in2009 my baby brother commited sucide at age 36,just right across the road from where i live, they 27 wks later my mother passed in the same home as my mom was raising my brothers youngest son from the age of 9 months he was 9 yrs when she brothers twin sister took everything my mother owned eerything including the 9 yr old but 28 days later my sister pulled up to my door and say here he is if you want him you can have him refering to my nephew ,of course i'd take him he was my brothers son and family she dropped off 2 half bags of clothes thats it (i had only been newly married 3 yrs) so here i am griefing,having aniexty attacks,social phobia and pain in my feet from a car wreck in2006.i held recentment against my mom and sister for my brother's sucide he lived with mom at the time, and my sister was the last one to talk to him i have salt out treatment from my dr which has been hard cause i have no insurance of any kind,he has put me on xaxan0.5 mg 2 a day and celexa but wants to send me to a phyciatrist but i can barely afford him ,so i went to our nearest clinic they only has a nurse practioner see said she would not continue my xaxan or couldn't give my my blood pressure meds either.but could give me buspar and my celexa (oh and the next year i got my brothers older son they are bio brothers,so now they both live with us now 10,and 14 i am 40 my hubby is 54) so is it worth it to get off the xaxans and take the buspar and see both my family doc ?i have bi polar disorder,aniexty attacks,major depression,p.t.s.s.,and grief couseling .i am doing the very best i can but i have crying spells daily that i just can't help,i never cry around the boys. what can i do to cope?