I dont know what else to do. I have been with my fiance for four years and last year i caught him shooting oxys. He is now in a methadone program but has relapsed and has since been back on methadone. I guess what I am really asking is has anyone ever stayed with there man during this situation and if so has the lying stopped and the stealing? I just dont know what to do anymore. He has been on methadone for about a year now. he still lies, steals, and nods off all the time. I cant tell if he is using or if its the methadone. he has lost his job and now i am the only one working. I am so stressed out and confused i am at a lost of what to do. I know that i need to get help also I have never been addicted to anything and i dont know how to deal. if anyone has been in this situation or currently is can you please help???
I have been in a methadone program 4 3yrs and have learned that methadone is an opiat blocker if the dose is high enough my dose is 150mg daily i am a 160lb female and i havent relapsed in2 yrs with no cravings because my dose is correct I can eat shoot or snort 10 0xy 80s and not get high at all. I will OD before i can get high because my dose is high enough. DEPENDING on his dose he may still be able to get high and have cravings. the dose is different for each person but usually most over100-120mg stay clean becareful not to stay on a dose to high or you will want to sleep all the time test them out as dose inceases usually its nomal to be drowsy for the first week when you find the correct dose but then u should start to feel normal and function I hope He WANTS TO GET CLEAN
I can certainly emphasize with your dilemma. I have been in both situations and therefore feel I can offer you some advice. You are ahead of many people because you realize you need help and believe me, you do need help and support if you decide to stay with him.
I married one addicted to drugs and alcohol but I wasn't aware of it when I married him. You aren't married yet but you are engaged and I am assuming you love him. It is much more difficult if you truly love him and I did but my knowledge on addiction was limited at the time. I thought I could help him by loving him and being there for him. His parents were always critical of Him. You are ahead of me because I didn't know about methadone at the time. I can tell you methadone is a life-saving drug if you take under supervision and for the right reasons.
My husband had no checking account when I married him and no credit cards and a car that needed to be in the Junk Yard. This facts should ring bells women if you meet a man without the above. I bought his lies and I should have inquired more thoroughly. I had just purchased me a car and after we were married, He wanted one and I totally agreed that he needed one. We went to look at some cars for Him but he had no credit and they would not sell him one. They agreed he could buy one if I cosigned the loan
(omg) and to make a long story short I agreed. He had just started a new job and the money was better than I was making and even though I didn't want to be held responsible, I tried to tell myself he could make his car payment and I was his wife and we should do what we can to help one another.
Let's say after three weeks of Friday nights and we were already arguing about him coming in late and intoxicated. He told me he had to socialize with the men at work a few nights here and there. I didn't mind this but He was coming in drunk and I knew this was not required of him. The more it happened, I became worried about losing Him or Him killing someone else while under the influence. I tried to discuss this with him and He would always cut me off and tell me nothing was going to happen... but it did. One friday night, the police called me to let me know my husband had been in a bad car accident and was at the Emergency Room being treated and I started out the door then to leave when the policeman told me not to bother coming to the hospital but if I wanted to help him than I needed to go to the jail and post bond for him because he was being charged with a DUI.
I couldn't think of nothing but Him then and I knew nothing about posting bond and I took off and paid the bond on one of my credit cards, and then tried to find out what happened to the car. His parents showed up to help me and after hours of asking we finally found out about the car. It was totaled and I felt bad about this but I was thrilled I wouldn't have to worry any longer about him killing himself or others while driving. It was around five pm on Saturday when they released Him from jail. I am going too much in detail but even after all of this I just knew He could be helped and I wasn't going to walk away from Him. Little did I know what this disease could do? I stood by him and forgave him and of course, He promised not to ever drink and drive again. He lost his job over this and we had to go to court and I found out this was not the first DUI he had . I did find an attorney who told us he could get him off if we had the money. He was sure He would have to do some prison time since it wasn't his first. he was scared and felt bad because He had done all of this to me and my son. Now, I can tell you that he wasn't really concerned in the least about what I had to pay out to keep him out of prison. Now he wasn't working and the insurance hadn't paid the car off yet and I was responsible for the payments until the insurance paid. It put me out about $5,000 of my son's college education money. I still had high hopes and knew it would all get better for He had seen the light and was broken up over allowing it all to happen and not being honest with me in the first place.
