I am 23 years old and my fiance, 25 has had problems with addictions since a young age. He just relapsed again for the third time since we have been together, and I just caught him last night. I made him take a drug test and even though he vehemently denied using, he came up positive for oxycontin and heroin. He refused to leave my home even though he knows I can't let him stay if he is using and said if I made him leave he would kill himself and OD, that it would be my fault. I called the police to have him removed and he lied to them and swore he never threatened suicide and that I was a liar and that it was my fault that he was able to get ahold of the money he stole from me. The police took him to the hospital for a psyche hold/eval. but they said i have no legal right to keep him out of the house because his name is on the lease, even though he has never paid anything in the house since we signed the lease 9 months ago. What do i do to ensure he cannot come back in the home? And even more importantly, how do i stay strong to not fall for his manipulative lies and let him back into my life AGAIN? I am always hoping this time it's for real and he will stay sober, but it never fails. I love him but this is killing me. Like most addicts he is very manipulative and talks a good game, and no matter how much i feel i have my guard up, eventually I start to let it down and then this happens and I've had it! Is it even realistic to think he can ever be better? We've tried rehabs, sober living, suboxone that he ended up selling for drugs... where does he go from here? He's burned every bridge so no one in his family will take him in at this point and I know I can't either... I'm just scared of what is going to happen next, I fear he might die. What it comes down to is how can i live with myself if that DOES happen? I know what is reasonably right and I cannot be responsible for what he does but it's easier said then done... any advice?? I could really use some.
I am a recovering addict and I can tell you that him saying that he will kill himself and that it will be your fault is emotional blackmail. You have got to remain strong for your sanity. Giving in to him will not get him well and will enable him to keep going down the same path that he is on. You have got to stand up for yourself and not let him bulldoze you into thinking that you are responsible for his choices. He is the one using. Get into couseling for family members of addicts. Show him that you will no longer allow him to pull you down with him. As for him coming back to the house, can you leave the house? With him using, is he bringing drugs into the house? Are you strong enough to call the cops on him for posession? You could be charged also if they ever decide to search your house since he is unable to take responsiblity for his own actions. As for him burning his bridges, most of us have done that. That should give you strength that someone else is not putting up with his crap. Talk to them if you can and get support from them to remain strong if your relationship with them allow you to do that. They are in the same boat as you are with this guy. Remain strong!
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