Hi, I was prescribed Suboxone back in 2004 after having Gastric Bypass in 02 and getting hooked on PC for 2 years. Luckily at the time I worked at a hospital and knew a Dr. who also happened to be the only Dr in the county I lived in who had just been licensed to prescribe suboxone so when I went to him and told him I had gotten addicted to pain killers since my surgery he told me about this new miracle drug... HA! and when I asked how long he thought I would have to be on them he said it would be twice as long as I was on pain pills. What did I know, all I knew was that I didnt want to be on pain pills anymore because the addiction had ruined my marriage and my life and I wasnt ready to lose my kids and I knew I needed help and was willing to try what ever it took to get clean. Well here I am, 7 yrs later and I am still on Suboxone not to mention 8 other meds I have been prescribed since going on suboxone along with a few other diagnoses I never had before taking Suboxone. ie depression, anxiety & bi polar II. This story could take me 2 hours to write so ill try to get to the bottom line.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE ON ANY OF THESE MEDS ANYMORE!!!
They have literally taken over my life or any quality of it I have ever had and its not acceptable for me anymore. I have a yr old grand daughter, 21 yr old son, 11 yr old daughter as well as a 3 yr old son with GBS and CP and I am on all these meds to keep me from suffering all the effects that go along with all these different diagnoses and I still never want to leave my house, not even to go to the mail box. This is not normal and not fair to my kids or husband. I have medicaid and anyone who lives in Fl who is on it knows that it is getting harder and harder to have meds authorized. I was on Suboxone 12 mgs a day, Effexor XR/L? ( not sure which it is) 150 mg a day for the depression, Lamotringe 300 mg a day for the Bi polar, Adderall 15 mg a day because I had no energy what so ever not because I had ADD, 1mg of Klonipin 3x a day or 2 mg Lorazapam 3 xs a day for anxiety, some muscle relaxer that started with a C that I hardly ever took but was given because I told the Doc I was having neck stiffness and all these meds I was put on 2 to 3 years after I was on the Suboxone. Well I dont want to do this anymore and I know quitting cold turkey is dangerous but so can being on all these pills and being so depressed that I wanted to Die. Every month when I went to the Doc for my Suboxone script I had to get prior Auth from Medicaid which they had been doing but only for that drug and I realize because it is very costly, but on 2/24/11 when I called in a refill for my depression meds medicaid said I needed prior auth for that as well and the pharm didnt call to tell me that so when my script wasnt delivered the day after it was supposed to be which happened to be a Sat I called and thats when they told me why. Well since it was a Sat, of coarse my Docs office was closed and I wouldnt be able to call them till Monday and by then it would have been 5 days before I could take a dose of the Effexor and by this point I decided enough is enough. I am done. Since that day I have stopped taking most all my meds, I still took the lorazapam 1 mg 3 x a day when it got to be to much and no more than 4mg of Suboxone but even then it was more than I could handle and all the while I am doing all this research online about Suboxone and becoming more and more angry at my doc for keeping me on Suboxone for all these years especially because I went to him to get away from the addictive stuff and he puts me on a drug 1000x`s more addictive than anything I had ever been on and something twice as hard to get off of. So here I am, trying to be strong and not take anything knowing that it will take some time but eventually I will get through it. Yesterday I guess I had all I could take and ended up in the ER and my doc just happened to be working in the ER. When I finally got to see him 7 hrs later and told him what was going on I asked him why he had kept me on the Sub for so long and he said because I told him it was working and I said well of coarse it was, now that I was addicted to it, so trying to ween of it only made me crave it more because I couldnt handle the withdraws but is the reason I started to take the friggen stuff to begin with 7 yrs ago. The when I asked him how long someone should be on it remembering that in the beginning he had suggested 3 to 4 yrs, he tells me no one should be on it longer than 6 mths to a yr... I was like WHAT,,, why have you never tried to get me off of it? Anytime I had tried to stop/ween and started to withdraw I would go back in and tell him thats what had happened so I just went back to my normal dose and felt better and he said well if it makes you feel better, keep taking it, thats when I knew he didnt care about me as a patient as much as the almighty dollar. When I think about how much money that man has made off me over the past 7 yrs, you figure his visits have to be monthly for a suboxone script. So I figure, 100.00 a visit each month over a yr is 1200.00 x 7, almost 10,000.00 I have paid him and thats just to get in the door. The cost of those meds as you know without insurance is upwards of 600.00 for the dose I was on every month. I am so angry I could scream. If I really do suffer from depression I dont mind having to take antidepressants if it would actually help but remember, none of those other diagnoses came till a few years after I was on the Suboxone so I dont know if I would really have all these things and wont until everything is out of my system. Before my gastric bypass I weighed almost 300 pounds and was depressed but never took meds for it, I had good days and bad days like every other normal person and since the surgery my life has been hell, sure I went from a size 44 to a 4 but at what cost. I realize at this point the most I can do now is suck it up and tough it out. I have been off everything I mentioned since 2/24 except for some anxiety pills and as little suboxone as I can get away with. I think the worst finally past, today day 11 I can finally see the light thru the clouds. He did give me a script for some med to help with the dizziness I have been experiencing and some other stuff for an ulcer, something else that came about after the Suboxone but all in all today was a decent day. I didnt cry for no reason, I wasnt in pain, my body didnt ache as bad, all the withdraws were finally bearable. Hopefully I will stop the rest all together within the next week or so. Not hopefully .. I WILL STOP, my kids need their mother back, a functioning mom who plays with them and takes them to the park and who doesnt rip everyone's head off at every turn, this has been no way to live yet I have been living in it/with it bad for the past 3 yrs since my sons diagnoses with the GBS and ( Spastic )cerebral Palsy. I guess the guilt was to much for me when he was diagnosed because everyday I look at him I blame myself for continuing my meds during my pregnancy even though the Doc said it would be ok. At the time I was on Paxil for the depression. Anyway, this is the 1st time I have been able to tell most of my whole story, any other time I have tried to put it out there I felt like I was just complaining and no one would understand because its how I feel. My husband is a saint who has never had any kind of problems like this and this has been very hard on him but even harder on me because i have had no support what so ever. No more being a victim, its time to take my life back. Once this crap is all out of my system its time for me to renew my life with myself and my kids. Thank you all for reading/listening and for letting me vent. Its now 6am, I started this around 430, lol... told you it would take about 2 hours. This is the 1st night I havent been able to sleep but at least I am not spinning or in pain or feel like puking. I will lay down when this is posted and most likely sleep like a baby. It feels good to get this out in this way. If anyone has advice or words of encouragement feel free, Im all ears and if anyone has any questions I would be more than willing to answer from my own experiences. To everyone going through this, my prayers are with you, this is a terrible demon and no one should have to suffer this alone. Thanks again...
Chrissie. :-)