It passed and He found another job but He rode the bus to work. he didn't like it and always fussed at me about buying another car for him. I wasn't that blind.Now, at this time he started using pain medication, (Oxycontin) hew obtained from his Mother and was buying Xanax off the street and eventually he did buy him a car and once again he had an accident. I can say our family life wasn't the best and my son didn't like what he was doing to me. The second time I had to beg the Judge not to send him to prison because it wouldn't help his problems but to send him to a residential inpatient for a year. Before this happened he had alreadty spent 30 days in one getting off the drugs and another time when I threatened to leave Him, He quit his job and spent three months in one and neither did Him any good. It was taking its toll on me and He was breaking me financially and even my son was arguing with me over my decisions. The Judge agreed if He could stay for one year that He would allow Him to go instead of to prison. I had pulled it off again for Him.
he went and stayed one year and I could visit him on Sunday and one night out of the week. I was going to group therapy there to with the other women whose husbands were there and I was learning alot and I felt like He was too. I was having to make the living and attend the meetings and keep him in clothes and provide whatever else He needed. It wasn't always easy and I did grow tired at times but I survived through it all. He wasn't out six months when it all started back. He left in my car and took my credit cards and when I found this out I almost lost it . He just expected me to forgive me and by then I was really the only one working and I had spent much of my savings on Him. I never knew when I let him drive my car if He was coming back in one piece. I can tell you I would never go through all I did knowing what I do now and allow anyone to destroy my life as he did and they will if you allow them to. I had to file charges against him to retrieve back from the Pawn shops the merchandise he bought with my credit cards and pawned to buy drugs. He ran and even increased many of my credit limits and I couldn't find it all to take it back to the stores and have them fix my accounts. I ended up filing bankruptcy and I divorced him.
I am advising you ..be careful and get counseling. I take methadone myself for pain but I later became addicted to pain meds because I had numerous surgeries and I began to understand it much better and I could see it from both sides. I tried rehab and it didn't help me but when I was told about methadone... I started it and I have been on it for 17 years. There are many patients taking methadone just like yours and they are not trying to get better. They take it and other drugs when they can get them and many people have died mixing methadone with other drugs. If he gets his dose right on methadone then it should hold him 24 hours and it will stop the cravings and withdrawal symptoms and He will be able to function as normally as anyone. He needs to work even though we must take into consideration the shortage of jobs available now (mine couldn't seem to hold a job but a couple of months and there was always something wrong with it.) I think you will be capable of seeing whether He is seriously working the program (methadone maintenance) and it is possible if he has used drugs for a long time that he will always need to take methadone but it is certainly better than using drugs and ending up with HIV or Hepatitis C. Now if you have a drug felony, it is very difficult to find any work or to obtain any help even though addiction has been proved to be a disease. It is a disease and there is no cure for addiction but there are drugs like methadone and suboxone you can take on an every day basis which will allow you to live a normal life. If he is nodding out on methadone then maybe his dose is too high and if you don't know much about methadone, I would advise you to learn all you can. I constructed a website called http://www.MedicalAssistedTreatment.org Come and read about methadone so you will know what is going on with him. We have a methadone forum you can join and we provide 24 hour support if you need to talk with anyone and we will call at our expense.
I would definitely give him an ultimatum before I thought of marrying him. It is much too rough now if you must make the living for both of you. Life is too short and I did learn it because there is help available if you really want to stop. Please become part of his methadone program and above all know what his dose is and if he is abusing it for many are guilty. I hope this helps because I know how difficult it is and I wish I had known about methadone long before I did. It may have saved my husband. I hope this helps you because you have a right to live a happy life and if he really loves you then he will want you to share all aspects of his treatment with methadone. He will need your support but He must meet you half-way.
It can work out for you but you need to educate your self on addiction and become part of his methadone maintenance program. You need to know about methadone and how he reacts and what the methadone is given to him for. Knowledge is power -educate yourself and ask to go with him when he picks up his methadone and try to find some groups you can attend to help yourself. Most important -educate yourself on methadone and addiction.
