Being disabled and suffering from chronic pain I have always been a 5 on a scale from 1 to 10 when it comes to depression. However, everything changed this past Saturday when I brought my 14 yr old field spaniel (best pup) to the vet/groomers. My dog Millie had never been to this groomer before, however I had to use this groomer because she was adjacent to my vet and more importantly both business had no stairs for my dog to climb. Her previous groomer of 12 yrs had a minimum of 15 stairs to manipulate. Despite being an excellent groomer neither she or I could get her down the stairs anymore.
Besides my vet was a peach so I assumed her groomer too must of been a nice person. Boy was. I wrong. She was the nastiest curmudgeon I've ever. The sickest part of all is, while grooming her she must of tossed my Millie who I loved deeply around like she was a salad.
That nite we went to bed on my bed and the next morning when I went to lift her off my bed she couldn't put any weight on her hind (back) legs. She also lost total control of her bladder & bowel.
When she could no longer put weight on her back paws I sacrificed my shoulder which was only 6 weeks post-op and I carried her on my shoulder I didn't about me I cared about her and her pain.
Anyway, the bottom line is, I now have such terrible guilt. I feel responsible for her death.
I don't know if I need to see I doctor, need medication?
I feel like I should be punished because I hurt my Millie/child by putting her in that groomers hands? Also, I haven't stopped crying since Saturday.
Has any of my "friends " had anything remotely similar have this happen to them?
Lastly, I am usually a pretty stable person, but I've been a mess for 5 days.

I would gladly be open to any suggestions. Thank you in advance.
bestpup