I am a 31yr old mother of 2 young children. I have a bad back & was put on percocet 6 yrs ago. I have been taking it for 6yrs, I am completely addicted to it. Just decided to get help. Started suboxone on the 19th. Expected to come home feeling great, normal, no cravings... everyone told me how wonderful I would feel. Instead I came home, looked around and lost it. My house is a wreck. It wasn't until after 72 hrs of severe withdrawls and the new meds, with my head cleared, then I saw the mess my house and my life is. I couldn't believe how consumed in my addiction I had become and I neglected everything! I am 100 lbs, house is so messy, laundry is a mountain, ughhh! I still have cravings too! Not as bad, nothing like it was but I still want the pain meds. I still catch myself grabbin my purse & diggin for them and walking to the cabinet. I thought this was supposed to be history! I just want to feel good and normal! I am takin 16mg a day, ... can anyone offer me any advice??
Will I ever feeel good again?
Added 23 Oct 2010:
I hate myself for this. I am so upset. I wish I was past this. I feel so weak. I hate myself for letting it get this bad. I didn't see it, I had no clue how bad it was! I feel overwhelmed, weak & pathetic. I want to bee past this. I want a clean house and a normal life, I am trying for this, and now on the meds I still crave the pills at times!
I don't have any advice really to offer, as I too just started taking suboxone, but don't get down on yourself, addiction is an illness and like any illness it takes takes to get better. I too crave the pain pills constatntly, not physically, just mentally. Do you have a spouse or significant other there to help you? It will get better, I have to believe that.
Hi guys, just wanted to say a few things. I hope Im not getting in the way, you two seem to be able to relate so well, that is soo awesome! :) I just thought hearing my thoughts could help as well. The cravings are something I think we all have to deal with regardless of the suboxone or not. Once you get to a certain point in your addiction, it literally becomes a part of who you are. With suboxone it takes away the physical cravings, but the mental I believe will always be lurking somewhere. I started suboxone a few days ago, it is going pretty good, have some stomach cramping but am told that should go away soon, hopefully! And even though I feel good and absolutely hate the person I was and the life I lived, I still catch myself daydreaming or thinking about how nice it would feel to get all messed up on pills. I mean I think we all would be lying if we said we didnt enjoy it.
Anyway, from reading up and hearing what alot of other people have said I think over time we learn to "deal" with the mental craving that creeps up on us. One guy said, you have to learn to not take it seriously and laugh it off like, that life was horrible soo not worth it. Maybe not everyone can do that but something to that effect. We have all made the step in the right direction by getting on the suboxone which is the first step. We can do this!!
And I know exactly what you mean about the weight loss and how your house looked to you after being off of the pills. I'm 5'9 and was down to 120 pounds at one point, why eat when the pills are right there, right? My counseler said my appeptite should return but that if it doesnt they can prescribe something to help, so if you are still struggling maybe ask your doctor. Good luck ladies, I hope everything is going good today :)
Faith, Normally suboxone does clear up all cravings and normally you do start feeling much better. I want you to try something if you are really feeling that bad, try taking just 12 mgs and how you will do this is to take the pill or film and break it into fourths, take 6 mgs (3/4 of a pill ) in the morning and take 6 mgs in the afternoon, no later than 4:30 pm. If you feel better in the morning, you may be on too high of a dose, you should actually feel better approximately 2 hours after you have dissolved it under your tongue, if you feel better in the afternoon, you actually may be on too low a dose. Subs are designed to get into the brain and coat the damaged receptor sites and last for over 24 hours. Many are actually prescribed too high a dose at first. The way I just told you to do that should put you at a lower dose temporarily but you should still have enough medication in your system to conquer withdrawal.
If this does not work, you feel worse, or you have severe craving, I want you to call your doctor on Monday and tell him that you do NOT feel comfortable enough and you are still craving. He/she should possibly add clonidine to your regimen. I quickly scanned your answers here and looked for signs of withdrawal ( I don't have a home computer, am at my boyfriend's, won't have constant access but will check back sometime tomorrow and also Monday morning) If you have a copy of the COWS sheet (clinical opiate withdrawal scale) please keep a short journal to see what number you are at. If you have no idea what I am talking about, please google the COWS or clinical opiate withdrawal scale sheet and give yourself the test. It has you rate from 0 to 4 all withdrawal symptoms, if you still are coming up over a 20 on that test, you need to call the doctor and let him/her know so you can get some help. I hope it was suggested to you by the doctor to join a suboxone support group locally or to go to counseling. Suboxone is not for people who are always going to have pain due to injury, failed surgery or medical condition that can not be fixed. Methadone actually is the better choice for those people and properly used, it is safe, no one should take benzos or drink on subs or methadone. The counseling or group will actually help the mental part of addiction/overdependence on pain meds, and it dramatically improves your chance of staying clean. If you feel better after your morning dose, you can probably stick with what I suggested for a while, if you feel better on the afternoon dose, you may need the full 16 mgs but most people truly don't. There is support here for you and if you can list some ways you feel bad specifically, I may be able to help you further. I hate you are feeling this way. It is a huge adjustment to be on subs, and you sound like you have your hands full at home. Try to mentally give yourself a pat on the back for all you have done and don't worry too much about the housework until you start feeling better. I am so glad you have a great hubby, that is a huge plus for you. Normally people comment about how much energy they have on suboxone, if it occurs after the morning dose, that may be your sign that they prescribed too much. All subs doctors treat patients differently, and they tend to over prescribed because that is how they were taught in the subs training class, you have to realize they are not on suboxone, you are. Make a short journal of how you feel now, how you feel when you first take your subs in the morning, how you feel 2 hours from that first dose and how you feel after the afternoon dose and 2 hours after that. If you start to feel better or worse at any point, look at a clock and note that in your journal. I'll be saying some Prayers for ya. Patti
I read all three responce and they said it all ( GREAT ANSWERS--kilka - elizabeth and pattishan) Faith33 lt will get better, this site is awesome and these people really care and threre will be more who have been where you are right now. Please fight your cravings, you will deal with this problem the rest of your life. Please keep the faith, faith. Keep in touch your friend John.
