Thanks to both of you for the responses. I am currently taking 4mg's a day, 2mg 2x a day. I started out on 16 mg's so I have come down quite a bit.
My love/hate relationship with opiates started about 8 or 9 years ago. Before that I didn't even like taking tylenol for a headache. Little did I know how much my life would change.
I was in an abusive relationship, and the guy I was with at the time threw me down on the ground, resulting in a dislocated shoulder. I ended up needing to have surgery to repair the shoulder, and I was put on vicodin es. Not long after that I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and arthritis in my back, so my doctor put me back on vicodin es, and I was on that for YEARS. Soon, the Vicodin didn't work anymore, and a "friend" introduced me to oxycontin.
I started abusing oxycontin majorly, started stealing to afford my habit, and after awhile I got caught and ended up in court. I went to a 28 day rehab, but the day after I got out I took 3 vicodin. It didn't take long til I was back on oxy, and then I went even further downhill, and started using heroin. I could not afford oxycontin and I was sick if I didn't use.
I finally admitted to my family that I was using heroin, and they took me into the doctor who I am still seeing today for the suboxone program.
I am glad to say that I have stayed away from heroin this whole time, and I do not see myself ever going back to it. I severed all ties with any and everyone I knew who used or sold H.
I have however used roxicodone, and hydrocodone a handful of times in the last year. I know if I had some I would take it. I still love that warm feeling it gives me. I am in no pain, I am relaxed, and I feel good... until I come down and realize what I've done.
For now, I am dealing a day at a time. Like I said before, I did and completed a rehab treatment, and I did go to NA meetings, but I really didn't get the support there that I needed.
In my area, there is quite a stigma associated with taking suboxone. Everytime I have spoken about suboxone at meetings, the other members tell me I am substatuting one drug for another. And, I get it, I suppose I am, but if I can function and can maintain a normal life on it, I don't really see the harm. The response I have gotten about taking suboxone at meetings has unfortunatley deturred me from wanting to go. Nobody really understands, it seems.. and I go there for support in my recovery, not to be told that I am not really "clean" because I still take meds... It has me frusterated and confused.
I would like to do one on one counceling, but I am unemployed at the moment and uninsured. So I am here for now looking for support I haven't gotten from other places.
Hopefully I can help other people here and they can help me.
Staying strong today!