My bf has an addiction to pain killers, and he has been high almost everyday of or 3 year relationship. He says he can't remember the good from our relationship since he was high all the time. Do bad things stand out more, than good things when your high?
I think when you are high all the time nothing in particular stands out just becomes a big blurrrrrrrr. He may be depressed though and that would make one dwell on the negative. It is hard to say because of his long term drug use. Does he want to get clean?
Here to help,
I very much agree with Laurie. She makes very good points. He could be depressed. He could just be the type of personality that only notices or remembers negativity. Some people are just that way-they never remember or notice the good, it is only the negative they notice, remember or comment upon. It could just be a facet of his personality and be totally unrelated to the drug use at all.
It's not that one stands out over the other - it's that his memories are a blur because he was high. The longer he abuses the opiates, the more he's fueling a more depressed outlook on life altogether. That's simply what the drugs do - they bring you up for a "quick fix" - following by a long-term depression. As time goes on, there's less and less of a "high" - and more and more depression.
The saddest part of all this is that it sounds like you've been in a relationship with a man who was barely present in that same relationship. If he is high every day, he is not emotionally present; his emotions are under the control of the drugs. He is not mentally present, as his mind isn't clear. I'm sorry to say this, but as someone with significant experience in dealing with addiction and recovery as a professional, it really isn't possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is getting high every day.
They don't have the skills needed for intimacy. They don't have freedom of choice in their life. Basically, when a person is addicted to a drug, that drug comes before anything else in their life. It's like your boyfriend has a mistress, and that mistress is his opiates - and that's where he focuses most of his time and attention.
I strongly urge you to seek out Alanon or Naranon meetings - or counseling for yourself. This disease is like a "black hole" that sucks in everyone around the addict as much as it overtakes the addict themselves. You have been affected tremendously by his drug use - and trying to maintain a relationship with him. You need some outside help to see things clearly. Please consider it.
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