You must leave him. Our daughter was in the same situation for two years w/her fiance who did prescription drugs. Finally, she joined him and it was a two year battle for her. She finally sought help, and she left him. She now is drug free (xanax and meth free), working, has a new life and a new man who doesn't do any drugs at all. You have to separate yourself from him. I know, you will say, "But, I love him." Well, love yourself more and get away. No one can help him until he wants to stop. You can't make him stop, but by staying w/him, you are enabling him to continue these choices.
I am going to give you my opinion based on watching this exact sceanario play out on 18 girls/women in the last 5 years. Leave now - save yourself and your future life. You will find somebody else. This person does not want to get clean and your relationship will never work. Methadone itself can be an addiction especially if not used for pain reasons.If he is stealing and lying it's worse than you probably know. It won't stop and you need to save yourself honey. Don't waste another year on someone who does this. He can't quit for you so don't think he can.quit if he loves you. He is happy the way things are - why shouldn't he be? You are supporting him and he can get high all day long. Please listen to us. If not - let us know how this is working out next month, or next year when you are still going through this. I am not trying to be mean but he is not giving you any positive feedback as far as his recovery it sounds like. Good luck honey.
You shouldn't have to deal with this if you have never been thru it. Don't become another girl who is stuck with an addict who doesn't want recovery and a better life. PLEASE don't get pregnant.
I have been on oxys for 7 mths and have known people on methadone from my experiences and your fiances nodding off lying its sounds like he is still on the oxys methadone does not make you tired it just makes you so dont have the withdrawals and your dont even get a buzz from methadone i would like to get off the pills as well but i cant stand my backpain and headaches without them i do manage them properly as i see a pain specialist if he is going thru his perscriptions that quickly his doctor if he knows anything would not perscribe him any more please let me know how this works out my prayers are with you if he does not want to stop i would suggest you leave if he really loves he will stop also check into support groups for yourself not just for him but just you so you have support.
Hello chickie; Most of us know what you're going through now and some of us have been through it before you. He has really put you up against the wall... He has no thoughts for you , only for himself, and when he whines and crys to you for help , he is really trying to get you to follow in his footsteps. Do you want to do that? You are talking now to a conniving shell of the man you once new. It's over chickie. enough from me. I can only tell you to follow the advice of "HTWOOH" and "LIN1973" and get away while you still can. All here are rooting for you, believe it! Sacosam
Thank you all for responding. I have realized that I need to leave its just the actual leaving part that is the hardest but I am. I have dealt with this off and on for two years this is just the first year that he decided to get help. I have been having gut feelings that he is using again. thats why i wanted to know if the methadone makes you do that cause it didnt before and he told me this happens when they up your dose fast... i havent been able to trust him in a year and i never see that coming back. and dont worry i will not be getting pregnant. He does however whine and say i love you im going to stop but i have never once believed him. I actually cant believe that i have stayed this long. I hope nothing but the best for him but i would love for my future to be drug free as i am. I cant stand drugs they really do ruin lives... best wishes to you all and thanks again for the great advice!
Hi chickie. I really feel bad for you. I could only imagine what you must be going through. Unless your fiance' is willing to go in to a long term treatment facility, "sober living" house after that, he will only continue to use and lie to you. This is classic addiction at its' worst. You have to do what is best for you now. Don't let him (or his family and friends) make you feel guilty for not "saving" him or sticking by him when he "needs you the most." That's the job of a parent, not a fiance. These are his choices he made, not yours. He chose getting high over you. I know how much that comment hurts, but it is the truth. You can help him by researching some facilities he can go to. Save yourself from a lifetime of hurt, excuses, and heartache. I am so sorry if I have hurt your feelings. But this is nothing compared to what lies ahead if you stay with him and he refuses to help himself.
Please talk with your family, friends, and get in to a support group that helps families of addicts cope with the realities of addiction. It will give you strength. I wish you the very best and hope you find happiness.
- Methadone Information for Consumers
- Methadone Information for Healthcare Professionals (includes dosage details)
- Side Effects of Methadone (detailed)
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