... single, am not on medication of any kind and have been completely unable to find any medical help with my condition from anyone, anywhere. At this point, heading towards my 50s and the latter part of my life, with few friends, no family and struggling to survive with my job I can only see things getting worse and worse in the future, with the result that I am considering suicide at this point to spare myself having to suffer through an increasingly worse and worse existence. All I seem to hear are platitudes about how life is worth it and there are so many good things to live for. Like what? No one ever tells you that. Sometimes there just aren't is my conlusion
I also at one point wanted to give it all up, however at the time, I also was not being treated for my diseases / sickness (at the time I had just one problem - depression, now I have several, I think that at this point I'm a collector or something).
Regardless, you need to see a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist if possible. My sister recently was in your same shoes, finally got help, and she is so so thankful. She is now able to make logical choices, and is in the process of moving to Germany.
The psychiatrist however is a must. They can treat you for this disease, then, with a clear head, you can logically make choices, such as, a new job, or what ever needs to be done to make you happy. Whatever you do, please, see a psychiatrist first, and then, once you feel stable (4 weeks into the treatment), do as you like. Everyone has a choice, but it would be a shame if you would end it all just due to being sick, and not getting any treatment for it. Once the depression goes away, and you still feel like it's not worth it, then, you can make logical choices as you see fit. It's hard to see the world around you as it really is when you're blindfolded by depression. If you want, please feel free to send me a private question, and I'm also going to friend you. If you want, you can also call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Give yourself a chance first, please.
I sincerely hope that you do!
I am 42, I am manic depressive, ocd, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety and panic attacks.-
Divorced twice 2 children.-
You know I have also sometimes considered suicide like you are now, and I almost did, but then I stopped and realized ..I am a coward, the easy way out. Why?
Life as we both know is hard for regular folks imagine for us, and to top it all up, I believe there is more pain and grief on this planet that happiness and empathy.-
I fully get you, yes there are also good things, everywhere around you, but with the depression we do not notice sometimes, the other day I was out in the garden, depressed and on my own, and out of the blue... a humming bird right next to me, I looked at it, amazed, and for a moment I was happy. What I am trying to say is that small things like a butterfly passing next to you can make a world of difference, right now you see all black, so do I ... but we must have the courage, the cojones to go on living, life is ciclycal..I call it the roaller coaster, one day you´re up, the next down, until one day things will improve, but you must go out there and find it, not sit and wait for it to come to you... meaning ... life.
So get that suicide issue out of your system, it is not the solution you and I are still young, and who knows we might meet the woman of our dreams..but how will you know if you are dead? Tell me, we do not want to go out like that, people thinking, what a coward, could not face life... with no dignity and respect... NO we go when GOD calls upon us, then only then it is our time to end this suffering, this down that we are living.
I also have lived ups, why wo´nt it happen to you, if it has happened to me.-
I am not going to tell you what other people say to you, cause I have heard it too, so what do you say buddy, give it a try, do not lose faith, specially in yourself, I am not happy 100% at the moment , but tell me, who is?
We must be brave and face reality... for reality is us, you are your reality and I am mine, and GOD has crossed our paths, I was too depressed to answer this question, but I do not know why I did, let´s become friends, I will add you as one , you do the same and we can chat privately... ok
jk13 is right. Depression is a disease. It does have a cure. I know it's frustrating seeing all the people around you happy and successful. Always feeling like your on the outside looking in. Wondering how people can be so happy all the time. It is vital that you talk with a psychiatrist about this. Along with cognitive therapy, you may be a good candidate for medication. But you need to consult first. Some people just need extra help to find happiness. There's nothing wrong with needing that. It is just a first step in your healing. But it is up to you to take it. Please do so. You have so much to contribute in this world. Be a mentor to someone. Share your talents. Try to get yourself motivated and seek this help. You are not alone in your thoughts as so many have these same feelings. Please keep us posted.
My best wishes,
Brooks1963, I hear you. I hear everything that you have said, and I understand. I hear you when you say you have no money to get help, and that it means that you don't have enough money to even buy a vitamin.. I hear you when you say you have few friends and no family. I also hear what you are not saying; that you are unwilling to even try to get help at this point, because, why bother. Things will only get worse anyway.
