... and I have to say I am underwhelmed. She wouldn't stop talking! I'm serious. I would try and talk about 'something' and she kept hijacking the conversation! I've been to many therapists, cousnellors, etc., and have never met anyone so darn chatty.
I left there emotionally deflated. That feeling stayed with me all day and to a certain point still is. I feel like I am fighting to keep my head above water-emotionally. I am so disappointed. Usually, when I have left therapy sessions I feel lighter, good about myself and feeling accomplished. I left without any of that.
You might ask what was I expecting? Well, not much, really. When we first talked on the phone, she told me, our work would be goal oriented. I was not thrilled with that because I want to talk about feelings, about how I feel on Suboxone, my disappointment on days with how I feel on Suboxone, how it hs helped me and so on. SO, I didn't get any of that out.
I will, if she continues to be a blabber mouth, will tell her as much. I'm telling you, even when I was trying to tell her how, in the past few years, I have found my voice, she kept interrupting me and telling me and she interprets what I said. Now, that's all find, once I am done talking-but, c'mon, in the middle of my sentence!
SO, I feel like crap tonight.
I was asking myself what is it that would make me happy? I don't mean giddy, unrealistic happy. I mean the happy many people live. I know I have to work each and every day to stay emotionally afloat. When I first started on sub, I found I had many of those days. In fact, when I talk about how sub was making me feel good, I wasn't talking about a high. I was feeling good about myself. I don't know if I am being clear, here.
I get so tired, sick and tired and working so hard on a regular basis not to feel like I am drowning in negative thoughts. Even with my a/d I am on, I still feel like I am fighting a losing battle on many a day.
I am going on and on here, I know. I guess I am trying to get some of this sik negativity off my chest and on to the page in the hopes I can feel better. Right now, I just wish it were bed time so the day would end and I could wake up tomorrow and hopefully feel right about me and life.
Am I alone in these feelings? Does anyone out there know/feel what I am talking about. Am I expecting too much? I don't think so.