here lately i have been feeling like i'm not the woman i used to be before chronic pain invaded my life ! i know in my heart that i am the same loving and caring person! but my head tells me i am not ! if i was a horse i would have been shot and put out of my misery!!!

i know i'm starting to get depressed! but after about 20 plus surgeries and chronic pain ,what is left for me ? i can't even cook or do house work now due to back surgeries ! and i have another huge hernia that needs to be repaired as soon as possible !

i can't even enjoy my grandchildren who are my heart !! i know i'm not by myself in the way i'm feeling !i just wished i could get a least some of my worth back!
i have a loving &caring husband !but i can see it in his eyes that i'm pulling him down!my family loves me but i really don't think the understand how much i really hurt !and unless you suffer chronic pain you really don't understand how it makes us feel!
i love God and i know there's a reason for me being in pain !maybe so others can see God in some ones life who hurts but still lives for Him.

is it wrong to want to be pain free and have a normal life !! i haven't worked in 10 years and i would love to be able to work!!those who are healthy take it for granted but they shouldn't cause one day i was healthy working woman and after open gallbladder surgery i went down hill!

i could write a book about all i have been through !i really can't afford the meds i need cause disability only goes so far!! yes i'm married but i have to pay for my own meds !

i'm on narco's soma's and ultrams !!! and have talked with my pm doctor about a morphine pump !it seems like my pain is increasing everyday!i also have fibromyalgia (yeah me not!!! )

sometimes i think if i only had pain in one part of my body i could handle it !!! hehehe not!!! fibro ,back and stomach pain is driving me crazy !!!

thanks for letting me sprout off but i do much need any advise offered!

thanks&God bless,