My therapist told me that things I thought I couldn’t do were really “choices” that I made. E.g. I was not able to attend my brother’s wedding because I was in the hospital being treated for a stroke, hooked up to lines including morphine for terrible head pain. I had been paralyzed on one side, could barely speak, had difficulty speaking, and couldn’t think about anything but my pain. But was it my choice that I decided not to go to my brother’s wedding? I told her it wasn’t a “choice”. She said that it was. That I suppose was to make me feel that I have more control in my life?
She also talked about being in the moment. She gave an example of holding an apple and thinking about all the hands that had handled the apple, from those picking it, transporting it, etc. I told her that was boring. I said so I’m supposed to only be in the moment cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes? I would rather be thinking of other things. She asked if that worked for me. I said that it did. Supposed to be in the moment walking into the grocery store with a halting gait due to my stroke? Or be in the moment as I drop things, spill things and am clumsy due to my stroke? I would rather focus on other things. If I really focus on the moment, I will focus on my constant pain from my fibromyalgia that I instead ignore as much as possible. Bending down to put dishes into the dishwasher pains my migraines and my fibromyalgia. Or focus on what I'm eating which I hate to eat since my stroke? I focus on anything else besides what the food tastes like.
I sincerely want to hear if anyone else has used these 2 techniques to help their pain and disabilities. And how? Maybe the therapist just didn’t describe them well to me. Another social worker also was going to use "being in the moment". What am I missing here? Or do you have another method of helping your pain and disabilities. Ignoring them has worked best for me while I focus on what I really want to do and enjoy.
Karen,
Thanks for your very detailed response. Yes, I can see how going into a meditative state or being aware of every detail around me could be helpful--as a separate activity. And I am fully aware of the moment when I walk outside and take in all the various senses or spend time with my husband for example.
And when I drop something or take a misstep, I don't tell myself "poor me". I don't focus on it. I don't focus on my pain unless it gets terrible or I find that I cannot do something that I really wanted to do. Of course I could "choose" to do something and end up at the ER and set my progress back according to my neurologist. But these choices to not do something do not make me happy. And it's all the time that I can't do things. It's a disappointment. Travel is not possible for me. I couldn't fly last weekend with my husband to say good bye to a very dear friend who is now dead. That's a disappointment.
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I can barely go out socially.
But I also have a lot of good in my life and am happy a lot of the time. I may never heal. My side of the stroke that is impaired is a permanent condition which I can live with. My 24/7 migraines, caused by my stroke, I'm told may never go away because of it being caused by my stroke. I do appreciate the improvements that have been made to my migraines.
Sometimes I am bedridden with horrendous pain from my migraines for days at a time. Or moderate pain for months at a time. That is difficult and I have no life during those times.
I was just looking for a better way to deal with my disappointments. I didn't find it. But I can live with it.
Thanks again, Sara
I think you really are finding it. I can see that you are adjusting well because you have not fallen into the trap of poor me. Remember that we write for many others so my answers can get pretty generic. It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I cannot travel, spend 24/7 at home except for doctor appts and on rare occasions where I have the energy go for a dinner out. Without driving, a husband who has to work extra to make ends meet, daughter off on her own life, friends still working or traveling, I am home. Tired, unable to do what I was trained to do.
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Meditation really does help with pain. It has been demonstrated with imaging the brain that people who perform daily meditations have brain Structure changes and can circumvent pain routes. It is well worth pursuing as the results are so helpful. There is a major study at the university that is breaking ground in this science. The results are amazing. Funny thing is, the Lamas and Gurus have known this for thousands of years. Now science is proving it. Give it a try. You have the time.
Reaching out to others is also helpful with dealing with pain. The mind is focused elsewhere.
So sorry the therapists are somewhat off base. Yet, their intention is good because they are focused on you to relieve your pain. So they do have value to you. All you need is the right person to connect with. A lot happens then. Karen
Karen,
Thanks again. If meditation is effective, I will definately try that with the very little time that I have after needing to sleep at least 12 hours a night and all my other medical chores. I think that another therapist won't provide any more help to me, unless they have some other technique to offer to me.
Sara
Sure, take the time to try meditation, start with five minutes, when this gets comfortable move on to ten. Do this right before you go to sleep. It is fine to drift off to sleep at that point. Often it helps a person sleep better.
I sleep a large amount too. It sure is hard to feel like something got done during the day. Hang in there. Karen
I do have a meditation tape that I 've listened to every night for the last 3 years. It has images to focus on within the body such as the blood traveling well, then some affirmations and some nice music. It usually puts me to sleep while listening to it. But I've not gone with the more "rigorous" meditations where you're only focused on your breathing for example. That's my next step. Thanks again.