it started during the winter of 09' 2010. & as most of you probably know, escalated slowly & unknowingly. i don't feel the need to go into those details. my goal was to always keep my tolerance down, & i did a great job at that, taking two 10mg a day or so, but regardless, you can/will become dependent. i'd wake up & that was the first thing on my mind. after my first set of withdrawals i knew something had to be done. i quit cold turkey for almost 2 months, but then they fell right back into my lap. i don't know what to do, i've quit handfuls of times, always cold turkey, the withdrawals aren't even the problem for me, it's stopping the urge down the road. there is always an excuse. i have outstanding will power, & i know that is all it truly takes. but i'm desperate for any additional help. it seems like i can go a week or 2, then i end up taking a few. always stopping right after. this is something i know i shouldn't do, but can't seem to help it when the opportunity presents itself. i don't like the person i've become, & having a hidden addiction is eating at me deeply. i'm sorry for the rant, this is my first post & you all seem so wonderful in what i've read. i just am wondering if anyone has tips to the mental game. i keep reading about withdrawals, & i'm more worried about my mind. i always seem to think one won't hurt, since it's no longer a daily habit, but it hurts every time no matter.