... extremely tired all the time? I have fibromialgia and osteoarthritis. I have 5 children and can no longer work because I hurt so much and I'm so tired everything wipes me out. My husband has pain as well but his is due to work in construction for many many years its hard to explain to him how much my pain and exhaustion affects me on a daily basis. Most of the time I have to power through the pain just to get stuff done around the house. Please help me understand or help my husband I understand my pain
Its that exhaustion that gets us. After 2 divorces I'm not one to counsel and what to do with husbands who don't understand this disease. I have so much exhaustion that most relationships are too much to handle. There are good men who do understand, I was with one but he died almost 4 yrs ago. Men who refuse to understand are just too much trouble for me to deal with. We have enough problems moving. You can show him what is said about fibro here, and hope it sinks in and you aren't using it as an excuse. You can have him talk to your dr. When I left the first one, the net wasn't even something people had, and even the second, there wasn't allot on it yet about fibro. Now there is.
I have given up trying to get my husband to understand or be sympathetic or even empathetic for that matter! It is just beyond his understanding. My husband is like yours, he thinks he has pain but if his pain levels were like mine he wouldnt do and say the things he does. Perhaps he has a much higher pain tolerance and if that is so, good for him! My husbands favorite saying is to just "get over it, brush it off and do what has to be done" Well, I'm sorry but I cant just "brush off" my pain. It gets your attention whether you want it to or not. I end up taking more pain meds than I want to for breakthrough so I can power through my day and get some tasks done where if I didnt have to do that I could be using a lot less breakthrough meds. I'm still working on top of everything. I do work from home, which is a blessing, but I'm still the "breadwinner" so I dont feel I should work all day AND keep the house too-he can help out.
I'm sure he would happily let me do everything but that aint gonna happen!! I have given up. I cant even talk to him about how difficult it is to get medications or the politics behind pain because he thinks I am always going on about nothing. And as far as his pain, I have been trying to get him to see a pain doc for years and he wont do it so who's fault is that? I just know my husband will never truly understand so I have given up trying. If I need to talk to someone, I talk to a friend on here! My pain group friends on here understand better than anyone anyway.
I brought my husband into a therapy session with my psychologist at the time who specialized in pain (including fibromyalgia) & I also brought him to an in person fibromyalgia support group. Both of these things helped a lot however my husband watched & took care of me thru my surgeries after being hit by a car & was empathic to what I was going thru in comparison to my family & "friends" who are long gone. My husband also had been hit by a car previously so already knew pain himself. But, I sensed his irritation sometimes as to why I was so fatigued. I got a good book on FM & we both agreed it fit me like a T after many md's had already dx'd it. We went thru a rough patch where we actually separated with 300* miles in between us & I to protect myself I filed for divorce which was one of the hardest things to do. But , thankfully we realized how much we loved each other & could not live without the other. I hope this helps!
So sorry that your husband is wanting everything perfect with no understanding of your condition. I think that educating him in the way that others have suggested is your best option. To give you another example is my husband who is very understanding that I can't physically exert at all, without it causing severe migraines, which I have 24/7 to some degree. Also I have fibromyalgia and trigeminal neuralgia. I cannot clean at all. Only can get the dishes washed or into the dishwasher. I can no longer go out to the road to get the mail or to take out and bring back the dumpster with the garbage. I used to do all the mowing of about 3 to 5 acres around all of our outbuildings. I used to bring in my fair share of the income, but can barely work now. I can do some work by computer to make a little bit of money. I cannot go to most social events, even to go out to dinner with others. He has to go alone. I cannot travel at all. There are good men out there.
He is a loving wonderful man. You deserve a whole lot more for doing as much as you obviously must be doing with 5 children. Ask your husband for a cleaning lady. The game has changed with your illnesses. Wish you the best.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances, please know that you are not alone in this situation and it is not your fault. There are professionals out there that specialize in these types of issues. It depends on where you are located, however if you look for a Pain Management clinic that offers family education component, you should be able to get some help. There are also several books that could help. One I could recommend is called Inside Chronic Pain: An Intimate and Critical Account written by Lous Heshusius, David B. Morris (Foreword by), Scott M. Fishman (Commentaries by)
Hi s. I'm going to make this short and sweet. I spent 25 yrs. married to two different men. Neither understood Bipolar. After a manic episode, they would treat me like caca for months afterwards. I divorced them both and it's been 19 years since my last marriage and I'll never do it again. If I'm going to be miserable, I'd rather do it alone, without all the b--- g and moaning from someone who has no concept of fibro or bipolar. I'm content. I'm not suggesting that you get divorced. I'm saying this was my only option if I wanted to remain sane. I don't even BELIEVE in divorce. These men are self-centered, egotistical, insensitive people whose lives are so pitiful that they take their misery out on us. Do I sound angry? Yes, I am. I wasted 25 years of my life, and the most wonderful events that happened during that time were my two kids. Be strong. Stay steady. If you pray, this is a great time to do it. I'm glad we are all friends. We need each other. Good question.
May you have faith, hope and love
I finally took my husband to my Doc's with me and she explained it so well and gave him a little kick in the (donkey) when she felt he was dismissing the depression that comes with such chronic pain and fatigue issues. It was the best money I have ever spent. It was night and day after that!
However; I did have to agree that my constant complaining did originally add to him tuning me out. Trying to force feed them into under standing dose'nt work.
So I had a little white board on the kitchen wall that I would have a red light, green light and yellow for caution. This way my family knew what type of day I was having. It was simple and when there was a red !!! on the wall they would leave me alone. Eventually, I was even getting some "honey, is there anything you need? It was a miracle. Now I have a great pain relief regimen and I have much more greens and I try to make every one of them count when it comes to my family.
I wish you all the luck in the world! A good support system is sooo important!!
I hope something here helps you.
My kids liked a simple "blue juice" analogy where myself and person without FMS or CFS may start with the same amount of "blue juice" or energy, but showering and getting dressed uses a mere fraction of a healthy person's "blue juice"whereas it may be almost a third of the FMS or CFS. Once "blue juice" is out there's nothing left and that's when people with FMS or CFS has no choice, no energy. It also means using what energy you have wisely and setting limits on activities to protect your body so you don't try and keep up at your later expense. When other people run out of energy, rest or sleep helps them to regain their energy the next morning- but if a FMS/CFS person passed their limits they likely will have much less, if any energy, after a nights rest and potentially many more. You're being reesponaible by recognizing your limits and simple reading about others with the same condition online should make it obvious you're not making this up even if he still can't understand.
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