I am so tired of dealing with my fiances pill (pain & anxiety) issues. He always has an excuse as to why he is short pills (clonazapam & hydrocodone). He says he loses them, if I'm out of town, he says he thinks his father threw some out. He tells his doctor he wants to taper down on both and then runs out early. Why not be honest and admit he took too much? He sleeps a lot, granted he works 3rd shift, all he wants to do is sleep. He will go 2 days without sleep and behave so oddly. I love him very much, but good grief, he is almost 44, and his life in the 4 years we've been together, makes me shake my head in disbelief that he is in no hurry to better himself. He doesn't keep his word, he's dishonest about stupid things and I swear from All the years of pills and alcohol, his brain is somewhat fried. We have a 2 year old, they are crazy about each other, but I just don't know how much more of the inconsistent lifestyle I can deal with and subject our son to. I guess I dont know what I'm getting at, maybe just to vent. I'm so frustrated. Any thoughts?
Dump him now. He is toxic and does not need to be around your son until he cleans up. All men lie sometimes, but not like that. When they lie about things that aren't important you know he has a problem. Tell him he's not kidding you, you know where the medications are going, he is taking too much. And adding alcohol will just make everything worse. You can't help him, he has to see it for himself. Some people, only when they loose everything important to them, will see what they are doing to themselves and others.
Have you tried keeping the medication and giving him the medications directly. Letting go is a hard thing to do, especially when you care about someone but your life matters and especially your son. Your son is already learning and can emotionally feel when life is off. Trust is so important.
Unfortunately, have to call it the way it is. Your fiance is an addict. He not only has a drinking problem, but also a drug habit. These often go hand-in-hand. I recommend you try to learn about the problem and get support from others in the same boat as you. You can find such help at Alanon, the sister group to Alcoholics Anonymous. They can help you make wise choices concerning your relationship. You have to realize he has to want to change, get off the pills and choose to be clean. You can't make him, though you don"t have to accept his disrespectful behavior either. Your choice and of course, you have to think about that baby. If he is being verbally abusive and your fighting in front of the baby, it is time for a change whether you or him. I've been in this boat and can say I made the change by telling my husband he either got clean or was out of there. My baby's care came first. There is help for you and for him. Have to tell it like it is and reach out for help.
Of course he is a liar. That's what drug addicts are: Liars and thieves. He lies about stupid stuff cuz he doesn't want to look bad in front of you. He lies about the meds (They fell down the drain, or he lost them, or someone is stealing them). He sleeps a lot because he is mixing the pills with booze. His brain is "fried" because he drinks along with abusing the meds. He lies to his doctor to get more scripts so he can "Taper Down". He also may be seeing more than one doctor, each doctor not knowing about the other one. I am sorry to disagree with one of the responses you got about dolling out his medication. That will piss him off, and he may, no, he will get abusive with you because the pills are more important to him than you are. I'm sorry, but you have to know this.
And you can't help him. You are an enabler, by putting up with this behavior. As much as you don't want to hear this, you have to get out. In the long run, he is going to hurt you and his son because of his actions. I don't care, and you shouldn't care how much your child loves him, and vice versa. Do you know what "Doctor Shopping" is? That's when addicts go to several doctors at once, to get the same drugs.
If I were you, I wouldn't give him an ultimatum. You know, like telling him "it's the drugs or me". No matter how much he will lie, he will always choose the drugs. Danny, listen to me right now: Start saving some money secretly, and get out with your child. Eventually, he will lose his job, and then where will you be? There's a reason he works third shift. That way he can avoid his boss, and a lot of co workers. One of these days, he will pass out or something while he's on the job, and then he will be fired. The only things that drug addicts do well is lie, and make false promises. Doctors aren't stupid. They have heard all of the stories that addicts tell. Eventually, the Doctor will drop him, for fear of losing his license. Those meds are on the DEA list of controlled substances.
And I'll bet there is something your boyfriend probably doesn't know. All a pharmacist has to do is put your boyfriends name in a computer, and all of his scripts, and his doctors, and the Pharmacies he gets the scripts filled will show up. The Government has been tracking this for 5 years now. One of these days he will walk into a pharmacy, and the Pharmacist will check him out, and refuse to fill the script. Look at the bottles. Is he going to more than one pharmacy? I'll be willing to bet that he is. He may think, like all addicts do, that he is smarter than the doctors, but he is not. It's just a matter of time before he gets caught. And I'll tell you something... Doctors don't want to get into trouble with the Government. Do you think they will risk their licensees to keep your boyfriend happy? They will not. He is a ticking time bomb, and sooner, rather than later, he will explode, and take you and your baby with him. You can never tell with drunks or addicts. One day he may be pulled over by the cops because he is driving irritatingly, and they will find not only that he's drunk, but they will find the pills when they ask him to empty his pockets. Then what will you do? Bail him out of jail with your money? Are you and he going to pay the ten thousand dollars it costs for a drunk driving defense?
If you love your child, and, perhaps more importantly, if you love yourself, get the hell out a soon as you can. Go to a relative or a friend's place. Just go, because this, I promise you, will not turn out well. DON'T give him an either/or. Just go. He will not get better unless he has a reason to. And so far, as long as he's getting what he wants, he has NO reason to change, no matter how much you think he loves you and your child.
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