Hi, my cancer doctor called last night and hemmed and hawed-then he finally told me that he FAXed my reports around the country to other cancer doctors.
#1--They decided that they shouldn't wait for the normal tumor board that meets the 18th-so the tumor board had a phone conference-- I do not think that's good--
#2--Last night in about 3 minutes I had to make my mind up which state and hospital that I'd have my care at.
#3--The recommended care is to cut my face off-bone nose, etc. Several surgeons told me this-and a cancer hemacologist.
#4-- it's considered that I did well with the 2 MOHS; the last one took part of my nose and lip out. But it was horrible--and I didn't have any pain killer-because I'm allergic to Tylenol-they won't give codeine anymore.
#5-- I think that I have another one that's on my thigh-that is supposed to be pretty much the death sentence--- It's out of my line of sight, and I saw it when sitting in the bath tub. The water and squeeezing from sitting pushed that part of the thigh up. I called my doctor and left a message-and that's why they had a phone tumor board conference.
I know- God can do miracles- never give up up hope, blah, blah, blah-but what percentage does a person say-- basta- enough already--- part of this is the fear of the added agony of the surgery without adequate pain control plus the pain of the cancer filling up my lungs with pearl type tumors until my lungs explode or I suffocate--for some reason the subject of pain control came up before there was any idea of cancer-and the doctor told me that it is the state-and he has a bed-ridden 90 year old cancer patient that lost 2 pills-and the state actually sent agents out to question her about why they got lost.
I'm thinking that I probably have about a 1% or less chance of surviving this- no matter what I do--
I hate the state hospital--- everybody knows that they wait about 3 years-figure the financial records are lost and bill again-many people loose their houses because of that. For bills about a $1,000, they did that to me twice--- My insurance carrier helped me once-but the other time I was self-pay-lost my papers and I paid again. A military family had an accident-they were called up and told they had a $115,000 bill. The family said- you never billed us--- They were sent a bill for that amount-without any itemization- no ER fees-no surgery fees, no doctor fees-, no MRIs. The family demanded a real bill. I helped them-they took it to the military and the military rejected the bill.
They answered questions of multiple seizures on the boy-and an MRI each time-it wasn't double billing, etc. After the military got it straightened out-the actual bill was over $300,000, and the military paid it.
Then I had an MRI there in 2001 #1--it caused my fillings to burn my tongue and gums. #2-it was useless-the radiologist couldn't read it-- the doctors complained-and the radiology department said the doctor wrote it up wrong.
I had a friend- and I knew 2 other people that committed suicide after initial cancer treatment there.

Right now, I can take my dogs for short walks-bad tendons-, am doing wood work, painting, I wonder why I should give up what little bit of pleasure that I have for a living hell that won't help anything? Last night I said that I'd go to the state hospital that's 5 miles away, because it would be easier on my family. Then this AM, I'm thinking of double billing, suicide, no pain killer, just plain mean nurses. I'm wondering if my doctor would give me pain killer-if I tell them no---