My husband and I have been married for 13 years and we are both 35 years old, with 3 young children, the youngest being 3. I recently found out that he has been using oxy/heroin. I say oxy/heroin because be only admits to the oxys, but I have found H in the house.
Let me give you a brief history of our relationship so that you may better understand. We were married at a young age and I had an affair 7 years ago for my own selfish reasons. He also had an affair 3 years ago to "let me know how it feels". Needless to say we have a rocky relationship and our fair share of marital issues. He has been using for almost 3 years now and blames his addiction on me. I found out about all this about a month and a half ago. Since, he has "tried" to quit and says that everytime he goes to quit I make him want to use again because of our constant fighting. He says that I am selfish and I am not thinking of him when he needs me more than ever. I know he's not in his right frame of mind and he is sick, but I find it hard to believe anything that is coming out of his mouth. Should I feel guilty? What should I do?
I am just so confused, hurt, hopeless, and so much more that I can't even begin to explain. He will not seek professional help for fear of losing his job. Instead he seeks help from his junkie uncle who is an addict himself who helped him get the H. Supposedly his uncle got him some Suboxones and he is going to detox himself. I love him very much and would do anything for him but I am to the point of just giving up. Please help me!!!