Hi faith, kitkat, and ? sorry I forgot the 3rd responder. Please please, listen to Patti. She is well educated on Subs. More then any poster in the community. I think she may be right on being on too high of a dose. Booter, hi to you too! You add eachother as friends first, then you can send PM's back and forth to eachother, the twins! Anyway, I just wanted to add my 2 cents in here, hope you don't mind.
The only thing that worries me is you have pain that led you to start abusing in the first place. As you may or may not know, subs are for quitting opiates in a pain free way. They are not meant for long term pain control. This is why I believe Patti mentioned the methadone. Subs will stop withdrawals and cravings in its' tracks when your on the right dose. But there also needs to be a plan for tapering off when the time comes. You need a plan. As Patti will tell you, not many sub docs are good at having a plan for when it's time to start tapering.
And what will be there to control your pain when the time comes? I know it's too much to think about right now but there will come a point where this must be part of the overall treatment. Patti is also right about being in a support group. They will help you understand addiction, how to handle the temptations, and how to avoid relapses in the future. Drugs.Com is an excellent forum for people who need help and support. The people here have saved my life. I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for the wonderful people here!
I hope you follow Patti's advice on how to try the subs over the next few days. It does seem like a high dose you are on. You should be feeling much better very soon. After reading your stories, oh the memories they brought back. Couch cushions, heating ducts, window ledges, all the spots where MAYBE one might have landed. But to be honest, I am not "clean" when it comes to opiates. Yes, I used to abuse them, but now I am dependent upon them. And I know if I take more then what's prescribed, I'm the one who will end up suffering for it. But the temptation will be there. It just gets easier to say no.
I wish you all the luck in the world. The housework can wait. You need to fix you first. The rest will fall in to place when the time is right. Whoever said life was a bowl of cherries, must have sent us all the pits! But I can promise you one thing, if you visit here often, you will find the strength through others to pull yourself along in this struggle to get your life back. When a member is down, the troops will rally to help keep you up.
Be strong, patient, find peace in your heart, and good things are bound to happen. My very best to you and never think you're alone.
Booter, I love ya man!
OMG! I am so sorry faith! I just read your first question about xanax and suboxone. With your condition, I think you need a pain specialist, not suboxone. Also, if your looking at an extensive surgery (like I had) you'll have to be off the subs for quite a while beforehand. Please rethink suboxone. It really isn't meant for long term, good pain control. Yes, you have an addiction problem but you have debilitating pain! Please rethink the suboxone and set up a consultation with a pain specialist. I do not know your history and maybe you have been seen by a PS, but there are meds that will control your pain AND cravings. Methadone. I am in no position to tell you what to do. These are only my opinions. But I do know subs are only meant to get you off opiates. That's all. Whatever you decide to do, you have my support and the support of many others. I wish you the very best in finding a solution.
Hi guys! I know I'm late catching on to this post. BUT today was the first time in FOREVER that I blow dried my hair and got done up!! We just went shopping and to lunch but felt good to be getting back to the me before pain meds.
Faith, hang in there honey. I'm almost on week 3 of subs. The first few days were not that easy. I was still thinking about meds and how I could get a refill on my roxi. But I hung in there. Today I woke up and tried to think about meds and the feeling I would get from taking a bunch... and happy to say I had no desire to even think about it!! Now that the fog is clearing I'm seeing all the things that have been messed up. Sadly, one of them is my 6 year relationship. He is on subs too but not getting better as fast as I am. I hope he comes around. He is so depressed.
Kit, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. We did go to great measures to get pills when we needed them. My bf doesn't have insurance so he would buy his meds off some lady who would sell. She has been texting him like crazy trying to get him to buy. It irritates me. I am happy that if one even had the desire to take pain meds after being on subs they would have to wait a couple days to even get the good feeling from them or they would be wasting money. So those couple days one would have to wait would hopefully change minds.
There are some many kind, intelligent, well informed people in this group so please keep checking back for support. I know I do ;)
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