Someone very close to me is becoming very aggressive and I don't know what to do. I love him dearly, and up until today, I never dreamed he would behave like I seen him do. he's severely depressed and angry all the time about everything and anything. one minute he's a calm and sweet individual, and in an instant he is screaming and yelling and he snaps and strikes out at the people he loves the most. he tells me he wants to die so often that I can't hardly sleep anymore for fear that I will wake up one day and he will be gone. He's been through some very stressful situations over the past couple of years. he had a failed marriage that was doomed from the start, and a precious child has been pulled apart in a nasty, ongoing, custody battle. he has everything to live for including a family that has stood by him through all of it. he has OCD, depression and I think there could still be an ongoing problem with medications. I'm at a loss as to what I should do. Up to this point I never would have believed he would be physically abusive to anyone, especially to the people he cares about, but now I know for sure that he has been. if I step in and do something then he would be at risk of losing everything, his job, his children, his future. but if I don't do anything he could still lose them, and then I would lose them too. They are my grandkids and I love them like they are my own. I feel so lost, I don't know what to do. Any advise from anybody would be welcome. Are anger management facilities really confidential? NIK
Hello nik nikita. I am sorry to hear about your friend. I worked in mental health for 16 years. My advice is to see if you feel comfortable talking with him about your concerns regarding his emotional status. If you do, try and get him to either see a mental health professional in your area, or he can call the crisis hotline. If you feel that you cannot talk to him, you can call his doctor or mental health provider and tell them your concerns. This will be confidential information. If he did not sign a release for you to speak with his doctor or mhp, you can still tell the person about his behavior and your concerns that he may harm himself. The crisis hotline is open 24 hours. The number for the one in your area should be in the front pages of your phone book. You can also contact the hospital's ER and ask to speak to the psychiatrist or mental health person on call. It sounds like his mental status is deteriating and that he may not be taking his medications. That is why it is very important to act ASAP. If he ever gets out of control and anyone feels threatened than you reall need to call the police. It is for his own good and everyone will be safe. If the police should take him, they will have him see someone in mental health. You can give them some information about his mental health. I hope that I have helped guide you ib theright direction. If you have any more questions, please e-mail me personally. I hope things work out for the best, Sweetie Pie
Hello Nik, I know that sweetie pie gave you an answer, which I haven't read yet. I answer questions that way. So, if I repeat something that sweetie pie or anyone else has already said, thats the reason for it. Its a bit of this and that and neither of it makes any sense to you. Meaning, "this" is anger and "that" leads to abuse. I understand in some ways, from where he's coming from. The anger is as you very well know, is real. I after years of treatment, for depression, and all the misery that can manifest itself from this illness, also can still have a temper. Having lived with depression, along with ocd, most all of my life, anger/stress is very much a direct result from it, meaning the depression. Its a bit ... much as a volcano. We erupt. The feelings that build up, the day in day out grind, of negative emotions, thoughts, can and often do build up, and it comes out, and naturally, its almost always the people that are the closest that are the ones who feel the full blast of rage. He has a short fuse, and the only difference between myself and your friend is that I have learned, often the hard way, meaning that I also would take my anger out on my wife, and then feel guilty as all get,(with good reason), for I was the culprit, and having a conscience, rightfully so, feel down right whats the word, guilty. A simple tip, sounds silly perhaps, a old fashioned punching bag, or you know, what football players tackle (the dummie bag?) in practise. He could kick it, and kick it as often as needed. Its amazing how well that works. What I do, is put pen to paper, write things down, make a graph, and when its all written out, I take a deep breath, and almost always see what a idiot I might have been. My wife seldom ever sees my anger. And thats fine by me. The members of my family, brothers, sisters, marvel at how calm I am and so on. They often forget, all be it a long time ago, I wan't always as I am today. I understand that the divorce and all that accompanies that, is extremely stressfull. I know that its taking a toll on you. Just say this because I am going on a bit, if at all possible, the both of you just take some time together, go and do something, anything. You'll be surprised how it will help him. And yourself as well. And add this, its just as simple as you suggested, a review of his present medication(s), might be time for him to begin on a new drug. Theres plenty in this area, that can help him, to curb his temper. And they work. Or he can take a medication that will work to curb his temper as well as act as an anti-depressant. Best of wishes to you nik and try and stay positive, its going to work itself out. You'll see.
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