I don't know what is going on inside my head. I am enjoying life these days. I am on 18mg a day now, and ready to go to 16mg. a day.
Yesterday, Sunday and today are the first days in almost a week I have NOT had a desire to use.
I mentioned in another post I got good news last week. I was notified I am finally hooked up with a therapist. I have been on a waiting list since last October. This is great news! I should be happy-in fact I am happy. I am enjoying my days and have been for a while now, so what is this niggling thought about, wanting to get high-really high.
YES, I said I haven't felt that way for the past couple of days. And yes, the news about Whitney Houston has helped me realize, again, how blessed I am to still be alive. Like many of us here, who have used amounts of drugs that should kill a horse.
SO, what I want to know is this: Am I alone with this crazy, effed-up thoughts? Have you, any of you gone through these times.
I sometimes feel like I might be doing something 'wrong', even though my practical brain knows better.
Sometimes I think it is the part of me who stills doesn't quite believe I deserve the life I have been having. One without all the craziness of waiting for the next high.
I just don't understand.