Ok I have been abusing Tramadol 50mg pills for going on 2 years now. Before that it was hydrocodone. Tramadol is by far the hardest to kick. I stopped taking everything when I was pregnant with my son. And yes and I was tired and didn't want to do anything but some of that was due to being pregnant. So when I had my son who is now 17 months old I had a c section and with every c section there is painmeds of course that follow. Lortab 7.5 so that just started the cycle all over. I finished my scripts of Lortab and Im sure I bought more along the way. But then I just totally switched to Tramadol. Of course I never started out with a script of Tramadol, I bought them illegally. I have since had many scripts for tramadol, because the doctors like it when you tell them you dont want Hydrocodone you would like something thats a little less potent. LOL They hand out Tramadol like candy in the emergency room. I was a drug seaker. We have multiple hospitals here and I live right on the line of Oklahoma missouri and Kansas. So I had multiple places to rotate too. About two months ago I couldn't find any tramadol so I just decided it was time to quit. I was sooo not prepared for agonizing days that followed. I ended up leaving my husband and kids and going to stay with my mom. I had to tell my mom who's a nurse what had happened. She wasn't mad but she offered her help. I got through the DT's at her house and with her help. I stayed sober for probably a month if that. Then I decided I could take one pill it wont kill me. That started everything all over again, and that's where I am at today. I have not beeen able to find any Tramadol since sunday. I am on day two on the detox process I am not going to get anymore. Day three last time was the worst, I am hopeing I can get through it this time without going to my moms. I dont want my mom to know what a failure I was. You know, I am not sure this is even a question but it's like Why me? I never ever thought I had an addictive personality. My husband is a drug user and I lived with him 8 years before I ever thought of picking up a pill. He does not abuse prescription drugs let me add that. He is a pot smoker, and occasionally some meth about once a year, if that. I just do not know how I got to this point in my life where I became dependant on something to make me happy. I was just fine when I got through the DT's last time, I have no idea why I decided to look back. But I did so here I go again.
I did not have to read into your thought process due to the fact that you know you have a problem already. Secondly, you answered your problem, its you. I say this with great respect and admiration to you, you are a addict, you know you have a problem, you have been down this road before, nothing changed when you started again, and nothing will change until you want to change, and you sound sincere this time around. The "why me" question has an answer, its called: "INSANITY", (not in sane in the mind) but insanity means exactly this, doing the same thing over and over again, and getting the same result, thats whats happened to you again and again, no matter how many times you try to quit, something occurs and you turn right back to the same old habit for comfort, its not the solution you are looking for or want.
What you need is help, a desire to quit, acceptance to the fact you are an addict out of control, ability to go to any length to achieve sobriety, giving up your old way of life, the way you handle the issues-drug problem in your life, and solutions that are here for you and are free for the taking. DT's are serious, and can be deadly, if done improperly, and unmonitored. Get the phone book out right now, look up... treatment facilities, AA/NA groups, call the phone number and someone is on call 24/7 at the service office phone numbers listed. You may also be having what used to be called the baby blues, depression, etc., as well, as your drug problem. You are not alone, you will not ever have to be alone again in a crisis situation if you are willing to accept the advise given to you right now, follow through, get help, call someone. Stop compairing your husband to you as an addict, he is responsible for his actions, you have to take on your responsibility for this situation you put your self in, get off what we call the "pitty pot", the toilet, get your self up and take action make the choice--- while you still have a choice, get into the solution, a program, follow instructions, don't be insulted, embarrassed or shamed. Addiction is a problem with a solution if you want it its yours. You MUST do this for you, not your husband, mother, children, but for your sanity, no your not crazy, just in denial, rationalization and justification for our actions are a killer, fear keeps you sick, and truth will set you free, excuses keep you sick so do secrets. The pain may feel like a mountain, but it is just a mountain, you will over come this, and on the other side be free, happy, joyous and love, laugh and live again. Its not an over night process, it is a life time journey well worth the time , you did not become an addict over night is what I mean, if you've been abusing for 10 years, well what time can you give for your recovery process... Good luck
God Bless You nucproff--- experience,strength, and hope I share with you!!!
I not really sure just what you are asking here, but from what I have just read it seems to me that what you really need is just someone to talk to, I may be wrong here but you wonder why you are on legal drugs? Largely becouse doctors know how to control your problem incl all the side effects, but I really dont think that this is the real issue here. I think what you should do here is to step aside & just take a general good look at your self & just what you have in life, I hear that you hate Legal drugs, I dont know how old you are or if you are employed or not. you do have a very supportive mother you also have a 17 month son who depends on you. my life was cut so very short at the age of 38, I was driving for a living, married with a house. all gone becouse of my health, ive taken many doctors to court just to prove my condition is bad. I will of course be in a wheel chair soon. I think that if you talk to some one you will sometime come up with an aws by yourself. all the best.
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