all put away. We debated on getting a new dog. I had planned on waiting a while but I couldnt stand it. I work from home and it was just too quiet and too lonely. My husband and I were depressed and crying, missing him, so we decided to go ahead and get a new puppy. Now I have Bear. I love Bear very much. Bear is not as good a dog as Sam but I think Sam was a rare kind of dog. I have spoiled poor Bear in my grief but he sure helped to fill in a lonely space! In some other ways Bear is very special too. He seems to know when I am in pain and he scrooges up back to back with me laying his warm back right along my back where it hurts. He is like a living heating pad! He seems to know when my pain is shooting down into my heel and he will lick my painful heel like he's trying to help mama's pain. No dog can ever replace another. Bear is not as well behaved but that is my fault for spoiling him and Bear is young yet. I know it is soon but think about getting another dog. There are so many wonderful loving dogs just crying for homes and someone to love! Go to the rescue and pick one out. No dog can replace another but they sure do help to fill the hole left behind by the other! My thoughts and prayers are with you because I know how difficult a time this is for you! You truly do lose a family member but dont feel guilty at yourself. If your vet is truly a good vet, he/she would never have sent your beloved to someone cruel. Perhaps the groomer was rougher than she should have been but it may not have been why your dog passed. Talk to your vet to see if she thinks mishandling led to your Millie's death. If so then file a complaint. It was more likely just "one of those things" and this may have happened even if Millie had stayed home and not gone to the groomer. It is just no one fault-it was just Millie's time. She was a faithful pup and now she is beyond pain ever again and she loved you! Grief in a case like this is normal. It took me a while to get over Sam and I still have a hard time talking about him without tearing up but I tell myself the same-he is beyond pain now and I truly hope to see him again when I die! Heaven wouldnt be heaven without my dogs! Surely God allows dogs in Heaven! How could he not let a faithful companion in life be with you forever in eternity? God who created dogs and gave them the ability to love surely lets them join us in Heaven too! I look forward to seeing my Sammie again one day. Maybe he and Millie and all the other dogs waiting for their humans are running over a sunny meadow chasing butterflies and having a great time waiting for us to join them! :)
Oh bestpup, my heart is breaking for you. Last September my daughter got married and left her dogs with a friend during her honeymoon. The friend put our little chihuahuas in the backyard all day with her big, aggressive dogs. My sweet little Cloie was attacked and killed by one of the big dogs. She laid in the hot sun all day. I cried for a month after losing my sweet little granddog. Just know you are not responsible for Millie's death, the groomer is. She should lose her grooming license!!! Talk to your doctor about a short term supplemental med for your increased depression. We're here for you, bestpup.
So so sorry about your pup's death. That is like a death in the family. You have grieving to do, but if your depression gets too bad, please see your doctor to get some help. It was not in any way your fault. And you should really talk to your vet to find out if the groomer could possibly be the cause. Your dog was up there in age, so it could have been her time. But do find out. If so, you owe it to others to report the groomer. And if she seemed nasty, you definitely need to inform your vet so that your vet doesn't keep recommending her to others. Those are positive things that you can do. Don't worry about returning my PQ back to you from earlier. I do understand that you are grieving right now. You take care. Your friend, Sara
no my friend you are not responsible for her death, you didn't know they were like that. I have been through something similar. you are grieving and I did the same thing when I lost my dog/ child as well. I did end up talking to someone and you may need to as well. please don't hold guilt on yourself for something you had no control of. I do think you need to see someone about not only that but also dealing with chronic pain can make you depressed too I go through it myself. I think it would be a good idea for you to see a dr. so they can help you find some peace in dealing with all that you are going through. I want you to know you aren't alone in this. please stop punishing yourself it wasn't your fault. I have you in my prayers too. hugs and I pray you feel better soon my friend.
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