So, if you had a different outlook, do you think you would make more of an effort to get help, try harder to find enough money to begin a road back, ask one of your few friends to help you? Are you in a place that if offered help, you would not take it? Has your life reached a point that if you were offered friendship and understanding, you would turn away? I hear you say you have about given up, which means you don't want any help, no old or new friends, no attempt at finding your way back? Then will you answer me or even better, answer yourself, one question. If you did not want help, why have you come here? This is a group of people who also have lived their lives in despair and still do. They came for many reasons, but the primary reason for coming to this site is to ask for help, some kind of help. We are all lacking on the outside something that is given freely here. I can't put a name to it for you, but it is here. We win, we lose, we laugh, we cry, we're frightend, we're strong. Every emotion that you are feeling, believe me when I say, we've been there. Many of us are still there. So why do we stay and endure more? Like you, many of us came here as a last resort, no where else to go, nothing left to do to lift the avalanche of fear and pain and depression that is swallowing us. So where are you? Why did you come here if you did not want some kind of help: an answer, a cry for someone to understand, a friend to share with, or maybe to have someone care enough to talk you out of killing yourself? You know what? I can't tell you that your life is going to get better, or that it won't get any worse, because I don't know that. I only know one thing: If you don't ask, you will never receive. No one will be able to help you, because that's the way YOU want it. WE don't want that for you. It seems as though you want it for you, and that is a concious decision you have made, all by yourself, so the question is, where do you go from here? No family, few friends, no money to get help (but that's ok, because you don't want any help). You came here not for help, but just to get an opinion (of which you've had several)? Is that right? Am I reading your message in the right way? Because I read something else too: someone asking for a little help here (just to answer a question, of course), looking for a reason to keep going on a road that has brought you nothing but pain; before you kill yourself. And again we have a question. If you knew that you absolutely would be able to get help, would you take that help? Or would you continue to give all the reasons that you have given us today for not trying to do something about your situation? The answers are all up to you. It's up to you to decide now, what you are going to do. Maybe you've already made that decision, and you were going to give it one last ditch effort at trying to find someone, somewhere, who could hear you, really hear you. You came to us brooks1963. Search yourself now and try hard to figure out what the real reason is you came to this site. Maybe you will find that you can do more, because you came here. YOU asked for our help. We did not come to you. But I can tell you this absolutely. We are here for you if you want the help, the understanding, the friendship, the family, and the reason to keep going. With us, you have all of that and more. We will be here for you always starting now. I think you've seen that already. One door closes. Another one opens. It is you alone that has to go through that door. But, all you have to do is put a hand out, and go through the door, and there will be many here waiting for you on the other side. And with those steps, you will have taken your first positive step. So for now, it's baby steps (that's what I call them). Can you do that? Do you want to? It's a whole new life here: People getting help, and helping others, frustrated, angry, scared people, in a great deal of pain, both physically and mentally, and it sounds to me as though you would fit right in. So, after considering the things I've said, go write down all the pros and cons for coming to our site. When you get that done, write another set of pros and cons,to answer this: What's in it for me? And last, list all of the pros and cons to life with help, or death. Remember to find as many pros and cons as you can. You will find that some of the pros are also cons, so feel free to put them in both graphs. Be honest with yourself. These pros and cons will help you to decide what you will choose to do. So treat them with respect as well as honesty. If i can add one personal feeling here, I would say "I would very much like to get to know you, and you me. When I was a little girl, my mom used to say this over and over; "If there is something that you want to do, good or bad, think about it careufully. Write down Pros and cons. Add that to the score you have here now, and then, if it is worth the consequences (there are good and bad consequences), and you have thought it through throughly, then go ahead and do whatever it is you are compelled to do. But if you do it, do not complain about the consequences, good or bad (God will make that final decision), because those consequences fall on you. I'm a believer Brooks 1963, and it has helped me to weather some pretty serious storms. Today, my health is bad, my nerves are bad, I don't see my grown children and grandchildren as much as I would like, and when I have a problem or a question, I come here. This is my home away from home, and I love the people here. They are so kind and so easy to talk to and so helpful. I didn't really think that I would get any help with my first question, but I was very pleasently surprised. And it has been that way ever since. I have a new family of friends, and I would very much like to share them with you. You will not be sorry, and you will make new friends quickly. And finally, we will try to help you find your answers if you'll let us. Also, I know the job market is bad, so you are lucky to just have a job. That is why I have not asked you to go to a psychiatrist, or buy vitamins. I know you can't even afford those. I am hoping that in a short while, you will find the motivation to find a way to get some psychiatric help. I wish for you the very best. I am so sorry that your life has been so difficult and lonely. I really do know how you feel (the feelings of worthlessness, the helpless feelings, the deep pervailing sadness), with no desire to go on. As I said before, that decision is up to you, but you have not tried all the available means of help that you can, so why not give us a try? It is a very powerful force when all of the prayers go out for you by so many here. I have seen it perform miracles, and if God can do that, He can help you too. He has three answers to your questions: Yes, no, and "I have something else in mind for you." Think about that. He has a purpose for us, and you cannot go before you find out what that purpose is for you. God bless you and keep you safe and newly motivated. I too, will make you my friend. I hope this is alright with you. With the different means of communication, there should always be someone here to answer your questions, or hold you up when you are falling. Take care brooks1963, and know that we are here. You will never be alone again, believe me... I am beanmarie
the way you feel ... i have felt a 100 times ... i wake up some mornings an feel like ... oh no another day of hell... where is this HAPPINESS i hear about all the time an see people living ... happy people ... i say hey thats not me ... but it could be... i started having bad panic attacks an depression at age 26 ... im 45 now..ive been through some very bad times ... thought they would never end.but they did ... yes i still have bad days ... alot.but i keep going ... i pretty much stay at home ..its what im use to now ... i think in every state there is a state run mental clinic ... start out there ... i know people who go for free ... my ex husband is one of them ... he has no insurance ..he goes for free an also gets his medicines for free right there from the clinic... so you see there is help out there ..you just have to take that 1st step --- an beleive me that 1st step can be the hardest ... but in the long run you will be glad you did ...
im not saying after you get on medication everything is going to be ok ... because it probably wont ... you will have bad days ..but it wont be everyday ... youll have some days where you feel NORMAL an HAPPY on those days ... make the most of them ... get out an do whatever makes you feel good ..an those good memories might just carry you through till your next GOOD DAY... try to find that free mental clinic near you ... an then begin your life ... take care ..an if you have any thing you want to ask me ... go ahead ..ive had depression an aniexty so long i could probably write a book... your friend linda
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